In This Life

by Leo Sullivan

  Sasha looked back at her in annoyance, rolled her eyes, and continued. “When y’all were fighting and you made me leave, all I could think of was to get you help. So, I went to Mykle’s house since he’s your bestfriend. When I got there, him and Dee were just getting ready to leave. I told Mykle you were in a fight with J.J. and Dirty Red. He told Dee to get the gun from under the mattress and then we ran out the house. When we got there, we saw them beating you. Dee shot up in the air to scare’em…I don’t know how Red coulda got shot—”

  “What you mean, he shot in the air?” Freddy asked skeptically.

  “He shot in the air! I was running right next to him and the sound hurt my ears—”

  “Sasha, Dirty Red is dead!”

  “Boy, are you gonna let me finish?” She said, shaking her neck at him. “Anyway, after you was taken off in the ambulance, the police started acting crazy like they always do when there’s any drama, searching and harassing people. They tried to stop Dee, but he ran. The gun fell out his pants and the police got it.” She then beamed proudly at him and smiled, “A nice police came by the house and talked with me. He already knew everything that happened. He said he had talked with you and that you and him were good friends.”

  Freddy reached out and grabbed her by her arm so hard her neck snapped back. “I don’t have cops for friends! What did he say his name was?”

  Sasha looked at him like she wanted to be someplace else. “He said his name was Fermen.” Freddy’s body stiffened. Sasha took a step backwards.

  “Was he a big white man with blond hair and a huge head?” Freddy asked, hoping he was wrong.

  “Freddy, he said he was going to help you and that I was going to be his star witness to keep you from going to prison for a long time. So, I told him everything.”

  “Mothafuckingoddamnsonuvabitch!” Freddy cursed and felt a sharp pain shoot through his chest as he tried to sit up.

  Marilyn sat there composed and silent, taking in the exchange of words and enjoying the sight of her nemesis showing her stupidity.

  “Sasha, I can’t believe you talked to the police!” His words stunned her, the rims of her eyes beginning to fill with tears.

  “I… I was only trying to help you Freddy…”

  “Help me what!? Get into the state penitentiary and help me play hide the salami?”

  “Hide the salami?” Marilyn uttered in surprise. Freddy looked at her as if to say, shut the hell up! She played it off, inspecting her fingernail polish.

  “Sasha!” He spoke her name so vehemently that he suddenly realized how angry he really was. “Did you tell the police everything that happened? I mean, what you heard Dee and Mykle say about the gun—“

  She pawed at her face with the back of a hand and stared at him indignantly. “What you think I am, stupid or something?” The words rolled off her tongue in disgust at his attitude.

  “Sasha, I told them I was alone and someone jumped me. Now you say you told them pretty much what really happened. The police musta knew all the time what happened. They was just wantin’ me to rat on my friends!” Freddy looked around the room, searching for something not there. “I gotta go! I have to get outta here!”

  “Excuse me…excuse me,” Marily interrupted, her bright red fingernails gleaming as she waved her hand in a signature of her feminine sophistication. Her legs crossed and then re-crossed. “How the hell are you going to leave here in your condition?”

  Freddy gave her one of those don’t-go-there looks, fatigue and desperation written on his brow. “The doctor’s gonna take these tubes and things offa me later today.”

  “You’re in no condition to even breathe on your own, much less walk.”

  “That cop, Fermen said he’s personally coming back here and arresting me and charging me with anything he can think of, on top of murder.” Freddy looked directly at Sasha when he said murder. If’ my fingerprints are on that gun, which I have a bad feeling they are, and even if they aren’t, I’d still languish in the County for months…hell, even years…you know how the courts work for blacks!”

  The strain showed on his face as if he had aged years overnight. The silence was loud, broken only by the urgent screams of the EKG monitor.

  Marilyn’s hazel eyes glinted with mischief as she rose from her seat. Freddy could see the outline of her nipples as they pointed upwards through her blouse. She pulled some bills from her purse, peeled one off, and held it out to Sasha. “Sweetheart, would you be so kind as to go downstairs and get us all something to drink? You can keep the change.”

  Marilyn’s words hung in the air with the money, and for the first time, Freddy noticed the tension between the women. Marilyn was smiling in that condescending way proper folk do when they’re giving a tip. The scowl on Sasha’s face said, “I just know you can’t be talking to me!”

  Freddy was expecting to see Sasha’s neck jerk at any moment as she gave Marilyn a piece of her mind, but for some reason, both women just stared, Marilyn with a plastic smile, and Sasha with a look of scorn. Freddy wanted to put the covers over his head, because he just knew that Sasha’s ghetto ass was about to chew Marilyn’s never-before-been-in-a-fight ass up and spit her out.

  All of a sudden, like a storm had passed over, Sasha returned Marilyn’s plastic smile in kind. Freddy wondered what he had missed as he watched their body language. Sasha snatched the money and in the same quick motion, spun on her heel to face him. “What kinda drink you want?”

  “Coke,” Freddy’s voice cracked.

  Sasha leered at Marilyn, speaking a silent message that only the two women understood. Sasha then stalked out the door. Freddy exhaled, only then realizing he had been holding his breath. Marilyn keeled over in laughter, pissing Freddy off. If Marilyn only knew how close her manipulating vindictiveness had come to getting her pretty face all scratched up and her hair pulled out. Freddy looked at her with astonishment, not knowing whether to smile or be scornful. His heart rate returned to normal as he licked his cracked lips.

  Marilyn stepped forward, bent over him and kissed his dry, chapped lips. “You look pathetic,” she cooed, as he just stared back at her, feeling her sexuality stealing, barging its way into his young virility.

  “Marilyn, what are you doing here and why did you bring Sasha with you?”

  “I couldn’t find you, so I did the only thing I could think of. I went to your girlfriend’s house and told her I was your aunt.”

  “Marilyn, you know how I feel about Sasha…”

  “And you know how I feel about you,” Marilyn said. “At least this time it’s not my fault.” She tried to smile at him.

  Freddy pushed it away, turning serious. “They found that gun you gave me.”

  She smiled again. “That wasn’t my gun. That was a gun that George left and I’m sure it can’t be traced to him, ‘cuz he has a record.” He felt relieved that he wasn’t about to ruin her career too.

  Marilyn then stood up, her posture erect as if she were about to make a speech. Her breast jingled with a gold medallion she wore around her neck. She removed a wad of bills from her purse and shoved them into Freddy’s hand as she held it to her bosom. “This is my down payment on you.” She gazed pensively into his brown eyes, her voice dropping an octave. “I’m sorry about what happened between you and Billy. I underestimated him badly. I realize this is the last thing in the world you want to talk about --”

  “Marilyn, this is not the time or place to be talking about a dead man.”

  “Dead…man?”

  “That’s right,” he said, “I swear to God I’m gonna kill his ass for what he did to me. But right now I need to get outta here.”

  “Freddy, you know I’ll do anything you ask of me. I’ve even jeopardized my career. I could’ve been arrested for child molestation when you lied to me about your age --”

  “What happened in your penthouse was entirely my fault. Yeah, I lied to you Marilyn, but right now I gotta get outta here!”

  “Freddy, please
, listen to me. I’ll get you the best attorneys money can buy, and no matter how high your bond is, I’ll –“

  “Damn-it, Maril!” He punched the bed with his fist, making her flinch. “I’ll not willingly go to anybody’s stanking ass jail… No courtroom, no yellow jumpsuit shit. I’m innocent! If the long arm of the law is so damn long, then let them earn their money. They gonna have to catch me!”

  “Please Freddy, sweetheart, you have to believe in the system.”

  “Oh, I do believe in their system. Guilty until proven innocent and that’s why I’m haulin’ ass outta this joint.”

  Marilyn hissed in confusion at his way of life and all that he had put her through. “I hate that I love you!” Anger blazed in her hazel eyes as she took a step forward, her body shaking. “This society and its cruel, tyrannical rules forbid me from loving as I please. I’m a 27-year old black woman…Is it naive of me to believe that love should have no boundaries, no limitations?” She wrung her hands, shaking her head from side to side. Her shoulders slumped and she bowed her head, crestfallen. “This isn’t the first time in history a woman has been seduced by love to such a degree that she falls for someone younger than herself…”

  “Marilyn, I…”

  “No Freddy, please, let me talk.” A single tear rolled down her cheek. “For love, for your love, I have been humiliated, just having to stand in the shadows, watching your handsome face. Playing the role of your aunt when I want to be your lover…”

  Freddy resisted the urge to sweep the lone tear from her cheek as he watched her. He gulped air, guilt ridden, because in his heart he knew he was partially to blame, leading her on, accepting her lavish gifts, when all along the knew he could never be unfaithful to Sasha.

  “…I find myself buying you clothes, wanting to take you out of that environment, send you to college, finance your business, make you –“

  “Marilyn, there can be no you and me, period, if I don’t get my ass outta here. Do you understand me?”

  Marilyn stamped her foot in exasperation, exhaling through her teeth. “You said that the last time you were here, and I helped you then. The only reward I got was when you and your boys showed up at my place looking for Billy, and I still don’t know what that big envelope was that you took from the inside of my couch.”

  “Marilyn, did you come way the fuck here to talk shit to me or to help? If not, you need to take your ass outta here and get back to the other side of town with all your rich friends.”

  “I don’t believe you!” she shrieked.

  “Believe what?” Freddy hollered back. “That I won’t lie here and wait for the police to come take me to prison? That I’d dare resist becoming just another young, black statistic? Fuck’em, they gotta catch this nigga here!”

  “Stop it! Stop it, Freddy. Wait, please, I can help you.”

  “No! You stop it, Marilyn. We come from two different worlds. In my world, waiting means forever, a polite word for never. I’m leaving here, either with or without your help…”

  Marilyn Fox suddenly transformed right before his eyes, the contours of her body and even her face softening. Freddy felt himself being sucked inside of her as the enchantress leaned closer…closer, her fervid lips brushing seductively against his earlobe, his resistance evaporating on the wiles of her breath, her feminine scent primeval, overpowering, they breathed as one as she gained entrance into him, roaming the corridors of his mind. As she purred, he closed his eyes and there she stood before him, naked and glorious, beckoning him. An older woman, a younger mind, Marilyn recognized her advantage as she cast her spell.

  “Whatever in this world that you want me to do, I will do for you. I know that you’re young and that you love Sasha. But I’ll wait for you.” Her maudlin words sought him out in that place where he wanted to hide from her. Her breast lay atop his chest as she slithered closer. The rhythm of her heart palpitated in perfect sync with his as the enchantment took hold. A deft hand searched beneath the sheets and she began stroking him as her rapturous womanhood permeated his body. “Tomorrow, at 7:00 AM, there will be a cab waiting for you at the front entrance. It will know where to take you, and there will be a clothes and money in a suitcase. The driver will wait for you for two hours. You should be safe. I’ll be flying out to California with my agents for some auditions. There’s a major film in the works starring Mel Gibson, and I hope to get the part as his leading lady. I shouldn’t be gone for more than three weeks.”

  “Where’s the cab taking me?” he asked.

  “To a condo I own in Ford City.”

  “Ford City! Them rich white folk don’t allow us in Ford City.”

  “They do if you’re a celebrity. Plus, it’ll be a good place to hide ‘till your health is better. Do you think you could do me a favor?” Marilyn asked.

  “What’s that?”

  “Try not to get killed before I get back,” she said, while caressing his cheeks with her soft lips. When she stepped back to watch the effect of her charm, Freddy felt like he’d just been released from a gigantic suction cup. Satisfied with the results, she smiled to herself.

  Suddenly, her expression changed as she turned towards the door, shock registering on her face. Freddy saw Sasha standing in the door, her lips pressed tightly against her teeth, holding the Coke bottle like a club. Freddy feared the worst as his heart threatened to jump out of his chest. He wondered how long she’d been standing there.

  To his horror, Marilyn walked right up to Sasha as she said, “It’s been a real pleasure to meet you Sasha.” For a moment, the women stared at each other in silence, and then Marilyn walked out of the room. Freddy could hear the echo of her heels fading as the embodiment of all his problems exited the building.

  Sasha walked in slowly, her face so stoic that he couldn’t read her at all. With Sasha, that was dangerous because unlike most women, she acted while other women waited to react. “Here’s your Coke,” she said as she placed the bottle on the nightstand. She looked at him as if undecided whether to act the damn fool. Instead, she sat in a chair, placed her hands over her face and began to cry.

  He licked his lips before asking, “What’s wrong Sasha?”

  “You and that lady. I don’t’ believe she is your aunt, and you have the nerve to ask me what’s wrong… Oh, Freddy, everything is wrong!” Sasha’s sobs were more than he could bear. It felt as if the very core of his existence were being torn to pieces. “I got you in trouble with the police –“

  “Sasha, that was my fault not yours.”

  “I thought I was helping you.” Sasha’s sobs ravaged her body as she heaved uncontrollably.

  Freddy’s heart melted at seeing her distress. He had to hold her in his arms, assure her that he loved her, and somehow take away the pain. “Come here Sasha.”

  “No,” she sniffled.

  “Please?”

  “No.”

  “Sasha, if you don’t come to me, I’ll come to you.” She ignored him. “Okay, “ Freddy challenged as he threw back the sheets and slowly raised his battered body, struggling and grunting. Finally, he got one foot on the floor, his breathing labored, but then he fell back into the bed in a heap as excruciating pain wracked his body. “Oooh, ohhh,” he moaned.

  Sasha rushed to his side in panic. “What’s wrong?” she asked, fearful that he had badly hurt himself.

  “Right here… Ooh, right here,” he pointed. She came closer.

  “I’ll get the doctor,” she offered.

  “No, please, put it out,” he said as he pointed to his chest.

  “What?”

  “Right here...” Sasha came closer, and Freddy grabbed her. She screamed, he laughed. She smiled in relief and despite her brooding mood; she couldn’t help but laugh also. The once dreary room was filled with the youthful jubilance of two adolescents in love.

  “I love you Sasha, more than anything in this world,” he spoke into her hair.

  Sasha pulled away, starry-eyed and lips pouting as she made a feeble att
empt to affect scorn. “You play too much, boy.” The twinkle in her brown eyes gave her away as she affectionately buried her face in the crook of his neck.

  For a brief moment they felt safe in each other’s arms. Sasha released her hold on him, and got up and walked to the window, looking out over Hyde Park as she began to talk to her reflection in the glass. She looked vulnerable and frail.

  “Fred, I know I’m about a year older than you and that you never really had a chance to go to school, but none of that matters to me, age or anything.”

  “Then why’d you bring the subject up?” He asked defensively.

  “Because it didn’t matter until a few weeks ago, after you came to the hospital.”

  “A few weeks ago?”

  “Yes, actually it was before that.”

  “Was it something I said or done?” Freddy asked.

  Sasha whirled to face him, her words lick slaps to his face. “Freddy, I’m pregnant, and I am so scared.”

  “Sasha, we only did it a few times… most of the time we were just grinding.

  “We did it 13 times,” She replied.

  “Damn! You keep count?”

  “Yes, girls do that sort of thing.”

  “Does your dad know yet?”

  “No! He would kill both of us.”

  “Us?”

  “Freddy, you did help, you know…”

  Freddy shook his head, not believing his luck, if there was such a thing, and strained to look at her stomach. “You don’t look pregnant,” he said, hoping she was mistaking.

  “I am. It’s been almost two months now since I’ve last seen my period.”

  “Maybe you lost it. You gotta keep looking for it,” he said dimwittedly.

  Despite the seriousness of the situation, Sasha felt herself blush as she looked at him lost in his young innocence, not really understanding life. No one had ever explained to him the nature and physics of anatomy… There were no Phys Ed 101 sex education classes in the ghetto. The only thing Sasha was sure of was that God had placed her on this earth and in this life to love him, and that was what she intended to do. She smiled at him. “No, silly. It’s a woman’s thing… we just know when it’s there. You’re young and yet you’ve been cheated out of so much in this life. In some areas, your intelligence exceeds that of anyone I’ve ever known.” She looked with sadness at his thin, willowy, battered body and felt empathy. “In other areas, Freddy, it’s as if you don’t have a clue…like a brick.”