January Dreams

by Carrigan Richards

  “I’ll see what else I can find and bring it on Monday,” Casper tells me as I fill my backpack with my books. Vincent takes my backpack.

  “Okay. Have a good night. See you Monday.” I wave and walk out with Vincent.

  “I called you,” he says. “Didn’t you hear it?” I can tell there is an undertone of envy.

  “My phone is on silent. I’m sorry. I really want to get the project done so I don’t have to spend another minute with him,” I lie. Truth is Casper is so easy to be around that it scares me. And that makes me uncomfortable.

  “You seemed to be enjoying yourself just now.”

  Is he really getting upset with me? I don’t know what I can do to make him realize I only love him. But why do I have to prove such a thing? “I’m being cordial toward him. That’s all. It’s easier that way.”

  “I don’t trust him.”

  “Why?”

  “He hurt you, Megan. He’s a manipulator. He isn’t good. You of all people know that.”

  I do know that. But recent events seem to have swayed that particular opinion. Vincent is right. Casper is probably only being nice to me for his own good, but I apparently want to refuse to believe it now. Maybe I am a glutton for punishment.

  “Look, I don’t mean to come off as some overbearing jealous guy, but I saw how hurt you were the other night. I’m just looking out for you.”

  “I know.”

  “See? Aren’t I good boyfriend?”

  “Of course, you are. The good thing is, after this project, we won’t be partners anymore. And that leaves more time with you.” I smile.

  “Promise?”

  “Yes.” I hook my fingers in the collar of his shirt and I pull him against me with my back against his car. Our lips meet and he circles his arms around me.

  “Did you willingly partner with him?”

  “Mr. Burress put us together,” I say between kisses.

  “You should’ve told him you didn’t want to partner with Casper. And why do I keep hearing that you have an obsession with him?”

  I look away. “Those are the rumors I told you about.

  “Is it true?”

  “What? No.”

  “Good.”

  We go see a movie and sit in the back. At some point in the movie, he leans over and kisses me. Another vision crosses my mind where we are laying in a field in love. The visions seem to intensify our kisses. We pay no attention to the movie whatsoever. My lips are raw by the time the movie ends and instead of getting up with everyone else, we stay, catching our breath, and laughing hysterically because we seriously made out for almost two hours.

  When he pulls into my driveway, I don’t want the date to be over. It went by too quickly.

  “Working tomorrow?”

  “Actually, I’m hanging out with Cherry. We could do a double date.”

  “I don’t want to. You see her all the time. Let’s just have the night to ourselves.”

  “I made plans with her.”

  “Megan, I’m dealing with a lot right now, and I need you. You told me you were here for me.”

  “I am.”

  “Are you? Is Cherry more important? I’m your boyfriend. I’d do the same for you. You know, anytime you need me I’m there.”

  I don’t want to upset him, but why doesn’t he understand that I made plans already?

  “If you only understood what I’m dealing with. You need to spend more time with me.”

  “I want to spend more time with you. I want to talk to you more, but you’re always busy.”

  “So, it’s my fault?”

  “No, I’m just—.”

  “It’s Casper, isn’t it?”

  “What?”

  “No.” I don’t want to fight with him. I can’t resist the pitiful look in his eyes, but I feel like I need to prove to him that I’d do anything for him. “I’ll cancel with Cherry.”

  “Good.” He smiles.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Valentine’s Day, Vincent wows me with calla lilies, of course, and we spend the day at the Railroad Park ice skating. I have never been ice skating and any time I almost fall, he catches me. We eat Italian at one of the upscale restaurants downtown and he takes me to the overlook of the city. He holds me from behind as we peer out over the beautiful city lights.

  “You sure you want to leave all this behind?” he whispers in my ear.

  “I love Birmingham, but I gotta get away from my parents.”

  “Why don’t we leave together?”

  “What?”

  “You and me. We’ll take on the world and leave all this behind. Just like the characters in our story. Nothing could stop them.”

  “It sounds nice.”

  “So let’s do it.”

  When I turn around to face him, his eyes are serious. “We will next year.”

  He shakes his head. “No, I mean now. We don’t need school. We don’t need any of this.”

  “But Vincent…your mom.”

  “She won’t make it.”

  “Vincent?”

  His eyes hold mine, but after a few moments, he shakes his head. “Sorry. Just random thoughts going through my mind. I’m okay.” He kisses me. “You won’t be stuck here forever, Megan. Things will get better for you and you will have an amazing life. I promise you that. Come on. There’s one last thing I want to do.”

  A few minutes later, we end up at the rainbow color tunnel. It’s an abandoned underpass that has multicolored LED lights. What was once a dark, uninviting place, is now a beautiful, bright area that makes me smile.

  It was such a beautiful date that I’m still thinking about it two weeks later. I’m so in love with this man. I’m so crazy about him and I want him to be my first. Because we only see each other on weekends and if he visits me at work, I’ve skipped work a few times so we can see each other more. He makes me laugh and when he’s with me, it’s like he sees no one else. It’s almost scary how intense he is, and I still wonder how serious he was about leaving.

  While my dreams aren’t plagued with war anymore, they’re of Casper and me falling deeper in love – a love I’ve never experienced before. It’s intense like always, but it feels that with each dream it deepens.

  I’m still trying to keep the two lives separate. Concentrating on school, work, and family is harder now with Vincent. But he makes me feel alive that I’m starting to let a couple of things fall behind. Casper and I remain friends, secretly, and he visits me every Saturday while I’m at work. I feel myself drawing to him more and more and I’m tired of struggling with the balance. I’m scared that during one of my make out sessions with Vincent I’m going to slip and say Casper’s name. How would I ever explain that?

  “You are ridiculous,” Cherry says. I haven’t told her about the intimate parts of my Casper dreams, but I explain how much in love we are. “I can’t believe you’re still thinking about those stupid dreams.”

  “It’s hard not to when I have them every single night.” I toss one of her pink fluffy pillows up in the air. I’m at her house, which is a nice reprieve from my house. After weeks of us spending time with our boys, we force a girl’s night. “Do you think people can have the same dream?”

  She looks up from writing the names of songs for her next playlist. She’s always making playlists for herself or for me. I assume she’s started doing that for Luke. “I’m sure people have similar dreams all the time. Why?”

  I shrug. “I wonder why mine are a continuation. It’s like a story or something.”

  “Because it’s your subconscious giving you a story to write.”

  I pick at the pink fuzz from her pillow. “I wrote a lot, but I stopped. I’ve had a lot going on.”

  She fakes a cough. “Vincent.”

  I throw the pillow at her. “I’ve never felt like this with a guy.” Or two guys.

  “Omigod. I know what you mean. I am seriously in love with Luke. Did you know he’s liked me for a long time but was afraid to ask me o
ut? Me. Of all people.”

  I briefly think of Casper. If he really did like me for a long time like he said, wouldn’t he have asked me out or at least told me how he felt before I had a boyfriend? I roll my eyes. It doesn’t matter. I’m with Vincent and I feel myself falling for him, too.

  “By the way, Luke’s birthday party starts at eight tomorrow night.”

  “I told you I can’t go. I have to work until midnight.”

  “Call out.”

  “I’ve been calling out so much lately.”

  “I know. Ugh. I’ll find someone to cover for you. You and Vincent have to come.” She smiles and raises her eyebrows twice.

  I roll my eyes. I hate parties, and it’s weird that Cherry is throwing one for Luke. She never likes that scene. “Since when are you such a party girl?”

  “It’s really like a few of his friends, their girlfriends, and me. Ten people, tops. Please? I don’t know any of them except Luke and his best friend. I want my bestie there to help and to keep me company. Please?”

  “Okay. But only if someone covers for me.” I doubt they will, but if I know Cherry, her determination will win. I text Vincent about the party and he replies with a yes.

  “Vincent’s in.”

  “Awesome,” she sings. “So, have you and Vincent…you know?”

  “No. Why? Have you and Luke?”

  She bites her lip and blushes.

  I’m surprised. “Cherry!”

  “I know. Part of me feels like I should’ve waited, but the bigger part of me knows he’s the one. It was perfect, Meg. He had candles and roses.”

  “So soon?”

  “Hey, when you know you love someone, you know. Besides, we’ve liked and known each other for years. It felt natural. Which is strange.”

  “When did this happen?”

  “Valentine’s Day.”

  “Why am I just now learning this?”

  She shrugs. “I don’t know. Wanted to keep it between us for a while. I love him, Meg. I really do.”

  I smile and squeeze her hand. “I’m happy for you.”

  “Thanks.”

  “What…what was it like?”

  “It hurt a little at first, but he was so romantic and gentle. It’s been amazing ever since.”

  I bite my lip. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

  “Is Vincent pressuring you?” she asks, alarmed.

  “No. Not at all. I’ve been thinking about it.”

  “Do you love Vincent?”

  “Yes,” I answer honestly. There isn’t a doubt in my mind.

  “The way I see you two together, it’s like you were meant for each other. I’m not saying that to stroke your ego, I really mean it. You move together. You both joke with each other and can take it. You might have found your one, Megan.”

  I feel myself smile. She’s right. I may have found my one.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Cherry and I don’t fall asleep until way into the morning. Luckily, I don’t have a dream that leaves me in tears when I wake. I call Mom to ask if I can stay another night with Cherry. She’s so weird about me spending so much time with friends, but it’s okay for me to work every single day of my life.

  “Mom?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Cherry asked me to stay the night at her house tonight—”

  “Didn’t you just spend the night at her house?”

  “Yes. But we both work to midnight,” I lie. “And she wants me to go to church with her in the morning.” Another lie.

  “What time do you work tomorrow?”

  “Ten to six.”

  “I want you home no later than six-thirty. We’re having a family dinner for once.”

  I roll my eyes. “Thanks, Mom.” I hang up and when I walk into the store, I pass Cherry at the customer service desk. “Mom says I can stay.”

  She squeals. “Awesome! I got someone to cover you after seven.”

  “Already?”

  “Never underestimate my magic powers. I’m covering Sherry’s shift tomorrow.”

  I call Vincent to let him know we’re going, but as usual, it goes to voicemail. I send him a text with the plans. What’s he doing and why can’t he ever pick up his phone? Then I curse myself. He’s probably with his mom. Maybe one day he’ll let me meet her. But I understand if he doesn’t. Cancer’s a nasty thing.

  By the end of my shift, I’m tired, my feet hurt, I’m irritated that Vincent hasn’t called, texted back, or shown up, and I’m ready to go home. I don’t know how many times I have to try to tell him to talk to me. But he expects me to call in whenever he wants me to.

  I shake my head, hoping to shake the negative thoughts from my mind.

  Cherry calls me on the cashier phone. “Is Vincent coming?”

  “I haven’t heard from him.”

  “Weird. I’m about to close out, so I’ll be over there in a second,” she says, and we hang up. I’m starting to dread this party, but Cherry assured me it would be a small gathering.

  “Hey,” someone says behind me. I turn around to ring them up and stop. It’s Casper purchasing a coke and a candy bar. He’s wearing his Alabama hat and a long-sleeved thermal type of shirt and jeans.

  “Hey,” I say, feeling guilty because I promised Vincent that Casper and I would only be classmates. “You can’t keep doing this. You know I have a boyfriend.”

  Casper arches his dark eyebrows. “Buying a coke and a candy bar? What does that have to do with you having a boyfriend?” He chuckles and I feel myself smile.

  I close the till drawer and give him his change. “Are you going to see a movie?”

  “Yeah. Thought about it. Wanna come with me? Or do you have to work all night.”

  “Yeah. Gotta be here till midnight,” I lie. I feel awful but if Vincent finds out I saw a movie with Casper, it won’t be good.

  He nods and as he starts to walk away, Cherry comes up and turns off my light.

  “Time to party,” she says exuberantly.

  I want to hurt her.

  Casper raises his eyebrows and I close my eyes, embarrassed.

  “Oh hi.” Cherry turns to him. “Have you come to terrorize Megan again?”

  “No. You girls enjoy your party,” he says and walks away.

  I sigh. “Casper.” I catch him as the sliding glass doors open. He turns with an amusing grin on his face. “I’m sorry. I—”

  “Nah, it’s cool.” He shrugs. “I get it. Have a good night.”

  “Yeah. You, too.”

  “Why are you apologizing to him?” Cherry asks.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “Well, there may be more people coming than I thought. I’m gonna go change.”

  “Like how many more?”

  “I don’t know. Here, I brought you some clothes.” She hands me a bag.

  “I have my own.”

  “Yeah, but you should wear my halter. Vincent won’t know what hit him.” She smiles. “I sorta stole your so-called party clothes and put them in my car.”

  “Maybe I should go home. It’s obvious that Vincent isn’t coming, and I don’t wanna be a third wheel.”

  “Oh, come on. It won’t be bad. Please come. You promised.”

  I don’t remember promising to go and I’m not sure why she wants me to go so much. I know what will happen. She and Luke will be hanging out and I’ll have to fend for myself.

  “Please?”

  “Fine,” I say feeling the dread.

  “Yay! I’ll meet you out front.” She practically skips toward the bathroom. I’ve never seen her so excited to go to a high school party. Especially one where she doesn’t know anyone. I’m feeling ornery and anxious.

  I grab the till out of the drawer and walk toward the office, stopping in front of the sliding doors. I see Casper walking to his car, and I check to make sure there isn’t a manager nearby. The doors slide open, blasting me with cold air as I step outside. I really hope they don’t think I’m stealing this till full of mone
y.

  “Casper,” I call. I feel guilty for lying to him and I really don’t want to go to this party alone.

  He looks back and makes his way toward me. “Yeah.”

  “Do you wanna come to this party tonight?”

  “Do you want me to come? Or are you being nice?”

  “No. You should come.”

  He thinks for a minute. “Sure.”

  “Okay. Wait for me while I go count this and change.”

  Butterflies multiply in my stomach as I count my till. I’m so nervous that I have to recount. When I’m finally done, I grab the plastic bag that Cherry brought me and pull out a deep red cotton halter dress, which is clearly for summer, and black tights. It’s like twenty degrees outside and she wants me to wear this? I brought my black boots so at least my legs will be warm. The dress barely comes to my knees. Thankfully, my coat is long enough to cover it. My hair is still straight from this morning and doesn’t look bad. After shoving my work clothes into the plastic bag, my phone rings.

  My heart skips when I see Vincent’s name. Maybe he can join me at the party. Except I invited Casper. Crap. “Hey,” I answer.

  “Hey baby.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  He sighs. “No. But it will soon.”

  “Is it your mom?”

  He doesn’t answer for a moment. “Yeah. Look, I’m really sorry, but I can’t come tonight. Can I make it up to you?”

  “Of course. Do you want me to come over or something?”

  “I would love that, but tonight’s not good.”

  “I hope your mom gets better.”

  “Me too. I miss you.”

  “I miss you too.”

  “Call me later. I love hearing your voice.”

  “I will.” Guilt lands on me. Vincent’s with his mom and I’ve been upset over him not responding over some stupid party. A party that I invited Casper. I hate that Vincent’s mom is sick. He’s had to deal with so much in his short lifetime. It’s not fair. I wish I could be there for him more. I’m not sure about attending the party with Casper now. I know for a fact Vincent will hate it if he finds out. But I don’t want to go to the party solo, and for some reason I kinda want to spend time with Casper. Which is wrong on so many levels. I need to go home.