by Rosa, C.
The numbers of the elevator went up and up until finally we had reached our floor. I stumbled out, tripping on my heels as Ricky caught me, just before I hit the ground. He scooped me up into his arms, and I cradled his neck, my shoes dangling by my fingers. This close to him was too tempting. The scent of his skin and the feeling of being in his arms sent me into a tailspin. At that moment, I didn’t care about California, or about the job. I didn’t care about Danny, and the sin we had committed together. In Ricky’s arms it didn’t matter…and it was easy to forget.
When we got to the room, he set me down gently on the bed. When he went to walk away I held onto to the hem of his coat. His stare flickered from my hand to me, his gray brooding eyes practically undressing me without a single touch of his hand.
I stood up, and peeled away his jacket, doing the same to mine. I unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, slowly working my way down.
Ricky grasped my hand. “What are you doing?” he whispered. I could see it in his eyes that he didn’t want me to stop.
“I want to thank you for such a great time,” I said, trying to continue my task.
“A simple thank you will suffice,” he said, letting go of my hand.
When I reached the last button, I pushed back his shirt, revealing his beautiful midsection. I kissed him on the chest over and over, running my hands to the buckle of his belt.
“We shouldn’t do this,” he groaned, as I flung his belt across the room.
“No?” I asked, turning so he could unzip my dress. “And why shouldn’t we?”
I let the material fall off my shoulders before turning to face him. I let the dress slide down to the floor. Ricky’s eyes locked on my body, and when I undid the button of his pants he did nothing to stop me.
We both stood across from one another, Ricky in his boxer briefs and me in my bra and panties. The moment our lips met we both knew the fight against all the sexual frustration we had built between us was over. Ricky scooped me up once more, but this time hovered on top of me after placing me on the bed. He covered every square inch of my skin with his mouth.
The feeling of him inside me was irresistible, and I moaned out loud as he thrust his hips, deep and slow. We did it over and over, until we were both too exhausted to move.
I closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling of Ricky’s arms wrapped around me. Just as I was at the threshold of sleep, I heard Ricky whisper the words I love you in my ear.
* * *
My head throbbed, and my throat felt like sand paper. I slinked out of Ricky’s embrace, and headed to the bathroom to rummage through my bag for some aspirin.
I grabbed the room service menu off of the desk and ordered pancakes, eggs, and bacon, and a pitcher of strong coffee.
The smell of the food woke Ricky up, and he sat in up in the bed, surprised to see me up and standing in front of a stack of food.
“Hungry?” I asked.
He stretched out his arms high over his head, which accentuated every muscle in his body.
“Starving.”
“I guess we worked up an appetite last night,” I teased.
He smiled, but it was short and shallow, not the usual dimple inducing kind.
“So, what shall we do today?’ I asked, pouring syrup all over my food.
“I don’t know,” Ricky said with a mouthful of pancake. “Whatever you want.”
“Okay…How about we explore, and see what we can get ourselves into?”
He agreed, and we finished our breakfast in silence.
* * *
I flopped down on the bed, exhausted from walking all over the city. We had been everywhere from Times Square to Central Park. I turned on the hot water in the tub, ready to soak until my skin pruned.
Ricky had been acting strange this morning, but by lunch he seemed to snap out of it.
“I’m going to take a bath,” I said. “Want to come?”
“Go ahead,” he said, kissing me on the forehead.
I soaked in the tub for at least a half hour, inhaling the lavender soap. I put on the terry cloth robe hanging on the wall and slipped into the bed, surprised to find the room empty.
I watched as the time ticked by on the clock, debating whether or not to head down to the lobby. After about an hour of waiting, Ricky returned.
“Where you’ve been?” I asked as he undressed to take a shower.
“I went for a smoke.”
“For an hour?”
“No, I took a walk after.” He walked into the shower, and I sat up on the sink.
“Why didn’t you wait for me?” I asked. “I would have gone with you.”
He finished washing his hair, standing in the shower as the water cascaded down over his shoulders. “I wanted to go alone,” he replied.
“Why?”
He shut the water off, and I threw him a towel.
“Because…I needed to think,” he huffed.
“Think about what?”
I followed him to the bedroom where he dug through the suitcase for something to wear.
“Stuff!” he said when he turned around to find me right behind him.
“What kind of stuff?” I cried.
He ignored me and got dressed.
“Ricky…what kind of stuff?”
“Last night should have never happened. That wasn’t why I brought you here.”
I sat on the edge of the bed, pushed back by the weight of his words. “Then why did you bring me here?”
“I don’t know. I wanted to spend time with you before you left and thought…”
“Thought what? That you could sleep with me one more time before I go?”
He squinted his eyes. “That’s exactly why what we did last night was wrong…because you think enough of me to believe that that were actually true. In case you don’t remember…you’re the one who made the first move…not me.”
“Excuse me…but you weren’t exactly fighting me off.”
“Our relationship isn’t like that anymore,” he said. “I think it’s best that we just…stop acting like we’re still together, because we’re not.”
“Fine,” I said, crawling back into bed. “Whatever you say.”
I closed my eyes, and when Ricky finally laid down beside me, he didn’t touch me once all night.
Chapter 28
First Kiss
THE NEXT MORNING, I convinced Ricky it was better if we cut the trip short. He agreed, and by the time we made it back to his house we retreated to separate rooms, only meeting in the kitchen every once in a while.
I had one more day at the Mug, and then the day after the new year I had to catch a flight back to California. I had called my old neighbor Lauren, who was excited to offer me somewhere to stay until I could get my own place again.
That night at work, everyone stayed after their shift to throw me a small going away party, everyone but Ricky. He left early, and when Nick dropped me off at his house he was already asleep on the couch. I covered him with a blanket, kissed his forehead and headed up to bed.
I woke up the next morning to Ricky sitting beside me, offering me a steaming cup of coffee.
“Thank you,” I said, taking a sip.
“Do you have any plans for New Year’s Eve?” he asked.
“No.”
“Will you spend it with me?”
“Sure,” I said. “Can’t think of anything better.
* * *
I had just gotten back to the house, spending New Year’s eve day at my mom’s, making sure I had everything I needed. Ricky was taking me to the airport the day after tomorrow, and I didn’t want to have to make any last minute stops.
The house was pitch black, even though Ricky’s car was parked in the driveway. I switched on the Christmas tree, hopping back when Ricky jumped out of the kitchen.
“Ricky!” I yelled. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry,” he laughed. “But I wanted you to be surprised.”
“Surprised by wha
t?” I sniffed the air, getting a hint of a mouth-watering aroma. “Are you cooking?”
I walked into the kitchen to a candle-lit table covered in food.
“I did,” he said, gesturing to the spread.
He pulled out a chair, and I sat down, amazed at the presentation. “You did all this…for me?”
“Of course,” he said. “It’s my own special going away party for you.”
Ricky served me hand and foot, and even did all of the dishes, as I watched on the television New York City filled to the brim with people. When he was done, he plopped beside me, taking my feet into his lap.
“Thank you for this,” I said. “When you didn’t stay at the bar last night I thought you were going to keep ignoring me.”
Ricky smiled as the countdown began, and the ball started to drop. “I’ll always be here for you, Alexa. No matter how far away. Remember that.”
“Will you come visit me for my birthday?” I asked.
“Can’t think of anything better,” he smiled.
“Promise?”
He leaned in closer, and when the countdown stopped, gave me my first kiss of the New Year.
We spent New Year’s Day in bed, laughing and watching holiday movies on TV. I cooked us a late brunch, and after we ate, we pretzel legged in bed until we both fell asleep.
I woke up from the nap in Ricky’s arms, smiling. But the smile didn’t last long when the creeping sadness of the truth started to sink in. This time tomorrow, I would be on a plane headed thousands of miles in the opposite direction of Ricky.
He never once asked me to change my mind, or begged me not to go. It made me believe he had accepted the idea, and these last few days together were just an example of two very friendly people having a good time. But then I remembered the words he whispered to me after our first night in the city.
I love you, he told me.
“Ricky, get up.” I shook him hard, and he batted me away. “I need to talk to you.”
“What?” he asked, annoyed. “I’m sleeping.”
“What if I didn’t go back?” I asked. The question rocked him awake.
“What do you mean?”
“What. If. I. Stayed. Here With You?”
“What about the job?”
“I have a job already,” I said.
Ricky sat up, rubbing the top of his head. “No…you already told them you would do it, and you have to go.”
“Why are you trying to get rid of me?” I asked. “I thought you loved me? Shouldn’t you be trying to keep me here?”
“I do…I did,” he muttered. “But, this is something that you want badly. And I’m not going to stand in your way. You’ll thank me one day for not making you stay.”
The words tore through my chest like a hot knife. “I see…when you put it like that.” I got up from the bed and headed downstairs.
“Where you going?” he asked.
“To make something to eat.” I made it downstairs just in time to fall into a blubbering mess.
Chapter 29
Alone
FOR THE LAST fourteen days, I dreamed about Ricky. In my dreams, I could smell his skin and feel his fingers as they brushed my cheek, only to be disappointed when I woke up alone and on Lauren’s couch.
I dressed for my first day at my new job, trying to force a smile on my face. I was nervous, and my hands trembled as I buttoned my chef jacket.
“Good luck,” Lauren said over her cup of coffee.
“Thanks,” I smiled.
I checked my phone every chance I got, but Ricky still hadn’t called or texted. The last time we spoke was when I landed at the airport. He told me he would call the next day, but he never did. He hadn’t returned any of my calls, and I stopped texting after the seventh day of not getting a response.
I went to work as much as possible, even coming in on my days off sometimes. It was a wonderful job, and it felt good to be back in the kitchen again. After a month, I was still forcing the smile on my face. Ricky still hadn’t called, and I was beginning to feel what we had was really nothing at all.
I walked out of the bathroom, and past Lauren’s room, as she primped in front of her full length mirror. I plopped down on her bed, scowling at my reflection.
“You look nice,” I said.
“Thanks.” She put on her earrings and adjusted her hair one more time. “I wish you would come out with us. You haven’t left this apartment for anything but work.”
“I’m not up to it. Plus, I’m already in my pajamas.”
“So change,” she replied. “I’ll wait. It would get your mind off of stuff.”
“Maybe next time,” I said, knowing by stuff she meant Ricky.
“Suit yourself,” she shrugged.
After she left, I dug in the freezer for the emergency stash of Ben and Jerry’s and plopped on the sofa.
* * *
My heart leaped at the sound of my ringing cell phone.
“Hello?”
“Lexy!”
My hopes sank when Mia answered the phone.
“Hey Mimi,” I muttered.
“How’s everything going?”
Mia called every once in a while, and we even Skyped every now and then.
“Fine. Everything’s fine. How are things at home?” I asked.
She covered everything from the Mug to Nick’s new car, but as usual, she made no mention of Ricky.
“So are you planning a visit home soon?” she asked.
“I don’t think so. I really don’t have the money to come home right now.”
“That’s okay, because I was thinking….that we could come and visit you…during Spring break. What do you think?”
“Really?” I said, feeling more excited than I had in weeks. “That would be really, really nice. I miss you guys.”
“Great!” she said. “I have to talk it over with Nick, but I’ll call you when we make definite plans.”
Just as she was about to hang up the phone, the urge to ask about Ricky took over. I couldn’t pretend like I wasn’t thinking about him twenty four seven anymore.
“Mia,” I said, hoping she hadn’t hung up yet.
“Yeah?”
“How’s Ricky? I…I haven’t heard from him in almost two months.”
She hesitated. “He’s doing good,” she said. “I’ll make sure I tell him you were asking about him.”
When I hung up the phone, I had a renewed hope that I would hear from him soon.
* * *
It was the night of the restaurant opening, and my fingers felt numb with anxiety. When my phone rang, I ignored it, too nervous about the night to talk to anyone. Besides, if it wasn’t Ricky I had nothing to say. Since I hadn’t heard from him the entire time I’d been back in California, I assumed it wasn’t him.
My night at work went well, and I even got praise from my boss. I went home that night, feeling happy about a successful night of cooking. The first thing I did after I showered and threw on my pajamas was open a bottle of wine and plop down on my mattress. An apartment in my old building had opened up on the floor right above the one I use to live on. I didn’t have any furniture except a mattress and a folding table with a couple of chairs that Lauren lent me. As long as I had a corkscrew I was happy.
I hadn’t looked at my phone all night, something I forced myself to stop doing. I was surprised to see two missed calls: one from Danny and one from Ricky.
My heart raced at the sight of his name in my phone. I shot straight up in bed and pressed the CALL button, my stomach turning each time the phone rang.
“Hey Lexy,” Ricky said softly.
“Hi Ricky.” Time seemed to stop, and for a few seconds the line was so quiet I thought we got disconnected.
“How are things in California?”
“Fine,” I said. “It’s about time you called.”
“I know,” he snickered. “I just needed some time.”
“Time for what?”
“To let it sink in tha
t you were gone.”
I chugged the rest of my wine, trying to dull the pain of tears burning my eyes.
“How’s the new job?” he asked.
“Oh…it’s good,” I said, my voice cracking. “It was the official opening tonight.”
“Wow…that’s wonderful. I know you’re going to kill it out there.”
“Yeah,” I laughed. “How are things at the bar? Sammy making out okay?”
Ricky reassured me that things were doing fine, and even told me about the stray kitten that he took in.
“She sleeps with me,” he said. “Keeps me company.”
I laughed at the thought of Ricky snuggling with a tiny kitten, which was preferable to what I had been imagining him doing in a bed without me in it.
“I’m jealous,” I teased.
“I’m going to have to get a bed just for her,” he replied. “I’ve got scratches all over my back because of her.”
“Are you sure it’s from the cat?” The words slipped out, the wine taking over all reasonable brain function. “So, when are you coming to visit me? You know my birthday is coming up.”
Ricky hesitated. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
“Why?” I asked. “You’ve never been to the west coast. You can come with Nick and Mia.”
“I’ll think about it. Anyway, I gotta’ go Lexy.”
“Okay,” I said. “But can you not wait so long to call me next time? I miss hearing your voice.”
“Sure,” he mumbled. “I miss you, too.”
I hung up the phone and let the wine put me to sleep.
* * *
I was in the middle of cooking dinner for Lauren when Danny called again. He came to visit me at the restaurant, pretending to not have known I was working that night. I ended up giving him my number, something I hoped I wasn’t going to regret. He called a few days later, asking if he could come over.
“I’m starving!” Lauren cried, holding up a bottle of wine when I opened the door.
“Good,” I said, taking the bottle and opening it up. “Because I made a shitload of food.”
We ate on the living room floor, watching episodes of I Love Lucy. It felt good to relax and laugh. I was still feeling so light from hearing Ricky’s voice.