I glanced over at a man sitting across from us and burst out laughing as I realized he was watching us play footsie under the table. I hid my face much to Jami's amusement as I laughed.
"You are so cute," Jami said with a laugh of her own. She reached out and grabbed one of my hands and pulled it away from my face. She held onto it across the table. "Stop hiding," she said.
I gave her a mock glare but then smiled. "Okay," I said. All the lies and conflicts in my mind were forgotten. I smiled at the touch of her hand and our silly game. I realized with a sudden fierceness that I wanted to kiss Jami. I wanted to feel her lips. Would they feel as good as in my dream? She gave me a curious look, and I blushed.
"What is it?" Jami asked in curiosity.
I shook my head. "It is nothing," I assured her.
Jami raised her eyebrow at me, and I sighed. "Come on," Jami coaxed. "I won't tell anyone."
"But you are the one it is about," I said and stuck my tongue out at the woman. She must have thought that very mature as she laughed at me.
Jami said intrigued, "That makes it all the better. Now you have to tell me."
"No, I don't," I said firmly.
Jami's thumb stroked my wrist, and she said coaxingly, "Please?"
I forgot the guy across from us along with all the other people in the café. Jami's eyes looked into mine, and I took a deep breath. I whispered softly in embarrassment, "I was wondering if kissing you would be better than in my dreams."
"You dream about kissing me?" Jami asked. She looked surprised.
I nodded. "Is that honestly surprising? I bet lots of people dream about kissing you, Jami. You are gorgeous. You have to know that," I said as if that should be obvious. She surely had to know how beautiful and attractive she was.
"I don't honestly think of myself like that," Jami said with honesty. "So, what do we do in your dreams other than a kiss?" Jami gave me a grin that told me she was teasing.
The smile I gave the woman was one that said she was a miraculous creature. How could someone as beautiful as Jami not know that she was such a wondrous creation? "Well, there were some things, but I don't think I should tell you," I said evasively.
Jami laughed brightly. "Oh," Jami said with a wink. "I won't tell. You can whisper it in my ear."
I shook my head, "No way. You can't hold my dreams against me. I can't help what I dream."
"Oh, it wasn't the dreams that I was playing to hold against you," Jami said in a soft, seductive voice.
I blushed. "Jami, that is horrible," I said with a laugh.
"Horrible?" Jami asked with a laugh. She was clearly having way too much fun with my omission. I could not be upset with her about that. I liked this side of Jami. She was flirty.
I assured her, "Horrible in a good way." Jami gave me a grin which I returned.
Chapter 3
Jami and I fell into a routine with our daily coffee dates. It was nice to just talk to someone, and the more I was around her, the more I realized that I was genuinely attracted to her and not just because of my wet dreams. She seemed to be just as interested in me. It felt so good to have someone's attention again, to feel attractive and wanted. The only dark spot was the lie of my children. I found that I just could not tell Jami the truth. Every time I tried to come clean, I would look at Jami's face and imagine the look on her face as she realized how broken I was.
What if I told Jami the truth and she recoiled in disgust or disappointment? I wanted to be loved. I wanted to make her happy. She wanted a family. Jami should not have to deal with my issues and pain. I just wanted us to be happy. I had to tell her the truth, but I had no idea how I would do that.
Jami's arrival at our coffee table brought me out of my neverending spiral of thoughts. I blushed at being caught off guard by her arrival.
"Didn't mean to scare you," Jami said with a soft laugh as she dropped into the chair across from me. "What had you so lost in thought?"
I waved off her interest. "It was nothing," I said earnestly. "I was just going over grocery lists in my head." It was a lame excuse, but Jami seemed to accept it.
"What you are saying is that you were thinking about how I seduced you in your dreams again?" Jami asked with a grin.
I blushed and said, "No. I was not."
"Oh?" Jami asked as she eyed me with interest.
I shook my head at her. "I tell you about one little dream, and I will never hear the end of it," I said with mock exasperation.
"One little dream where you were naked, and I was doing wicked things to you, you mean? That deserves to be remembered for prosperity," Jami said with a smile.
"I don't think future generations are going to care about my wet dreams," I said firmly.
"I care about them," Jami said simply.
Shaking my head, I said, "Your ego cares about them."
"Ouch," Jami said in mock pain.
I gave her a grin which she returned. "Can we talk about anything else?" I asked.
"So, have you given any thought to what movie you want to see?" Jami asked with a smile as the waitress came over to take her order.
I waited as Jami gave her order to the waitress. When the waitress walked away, I said, "I have no idea what movies are even out right now."
Jami said with enthusiasm, "Then that means I get to pick." She rubbed her hands together like a super villain, and I rolled my eyes at the woman across from me.
"You are going to pick a superhero movie, aren't you?" I asked with a grin.
Jami said, "Aw, that's no fun. You know me too well already."
I laughed brightly and said, "Well, you have been going on about Thor for a bit now." Jami was indeed an avid comic book fan, and I gave her a warm smile.
"I'll admit to that," Jami said with a curt nod of the head and a chuckle. "You should bring the kids," she said.
Jami had been asking to see my children for a bit now. I had put her off by saying that I did not want to bring someone new into the kids' lives after such a short time. With the divorce and all, Jami was easy enough to dissuade. I felt worse every time I reinforced the lie. I wanted to tell her. I had to tell her. I could not tell her.
I sighed, "Maybe next time."
Jami dropped the subject and said, "You should come with me to the festival we are having for the kids at school. It's a lot of fun since they are all dressed up as storybook characters. The teachers dress up too." Jami gave me a hopeful smile.
"Do I have to dress up?" I asked with a laugh.
"Only if you promise that what you were will be skimpy," Jami said in jest. I gave her a glare which she just made her grin. "No, you don't have to dress up. Honestly, you can save the dressing up for me," Jami said with a wink that made me laugh.
The idea of going to the school set my nerves on edge. Nervousness made my stomach flip flop. Being around kids was hard on me. I even avoided Rachel's kids since the breakup with Mike. I was afraid I would burst into tears or something ridiculous. "I don't think I should," I said softly.
"Why? You keep avoiding going to the school, but you won't explain." Jami asked in confusion. "What's going on, Chloe?" She seemed genuinely concerned.
I shook my head. "I'm just not good with new people," I said softly.
"It's okay to be shy, but no one is going to hurt you," Jami said with a smile. "I'll be there with you the whole time."
I said quietly, "Please, don't make me."
"Okay," Jami reached across the table and grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I didn't mean to make you upset."
I softened at the pet name. I gave Jami's hand a squeeze. We had barely even flirted, but I just felt better in her presence. I gave her a smile and assured her, "It's fine. It's my issue, not yours."
Jami reached over with her other hand and brushed some wetness off my cheek. I had not realized that I had started crying and I blushed. "Maybe you should go see someone about your anxiety if it is disrupting your life enough that you can't go places because of it. I just want y
ou to be okay," Jami said in concern.
I nodded, "Maybe. Right now, I'd just like to be with you." I gave Jami a smile and which she returned. We paid for our coffees and set off down the street toward the beach.
The beach was nearly empty to my surprise. It was pleasant to have the place mostly to ourselves. There was an older man using a metal detector and a jogger, but they paid us no attention. We, in turn, paid no attention to them. I slipped my hand into Jami's grip and intertwined our fingers. We swung our hands playfully between us and chatted softly about silly things.
Jami said with a grin, "I remember when I was little that my cousins always were afraid of the water where it turned darker after we watched Jaws."
"I don't blame them," I said with a laugh. "Truthfully, I don't even know how to swim. I grew up next to the ocean. It's absurd, but people just assume I swim like a mermaid. In reality, I swim more like a rock." I gave Jami a goofy grin.
"You can't swim?" Jami asked baffled. "I thought everyone learned to swim as kids."
I shook my head. "My Mom thought it was too dangerous."
"She sounds overprotective," Jami said firmly.
I laughed. "She is."
As we laughed, we came to a stop, and I leaned into Jami a bit. She pressed her lips against mine as I leaned into her side. Our hands firmly clasped together we stood in the sand, the water lapping just a foot away, and kissed softly. I like her. The thought of the lie of my children came to mind, and I shook it away.
Jami mumbled to me as we broke the kiss, "Is something wrong?"
"No, why?" I asked softly.
Jami gave a small shrug that I could feel as I leaned into her. "You seemed tense," she said quietly.
"I'm fine," I assured her and gave her another kiss to prove it to her. Kissing Jami was even better than the dreams of kissing her, and I did not want to think of lies and broken futures. I just wanted to be with her.
***
"You what?" Rachel asked dumbfounded.
The look in her eyes made my guilt heavier. I fought to keep the tears out of my eyes as I spoke. "I didn't mean to, and then I was going to tell her the truth." I sobbed and shook my head. "Every time I start to something happens, or I don't know. Oh, Rachel, what am I going to do ?"
"You are going to tell her the truth because sooner or later it is going to come out. Trust me when I say that you want to be the one to break it to her first," Rachel said with feeling. "I can't even begin to understand why you would say such a thing, especially with as touchy a subject as it is for you in the first place."
"I didn't set out to do it," I said earnestly. "It just came out. Maybe I just wanted Jami to like me. I don't want anyone to know that I'm broken."
Rachel sighed and said firmly, "You are not broken. That's Mike talking. It isn't reality, Chloe."
***
As much as I had assured Rachel that I understood that Mike was the one with the problem in our past relationship, I still felt broken inside. Rachel was right about one thing, though. I needed to tell Jami the truth before she found out another way.
That night when I met Jami at the movies, I was determined to tell her the truth. It proved hard to do, and I sighed in frustration as I lost my nerve yet again as we made our way to our seats.
We sat in the dim theater. Sure enough, the movie had ended up being a superhero flick, but I did not really mind. The action-filled movie kept my mind off my misery for a while. Jami slipped her arm around my shoulders, and I gladly leaned into her as we snuggled and watched the film. It felt nice being with Jami.
A pang of guilt went through me as I realized how much I liked Jami. How could we be in a relationship if I lied about such a huge part of my life? As we made our way out of the movie theater, I slipped my hand into hers. She gave me a smile as we made our way back toward her car.
The ride to my house took very little time. When we walked up to the door, Jami gave me another smile. I returned the smile with nervousness. "Do you want to come in?" I asked unsure of what she would do.
Jami asked softly, "Are you sure?"
I nodded. "Of course, I am." I reached over and gave her hand a playful tug. "Come on," I said coaxingly.
Jami willingly let me tug her toward me. Her free hand came up to cradle my cheek gently as she pressed her lips against mine. Her lips were cool from the evening air and soft from the balm that she always wore. I could taste the balm vaguely as we kissed. I pulled back a bit, and we both gave a soft laugh. I jingled the keys and turned to open the door.
Jami's arms wrapped around my waist as I undid the lock. I smiled to myself. When the door was unlocked, I pushed it open. Jami did not release her hold on my waist, and I leaned back into her frame. My head turned to the side, and I eyed her curiously. Her eyes stared back at me boldly as she leaned over to kiss me again. I turned in her arms to meet her kiss. My arms wrapped around her neck as her arms cinched tighter around my waist. We stood in the doorway kissing for what felt like minutes.
Finally, Jami backed me up through the door before releasing me to shut the door back. Once the door was firmly shut, Jami wrapped her arms around my waist again. We met in a soft kiss. This time the kiss deepened. Jami slid her tongue along my lips, and I gladly opened to her as my tongue came out to meet hers.
"Where's your room?" Jami asked in a whisper as we broke apart again. I nodded toward the hallway to our right and stepped that direction. I reached back, and Jami twined her fingers through my own. Leading the way to my bedroom, I felt nervous and jumpy. I had never done anything other than a kiss with another woman, and that had been with clothes on.
Jami seemed to sense my anxiety and whispered as we went through my bedroom door, "Relax, I'm not going to bite you. Unless you ask very nicely."
I rolled my eyes at the woman and giggled. "Come here," I said teasingly. It felt easy and fun to be flirty with Jami. She did not seem to notice my extra pounds, and I always felt attractive when she looked at me. I sometimes wondered what she saw that made her eyes sparkle like that when she looked at me.
Jami assented quickly, and soon I was wrapped back in her embrace as the blond kissed me gently. Jami murmured as she kissed my cheek and then my neck, "Lie down."
I did as she asked and crawled up onto the bed. Jami's hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and her button up blouse lay partly undone, even if I did not remember doing it. She had a look on her face that I had never seen before. Lust was what I saw reflected in her eyes. My pulse quickened, and my nervousness soared. I watched her unbutton her shirt and slip it off. It was mesmerizing to watch.
I felt myself grow wet as I watched her fingers trace over her bra. Jami watched me sedately as she released her breasts from the bra. Her hands slid over, caressed, and cupped her breasts as she watched me hungrily. I watched her back. My lips parted a bit as my breath came in short bursts.
Soon she came to kneel down on the bed beside me. Her hand grazed my inner thigh and pushed up the hem of my sundress just a bit. Slowly she inched her hand upward until I thought I might scream out for her to hurry. I bit my lip and watched her. She gave me a slow smile.
I bit my lip as I helped her slip my panties off. When she bent her head down between my thighs, my breath caught. Jami's lips kissed my inner thigh as she caressed her way up my thighs. When her lips brushed against the sensitive skin about my clitoris, I grabbed handfuls of the sheets. Her tongue delved into me, and I spread myself wider for her exploration. The movements of her mouth and tongue made me have to grit my teeth to keep from crying out. When she lifted her head, I gave her a dazed smile.
She slipped further up the bed to lay beside me. We slowly finished undressing, and then I eagerly let her show me how to touch her. Jami said, "It's simple. Just touch me how you like to touch yourself." I gave her a shy smile as I caressed her breasts. She gave me a slow smile and then we were kissing.
After that, it was all instinct. We came together and wrapped our legs around each other so that we could ru
b together in the most delicious way. Her breasts were plump and round. I gave into the urge to kiss one of her ripe nipples. Her moans of appreciation rang in my ears as I sucked the nipple gently into my mouth.
It felt so good, so right to be this way with her. I fell into it. We moved against each other both hungry for what came next. Our breath came in pants, and we rubbed against one another in an almost frantic pace. We collapsed together in a heap of gasps and moans on the bed as we crested together. The sensations came over me like waves, and I could do nothing more than just to lay there and let them do so.
I had never had such a powerful experience with Mike. Our sex had been good, or so I thought. However, sex with Mike had been a pale comparison to what Jami and I had just done.
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