Stepbrother: Take Me Away

by Tabatha Kiss

  I settle on a beautiful, white negligee with matching white bra and panties. As I peel my normal clothing off my body, I push back all of my thoughts of guilt and unease. It was not easy for me to bring myself here today. I fought with myself for nearly a half hour before I started the car. In the end, my temptations won out. I don’t want to look back in a few decades and say I never did this.

  John never has to know.

  I made it clear to Hamilton that this session won’t be like his usual ones. I don’t want complete nudity. I don’t want him to talk dirty to me, as much as I secretly know I’d like it. I just want a few beautiful glamor shots to call my own.

  He has no qualms with my requests. I’m his stepsister, after all. Keeping this professional is in both of our best interests.

  When I step out into his studio, Hamilton’s leaning over his desk, sifting through lenses. The bed is perfectly made, something I also requested. The more innocent I appear, the better. It was my internal compromise.

  He looks up from his work and smiles. “You look nice,” he says.

  “Thank you,” I say quietly with shaking knees. The floor is cold against my naked toes. It travels up my legs, fills my core, and tingles me all the way through to my finger tips. I can feel my nipples tighten and become hard behind the comfortable negligee.

  “Go ahead and lay down,” he says. “I’ll be there in a moment.”

  I nod and step towards the bed. If I had to choose a point of no return, it’d be this one right now. I can easily step back into the closet and throw my clothes back on. I can say I changed my mind and no harm would be done. But I push that thought away as well and kneel onto the satin bedspread.

  I sink into the bed, as if laying on a cloud. It feels amazing against my skin and I smile as I lean backwards and sit against the black headboard. After a few moments of waiting, Hamilton walks over and pulls the window blinds closed.

  “No natural lighting today?” I ask.

  “I have something darker in mind,” he says. “I think you’ll like it.”

  I nod and let him work. “Do I look okay?”

  He pauses and glances at me. “You look gorgeous.”

  “Hair is fine?”

  He laughs as he speaks. “Yes, it’s fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes,” he says. “I do this a lot, you know.”

  “I know,” I chuckle. “Just can’t shake the feeling is all.”

  Hamilton steps over and sits down next to me. “Jennifer, you look beautiful. Here…” He reaches up and adjusts the hairs falling across my eyes.

  I crack a small smile. Last night, John said the same thing. But for some reason, Hamilton’s sounds so much more genuine. “Thank you.”

  “Let’s get started.” He pops himself off the bed and reaches for his camera on the desk.

  I take a deep breath to relax my nerves one last time. “Where do you want me?”

  “Do what feels natural to you. You don’t have to look at the lens. Just let your emotions do the work.” He holds the camera up to his face and hear the subtle clicking sound of him taking a photo.

  My heart races in my chest. I struggle to keep my breathing slow. My eyes bounce from Hamilton to the camera to my feet to my hands, everywhere. I can’t find my focus.

  “What’s your biggest secret?”

  I snap to attention and look at him. “What?”

  “What’s your biggest secret?” he asks again.

  I think for a moment. “You mean other than this?”

  He lowers the camera for a brief second and I see his smile. “Yes, other than this.”

  I flashback throughout my life. A quarter of a century’s worth of memories in only a few seconds. I lean over on the bed and balance my head on one hand as I think harder. I already know the answer to this question, but I struggle to say it out loud. “John wants to start a family.”

  “Oh?” Hamilton reacts. “And do you?”

  “I thought I did,” I say. “Ever since I was young, I always wanted to have a child.”

  “What’s stopping you?” The camera clicks three times in quick succession.

  I look at my hand. “He wants it for the wrong reason,” I say. “I think he wants a child so I have something to focus on all day instead of doing what I really want to do.”

  I see Hamilton pause his movements. The camera falls from his face and he takes a quick step closer to me. “So…” he continues as he raises the camera once more. “What’s your biggest secret?”

  I take a breath and listen to the clicking camera. “He initiates sex several times a week now, hoping for something to happen,” I say. My arm shakes beneath me. “But I’ve been taking birth control pills.”

  “He doesn’t know?” Hamilton asks.

  Moisture builds in my eyes. “No,” I answer. “He doesn’t know.” I look up at Hamilton and find him staring at me from around the camera. “I feel like such a terrible wife. I don’t want to have a baby with my husband.”

  “Why haven’t you left him?” Hamilton asks.

  It’s a fair question, one that plagues me everyday. “Because,” I begin with a whisper. “Because I have nowhere else to go.”

  The clicking stops. I want to look up at Hamilton, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

  “That’s bullshit,” he says. His camera clicks away, no doubt wanting to capture my reaction.

  “It is what it is,” I say, looking up at him. “Mom was the last safety net I had.”

  Hamilton steps closer. “You have me.”

  “Do I?” I ask. “You disappeared, Hamilton.”

  He drops the camera to his side and leans over me. “I’m here now. Okay, Jennifer? I’m here now.”

  “That doesn’t change anything,” I claim.

  “It gives you options.”

  I sit up on my hands. “What kind of options?” I ask.

  “I can provide for you,” Hamilton says. “Even better than he ever could.”

  “And what happens the next time you decide to take off in the middle of the night?” I never realized before now how much his abandonment affected me. It feels amazing to be able to see him again, but I find myself wondering when I’ll turn around only to find him missing again.

  “That’s not going to happen. I’ll never leave you again, Jennifer. I can promise you that now.”

  I swing my legs around to the opposite side of the bed and scoot myself over until my toes touch the floor. “I shouldn’t be here. What was I thinking?”

  “Jennifer, wait—” I feel his weight rise off the bed. He steps around in a few quick strides and meets me as I stand up. “Don’t leave like this.”

  “Thanks for the photos,” I say as I step towards the closet. He reaches out and his fingertips graze my arm. My instincts pull me away and I keep walking until the closet door is closed behind me.

  ***

  As I enter the driveway, I receive a text message from John.

  Going out after work. May be home late.

  I heave a heavy sigh of relief. After what I just did, the last thing I want to do is look my husband in the eye. All I want to do is drown myself in a warm bath and wash away the dirt. I can feel it pumping through my veins, infecting me.

  I want to be a good wife. I am a good wife. I don’t want my marriage to fall apart. I want us to stay together forever and die lying next to each other in bed as an elderly couple. Isn’t that what everyone wants?

  I close my eyes and feel my skin under the warm water. I can still feel the negligee against me, bending to my every movement, embracing me with false comfort. I scratch at my skin with my washcloth, rubbing the memory off and replacing the feeling with a dull pain.

  My eyes fill with tears. I don’t hold them back.

  Hamilton’s face fills my mind. I can hear his voice. He tells me that he can take care of me. He tells me that he wants me. He asks if that’s how I like it.

  My sex throbs with a cruel awakening. I ignore it and s
ob into my hands.

  The front door slams.

  I shoot up in the water, the waves nearly spilling over the side of the tub. I glance at the clock on the wall. It’s shortly after 9 P.M.

  “Jennifer!”

  I wipe the tears off my face and stand up out of the bath. Water trickles off my body as I wrap a large robe around my body.

  “I’m upstairs!” I shout. I step out of the bath and wipe my feet on the rug before stepping into the hallway.

  I look down the stairwell to find John sitting on the stairs. He bends over and pulls his shoes off. They topple from his hand and fall to the floor.

  As I’m stepping down the stairs, he bellows again, “Jennifer!”

  “I’m right here, John,” I say directly behind him.

  “Took you long enough!” he snaps. “Get me some water.”

  “Okay,” I say. “Do you want me to heat you up some food?”

  “No.” He pulls himself up with the help of the banister. “I said I wanted some fucking water. Are you stupid or what?”

  I open my mouth to answer, but I quickly silence myself. It’s better to just go with the flow when John is drunk. There’s no sense in arguing with him. I step away from him and make my way down the hall towards the kitchen. He follows me, his feet clunking behind me. I look over my shoulder and watch as he stumbles into the living room and collapses onto the sofa.

  “Here’s your water,” I say as I set the full glass down on the table in front of him.

  John darts forward and I flinch at his sudden movement. His hand glides directly past the water and latches on the television remote. “Move your ass, you’re blocking the TV.”

  I step backward. My hands shake. I stuff them into the pockets of my robe to hide my fear.

  “What the fuck are you lingering around for?” John snaps. “And why is this place such a mess? You don’t have anything else going on. No excuse for this shit…” He kicks a magazine off the table with his foot.

  I rush out of the room and run up the stairs. I don’t make it all the way up before the tears start to flow. The weight of it pulls me down and I collapse on the stairs for a brief moment. I dry heave against my hands as I struggle to catch my breath.

  I stumble into the bedroom and throw on the first articles of clothing I find. Then I grab my purse and walk out the front door. I hear John’s voice as I slam the door behind me, but I ignore him.

  Let him shout after me.

  I don’t care anymore.

  Chapter 6

  I knock on the locked door to Hamilton’s studio. The cold night air brushes against me, sending a quick shiver down my body. My wet hair clings to my neck and shoulders and I hope I don’t catch a cold for being out like this. I raise my fist to knock again only to be interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

  “Jennifer?” Hamilton asks. He looks me up and down with a look of sincere worry crossing his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

  “Can I come in?” I ask, my cold body trembling.

  “Of course,” he says. He steps to the side and lets me pass by before closing the door.

  I look around the studio. It’s pitch black against all four walls. The only illumination comes from the subtle blue tint of his computer monitor. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything…” I say.

  “You’re not,” Hamilton says. “I was actually just glancing at your photos from earlier…”

  Curiosity strikes me. “Oh?” I say.

  Hamilton steps over to his desk. “Would you like to see them?”

  I linger for a few seconds. “I’m not sure…” I say.

  “That’s fine,” he says. He doesn’t touch the computer. His hands bounce from his pockets to his sides.

  I cross my arms. “I’m sorry for barging in like this…”

  “You’re always welcome here, Jennifer,” he says.

  “Thank you.” I step closer to the desk.

  “Where’s John?” he asks.

  “He’s at home,” I answer with a shrug.

  “And where does he think you are?”

  I don’t answer.

  “Jennifer,” Hamilton begins. “I promise this will be the last time I ask you this, but… are you okay?”

  I shake my head. “No,” I whisper.

  “Come here.” He holds out a hand to me and waits until I reach out to him. I step closer and let him pull me over to the desk. “Look at this…” He moves the computer monitor to give me a better view.

  I stare at the photo. It’s me, lying on the white bedspread. My head lays against my hand while my other arm dangles on my hip. And I’m smiling. It’s the smallest smile. One of comfort and grace. I barely recognize myself with it.

  “This is what I see,” Hamilton says. “This is what I see when I look at you.”

  I glance away from the screen and look at him in the darkness.

  “I don’t see a lonely wife or my stepsister or a dependent or whatever label you want to put on yourself. I see this — I see you.”

  “And just what am I, Hamilton?” I ask.

  “You’re perfect,” he says.

  “I think that’s a stretch…” I argue.

  He reaches for the computer mouse and clicks to another photo. It’s a close-up of my face. My eyes sit downcast, but alert, as if I’m carrying a terrible secret. “You’re the most beautiful subject I’ve ever captured, Jennifer,” he whispers.

  My eyes bounce around the room to the portraits that I can’t see in the shadows. “I don’t feel all that beautiful tonight, Hamilton.”

  He lays his hands on my face and pulls me to look at him. He towers above me. I breathe faster to keep up with my racing heart. “Don’t let him take that from you,” he says. His fingers trail through my tangled hair. “What happened?”

  I take a deep breath. “He came home late, drunk. Said some things…” I stutter off. “I just left.”

  “Does he know where you are?”

  “No,” I say. “He doesn’t know about this place.”

  “Good,” Hamilton says. He drops his hands. “You can stay here tonight.”

  “I don’t want to trouble you…” I hate myself for going to that state of politeness. Even at my worst, I can’t shake the proper way.

  “Jennifer, you wouldn’t have come here if you didn’t want to be here,” he argues. “And, as you said earlier, you have nowhere else to go.” He turns the computer monitor off and flicks the lamp off, casting the room into darkness. I feel his hand take mine and he leads me towards the back of the room. “Let’s go upstairs.”

  My eyes adjust to the new lighting. I begin to make out the shapes in the room as I move with him. The bed comes into view. A bit of moonlight shines in through the window, casting a deep shade of blue on the white spread. I pause, finding it enchanting. I break away from Hamilton’s hand and step towards the bed.

  Flashes of Nadia enter my mind. I hear her passions and desires. I see the pleasurable pain on her face. I envy her ability to just let go and be herself, even if only for a moment in time.

  “Jennifer…” Hamilton whispers in the darkness.

  I turn to him. I can’t shake the feeling in my gut, the intoxicating sense of belonging. Following his voice in the darkness, I step closer to him until I can feel his body against mine. My heat spikes and for a moment, I feel faint. But I don’t want to miss this moment.

  I toss my coat off my body and begin unbuttoning my shirt.

  He watches me in the darkness, a look of confusion clouding his eyes. “What are you—?”

  “Take my picture,” I tell him. I pull my shirt off my shoulders to reveal my bare breasts.

  Without another word, he goes back to his desk and returns with his camera. I reach for the table next to the bed in the darkness and flick on the lamp.

  I hear the clicking of his camera over and over again as I move. My throbbing passions bend me to their will as I lie down and unbutton my pants. Hamilton’s eyes stare at me from behind the came
ra and I see my beauty reflected in them. “Come closer,” I tell him.

  He does as he’s told and balances above me with camera in hand. I can see his bulge already fighting to break free from his restrictive trousers. I touch my breasts and fondle myself in the shadows, silently yearning to see what the photos will look like. I kick my pants off my knees, along with my cotton panties, until I’m completely nude beneath him.

  “Kiss me, Hamilton,” I say as he clicks away.

  He hesitates and leans back. “What?”

  “Please, Hamilton,” I say, closing the gap. I reach for his belt and pull him closer, my fingers brushing against his hardness.

  “Are you sure?” he asks.

  “Yes.” I grip his arms. “Kiss me.”

  His lips find mine. I flinch in surprise, but return his kisses with just as much passion. He pulls me closer and wraps his arms around my body. I quiver as his hand lingers on my neck, tickling my sensitive skin. My passions lean me backwards, pulling us onto the bed together.

  “Jennifer, wait…” he whispers. He pulls his lips away, breathing fast. “Are you sure?”

  I answer by grabbing for his belt and pulling it free. “Hamilton, please… don’t think about it. Just…” I kiss him again to seduce him back to me.

  He settles with me onto the bed, being careful to set the camera on the bedside table as he goes. I once again sink into it like a cloud. The perfect setting for me to forget everything I know and embrace to new.

  My body buzzes with fresh life as I tug Hamilton’s shirt from his pants and pull it over his head. I feel his body in the dim lighting, my fingers dancing along his muscular frame, tracing the black tattoos on his arms. His heart thumps behind a wall of muscle and bone, but I can still feel it on his skin.

  He reaches for my breasts, gently feeling them with lust. I let him finish undressing me. His hands tremble as he does it, as if I’m about to tell him to stop at any moment. But he calms down with each passing second. He feels my body, starting with his fingertips until finally gripping me with a passionate fervor.

  For a moment, he pauses and sits back on his ankles. His eyes roam my body, staring at me like an artist admiring a painting. “Wait…” he whispers. He turns away and grabs his camera. I don’t stop him and allow him to take as many photos as he wants of me as I squirm on the bed beneath him. Soon, my hunger overtakes me and I reach for him again.