January Dreams

by Carrigan Richards

  The thick fog shrouds me as I walk deeper into the forest. The moon hangs low in the orange and violet sky. The ache in my heart strengthens the further I’m away from Casper. I freeze once I hear a shuffling nearby. I look around me but see nothing. I turn to my right and gasp once I see a shadow of a person moving toward me. I can’t run anymore. They found me and this is what I must do to keep Casper safe.

  “Megan,” he whispers and my heart pounds, burning inside my chest. Casper appears before me with an apologetic look on his beautiful face. “You left. Are you giving up on us?”

  “It’s my fault, Casper. I long for the day when we can be free as much as you do.” I bow my head, hiding the tears that fill in my eyes. “But that day will never come.” Because I don’t have the strength or willpower to kill anyone.

  I see the determination in his eyes. “We can do this together. I will keep you safe. I would die for you, Megan. You know that.”

  “I can’t let you die for me. I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.”

  He lifts my chin, and a tear falls. “Don’t talk like that. I promise I will find a way. Better than this. So, we can be free.” He wipes my tears and I slide my hands up his chest and around his neck. He lowers his mouth to mine and kisses me softly. It doesn’t matter how many times we kiss, it feels as if a storm of passion bursts throughout my body. I love him and I don’t know how I can live without him, but I have to try.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  After I dress carefully, I head to school. I’m so out of sorts, I can’t remember if I have a test or an assignment due. My mind is in a fog and I want to skip school, but it’s the only normal thing I’ve got right now. Sort of. I need to focus on my studies more. That will help keep things normal.

  I take my time because I don’t want to face Cherry yet. I slow to a crawl when I reach my locker. Vincent leans against it with a sad look and a mixed bouquet of flowers in his hand. His eyes are bloodshot and there are black circles underneath them. His brown hair is disheveled. My stomach drops. Is his mom okay? “Vincent? Is something wrong?”

  “Megan, I’m a stupid fool. Are you okay?” He hands me the flowers.

  I’m about to fall apart. “I’m okay.”

  He takes my hands in his. “Did he hurt you? What happened?”

  “I’m not ready to talk about it.”

  He nods. “Cherry told me you stayed the night and I got crazy. I didn’t know anything else happened.”

  I can understand that. If someone told me that Vincent stayed at a girl’s house without knowing the full story, I probably would have freaked out. “I forgive you, Vincent. I’m sorry you had to find out that way.”

  He pulls me into an embrace, and I wince a little, but he’s gentle. He kisses my forehead, and I’m content by the warm way he holds me. I can feel his heartbeat racing.

  I draw back a little to face him. “Look, I know you and Casper hate each other for some reason, but had it not been for him the other night, who knows what would have happened. The guy had a gun.”

  He tenses and I see the muscle in his jaw twitch. He looks pained and remorseful, like he blames himself.

  “You don’t have to deal with Casper at all, but he’s my friend. I love you, Vincent. Not Casper, so please don’t be jealous.”

  He searches my eyes for a moment. “Why are you his friend? He’s been awful to you. I thought you couldn’t stand him.”

  “I’ve gotten to know him.”

  “Okay,” he says, but I can still see doubt in his eyes. I hate it. What happened to him that made him so untrusting? “Let me walk you to class.”

  When I meander into chemistry, the teacher gives me a tardy slip, and I take my seat. I feel Cherry staring at me, but we don’t talk. It’s so stupid. Why is she being difficult?

  I don’t go to lunch because I’m not hungry and I don’t want to sit by myself since Cherry isn’t talking to me. Instead, I hang out in the library with my head on the desk. I hate that the only thing I can think about is Adam and the attack.

  By English, I’m worn out and ready to go home. I’m so grateful that I’m off tonight. I can’t work.

  “Hey.” I hear a smooth voice beside me and my pulse edges higher.

  I turn and meet Casper’s brown eyes. “Hey.”

  “How are you holding up?”

  I shrug. “I’m okay. I don’t wanna be here.”

  “I’m sorry, Megan. Is there anything I can do?”

  I shake my head. “Vincent and Cherry think we slept together.”

  “What? Didn’t you tell them what happened?”

  “No details. Vincent apologized, but Cherry still refuses to talk to me. She’s the one who told him I stayed at your house.”

  “Damn. I can understand why he’d be pissed.”

  “Both of them hate you and think it’s a bad idea for us to be friends. Why can’t they see you the way I do?”

  “How do you see me?”

  I don’t expect that. “You’re completely different than I ever imagined. You’re thoughtful and you always seem to be there when I need you.”

  “You didn’t always feel that way. We’ve only started being friends.”

  “Why is that? If you’ve liked me for as long as you say you have, why did you wait so long to say something to me?”

  “I may not be shy, but that doesn’t mean I have the guts to walk up to the prettiest girl in school.”

  “That doesn’t make sense. I mean, if you felt that way, you would’ve stopped the rumors about me.”

  “I never said I was a smart guy. I’m not perfect. Why do you even care about the rumors anyway? It’s just insecure people being bored with themselves.”

  “So easy for you to say when you’re you and I’m me.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You can get away with anything and no one cares. They’ll still think you’re awesome. Or cool or whatever.”

  “Why do you even care what they think?” He leans over, closer to me, lowering his voice. “You’re better than them. You’re amazing, strong, beautiful, sexy and thoughtful. If no one else sees that then they’re missing out. But I bet Vincent sees it.”

  I feel my cheeks redden, loving the warmth I feel throughout me. “Why would you say that? Don’t you hate him?”

  “I don’t hate him. Just don’t particularly like him.”

  “Didn’t you once tell me to stay away from him?”

  “Yeah, but as much as you may not believe this, I want you to be happy. If he makes you happy, then that’s all that matters. I meant what I said that if all we can be is friends, that’s good enough for me. Besides, it’s your life. You make your own decisions.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  Casper sighs. “I’m really trying here, okay? Yeah, I like you a lot. Maybe you’re right. Maybe it is because of the dreams that I feel this strongly toward you.” He shakes his head. “Do you enjoy hearing my misery?”

  “No. I’m curious.”

  I want to hear his words, what he feels for me, but I feel like I’m being unfair to Vincent. I love Vincent and I feel a connection. But why is he so jealous? Because he’s afraid I’ll leave him? Okay, staying at Casper’s wasn’t the greatest idea on my part.

  On the other hand, I’m drawn by Casper. I enjoy being around him. Our shared dreams could be the one thing pulling me to him, but I feel like it’s something else.

  What am I supposed to do? I’ve never been in this position. No matter my decision, someone gets hurt. How is it possible to feel this way for two different men?

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  When Casper and I walk out into the hallway, people stop and stare at us. I clutch my books to my chest as my throat tightens.

  “Casper, way to go!” Some guy shouts.

  “What?” Casper asks, confused.

  “Way to hit that,” someone else yells.

  Heat fills my cheeks. What are they talking about? Girls look at me like
I’m some rodent.

  I can’t believe she slept with him.

  Why would he go for someone like her?

  I hear their whispers and rush out the door.

  “Wait, Megan!” Casper calls after me.

  How does the entire school know I stayed at Casper’s? I know Cherry didn’t say a word. Angry or not, she would never hurt me like this. Though, she did tell Vincent. Vincent hates Casper, but he wouldn’t hurt me like this either. Did Casper seriously tell his friends we slept together?

  It’s freezing outside, but somehow, it’s not as cold as it is around that crowd. I need to get out of here. I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I jump. I turn around to see Trinity Taylor. She has a frown on her freckle-filled face and her large brown eyes are sad.

  “Are you okay?” she asks.

  “I’m fine. Why?”

  “Is it true?”

  “Is what true?”

  “Did you and Casper…you know?”

  I’m so appalled. “No. Why does everyone think that?”

  She takes a deep breath. “Casper told everyone at lunch. He practically gloated.”

  No. She’s lying. Casper wouldn’t do that to me, would he?

  “Look, I’m really sorry. He did the same to me.”

  “Why are you being nice to me?”

  “Because I know what it’s like to have rumors spread about me. Amber’s out to get you, too.”

  “Aren’t you friends with her?”

  She bites her lip. “Not really. I put up with her because we’re on the dance team. I pretend to be who she wants.”

  “Why does she have it out for me? I haven’t done anything.”

  “She’s with Casper. Sorta.”

  “I gotta go.” There’s a pang in my chest and a lump forms in my throat. I’m sick of these people. Why are they so cruel? I turn around and almost jog to my car. I wanted a normal day. I needed to return to normal, but it’s impossible.

  Tears blur my vision, but I can still tell there’s something black on my car. As I move closer, I slow down and gasp. I realize the black is spray paint. I drop my books. In black paint, slut, is scrawled across the side, the hood, the roof, everywhere on my car. Tears roll down my cheeks. To make things worse, my tires have been slashed. This is a new low for Amber. I can’t believe she attacked me like this. So…violently.

  I can’t handle this anymore. I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial Vincent.

  “Hey you.”

  “Vincent.” That’s all I can say before I break down.

  “Megan, what’s wrong? Where are you?”

  “I’m at my car.”

  He hangs up and I lean against my car.

  “Megan, are you—what the—?” I hear Casper behind me.

  I twist around. “Your psycho girlfriend.”

  “Amber did this?”

  “Who else would?” I bite my lip. I hate that he sees me crying. I hate that even after all that happened, it hurts to tell him this. “Casper, I really appreciate everything you did for me Saturday. I really do. But I can’t. I can’t…” I shake my head and swat the tears away.

  “I didn’t tell a soul about Saturday. I swear I don’t know how anyone found out. Brad just told me he heard it through the rumor mill.”

  “Stop lying. Trinity just told me you gloated to them about it at lunch.”

  “What?” His face reddens and veins pulsate in his neck. He shakes his head. “I’m so sick of this.”

  “She said you and Amber are together.”

  His face displayed a mixture of disbelief and disgust. “This is ridiculous.” He softens. “Megan, I never said a word. I would never do this to you.” His brown eyes are pleading.

  “We can’t be friends. Even if you didn’t say a word, these things are going to continue to happen because you don’t set anyone straight. You say you don’t care, but you’re still friends with the same people who are doing this. You’re no better than they are.”

  I want to leave and forget him. But the strangest feeling overcomes me. It feels like a magnet pulling me to him, wanting to be near him or his arms around me. It terrifies me because I don’t know why I should feel this way. He is nothing to me. Nothing but a liar. I have to overpower this extreme sensation.

  “You’re right. I will make this right. I promise. As for your car, I’ll take care of it.”

  I want to believe him, but I can’t. All this drama with Casper is getting old. Cherry and Vincent know the real Casper. So, what if we share dreams. It doesn’t mean anything. I have to let one of them go. I can’t have both.

  “You should go.”

  “Megan, please. I care about you.”

  “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”

  “What’s going on?” Vincent says from behind Casper.

  I run past him and into Vincent’s arms. He holds me close and Casper walks away.

  “Who did this to your car?”

  “Amber.”

  He meets my eyes, wiping my tears with his thumbs. “We’ll fix this. You deserve so much more than this. Come on.”

  “I can’t leave my car.”

  “I’ll handle it. Come on.”

  Vincent turns down the street to my house and I’m disappointed. “Why are we here?” I ask.

  “You live here.” He pulls into the driveway.

  “I don’t want to be here. I want to be with you.”

  He frowns. “I have things I have to do tonight.”

  “Like what?”

  “It doesn’t matter. Just things I have to take care of.” He looks away.

  What’s up with his elusiveness? Is he doing drugs again? Is that why he’s hot one minute and cold the next? A tear falls down my cheek and I wipe it away.

  “Please don’t cry.” He squeezes my hand.

  And that’s when I break down again. I’m tired of people hurting me and it seems to be happening a lot lately. Doesn’t Vincent want to be around me? Am I diseased or something?

  “Talk to me.”

  “Everything is falling apart. I got into a fight with my best friend. You. Casper. I trusted him. But you and Cherry were right. He told everyone that we had sex Saturday.”

  “I told you he isn’t a good person.”

  His comment angers me for a second, but I let it go. “Why can’t you hang out when I want to? Why does it always have to be when you want?”

  He sighs. “Megan, I’m sorry you feel that way. You know things are difficult with me right now.” He reaches over and pulls me into a hug. He kisses the top of my head and when he exhales, I feel the air travel over me.

  I was attacked and I feel like I’m being punished for something. For liking two guys at the same time? “Please stay with me.”

  He holds me tighter. “I can’t tonight. I will see you tomorrow, I promise.”

  “What am I going to tell my parents about my car?”

  “Tell them the truth.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Lying won’t help anything. I have a history of constantly lying and it’s never good. Go inside, tell your parents the truth, and relax tonight. I’ll call you later.”

  “I love you, Vincent.”

  “I love you, mon trésor.”

  Inside, my dogs almost trample me. They’re always happy to see me and I admire that. At least someone still likes me. I’m on edge and I want to punch something. I know Ron is going to freak out when he sees that my car isn’t in the driveway. Vincent suggested I tell them the truth, but he doesn’t get it. I don’t need Mom making a huge deal out of it and calling Amber’s parents or whatever.

  Instead, I tell my parents the car stopped working and I had it towed. Ron reminds me that whatever it costs, I’ll have to pay for it. Not sure how since he gets all of my paychecks. Asshole. I hate him. He and Mom go out to dinner, leaving Jonathan and me alone, with hardly anything to eat.

  I stay in my room the rest of the night without dinner. I can’t stomach food and I can’t concentrate on
my homework. I don’t feel like working on it. It’s strange not calling Cherry and venting to her. I hate feeling alone. Casper texts me a few times during the night but I don’t reply. I want to sleep and not dream of him. Or someone trying to kill me.

  Of course, I dream of Casper and it’s all sickly sweet, but I’m annoyed by them now. Because I don’t understand how I can be in love with someone like Casper.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  The cold hurts the cuts on my back. I’m not sure why I endured riding the bus and came to school. I tried normal yesterday and that didn’t work. I guess it’s better than staying at home and getting yelled at for skipping. I have to work tonight, but I’m still sore. And the bumpy bus ride doesn’t help.

  Vincent is waiting by my locker. I want to cry, because I’m overcome with emotion. Rushing up to him, I wrap my arms around him. When he hugs me, I wince, but I ignore it. Being in his arms relaxes me and I don’t care if anyone sees our intimate scene.

  “I promise I’ll take care of you. I won’t let anything happen to you again.” He holds me at arm’s length and gazes into my eyes. He leans down and kisses me, slow at first, but his lips soon move urgently with mine. I see a vision of us again. I’m running into his arms and he catches me. It’s filled with so much emotion as if we haven’t seen each other in a long time. When we pull apart, my heart is still beating, and the noisy hall comes back to me.

  “That was intense,” Vincent whispers, pressing his forehead to mine.

  “It always is.”

  “How are you feeling?”

  I shrug. “I missed you last night. What did you do?”

  I see a flash of annoyance in his eyes. “I told you I had something I had to do. Don’t worry. Please. Tonight, we’ll do something.”