Blaze of Glory

by M. Garzon

I had to look away again. I noticed he kept his arm around me.

  “Dude,” Seth exclaimed, spotting me as he cruised past Schweppes’ partly-open door.

  I exhaled noisily. “You know, a stall is just not the private retreat it used to be,” I grumbled.

  Jaden removed his arm. I felt cold without it.

  “So what was all that about?” Seth stepped inside too as he studied both of our faces.

  “Don’t, Seth,” I warned him.

  He looked stubborn. Jaden turned and questioned me with his eyes.

  “It’s nothing,” I assured him. “Come on, Seth.” I held my hand out so he could help me up. “Let’s go watch TV, I’m dead.”

  Jaden put his hand on my forearm and pushed it down.

  “What are you not telling me?” The steel was back in his voice.

  I just shook my head, preparing more denials, but Seth spoke up.

  “He has a right to know, Téa.” He turned his warm blue eyes on Jaden; they were serious, for once, and full of questions. “Dec thought... when he saw the bruise, well, he asked Téa whether... you hit her.” He ended in a whisper.

  I felt Jaden stiffen next to me. I searched his eyes, expecting to see shock and hurt, but instead I found shame, and more than a hint of anger.

  “That’s why you told him,” he said through gritted teeth.

  I put my hand on his arm, igniting showers of butterflies in my stomach.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I told him you would never do that.”

  Jaden’s face was cold as he shook my hand off.

  “That’s where you’re wrong though, Téa. Dec knows me better than you do.” He got up and stalked out, his long stride pulling him quickly out of sight. Seth and I stared at each other, stunned. After a minute he came to sit beside me.

  “Why did you tell him?” I asked him, anguished.

  “I thought he had a right to know what Dec was thinking about him. But I didn’t think... wow.”

  “Is that really the only reason?” There was a slight edge to my voice.

  He turned his head to stare at me. “What are you suggesting? That I hurt him on purpose because I found him with his arm around you?”

  He looked angry, the expression out of place on his face. I felt immediately contrite — of course Seth would never do anything so hurtful.

  “Sorry, Moo,” I breathed. I squeezed his hand; his face flowed from angry to worried in an instant.

  “So why did he have his arm around you?” He sounded only slightly accusing.

  I shook my head. “It was purely comforting, Seth. He did it the same way you would. Nothing more.”

  “Maybe to him. But what about you? Bet you didn’t feel the same as when it’s my arm.” The accusation was more definite now.

  I went back to examining the shavings. “I won’t act on it, Seth. I told you.”

  * * *

  As soon as we got back to the house, I confronted Dec.

  “I’d like the truth, Dec,” I said with no preamble when I found him at the kitchen sink. He looked slightly surprised at my directness, but nodded.

  “I know a bit about Jaden’s ‘history’,” I started slowly. His look of surprise deepened. “I know he got into some fights and that he was once arrested for assault. But what makes you think he would hit me?” I felt a twinge as I said it — the mere suggestion was painful.

  “I don’t know.” He answered me slowly, thinking through his response. “I suppose it’s partly that I haven’t seen him that angry in a long while. And during the time in his life when he did get that angry, it was rare for him to reach that point and not hit something. Or someone.”

  “But did he ever hit a girl?” I persisted.

  Dec looked uncomfortable. “I don’t think so.”

  “I’d be willing to bet anything that he never has. And it’s unfair to him to even raise those kinds of suspicions.” I looked him in the eye. “He knows what you suspected of him, Dec. I’m sorry it slipped out, but it did, and I think... I think you owe him an apology.” It was my turn to feel uncomfortable; I’d never presumed to tell Dec what he should do before. Nor would it have gone over very well in the past, I was sure. He considered me for a minute before nodding slowly.

  “You’re right. I’ll tell him the next time he’s here.”

  Ten

  As it transpired, however, ‘the next time’ was a long time coming. Jaden didn’t show up the next day, which didn’t really surprise me. But after three days, I began to worry; that was the longest he’d stayed away since school had let out. I called his cell a few times, to no avail. I considered calling the club to see if Jaden had been there, but I didn’t want to raise questions if he wasn’t going to work. The thought that he might drive all the way down there and not even see me was unexpectedly hurtful. I resolved to put some more emotional distance between us — this wasn’t healthy. I’d start right after I saw him again.

  On Wednesday I sent him an email. I kept it short, the tone light, but he didn’t respond, though I knew he read his mail on his phone throughout the day. My worry grew. His His social media accounts hadn’t changed. I checked my chat window as much as possible, but Jaden was never visible. I texted him once, too, in case he was having Internet issues, but I knew that was a stretch.

  Then, on Friday night, he suddenly appeared online. I waited.

  Jaden Foster:

  how’s the bruise?

  Téa:

  gone. like u. where u been?

  Jaden Foster:

  around

  Téa:

  i’m going 2 practice with Lucas tomoro

  There was a long pause, and then:

  Jaden Foster:

  calling

  I stared at the word for a minute before getting up and pacing by the phone. It rang a second later; I picked up on the first ring.

  “Hi.” I sounded breathless.

  “Hi.” His honeyed tones were smooth, as usual.

  I hesitated, unsure of what to say. He spared me the trouble of finding something.

  “Why are you practicing with Lucas?” There was a hint of disapproval in his voice, enough to make me defensive.

  “Gee, I don’t know, maybe because my regular coach has been AWOL for the past week? I’ve still got a horse to train, you know. What have you been doing all this time, Jaden?” My voice was subdued now, almost pleading.

  “I’ve been thinking.” His voice was quiet, too.

  “About....”

  He got even quieter. “The risks I’m taking, mostly.”

  My feeble store of patience ran out.

  “Oh, for crying out loud! So you got mad and thought about smacking me — I hate to shatter your illusions, but that hardly makes you special. I think about hitting you all the time. And at this rate, I may well do it when you finally show yourself. But it doesn’t make me run and hide and abdicate all my responsibilities.” It came out louder than I’d intended.

  There was a long silence. I closed my eyes, cringing. I’d gone too far, again. I heard a small chuckle, then what might have been a sigh.

  “Don’t leave without me tomorrow.”

  * * *

  Jaden showed up early the next morning. I was sweeping up after the morning feed when he strolled in.

  “Hi,” he said, sounding perfectly normal. The shadow of an impish smile was on his face. “Should I duck?”

  I smiled despite myself. “I’ll let it go this time.”

  I hadn’t fully realized how much I missed him, but now that he was in front of me I had to stifle the urge to throw my arms around him. I told myself to get a grip. His eyes grew pensive as he watched my face.

  “Sorry,” he said quietly.

  He put his hand on my shoulder, and without thinking I covered it with my own. I heard my heartbeat go up in volume.

  “I’m sorry, too.” My sincerity must have shown on my face; for once, I truly regretted my recklessness. “What I did was really stupid.”

&nbs
p; “No,” he said softly, “what you did was... well, it was you.”

  His mouth tugged up at my uncomprehending look. “Téa, the fact that you can’t see injustice done without being galvanized into action — even if it is ill-considered, dangerous action — is not a character flaw. On the contrary, it shows how compassionate you are.”

  “One could argue that I didn’t show much compassion for Davis.” I was joking, trying to distract myself from my racing heartbeat. I liked what he was saying far too much. I was afraid he’d be able to read it on my face.

  He grinned and took his hand back. I drew a shaky breath, saddened and relieved at the same time.

  “You’ll be glad to know that Davis has been officially expelled from the polo club. I suspect quite a few people will thank you for that.”

  “Jaden, do you think... will I be kicked out, too?” I asked him anxiously. I’d been worried about that, in the lulls between worrying about Jaden’s absence. A maneuver like mine was completely unacceptable in polo; normally, a player would likely be banished for attacking another player as I had done. Another thing I hadn’t thought of, at the time.

  “No. Even if they were so inclined, I have some pull with the owners. You’re safe.” He winked at me.

  * * *

  Even though we were speaking again, I barely saw Jaden that week, as he was teaching a clinic at the Toronto Polo Club. Stacey’s party was on Sunday, and the Saturday before I went to get a haircut, the final step in my makeover. Julia had insisted that I go to her hairstylist, so Teri and I drove all the way to Oakville. We picked up Julia and cranked the tunes on the drive.

  Julia’s stylist was in a trendy salon. When the hairdresser was done I turned my head, admiring my new cut from all angles. It was short and funky, parted on the side, with long bangs that fell just over my right eye. A few soft tendrils curled around the top of my neck, which was otherwise completely exposed — quite a change, since my hair had flowed halfway down my back when I came in.

  “Wow, Téa, you look like a Manga character,” Julia breathed.

  “So you like it?” I asked the girls a bit anxiously.

  “I love it!” Teri exclaimed. “It’s totally you.”

  Julia nodded, grinning. I heaved a sigh of relief. Regardless of the awkwardness of having to distance myself from Jaden, at least I would face the party tomorrow with my head held high.

  Julia spent the night at my place to help me get ready. She didn’t trust me to do my own makeup, which was probably wise since I rarely wore any. She and Teri went for a trail ride in the morning while I taught my lessons; by one o’clock, though, she dragged me into the house.

  “Why do I need two hours to get ready?” I grumbled.

  “You’ll thank me later,” she answered firmly.

  Two hours later, I did see her point. After showering I had donned the pale yellow dress we had found. Teri tied the halter top into a flat bow on the back of my neck, and I examined myself critically in the mirror. Though the makeup Julia had applied was very light and barely noticeable, it seemed to highlight my features just right — large eyes gazed back at me from a small, elfin face with high cheekbones. My mouth looked fuller, softer, and shone petal pink. The fabric of the dress clung to my admittedly unimpressive curves, at least making it appear I had some. My shoulders and back were bare almost to my waist, showcasing my now-uniform tan. I watched a smile grow on my reflected face; I hardly recognized myself. My girlfriends were right, looking good did make me feel stronger. Like maybe I could handle seeing Jaden, and have the strength to shut him out.

  We went downstairs. I guess I wasn’t the only one to register Seth’s open-mouthed expression because Teri and Julia both sported huge grins as they said goodbye. Seth looked me up and down carefully, taking in everything from my makeup to the anklet of small white stones above the pink-painted toenails.

  “What’s going on, Sis?” he asked suspiciously. “Why are you all... done up?”

  “The girls thought it would make me feel better,” I explained.

  “Make better bait, more like,” he muttered.

  I grinned. “Is that a compliment, baby brother?”

  He smiled back reluctantly. “Okay, so you look good. Way too good, in fact.”

  Dec blew into the room in his usual last-minute rush. “Are you ready? Let’s go before-” He stopped in mid-sentence when he caught sight of me; I felt myself flush and fidgeted nervously while he absorbed my appearance. I looked down at his approach.

  “Téa... honey, you look,” He cleared his throat. “Is that the new dress you bought?”

  “Yes.” I looked up at him, feeling uncertain; the expression on his face was one I’d rarely seen there. It was... tender.

  “I wish your mother could see you now,” he said, his voice husky.

  I felt my throat constrict. I wished for the same thing. Almost daily.

  He placed his hand on my shoulder somewhat awkwardly. “I can’t believe how grown-up you look. And how... well, you look really nice.”

  I got increasingly nervous as we approached Stacey’s. I told myself I was merely concerned about potential reactions to my new look, but in truth, I was only worried about one relative’s reaction. To add to my nerves, I was also feeling guilty about caring what he would think, and hoping that I could act natural around him. We followed the interlocking stone path into the backyard. Fortunately, it was a warm day for May, and I was comfortable in my light dress.

  Stacey was having a separate, much bigger sweet sixteen party for her friends, so this one was mainly family. About a dozen people were already in the large yard, including my uncle Peter. I felt my gorge rise; since hearing about how he had treated Jaden as a child, I felt a strong antipathy toward him. Jaden was nowhere in sight. I noticed everyone was fairly dressed up — a lot of summer suits and dresses — and was very glad I’d had Julia’s and Teri’s help to get ready.

  Stacey rushed up to me.

  “Omigod Téa, look at you! You look amazing!” Her enthusiasm was so genuine that I felt a pang of remorse for the condescending way I sometimes thought of her. Who was I to judge her for being interested in things I considered shallow? I was obsessed with my own cousin, I wasn’t in a position to judge anyone. As Stacey grilled me about my new look we were joined by her cousin from Uncle Robert’s side of the family. I remembered him vaguely from another gathering.

  “Hey Stace, are you going to introduce me to your friend?”

  “Ethan, silly, it’s Téa! My cousin, remember? Which makes her your second cousin, so don’t get any ideas.” She giggled.

  “Téa, seriously?” He smiled at me. “You’ve certainly changed since the last time I saw you.”

  Ethan was cute. He was a darker blond than Seth, somewhat stocky, and a few years older than me. We had just started talking when I felt something behind me — my hairs stood on end; I knew without turning that Jaden had arrived.

  Stacey looked over my shoulder. “Aunt Paloma!” She went to greet her, and as I turned to follow her progress I caught sight of Jaden.

  He was staring at me. His eyes traveled slowly down my body, then back up. I felt flooded with heat, and yet a shiver passed through me. As I watched, his jaw clenched, his eyes narrowed, and his hands balled into fists. I was confused by his response but had no time to ponder it, because Aunt Paloma came right over to hug me hello.

  “Téa, darling, you look wonderful!” She kept one arm around me as she turned to her son. “Jaden, you didn’t tell me what a lovely young lady Téa’s grown into,” she chided him. “All he talks about is what a natural you are at polo,” she confided, rolling her eyes.

  “Oh, well, I do love polo,” I said inanely, stealing a glance at Jaden. I felt uncertain after his odd reaction. The anger was no longer obvious, but he was undoubtedly tense, still standing a good six feet away from us.

  “Aren’t you going to say hello?” his mother asked him.

  “Of course,” he said, sounding very natural.
He loped over smoothly; as he bent to kiss my cheek I met his eyes — they were burning with some intense emotion, and it wasn’t a good one. I dropped my eyes quickly, flustered. His nearness and irresistible scent did nothing to help my nerves, either. I was rigid with tension as he walked away.

  “D’you want to get a drink?” Ethan asked.

  I agreed with a sigh of relief. I had no idea what had just happened, but I felt weak in its aftermath.

  Keeping my distance from Jaden turned out to be easy — he was avoiding me. That was the only conclusion I could come to. I hung out with Ethan, Stacey, and Seth; when I stole glimpses of him, Jaden seemed completely absorbed by other family members. Once or twice I thought I caught him just looking away, but that could have been my imagination. I tried hard not to look his way too often.

  It wasn’t until after dessert that we even spoke. The temperature was dropping as the sun slowly sank toward the horizon.

  “Are you cold?” Ethan asked, noticing that I was hugging myself.

  At my nod, he took off his jacket and draped it around my shoulders. I’d been noticing this odd phenomenon all afternoon — even though I was the same person I’d been yesterday, ever since I had shown up with my newly feminine appearance, people had been treating me differently. As if I were suddenly fragile. Even Dec was more solicitous than usual, to my utter astonishment.

  “What made you cut your hair short?” Stacey asked.

  Jaden’s eyes came to rest on me; I tried to focus on Stacey while I answered.

  “I donated it. I discovered this organization that makes free wigs for kids with hair loss... it seemed like a good cause to go short.” I kept my gaze away from Jaden, but I could feel his lingering on me.

  “Are you coming on Friday?” Dec asked from the next table, drawing Jaden’s attention away. I relaxed as Jaden shook his head.

  “Not until late, a friend of mine is opening an exhibit at a gallery.” He looked at me. “It’s Ryan, actually,” he told me with seeming reluctance.

  “Oh. Well, wish him good luck for me,” I told him.

  “I will.” He watched me for a minute, his eyes reserved. “Would you like to come?” he asked abruptly. “You and Seth, I mean,” he glanced over at Seth.