In This Life

by Leo Sullivan

  “Who?” Freddy asked.

  “Santa Claus,” the doctor replied, agitated.

  “No,” Freddy finally answered, his mind elsewhere as he looked toward the entrance of the restaurant.

  “One thing’s for sure… He will. And when he does, make sure you get in contact with me immediately. One more thing,” Utomo said on second thought, “call from a pay phone. If he loses the election, there’s no telling what lengths he’ll go to--”

  “And if he wins?” Sasha interjected, getting stares from both that said to stay out of this.

  “What do you have planned for today?” Utomo asked, changing the subject.

  For the first time, Sasha beamed brightly, and the doctor couldn’t help but admire her exceptional beauty. “I’m in my second trimester. We have a child birthing class this afternoon.”

  Freddy’s body jerked forward as if to complain, but Sasha silenced him with her eyes and a placid smile.

  Dr. Utomo could clearly see who was running the show. He reached over and gave Freddy a fatherly pat on the shoulder. “The baby strengthens from the union of mother and father. How many months are you now?” he asked.

  “Five.” The mother-to-be blushed proudly.

  “That’s interesting” he replied. “At this state, the baby can hear and recognize the mother’s voice. This is an important time for sensory development. The nerve cells serving each of the senses…taste, smell, hearing, sight, as well as touch, are now developing in specialized areas of the brain.

  Sasha sighed at all the medical talk of her baby. As far as Freddy was concerned, the doctor could have been talking Japanese.

  Suddenly, Utomo looked at his watch. “I’m running late… I have to be at the hospital.”

  They all shook hands. As the doctor was about to leave, Freddy said, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

  The doctor arched his brow in consternation. Freddy nodded at the newspaper. Utomo hesitated, knowing that once he took it, there would be no turning back: his life too, would be in danger. As he took the paper, he couldn’t help but smile at the way that young Freddy Thugstin had orchestrated this whole thing. He looked around suspiciously as he withdrew a card from his pocket and handed it to Freddy. Then he turned suddenly and headed for the door.

  “Freddy! Freddy, boy, what’s wrong with you? You embarrassed me,” Sasha whined.

  He didn’t hear her. He just stared straight ahead, watching his greatest fear come alive right before eyes. His heart pounded as he felt a stabbing pain in the pit of his stomach. The two white men who he had been watching for the past hour sitting up front near the door, suddenly got up and followed Dr. Utomo out the door.

  “Shit!” Freddy curses as he prayed he had not placed the only real friend he had in mortal danger.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The evening sun sprayed brilliant orange rays over the far horizon. Freddy found himself daydreaming off into the distance as Sasha drove in the sluggish traffic.

  “Just admit it,” she once again accused, “you like snow bunnies, pink toes, white hoes or however the hell you and your friends be referring to white women.” She was talking about the beautiful blonde and curvaceous instructor at the child birthing class: the only woman among all the women there who had a shapely figure. In fact, she had the body of a fine black girl, butt and all.

  “Does she look better than me?” Sasha asked, looking him straight in the face.

  He turned and looked down at her watermelon belly and now extra large sagging breasts. “Naw, she don’t look better than you –“

  She swung at him, hitting him in the shoulder as he tried to duck. The car swerved out of its lane and an angry motorist honked in protest. “What took you so long to answer? So you like white women, huh?”

  “What makes you say that?” he asked.

  “A woman knows when her man is attracted to another woman. Besides, you were smiling that goofy smile of yours.”

  “I did not,” he denied.

  “Yes, you did. ‘Oh, Ms. Gladden, thank you for showing me how to use the stopwatch’,” she mimicked.

  “Please girl! Don’t go there.”

  “Go where, Mr. Jungle Fever?” She continued to razz him. “I’m just trying to understand what it is about black men and white women… Freddy, you were drooling over her. Was it because she had a big butt?”

  “What butt?” Freddy dissembled, trying to keep a straight face.

  Sasha cocked her fist to slug him again, but thought better of it. You had that silly ass grin on your face. Boy, I wanted to pop you in the mouth. We’re not going back there again.”

  “Why not?” Freddy asked innocently. Sasha shot him a look that could kill. He smiled to himself, tilting the seat back in the luxurious Benz. The car felt like it was riding on clouds. He wondered if evilness went with being pregnant.

  They rode in silence for a while, and then he thought he heard something. He opened his eyes to find Sasha giggling to herself. He powered the seat forward, concern evident on his face. “What’s so funny?”

  “I wanted to applaud when you asked Marilyn for the quarter-million dollars. You should have seen the expression on her face.” Sasha giggled some more as she recalled the scene at the apartment. “In the end, she walked away with nothing,” she said.

  “I wouldn’t say that,” Freddy said somberly. “She may have walked away with everything.”

  Sasha silently considered his meaning as she entered the suburbs of Ford City.

  Freddy continued, “My dad always told me, when dealing with a white man, be careful. A deal to him is to give you a dime off every hundred dollars y’all make as partners and call it a fair deal.”

  Sasha wasn’t listening. “A quarter of a million dollars,” she whispered to her self, still thinking about the money.

  ******

  They entered the condo together, loaded down with shopping bags. Freddy made Sasha stand by the door while he checked the place for intruders. Afterwards she headed straight for the refrigerator.

  The telephone rang. Freddy answered it on the first ring. “Hello?!… Hello!?” The tone in his voice gave way to urgency.

  Sasha walked out of the kitchen eating strawberry ice cream with a big spoon from a half-gallon container. “Who was that?” she asked.

  “Just someone with the wrong number,” he lied. Placing the receiver back in the cradle, he couldn’t help smiling at her. She looked adorable decked out in her maternity dress. It had cost him a small fortune.

  Playfully, she stuck her finger in the cream and wiggled it at him to come lick it off. He ambled over and sucked her finger, kneeling down and kissing her passionately. They cuddled, with her nestled against him.

  Her breath was cool on his chest as she whispered cooingly, placing his hand under her dress onto her belly. It suddenly thumped and kicked. “What the fuck!” Freddy exclaimed, startled, snatching his hand away.

  Sasha laughed and placed his hand back on her swollen belly. “it’s a human life,” she said. “It’s our baby… it moves inside of me. Feel it?”

  The moment became intimate as he rubbed her stomach. She unbuttoned her dress and unhooked her bra, her swollen breasts springing free from their confinement.

  The baby kicked again and Freddy snatched his hand back. “Does it hurt? He asked, standing up, befuddled.

  “No, silly.” She smiled at him lovingly, standing on tip-toe to kiss him on the cleft of chin. “Boy, you sure you haven’t grown an inch or two?”

  He pulled open the waist of his pants and looking down asked his penis, “Buddy, you sure you ain’t growed another inch or two?”

  They both laughed and then she pulled at his pants and playfully said, “Lemme see!”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  They took separate showers. By the time Freddy had finished, Sasha was already in the king-size bed, reading a book. “What are you reading?” he asked nonchalantly as he toweled himself dry.

  She looked up to see
him with his boxers hanging low on his butt, pubic hair exposed, Buddy apparently asleep. She was determined not to give him any, but with water beaded on sable skin, and the scar looking like an exotic tattoo running from his chest to his washboard abs, it was difficult to maintain her resolve. His muscles flexed with every movement. As she stared at him, a heat sprang up between her legs… Men could be so damn sexy without even knowing it, she thought to herself as she watched him drying off.

  Freddy looked up and caught her staring with that hooded gazed that men so often misinterpret. “Damn, whatcha lookin’ at me like that fo’?” he said defensively. If he could have heard her heart, Freddy would have found it purring like a kitten. Sasha was a content as could be

  She patted the bed beside her, inviting him to lie down next to her. As he got in beside her, something about her piqued his curiosity. Then she began to giggle girlishly. “Your wee-wee is hangin’ out,” she said, pointing.

  He looked down and casually slung it inside, giving her a look that said, “You’ve seen it before.”

  “Freddy, I want to read something to you,” she announced. Comically, he flopped onto his side, playing dead. She kicked him, her lower lip pouting. “Pah-leeze Fred-dee,” she whined cajolingly.

  “What Sasha?” His voice indicated he was in no mood to hear any book garbage. Besides, she knew he was as close as one could be to illiterate without being called illiterate. He sat up in bed.

  Taking that as a positive sign, she perked up. “It’s a poem,” she said brightly.

  He keeled over again, his eyes closed, making a loud snoring sound as if sleeping.

  “If you listen, I’ll give you some,” she teased, pulling the covers off her body. She had on white panties about the size of his big Aunt Bertha’s. In fact, they looked like them too.

  He rolled over onto his stomach and propped his chin on his hands. “Some what?” he asked, eyeballing those big mamma drawers she was wearing. “Actually, I’m quite fond of poetry,” he lied, mimicking a perfect British accent.

  She rolled her eyes at him.

  Now, an astute audience, he eased closer.

  She pretended not to notice as she ruffled through some papers… Finally she found it.

  Freddy eased even closer. She could smell his soap and cocoa butter lotion. There’s just something about a good smelling man, she thought as she looked at him all goo-goo eyed.

  “God!” he thought, I wish she’d hurry the fuck up and read the corny ass poem. It felt like his face was about to crack from the fake smile he was showing.

  “This poem is dedicated to you Fred—“ She looked over and found him with a pained expression on his face and a full erection. “—umm, uhh, it’s titled ‘In This Life.’“ He nodded his head obediently. She licked her lips and segued straight into the most beautiful words he had ever heard.

  “In this life

  I would defy death,

  Offering you my very last breath.

  And if allowed to do it all over again

  As if loving you is a sin,

  I would choose you amongst all other men

  For the sake of your love

  I’d endure till its turbulent end.

  In this life

  If anyone dared to take you away

  I’d shield you with my love,

  Barricade you within my heart,

  Shielding you with my bosom,

  Protecting you with my soul,

  Yielding to nothing or no one,

  For in this life, we shall never part,

  Not even heavens door

  Can stop me from loving you forever more.

  In this life

  I’ll always be there for you

  In my womb, a child I bear for you.

  Without reason or meaning,

  Just tender love I care for you,

  And if you asked, I just might

  Sacrifice my life for you.

  In This Life

  And the one after,

  I’ll always be there for you.

  I love you.”

  Starry eyed, she smiled up at Freddy. A lock of hair was in her face. She moved it aside with a delicate finger. “How did you like it?” she asked softly.

  “Shasha, that…that was…was…beautiful,” he said with the corner of his mouth losing the battle of the smile.

  She reached out, caressing his cheek with the back of her hand.

  He closed his eyes, kissing her fingers, and then slowly slumped forward, his forehead coming to rest on the mattress. Then, slowly, without speaking, he rose from the bed and with a vacant stare, lumbered over to the window, looking out into the abysmal darkness.

  Sasha’s voice invaded his mind. “What’s wrong?”

  He didn’t answer. He didn’t trust his voice.

  She quietly walked to where he stood, placing her arms around his naked torso. Her voice screeched with concern.

  “Freddy! Boy, what is wrong? You’re shaking.” She spun him around. His eyes were brimming with tears. “What’s wrong, Freddy? Please talk to me.”

  He shut his eyes tightly, shaking his head from side to side. “No! No! Nooo,” he repeated, willing the images from his mind. Sasha felt his back stiffen. “I brought you and the baby into all this bullshit,” he said. “I’m gonna call it quits and turn myself into the cops and maybe all this will stop.”

  “Boy, have you lost your damn mind? The police and everybody else will just have to wait until I have this baby.”

  “But Sasha—“ he protested weakly.

  “But what? I’m happy here with you, the man I love. Do you have any idea how that makes a woman feel?” She tiptoed up to kiss him on the neck.

  “I feel like I’m placing you and the baby in danger,” he said, not telling her his real reason. “And you’re supposed to go to college next year.”

  “I still am,” she replied. “But Freddy, I realize what is at stake here, and from day one, I forced you to take me with you. We’ve come too far to turn back now. We’re in this together… Do you think I don’t want to get to the bottom of all this madness? Freddy, stop worrying.”

  Held under the spell of her angelic brown eyes, his resolve melted into the embrace of her arms. A lover’s lure. Sighing, the tension went out of his body.

  Sasha took his hands and placed them inside the warmth of the silk maternity dress. She seduced him with those techniques that seemed to come so naturally to women, directing his visceral cravings toward her own body. “Can buddy come out and play now?” she drawled in a sultry voice, kissing the scar on his chest.

  Freddy picked her up and carried her to the bed, laying her gently upon it. His throat thickened as he fought his emotions. “Sasha…if…it’s okay with you, I…I just wanna hold you and the baby in my arms for the rest of the night.”

  Something about what he said unnerved her, but her intuition told her that silence would have to be the remedy for what she could not understand. Satisfied just to be with her man, she lay awake through the night, listening to the rhythm of his aching heart.

  ******

  Shortly after 8:00 a.m. the following morning, the telephone rang, shattering the early stillness. Sasha stirred, accidentally raking a long toenail down the back of Freddy’s calf.

  “Ouch! Shit!” Freddy shrieked. “Fuckin’ big ass feet like monkey claws,” he said while rubbing the back of his leg. “You need to cut them damn claws off.” He reached for the telephone. “Hello,” he croaked into the receiver.

  In the background, Sasha could be heard saying, “Yo’ mamma got big ass monkey claws, niggah.” Dr. Utomo chuckled at that and said, “Good morning, Mr. Thugstin. I see you two are still getting along just fine.”

  Freddy could hear the humor in the doctor’s voice and could picture his wry smile at the other end of the phone. “Oh, good morning, Doc.” Freddy sat up in bed excitedly, scooting away from Sasha. She maliciously snatched the covers off of him, letting him know she was ready for battle this morning.
He tossed her a threatening look that said, “Wait ‘til I get off this phone!”

  “It’s over,” the doctor exclaimed. “I may have figured it out.”

  “Figured it out?” Freddy repeated dumbly.

  “I don’t want to talk over the phone… You understand?”

  “Yes,” Freddy said, nodding to the phone.

  “But, I will say this: I took the piece of paper--” referring to the land deed, “--down to City Hall where I have a friend. Someone has blundered badly. At this point, I really don’t know what to do. This is big, real big! We can’t risk going to the police… It would have to be someone higher in authority.”

  Freddy knew that he was talking about the Feds. He could now feel his heart pounding in his chest like a bass drum.

  “On a brighter note,” the doctor added, “I talked with a high ranking official from the Egyptian embassy… There is a reward.”

  “How much?” Freddy asked.

  “Two-hundred-thousand dollars.”

  “Two-hundred-thousand? Freddy wasn’t sure he’d heard right.

  Sasha tossed off the covers and bounced up like a Jack-in-the-Box, hair matted to one side, her eyes declaring a truce. She decided right then to cut her toenails today. Easing close to better eavesdrop, she silently mouthed, “Who’s that?”

  Freddy playfully mashed her face, pushing her back.

  “I need to see you today,” the doctor advised. “How about we meet at my place… Can you come alone?”

  Freddy glanced over at Shasha. “Dig, man, you know my situation here. The cops are on me like Toby the slave in that Roots movie. Sasha gotta drive, and you know we pushin’ a new 500 Benz.”