I blinked my eyes open and looked at her brown eyes. "You aren't disgusted with me?"
"I'm a woman, Chloe. I get infertility," Jami said. She brought her hands up to cup my face. "Darling, I can't have kids either. I've known since I was a teenager that I couldn't have kids the traditional way. Just as well, since I'm a lesbian and all." Jami gave me a shrug and laughed softly. "It doesn't make you worthless," Jami said firmly.
I hesitated. "I don't know that I can accept that, not right now anyway," I spoke honestly, and I saw Jami's eyes soften.
"This isn't a race, and I'll be around to help remind you that you are worth every little bit of happiness you can get," Jami said softly.
I looked at her. "Do you mean it?"
She nodded. "Yes. I love you, Silly."
I laughed and said, "I love you too."
Jami pressed her lips against mine. I desperately clung to her as we kissed. We leaned against the kitchen island. When we finally broke apart for breath, we were both panting heavily. "I've missed that," Jami whispered seductively. I gave her a smile. To my surprise, she dropped down to the floor instead of kissing me.
My breath caught in my throat as Jami's fingers slid my pants down. I stepped out of them on auto-pilot. Jami's finger slipped up between my thighs, and I closed my eyes as I opened my legs wider for her. A groan escaped me as I clung to the countertop for dear life. All the wants and needs from the past couple months came tumbling out as she sent me over the edge. When Jami pulled me down to the floor with her, I went willingly.
We teased, kissed, and caressed each other on that cold stone tile floor. I did not care about anything in the world other than Jami's bare skin pressed against mine. "Come on," whispered Jami as she pushed up off the floor. "Let's go to bed."
I gave her a smile and let her pull me toward her bedroom. In her room, we fell unceremoniously onto her linen sheets, and Jami pressed me down as she grinned down at me. I was a bit smaller than her, and sometimes Jami liked to throw her weight around figuratively speaking. I gave her a grin back and parted my legs when she nudged her leg between my thighs. She rubbed her leg seductively between my legs and in doing so rubbed herself against one of my legs.
Our breaths came in bursts. I moved against Jami's leg which made her moan. We had denied ourselves for so long that we made love frantically and then collapsed together. Jami kissed my neck languidly as we lay still intertwined. I made a noise of appreciation. "Let's get some sleep," I whispered to her. Jami gave me a silent nod and a kiss before we snuggled down together under the covers.
***
"What is that?" I asked in disgust.
Jami gave me a look of innocence. "What?" She said as she batted her eyelashes at me.
I had to laugh despite myself. "You know what," I said and gestured toward the four-wheeler in the driveway.
"What? It's nothing. George from work needed to get rid of it before they moved," Jami said as if it was no big deal.
Jami and I had been living together for almost a year, and I swear every time I turned around she was always doing something that would throw me for a loop. "Jami, you can't have that," I said in exasperation.
"Oh, the look on your face," Jami said in amusement as she cackled wildly.
I narrowed my eyes at her. "It's about to get worse," I warned her.
Jami just gave me a grin. "I'm just holding it for Darren. He and Robert want another one for their camping trip," Jami assured me. "No harm in test driving it, though."
"I do not think so," I said firmly.
Jami laughed and came over to put her arm around my shoulders. "You are nervous about the interview," she said as if it was a secret.
"Of course, I am," I said defensively but I leaned into her and sighed happily. "You could stand to be a little worried too, you know?"
Jami flicked her long hair off her shoulder and said, "What is going to be, is going to be. Regardless of how upset I am about it."
"I wish I could brush things off that easily," I said sulkily. "We've been doing this for months."
Her lips brushed against my ear. "It can take years to go through the process of adopting, and you know that," She reminded me.
"Doesn’t mean I have to like it," I said defiantly which only caused Jami to laugh as she steered me back toward the house.
Jami agreed with a soft laugh, "True. You can rage at the universe all you like, Darling. Right now, though, how bout we do something a little different?"
I gave her an indulgent smile. "Like what?" I asked curiously.
"Oh, you know…" Jami said in an evasive manner as she led me back inside. She pulled me toward the master bathroom, and I narrowed my eyes at her. "I'm all sweaty from helping George get the four-wheeler unloaded," Jami said innocently. I nodded my head as if I did not buy that that was the whole truth, but I indulged her anyway.
Once in the bathroom, Jami turned on the water and set about getting the water just how she wanted it. When she finally had the bath filling up to her liking, Jami turned back to me. "Come here," she said coaxingly. "You look way too nervous."
"I have already had a bath," I said defiantly, but Jami was already grabbing my wrist and tugging me over to her. I went willingly but still narrowed my eyes at the blond woman who began to undress me far too helpfully. She unbuttoned my cream-colored shirt and slid it off my shoulders. Her fingertips grazed my breasts ever so lightly as she slid around me to unfasten my bra. I could feel my nipples tingling and tightening at the rush of cool air in the bathroom.
Jami leaned over and ran her tongue along one of my taut nipples. I crooned in delight at the sensations even as a blush that I could not help spread over my face. Despite how many times Jami and I had been intimate, I still could not get over this modesty when it came to expressing myself verbally. To that end, Jami sought out any and all ways to make me vocalize during sex. When she found a way that made me scream, moan, or cry out then, she used it ruthlessly. I called it her guilty pleasure. She loved taking me outside my comfort zone. She said she just liked taking me. A phrase that too made me blush.
Jami's lips and tongue teased and tortured my nipples, even as her hands helped to undo my jeans and slip them down. I stepped out of my jeans absentmindedly as I ran my hands through Jami's long hair. The silky strands brushing against my stomach made me squirm in a delightful way.
"You are very eager," Jami said in a sensual whisper against my skin. She raised her head and took my hand in hers. She guided my hand down between my legs, and I began rubbing myself while she watched me sedately. Jami enjoyed watching me sometimes. That was another one of her guilty pleasures. I teased myself and stroked myself as I eyed Jami boldly. I could see the lust burning in her eyes. Soon enough she came over and jealously pushed my hand away from my clitoris. She wanted to be the one to push me over the edge.
Jami quickly undressed and then stepped into the bath. I joined her carefully, and we eased down into the bath water gently. The water was warm and silky with the oils that Jami had added to it. I could smell the lavender and Jasmine that swirled in the warm liquid around us. Jami massaged the oils into the skin of arms and breasts. I sat between her legs and leaned back against her. The worries of the day were long forgotten.
I smiled as I leaned my head back onto her shoulder. The relaxing moment turned heated once again as Jami slid her slick hands down onto my thighs. I spread my legs willingly as both her hands kneaded and massaged me until I was moving helplessly against them. Jami moaned as my squirming caused me to rub against her as well. It took very little time before I turned and straddled the blond woman. Jami and I caressed each other with our fingers. We urged each other on, and we found ourselves falling into a gentle rhythm. The rhythm grew more and more intense until the sensations washed over me. I shook as the tension released itself into a warmth that flooded my body. I fell softly against Jami as she smiled at me.
"Feeling more relaxed?" Jami teased.
I gave the blond a kiss. "Yes. Th
ank you," I softly said with a smile.
***
I felt sick and excited and terrified. The emotions spiraled through me until I felt like I had vertigo. Jami put her arms around my shoulders. We had gotten word that our adoption had gone through for two siblings. For a year and a half, we had been meeting with the children and the adoption agency. Now, at last, they would be coming home with us to stay.
I saw Gabriel round the corner. The moment that those little brown eyes spotted mine, I knelt down and waited. Gabriel at five could barely remember anything beyond the foster system. Gabriel and his little sister collided with me, and I wrapped them in a hug. "It's time to go home," I whispered.
Jami scooped up Sarah, and I took Gabriel's hand. Jami and I looked at each other, and we smiled.
Gabriel said, "Are we really never coming back here?"
Jami said, "Never, ever."
Gabriel gave me a grin. "You are my Mommy now."
I gave him a grin back as I lifted him up into my arms. "You have no idea how long I have waited to be your Mommy."
The Mechanic
~ Bonus Story ~
A First Time Straight To Gay Lesbian Romance
Okay, so she has a kid. If anything, that’s a strike against me. I mean, I can’t afford to help raise a kid. It’s bad. But, she’s amazing. She’s sweet and kind and everything that I’m not. Let’s hope she doesn’t realize how great she is… and how great I’m not. I mean, kicked out by 16 and working as a car mechanic? Even she couldn’t make that look good.
It’s fine though. She’ll love me, right? Somebody say I’m right. I need it! I mean… she acts like she does. But she loves Sarah more than me.
Sarah is a little angel of a kid. And I can’t make her decide against doing everything for her kid, just to be with a poor little gal like me. It’s so wrong. But… I want it so much. I want to be part of her family.
That can’t be wrong.
* * *
Chapter 1
I swear I had some form of my life mapped out before this all went down. Some semblance of a plan did exist for me. It wasn’t detailed and more of a dream than any reality, but I knew what I wanted. I’d go to college and become a brilliant, successful woman. I wanted to become a physical therapist! Do something to help others who turn out like dad did when he broke his leg a few years back, and people much worse.
I can’t fix the world. Nobody can. But maybe, doing one kind thing at a time, we can make the world just that much better. Even if it’s difficult. That’s all it takes… one random act of kindness at a time.
If It wasn’t for my own bad behavior it would have happened just as I sorta mapped it out too! No. I can’t call it that. I refuse to call it that. It wasn’t bad behavior. It was two consenting adults who thought we loved each other deeply. I thought this was the endgame, and I just couldn’t be more wrong, but that doesn’t make it awful. Sarah is many things, but she is NOT a mistake.
In hindsight, it wasn’t actually my brightest moment. I mean, I was just a teenager, for Christ's sake! I had just got out of high school and he and I were "in love". We thought we would end up together and never would we break up. We were happy and would be happy forever. I guess I was too close to my parent's behavior when they were young.
I hate it when that happens. I look just like my mom, and I act like her sometimes too. There isn’t anything wrong with mom, per se. But… I am my own person!
I guess I deserve the comparison. I did get pregnant as a teenager just like her. I wasn’t the best student and was more focused and living my life and enjoying myself than my studies. When I got into my dream school – well, dream as in doable. I woulda preferred an ivy league but beggars can’t be choosers – I thought I was going places. The world will be my oyster and I will achieve every dream in my head.
Of course, I just had to get careless. I had to believe I knew better than everyone around me. I had to have that drink with Finn. Which turned into three. Four. Of course, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Of COURSE, Finn and I totally forgot about the condom that I kept in my purse, just in case. Fat lot of good that did me, right? Of course, I forgot to take birth control. And of course, the morning after pill somehow didn’t work. Just my luck, I guess.
When Finn and I learned that I was pregnant, everything changed. I felt nauseous. I blanched and had to hold myself back, trying to calm myself. There is a child growing in me. A child! I’m barely not a child. Even if I’m an adult, I’m clearly not a responsible one. Finn even turned green, began puking in a bucket. It… it wasn’t what we expected to feel. We thought when it would happen and we’d be jumping for joy. Even if it was too early for the two of us, we thought we would be the perfect family.
We agree now, our teenage “love story” was based more on aesthetic value than genuine devotion. He had golden-tan skin and fiery red hair. He even had soft light brown eyes. He was gangly and covered in the cutest freckles but when he smiled, he blew everyone else out of the water.
Of course, he would fall in love with a girl, who had her families name passed down to her, named Amber. Attach to her and never want to let go. It was practically written in the stars we’d be together.
As for me, a twig thin build. An albino! With iridescent blue eyes and hair dyed rainbow colors. I didn’t like my natural pigment. So many people have told me I look like a vampire, and I hate it. A sickly pale, paper white girl. I lack any color, especially that golden color. Of course, I'd fall for a boy named Finn. Of course, he'd be bright and vibrant enough to change my life for the better. He brightened my life, but now, with another life, I need to light the way for, it suddenly felt too bright. The sun glaring down at me that would permanently scar my eyes.
This revelation actually shocked us out of our delusions. Would we get married and be together forever? After spending most of my pregnancy together, we both realized how laughable that was. I was too much like my mother is; stubborn as a mule, quick to anger, and slow to accept any real change. Finn was like the ever changing wind, the river that always flows and becomes new.
Finn didn’t get how angry I got and I don’t get him somehow being calm all the time. We may have loved each other at some point but we could never see eye to eye, and it felt like neither of us really tried to see the other side, no matter how much we loved the other. In the end, I had no choice. I had to break up with him. I just… every time I closed my eyes and imagined us together on a long-term basis… it was miserable. For one of us.
Either it is a world in which I became a physical therapist and we took turns taking care of the baby, while Finn never got to do what he’s always wanted and travel. He never gets to explore the world that he had always wanted to see with his own eyes. I would be happy as would he… for a time. I could tell from the look in his eyes, he would slowly grow to resent being with me. he would learn to hate my child and the life we built together. The sparkle in his warm, chocolate eyes when he stared at me would slowly dim. It would morph into a storm of resentment that would destroy me. Is it selfish to prefer a clean split to that horrible reality?
The other possibility is a world in which his dreams are accomplished, he circles the globe making the world a better place as he escapes the mundanity of regular life. Where am I? Either the housewife who stays at home and takes care of the children until her doting husband bursts in the door with another exciting tale. Would he be gone for days, weeks or even months? I wouldn’t know.
If I’m not the housewife, I’d be his fellow adventurer. I’d have to constantly adjust and raise my child to adjust to new experiences and new lives. I almost felt sick at the idea. Too much effort. Too many nights and lives and changes. I could never be calm. There would always be chaos and change and I hate it.
I knew I had to leave him. He begged me not to. He swore that he would do anything for me, anything for our child. He was telling the truth, I knew it. But the truth changes and I couldn’t let that happen.
Fi
nn promised to pay child support, but I refused. I knew he didn’t want our child and I wanted a clean break. He visits every once in a while and sends gifts, but I really don’t want that money that he got, who knows how?
I think he is somewhere in Europe right now. Maybe he’s in France, flirting with beautiful women or something equally as cliché. I wouldn’t know and I didn’t care. I had stopped following him on social media and only kept his photo albums because of my child, my little princess, she deserved to know about her biological father.
“Amber!” Mom called me, interrupting my reminiscing, holding a bundled child in her arms. “Sarah woke up.”
I groaned and got up. I looked up at my mom. She looked like I would if I had not been so drastic about my appearance. With short white hair, chin length and skin so white that her pink lipstick stuck out. She looked just as severe as she would act sometimes.
In her arms was a wriggling little angel. Sarah has just turned two. She’s the world’s most spoiled little monster. She had her father's red hair, but not in a bushy mane. Her hair was straight and dull, always worn in the cutest pigtails. She had soft golden-brown skin and the cutest freckles dotting her nose. Her eyes were huge and full of love. She looked at me in a way that inspired me to be a better person, to earn that childish level of love. “Mommy!” My little angel yelled, reaching for me, “pi’ me up!” She demanded.
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