Harland County Christmas (Harland County Series)

by Donna Michaels

  He didn’t play fair.

  Dammit.

  Sniffing, she sat up and took his offering, but grumbled about it. “This doesn’t mean I forgive you. I’m still so mad and hurt, Kevin.”

  “I know. I know,” he said with a nod. “You’ve got to believe me, Jen. I didn’t mean to tell him. It just sort of popped out when he turned the job down and was heading for the door to leave. I knew in my heart that if he knew about the baby, he’d stay.”

  She closed her eyes and nodded, spilling more tears down her face. “That’s why I didn’t want him to know. I wanted him to stay for me, then I would’ve told him.” She sucked in a shaky breath, and didn’t protest when her brother sat back against her headboard, slipped an arm around her and pulled her against is chest. “Why couldn’t he stay for me?”

  “Because men are idiots. They only see half the things women see, and even then it’s through a glass splattered with mud.”

  A half chuckle escaped her throat before a mouthful of chocolate bliss met her tongue.

  “He does love you, Jen.”

  She stilled, as her heart momentarily ceased beating in her chest. “I know,” she choked out before the ice cream stuck in her swollen throat.

  “Do you love him?”

  She nodded.

  Her brother’s heavy sigh rustled her hair, sending strands perilously close to her spoon. “My mud-splattered glass is mucked up good then, because I don’t get it. If he loves you and you love him, what’s the problem?”

  “I needed to be important enough to him to make him stay.”

  “Maybe you were too important for him not to go.”

  It took her a moment to untangle her brother’s meaning. Brock cared so much about her he had to leave. But… “Why? The thing I wanted most was for him to stay.”

  “Did you tell him?”

  Well… She shook her head.

  “Then, darlin’, how would he know?”

  Shoot.

  Damn good question.

  How could she expect Brock to know what was in her heart when she never told him?

  Jen elbowed Kevin in the gut.

  “Omph…” Air whooshed from his lungs, rustling her hair again. “What was that for?”

  “For being a guy,” she replied. “And right.”

  “Jesus, don’t let that get around. I don’t need Moose McCall ribbing my ass about it.”

  Jen laughed. Her brother had the funniest nicknames for Connor. He never failed to put a smile on her face. “You’re not off the hook, though.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said, squeezing her close. “So, you’ll come home and talk to Brock?”

  Tears filled her eyes again. She blinked them away. “Yes,” she replied.

  Stupid haywire emotions. She cried at a drop of a hat now. Just last week, she bawled while brushing down her horse, all because the mare turned and looked at her with her big, soulful brown eyes. She’d heard of prenatal vitamins. Maybe they made prenatal emotion blockers, too. Wednesday was her first appointment, maybe she’d ask for some.

  “Good.” Her brother tightened his hold.

  Sighing, she nodded. “But not until after finals. I need to concentrate on them next week. So, I’ll be home when break starts.”

  She needed the time to calm down, take her finals to help secure her degree, then go home to spend the holidays with family and friends, and face her future…with or without the man she loved.

  Ten days.

  It’d been ten long, nerve-wracking days since Jen had walked out of the bunkhouse, and Brock hadn’t seen her since. Thank God she’d answered his texts, but he didn’t want to communicate through a damn device. Too impersonal. He wanted to talk to her face to face. Sit down with the woman he loved, see for himself that she was all right, grovel at her feet, beg, plead, whatever it took to convince her that his feelings ran deep.

  Kind of hard to do through a machine.

  As he walked across the ranch to his cabin, he turned the collar up on his coat to combat the December wind that had picked up. Winter was here. He was cold. So damn cold all the time. And antsy. Constantly checking his phone, glancing at the main house, staking out the driveway, looking for a sign of Jen, hoping she’d show up unannounced and forgive him.

  So far…nadda. On both.

  Kevin had gone to see her that first night and informed him when he got back that she’d be home after finals. He had no idea when that was until his grandmother, of all people, told him it was today.

  Apparently, Jen and her roommates had helped his grandmother put up some Christmas decorations at one of the local nursing homes last weekend. At least she was still talking with his gram. She hadn’t severed any ties. Yet.

  Thankful for that, and the fact he was able to get out of his Amarillo contract without incident, he opened the door to his new home and stepped inside. A sense of pride washed through him. The cabin was his, he earned it. Granted, the place was pretty bare. He hadn’t done anything to decorate the two bedrooms or living room with a stone fireplace on the south wall. Lenny and Sherry had left a houseful of comfortable furniture and all the appliances in the open kitchen. All he’d added was a coffeemaker, towels, and his clothes.

  The Daltons told him his grandmother was more than welcome to move onto the property with him, but she told Brock she’d like to stay where she was, if he could manage. His gram was heavily involved with the local seniors there, and he hated to uproot her to another county, even though he knew she’d love Shadow Rock as much as he did.

  Now that he was earning a good check, and his room and board were free, he could pay his grandmother’s bills and allow her to stay in her house and enjoy life a little. It was a good feeling. A great feeling. Too bad his chest was still squeezed so tight he couldn’t take pleasure in the full effects.

  Bending down in front of the fireplace, he poked at the ashes, uncovering some remaining embers, a base to reignite the flame. He hoped to God the same was true about his relationship with Jen. Adding a little kindling, then a log, he watched the fire grow and thrive, yet he still felt cold. He’d been chilled to bone since the woman he loved—pregnant with his child—had walked away.

  Technically, she hadn’t left, only went back to school, but he still felt empty. What the hell had happened to them? They’d gone from couldn’t-get-enough-hanging-all-over-each-other to…distance. Space. Not-seeing. Barely-talking.

  It wasn’t right. Sucked. He was going to change it. Make her see he loved her. Get his family back.

  He stood and was removing his coat when a knock sounded on the door. Probably Tim. The young ranch hand had orders to come and get him when the feed truck arrived. Last night’s delivery had been short several bags, and after a quick phone call to the store, he was promised the remainder today. At no charge.

  Slipping his coat back on, he opened the door to find Jen standing on his porch. Shivering.

  Chapter Nine

  “Jen. Hi. Come in,” he stammered, moving aside to let the woman in as shock numbed his brain.

  “Hi,” she replied, stepping inside, making a beeline for the fireplace. “It’s gotten cold out.”

  And infinitely warmer inside. Funny how her presence upped his temperature. God, she was a sight for sore eyes. Dark hair falling past her shoulders, blue eyes vivid in her pretty face, both pale and glowing at the same time. He wanted to haul her close, hold her tight, never let her go.

  She took his breath. And apparently his brain cells, because other than closing the door, he still stood there, staring with his mouth open. Jen was real. In his cabin.

  It wasn’t wishful thinking.

  She twisted around and met his gaze. Sadness dimmed her eyes, but she didn’t cry or complain. Just stared back.

  “Do you want something to drink? Coffee? Tea?” he asked, then frowned, realizing he knew jack shit about dietary limitations with pregnancy. “Can you have caffeine?”

  She nodded. “Yes, but I prefer not to.”

&nbs
p; “How about some water? I have—”

  “I’m good,” she said, cutting him off. “Can we sit?”

  He rushed forward. “I’m sorry. Yes, of course.” He waited until she was seated on the loveseat before he sat across from her on the couch. The urge to drop down next to her, to brush against her soft curves, feel her heat, was strong, but he resisted. Her closed expression told him she needed space, to proceed with caution. “How’d your finals go?”

  “Okay,” she replied. “How’s your new job?”

  “Good.” He swallowed, leaned closer, and took the bull by the horns. “I’m sorry, Jen. I was an idiot. I love you. I have for some time and should’ve told you.”

  “Yes, you should’ve,” she said, eyes blurry with unshed tears.

  His gut twisted at the sight, and he silently cursed himself for being the cause.

  “Now, I’m not sure if you’re saying it because you want to be included in your child’s life, or because you mean it.”

  God, she wasn’t going to cut him out, was she?

  Of course he wanted her. He wanted her right from the start, and not just sexually. She was genuine and kind. Those attributes he held above all others. Her sweetness drew him in and gripped tight. How could she not know?

  Because you never told her that either, his mind answered. Damn. He never realized he was such a fool.

  “You’re right,” he said, holding her gaze. “I was stupid. In my misguided attempt at chivalry, I thought I was doing you a favor by concealing my feelings, so my leaving wouldn’t hurt you.”

  “What hurt was your leaving.”

  He nodded. “I know that now. But I truly thought staying was interfering with your goals.”

  “All I ever wanted was you to stay.”

  “But, Jen. I didn’t know that. You never told me. All I knew was that you’d planned to graduate with a Masters in Accounting and move to Houston.”

  She blinked, sending tears down her face. “You’re right. I’m sorry. It started out that way, but all that changed by October,” she said, swiping the wetness from her cheeks.

  “I had no idea,” he insisted. “My only thought was that if I told you how I felt, it might make you feel obligated to stay at your ranch. There was no way in hell I was going to put you in that position.”

  “That’s the same reason I didn’t want you to know I was pregnant before you left.” She drew in a breath then released it. “I didn’t…don’t want you to stay out of obligation. God, no. I don’t want that at all.” She jumped to her feet and strode to the fireplace.

  “Then you needn’t worry,” he said as he stood. “That’s not why I stayed.”

  She twisted around, fresh tears streaming down her face, ripping his insides out. “How can I be sure, Brock? How am I ever going to be sure?”

  “Because I fell in love with a Smurfette in the middle of my grandmother’s laundry room.”

  A hiccup escaped her lips that twitched into a small, sad smile. “She just wasn’t enough to make you stay before you found out about the baby.”

  He closed his eyes and sighed. She still didn’t get it. Jesus, Kevin was right. The woman was stubborn. He opened his eyes and held her gaze as he strode closer. “Right before I found out about the baby, I also found out about the financial struggles you had until recently. Hooking up with me was going to toss you right back into that damn pit, Jen, and I was not about to pull you in with me. You deserved better. More than I could give.”

  “I only wanted you.”

  His heart swelled at her words, despite the pain gripping tight. “I know that now. This was something you never told me.”

  She blinked, and he could see he was finally getting through. Emotions flashed through her eyes so fast he couldn’t keep track, and when she opened her mouth, he held his breath, hoping he had a shot.

  A knock sounded at the door.

  Damn.

  He clenched his jaw, wishing he could ignore the intrusion, but a neutral expression had already replaced her emotional one. “Sorry,” he said, and walked over to open the door.

  “Hi, Mr. Kincaid, sir. Sorry to interrupt,” Tim stammered, glancing past him to nod at Jen. “But you told me to let you know when the feed truck arrived. And, well, it just arrived, sir.”

  Figures.

  Frustration still heated his veins, but it wasn’t the kid’s fault. “Thanks, Tim. I’ll be there in a minute,” he said, and waited until the kid ambled off the porch before turning to face Jen. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” She was already by his side, zipping up her coat. “I’m not going anywhere. Well, I’m going to Wild Creek with Kade and Kevin. They’re helping Connor and Cole move stuff for the McCalls’ annual Christmas party. I’m heading over to have lunch with Mrs. McCall. Bess is coming over with Cole, too. But I’ll be here at the ranch for the whole Christmas break. We can finish our talk later.”

  She stopped in front of him, and although she didn’t actually smile, her gaze wasn’t as dark and sad as it had been when she’d first arrived. It eased a considerable amount of tightness strangling his chest.

  Taking a chance, he reached out to grab her arm. “I’d like that, because I love you, Jen, and I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it to you.”

  Her chest rose on an inhale. “I believe you,” she said before pulling free and walking toward the main house.

  Not exactly the ideal response, but at least she didn’t tell him to go to hell.

  Jen’s spirits were considerably higher by the time she finished lunch with Bess and Mrs. McCall at Wild Creek and was walking into the den to enjoy dessert. Normally, they’d head into the big gathering room, but the guys were in there, clearing it out for the party the next night.

  She’d just sat down next to Cole’s wife on the couch when Emma, the McCalls’ cook, entered with a tray loaded with milk and cookies.

  Jen smiled. “Wow, this brings back memories.”

  “Yes.” The cook grinned, setting the tray on the coffee table. “Except this time, you don’t have to fight Jordan for a cookie.”

  Mrs. McCall laughed. “True. You and Kerri were lucky to get two before Jordan polished the rest down.”

  Once upon a time, it used to be their Saturday afternoon ritual.

  “I brought you the big glass of milk, since you’re eating for two now,” Emma said, broad smile on her face.

  “Thanks.” She nodded, then munched on her cookie as the cook left the room, and her mind revisited good times at the McCalls with the Master sisters from her youth.

  Times change, people move on, as did life. She glanced around, noting holly, and some Santa and reindeer knickknacks on the mantle above the fireplace. Christmas pillows tossed on the damask furnishings that hadn’t changed all that much, except in size. The space didn’t seem as large as it used to when she was little. Even the shelves along the far wall appeared lower. The photos on them had changed, though, and there were cute little Christmas horses next to a buckle…

  Her heart stopped, then rocked against her ribs. Brock’s buckle. His father’s championship buckle. The one Connor had admired back in September. To avoid choking, she sipped her milk and washed the cookie down her dry throat.

  “What is it, Jen?” Mrs. McCall twisted to look behind her, then turned back, understanding in her eyes. “The buckle.”

  She nodded. “It was Brock’s. How did it end up here?”

  “I think Connor bought it,” Bess answered, setting her glass down. “He and Cole are always admiring but not touching it.”

  Her heart squeezed. She glanced at Mrs. McCall. “Would you mind if I went to ask him now?”

  “Of course not, dear. Go right ahead.”

  She stood, thanked her hostess and Bess for lunch, then left to make her way to the large room in the back of the house. Her heart ached at the thought of Brock parting with something his father had worked hard to achieve. She was fairly certain she knew why, but wanted to talk to the tall cowboy to be sure.
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br />   Rounding the corner, she caught a blur of motion before she ran into wall of muscle. The other McCall brother.

  “Oh, sorry, Jen. I didn’t see you there,” Cole said, grasping her arms to steady her.

  “No harm done,” she told the handsome, dark-haired man.

  He released her and smiled. “How are you?”

  Yawning, she covered her mouth with her hand. Dang things snuck up on her all the time. “Sorry,” she said through her fingers before dropping her hand. “Except for the fatigue, I’m good.”

  He dipped down and stared at her eye to eye, his dark brown gaze warm with concern. “No, I mean, how are you? I’m sure having a child is life changing and a big adjustment. So, how are you, not just emotionally, but mentally?”

  Unexpected tears filled her eyes. No one had asked her that yet. Out of all the cowboys, Cole was the sweetest, kindest, most helpful one she’d ever met. She understood why Jordan had liked him, and knew Bess to be a lucky woman. How this caring man put up with her jokester brother as a best friend, she had no idea.

  “I’m good. Thanks.” She smiled. “I’m still getting used to the thought of being a mom, but, I admit, I like the idea.”

  “You’re going to be a great mom,” he said, pulling her in for a quick hug, then kissed the top of her head before releasing her. “Bess and I have talked about children. We’re going to wait until I get through all the projects lined up for the next quarter at work. I feel bad leaving her alone all the time. Once in awhile, she drives up to Houston and we have dinner. And sometimes she comes here to visit my mom.”

  “She’s more than welcome to visit with me, although, I’m not at Shadow Rock that much during the semester. She’s better off texting me first.”

  “Thanks, that’s sweet. I’ll tell her,” he said, then winked. “Kevin is beyond excited about being an uncle. Between him and my mother, I’m warning you now, your baby is going to be spoiled.”

  “Then I may need to call on you to rein them in.”

  “Not a problem. You can count on me,” he said, and she knew it to be true.