I tried to spare her feelings, I really did. I collected all my clothes and got dressed, trying to leave before she wakes up so we don't have to make things awkward. Like a coward, I would text her how I was drunk and so was she and it was a mistake to never be repeated.
It was a solid plan; our relationship could continue as is with minimal changes. Albeit, I’ll seem like an asshole. That is hardly new to me, though. I would have left after getting my shoes on, had a soft – yet firm – hand not grasp my shoulder.
“Where are you going?” She questioned heatedly, she had just woken up but her eyes were genuinely upset “Don’t you want to stay?” As if she was entitled to my time. Well, I guess she is entitled to SOME of it, we DID just have sex. But the principle stands!
“Of course not.” I calmly replied. “I just want to forget THIS ever happened.”
“What do you mean?” She snapped. “You’re acting as if this was all some big mistake!”
"It WAS," I ground out, my heart beating. This is the only reason I liked her. I thought it was last or affection. Humph. It was only a simple trick of adrenaline. “It never should have happened.”
I grabbed Bandit by his collar as I tried to leave the house. Bandit didn't want to come. Of course! It's not like I didn't take care of him since he was a puppy. Of COURSE, you like her more. Because Ba- ALBERT has terrible taste in people.
I went to my house, not even getting to bring Albert and saw Claire. She looked genuinely remorseful. Claire was always genuine. That didn't make her any less of an asshole, though. "I… I'm really sorry," Claire said. "Can I come in? So we can talk."
“Sure.” I definitely wasn’t being petty in any way. I don’t know but somehow I forget how much of an ethereal angel Claire can be. How the golden ringlets framed her face and her large eyes glittered, even more so when those tears were glittering in them.
She looked around and was genuinely hurt. “Where are all the pictures of us?” She whispered, her bottom lip sticking out in a pout.
“There. You can unpack them if you want.” I replied. I don’t know why but I can’t even look at her right now. I went to my room and locked the door, deciding to just work on my work.
I could hear her unpacking all our photos again as I slowly worked, my arms started to feel too slow, and my eyelids became heavy. I fell asleep, resting my head on my desk.
chapter 13
Am I too clingy? I mean, all I want to do is see her. I mean, I know I saw her a few hours ago but still. I hate when things are too vague. Where do we stand? Was it bad? Was it really so bad that she wants nothing to do with me anymore? I need to get a grip. Leela clearly needs her space. I mean, it hasn’t even been a month since she and her last girlfriend broke up!
“On the other hand,” I argue with myself while pacing back and forth. “Leela and I have a rocky and uncertain relationship at the moment and going through adversity together is the best way for two people to bond!”
Bandit was watching me from his seat on my couch as I argued with me. He cocked his head at me in confusion. Great. Now I was getting looks from a dog! I mean, I am NOT crazy.
“Bandit. Do you wanna see mommy Leela?” I questioned him affectionately.
He barked but didn't get up and barely even wagged his tail.
“Okay, how about if I give you 3 treats?” I am now trying to negotiate with a dog. Why am I like this?
Bandit got off the bed and went to the front door, tail wagging a mile-a-minute. I smiled and walked him out of the house to Leela's house. I imagined we might fight again, but in the end, we would know where we stood and maybe after some time we could be together.
She deserves the time to move on.
Emboldened by my decision I knocked on the door. It swung open. For a split second, I allowed myself to believe the fantasy that she was waiting for me to come so she could apologize to me.
She would throw her arms around me and cry that it was a mistake. She had never felt so strongly for anyone and she didn’t know how to deal with it. We would kiss and she would lead me into her house to have a make out session motivated by more than alcohol.
Of course, silly Amelia. Always wrong. Always three steps behind. Unimportant. Replaceable. Always overestimates herself. Sometimes, I forget how… utterly uninspiring and unnecessary my presence is. Especially now.
A pair of eyes glaring down at me as if I was a piece of dirt, worth less than a bug. Somehow my mind immediately went to ‘He holds you above the flames of eternal damnation like one would a cricket with a fire,' but that is crazy! It's like I'm comparing her to god. And that is at the very least, sacrilegious!
She is too pretty, I abruptly decide. She looks like a manufactured product and nothing like a real human being. I mean, having sex with her has gotta be like playing with a sex doll. Waay too perfect.
Her mouth was curled into a sneer that marred her beauty and made her look like a proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing.
“Claire,” I whispered. Her expression changed into a cruel smirk at the way I said her name. A pained taboo. Something I hated to think about.
“It’s interesting you know my name,” Wow. Her voice was so honeyed. Bitter too. “Because I’ve never heard a WORD about you!”
“You shouldn’t talk.” I heard myself sneer back. “It really ruins whatever look you were going for.”
She scowled at me. “Oh. I’ll take him.” She yanked Bandit by his collar as he visibly tried to pull away and go back to me.
"Bandit!" I yelled I would've gone into the house and taken him back and fought that awful girl.
BANG!
The door slammed shut in my face.
…Leela didn’t stop her. She didn’t stop her from saying awful things or taking Bandit against his will.
She doesn’t even care.
chapter 14
“Don’t touch me!” Amelia hissed, glaring at me as if I had done some terrible thing to her.
"But why, Ame-?" I reached for her, trying to make her relax. She pulled away from me so quickly and so hard that it hurt.
“You’ve made it very clear where we stand. How dare you use my own feelings against me! I’m not some receptacle for your misplaced lust. You took advantage of me when I was drunk and-“
“No! You do not get to blame me for that. You’re just as guilty as I am!” I snapped. “You’ve been trying to manipulate me into a rel-“
“Prove it!” She screamed at me, her face red and angry.
I pushed her up against the wall and kissed her roughly. It was angry and rough. There was no affection there. Only the fiery passion she instills in me.
I can’t help it. She can’t blame me for this. We made out and my nails clawed at her back, wanting, needing, to leave my mark on her.
Scratch. Scratch. I hate that sound. Scratch. It always comes from the property damage that ungrateful mutt enjoys inflicting on MY HOME. Scratch. As soon as I can move, I’ll explain why not to do that, again. Scratch. Tell him why I’m angry. Scratch.
It took a good 2 minutes for the events of – uh, Last night? This morning? – to come flooding back to me. It took another fleeting moment to realize that Amelia must've come here to bring Band- Albert home. Came and the door was open? No, Claire must've answered the door and- CLAIRE MUST HAVE ANSWERED THE DOOR.
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. How could this happen? These were two things that should never have crossed paths! Amelia and Claire are so different they basically exist in different worlds.
What must Amelia think?
Of course, it’s not like we were planning our life together, but I did sleep with her the other night. And I’m back with-
"Get out," I told Claire, kicking her out through all her arguments. I can't let her back in. Not when I just ruined everything I had with Amelia. Not when I just proved Bandit right. He was a better judge of character than me.
I can’t think of anything I hate more right now.
I was wrong.
A
nd now Amelia is…
I let the thought hang in the air as I pulled on a jacket and went. I’ll tell her I’m sorry for being an ass. I’ll let Bandit live with her. Hell, I’ll even ask her out on a legitimate date like she deserves!
That is if she takes me back…
Of COURSE, she will. She has to.
chapter 15
I had to get my mind off it. I just had to. I did whatever I could with my nervous energy until my phone rang. It was a boss of mine!
I answered the phone and smiled. It was an interview. And I can charm the pants off anyone I meet! So that is exactly what I did. Using my beautiful words and impressive flowery language, I convinced them that I was the perfect person for the job. It was a full-time position with high pay.
“The only thing is you would need to relocate. That isn’t a problem is it?” The interviewer questioned.
I had to think for a moment. Could I just…go? Leave the life I have here? The life where… I don’t have many friends. I share a dog with a girl who I like- liked who obviously doesn’t like me the same way. She has a girlfriend that she would go back to in a heartbeat over me any day of the week.
“Yes,” I decided after a moment of doubt. “I mean, no. I’m willing to move.”
As I got off the phone, there was a banging on the door. I opened the door and saw them. Oh, look. It was Leela. Did Claire dump her again? True, that it wasn’t much of a choice between me and her and I shouldn’t be angry-
You know what? I have a right to be mad. But… I don’t have to be. I decided to just let it, let them go. I let them into my house and offered her a coffee, giving Bandit a snack.
“SO,” “So,” Leela and I started at the same time.
I sighed. “Leela. I got a job offer.”
“That’s great!” She declared encouragingly. “Where.”
"Uhh,…it's a while away. I have to move." I explained to her.
“What?!” Leela snapped. “What about…what about-”
“Leela. You obviously have things to work out with Claire.” I put my hand up to make her stay quiet. “Don’t make yourself a liar too. You have to sort things out with your ex and I don’t appreciate being treated like the other woman.” I spat the phrase.
“But… you. You have freelance opportunities here!” Leela was adamant for me to stay.
“I want to move on. Get a real job-” I hate being cut off. Did I ever mention that?
“Freelancing is a real job. And you’re going to be just as miserable in this job as you were in the last one.” She wanted to hurt me with her words. “There’s no difference, and you’re better than that.”
“Leave. Please, leave.” I finally stated, deciding I no longer want to be around her.
“But-” She attempted to argue.
“Leave. Now.” I finally snapped.
chapter 16
She can’t. She can’t just leave. Not now. Not when I have finally decided what I want ‘us’ to be. Decided that I want there to be an us.
Of course, she doesn’t realize that. I’m just a relic from a time in her life that she wishes she could forget.
I wish I could blame her for that. Say how dare she just get over me. How dare she leave me in the dust? But that would be hypocritical. And I am many things, but a hypocrite is not one of them.
How could I expect her to choose me over her career?
I mean, she always had to play second fiddle to my ex. My ex who was awful in ways Amelia could never be. Who was selfish and conceited while Amelia was never free from sin, she was a better person than that.
She was kind and beautiful. She had a toned body that made me feel delicate by comparison, yet she didn't treat me as if I was delicate. She treated me as if I was a mature beautiful woman in my own right. She kissed me as if she needed me to continue to live. The taste of her was enough to make my knees week. The way her eyes lit up made me melt. I cannot help it, she was so much more beautiful and more interesting than I had considered.
She would never understand how I thought about her. Why am I like this? Why can’t I just be a better girlfriend?
I brought Bandit home with me. He was a good boy and, I’m big enough to admit, a better judge of character than I am.
I think the worst part of all of this was having to bring Bandit home. As soon as the door closed, his ears drooped and he obediently followed my lead. Bandit has never actually done that before, he always fought to stay with Amelia.
It was almost like Bandit understood that she turned her back on us. She didn't want any of our relationships anymore.
I wish I could say there was less chaos in my life without her.
I blamed so much of it on Amelia.
And I learned two things in the next two days. One, without chaos life, is so bland. And two, Bandit gets himself lost on a near weekly basis. And three, the chaos is definitely caused by Bandit.
The second point, I only decided after Bandit disappeared once again.
I scoured the neighborhood for my pup, not wanting to bother Amelia again. Welll… I especially didn’t want to see her. She is so disappointed in me. More than she is angry. That, in my opinion, is much worse than only anger or jealousy or anything else.
I needed to find Bandit. So as much as it killed me, I was back to Amelia. Knocking on her door again.
Amelia answered the door, her silky hair was frazzled and her makeup was undone. It isn’t fair. She’s still pretty like that. She shouldn’t be. “Hello, I – oh. It’s you.”
I could see into her house. I knew she was leaving, but somehow it wasn’t real. It didn’t feel real until I could see her walls stripped bare and most of the things packed into boxes.
My blood was boiling. Was she actually just going to leave us? Her goodbye wasn't even a REAL goodbye!
I had to calm myself down before I informed her that Bandit has run away once again.
She immediately agreed to help me look for Bandit, seeming incredibly interested. She cared about Bandit much more than she cares about me.
It was confusing when we didn’t even find her in the backyard. I just… I definitely thought Bandit would be in her backyard. He would be clawing at her back door and whimpering, begging for her to come back to him, and Amelia would just give him back because she doesn’t want him anymore.
To be fair, I know she does still care. Still wants m-, er, Bandit.
She just wants her new job more.
I was distracted from my melancholy when Amelia handed me some snacks to eat while we searched. “Well,” She commented, “Let’s go.”
chapter 17
I'm not some kind of cold-hearted witch. Even if I was, Bandit and his sweet personality would've melted me. IN A GOOD WAY. I mean. Not literally-
Okay, I’m getting off topic. The point is, I HAVE to help get Bandit back. I can’t just turn my back on them. Not unless I know they’re together and happy. Leela doesn’t think she can be happy without me at the moment. But, she’s wrong.
It isn’t about me. It isn’t really about me. It was about trying to get over Claire. It was about sex. It was about trying to get the sadness out. I thought I was okay with that. I thought to be with her that much was fine. But I was wrong. It wasn't enough. Being in second place would never let me be happy.
She’s never happy around me. Because I play second fiddle to her girlfriend. Or, her ex-girlfriend that is.
I open my mouth to speak as we walk, but Leela beats me to the punch. “I’m sorry.” She looked and sounded genuine. “I don’t know what I was thinking with Claire and I didn’t want our next meeting to go that way.”
I bit my lip as I looked at her. Her eyes were so sad and watery; I was almost convinced that she got begging lessons from Bandit for a moment.
“It’s okay.” I caved, my anger melting away by her genuine concern. “I’m not upset with you. It’s not your fault who you like.”
“No! I like you more than I like Claire.” She vehemently argued.
Wait…what? That doesn’t even make sense. She has to like Claire more than me. None of this makes sense if she doesn’t! None. Nada. It doesn’t make her being cruel after we had sex. Her immediately returning to her ex. Me leaving. Nothing!
“What?” This conversation wasn’t enlightening at all! I was just getting more confused by the moment. “But, you just left. Then… I saw you were with Claire again.”
“Well. I was, er, angry.” Leela replied. "I didn't think I liked you afterward." The hell does she mean by that? “And it seemed Bandit liked you more. So when Claire showed up I let her in and-“
“I don’t want to hear this.” I immediately interrupted, eager to avoid this confrontation. I don’t want to hear how great and pretty and better than me she believed Claire was, even if she has actually changed her mind.
"Just, listen." Leela's words were half-way between commanding and pleading. Despite my better judgment, I continued to listen. "I let her in because I wanted to prove that Claire isn’t a bad person and I don’t have bad taste. I couldn’t even bring myself to spend actual time with her. I was just being stubborn.”
“I forgive you.” I heard myself tell her as I wrapped my arms around her in a forgiving hug. I couldn’t stay mad at her!
When it got dark, we ended up going back to her place.
I wish I could say we stayed sober this time. But that would be a lie. We just HAD to have a few glasses of wine. It’s almost like we don’t connect unless the both of us are completely hammered!
While I was making an – admittedly bad – joke, Leela pressed her plump pink lips to mine, and the spark I felt lead me to pull her closer to me as I kissed her passionately. Our lips molded together and it was as if our bodies were built to mold together.
Ohh. Her lips tasted of the wine and fiery passion. I couldn't get enough of it. My tongue explored her mouth, feeling all the textures and flavors of her. My tongue ran over hers to taste it.
I didn’t want to pull away from her lips again, true. But I was forced to. What I felt was even more important, was kissing every beautiful freckle on her body. I counted them as I kissed them. I recall being told that freckles are also known as sun kisses.
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