Blaze of Glory

by M. Garzon

  “Come on, Téa, this isn’t going to convince anyone,” he whispered.

  He pulled me closer, pressing me against him, and covered my mouth with his again. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to pretend he was Jaden. I felt our lips move, and I didn’t resist.

  I heard a powerful engine roaring to life, then the crunch and spray of gravel. I ripped away from Kabir and ran around the corner of the barn in time to see Jaden’s car spin sideways, fishtailing, before he recovered it and went tearing down the driveway. In the instant I saw it, his profile looked rigid. And flawless. And furious.

  I sagged back against the barn and covered my face with my hands. I was shaking. Kabir put his arm around me and pulled me close to his side, supporting me.

  “Come on, sweetie. Offhand, I’d say that was a complete success. Let’s go get the debriefing over with.”

  I felt wretched. Seth and our friends thought the kiss had accomplished its purpose: it was now clear that I wasn’t simply sitting around pining for Jaden. But I was despairing because, in the end, I’d made him suffer — and I couldn’t help but be hurt by his pain. I wished I could take back my impulsive action; I was ashamed of what I’d done. I thought about calling him, but this wasn’t the kind of conversation you could have over the phone. I knew what I had to do. Luckily it was Monday so I had no lessons to teach. I got into the car and headed for Toronto.

  * * *

  I wasn’t sure he’d be home, but he answered right away. My heart was racing as I stepped through the doorway. I sidled over two steps and hunched against the wall, not watching as Jaden shut the door. He stepped back, putting some space between us. I glanced up at him — his hair was tousled, his face expressionless except for a tightness around the eyes. Those eyes bored into mine and I looked down quickly, unable to hold his gaze as shame coursed through me afresh.

  “So,” he said, his voice flat.

  I studied the scuffed toes of my paddock boots as I spoke.

  “Jaden, I — I’m so sorry,” I stammered. I waited for the anger to come, for that look of fury he’d worn when I’d seen him last, roaring away in his car.

  “Why are you sorry?” His voice was unexpectedly gentle.

  I looked up in surprise. “Because I kissed Kabir,” I said, stating the obvious.

  He managed a small, rueful smile. “You’re sorry for doing as I asked? Forgetting about me, and finding a boy your own age to date?”

  “Yes. I mean no... Kabir and I aren’t dating.” I swallowed hard and forced myself to meet his eyes before whispering the truth. “I was trying to make you jealous.”

  Shock crossed his face for an instant, quickly followed by the anger I’d expected. He stepped closer; I resumed my shoe inspection.

  “Why?” he demanded, his voice rough. “After everything we’ve talked about, why would you even attempt that?”

  I felt my face reddening and was glad he couldn’t see it. “Okay, it was stupid, I get it...” My voice trailed off as his fingers lifted my chin. I felt defiance mix with my embarrassment as I found his eyes again. They were intense, smoldering in a way I’d never seen before.

  “It was stupid,” he growled softly, moving even closer. “But it worked.” I blinked, my brain stalling just as my heart began hammering fiercely. My eyes widened as he ducked his head and whispered in my ear, “You’re in a lot of trouble.”

  Part Two: Fruit

  Fifteen

  I stood frozen as Jaden’s lips brushed my earlobe, then slowly kissed my neck. The kisses continued down to my shoulder, leaving a burning path in evidence of their passing. He slid his hands lightly down my arms, and I trembled, my breathing accelerating wildly. Strong, warm hands suddenly gripped mine, which felt cold and clammy.

  “Are you okay?” his low voice breathed.

  I opened my eyes to find his face inches from mine. His molten gold-chip eyes were worried.

  “Fine.” My voice came out in a whisper, and I laughed weakly. “Actually, much, much better than fine.”

  His lips curved upward, transforming his face, and I felt warmth flush my cheeks. God, he was beautiful when he smiled like that. He took my face in his hands, his eyes holding mine with burning intensity. Slowly, watching every flicker of emotion on my face, he bent his head and brushed his lips against mine. Hesitantly, I slid my arms around his neck. He kissed me again, more firmly this time, and I felt his breathing speed in time with mine. Our lips were moving together now; warmth flooded my body, and I pulled myself tightly against him. His arms dropped down to my waist, and I gasped as his hands found the bare skin there. I’d forgotten I was wearing a short halter top. His touch felt hot, feverish. He groaned as he pulled me even tighter against his hard body.

  “I remember the first time I saw you wearing this... this fragment of a shirt,” he murmured against my cheek. “I was so angry, I wanted to march you right back into the house and make you change.”

  I pulled back slightly so I could see his face. “You were angry?” Not exactly the reaction I’d been going for.

  A small, wry smile tugged at his mouth. “Of course I was. You made me want you. When I saw you coming down the steps with your whole midriff exposed...” He shook his head slightly, his voice husky. “I couldn’t deny anymore that I wanted you. I wanted you so badly, no matter how wrong it was.” His hands tightened convulsively on my back, and he kissed me again, harder this time, more urgently. I molded myself to his shape, my hands sliding into his hair. I had forgotten we were still in the entrance — in fact I barely remembered my own name — until Jaden grabbed my waist and lifted me so our faces were level. I felt the wall against my back; he held me there by leaning the entire length of his body against mine. Every inch of our bodies were pressed together now, but insanely, I wanted him still closer. His lips parted; I followed his lead and felt his tongue caress mine. I heard a low moan and was surprised to find it came from me. Too soon, he pulled away, lowering me gently, and we leaned together with our chests heaving.

  When we had somewhat caught our breaths he chuckled quietly.

  “I haven’t even asked you in — where are my manners?”

  He guided me to the couch in the living room. I was shocked to note that part of me wanted to go the other way, toward the bedroom. We sat angled toward each other, and he held my hand in both of his. I felt almost shy, looking at him now. He started caressing the nape of my neck. Shivers ran down the length of my back at his touch.

  “I would never have guessed that I’d like your hair short,” he murmured, smoothing a lock behind my ear, “but I love it. It shows off your long, slender neck.”

  He leaned in and kissed the hollow behind my ear, then followed my hairline, one slow kiss at a time, to the nape of my neck, his arms sliding around me and supporting me, which was a good thing as my body seemed to have turned to jelly.

  I sighed shakily, and Jaden shifted around so he was looking me full in the face.

  “Is this... weird for you?” he asked carefully.

  “No, not weird, more like — surreal. I can’t believe we’re actually doing this.” I smiled at him tentatively. “But I’m so glad we are.”

  He pressed his lips softly against mine, and my stomach swooped like I’d missed a step going downstairs. I pulled him toward me, wanting to feel his body on mine again. I slid back further and further, until I was half-lying on my back with Jaden pressed deliciously against me. After only a few seconds, though, he pulled us both into a sitting position, chuckling.

  “Let’s not rush things,” he said. “I suspect we have some things to discuss first.”

  “All right,” I agreed, trying not to pout. “What would you like to discuss?”

  “Well, for starters... am I a better kisser than Kabir?” He said it lightly, but he was watching my face carefully.

  For a minute, I was speechless. I just stared at him blankly.

  “I don’t know,” I finally stammered. “I wasn’t really paying attention with Kabir, to be hones
t.”

  “Hmm. Then I guess I have my answer.” He gave a quick smile, which disappeared as he leaned in and held me with a penetrating stare.

  “Look, I know you kissed him for my benefit — but please don’t do that again. I really hated it.”

  “Okay.” My mind was still reeling, refusing to cooperate while I was trapped in his gaze. I tore my eyes away. To my relief, my brain started up again.

  “While we’re on the subject of kissing other people,” I ventured, “what about Summer?”

  He didn’t say anything right away, and I studied his face while he was thinking. His jaw was tight, and he was frowning, though he held my hand and was absently tracing circles on the back of my wrist with his thumb. I tried fruitlessly to ignore the tingling from his touch. Finally he looked at me, his face unhappy.

  “If we’re going to make this work-” My heart leaped and it must have shown in my face because he smiled slightly. “If we’re going to be... involved, then I want us to be honest with each other. No secrets. Agreed?”

  I nodded. Jaden was looking uncharacteristically nervous; he licked his lips and averted his eyes.

  “I’ve been trying to deny that I was attracted to you. I tried to distract myself by seeing other people.” His voice was quiet.

  I felt crushed, the tears threatening to flow, but I fought back my emotions. This was obviously hard for him, too, and he was only being honest. And after all, until today I really didn’t have any kind of claim here.

  So I kept my face composed as I asked, “The girl at the polo club?”

  His eyes returned to mine. “What girl?”

  “The one standing next to you on Saturday. Sharleen said you guys hooked up at a party.” It was my turn to look away. I was afraid of what his face would reveal.

  “Is that what you thought? Why you left early that night, and didn’t play yesterday?” He sounded... relieved. I peeked at him cautiously. “She had too much to drink at the party, and I drove her home. That’s all. I don’t even know why she showed up on Saturday.”

  Well, I knew. “If not her, then who?”

  “I’m not sure that matters. Tell me, did you really think I would have been picking up girls two weeks ago? What kind of man do you take me for?” He was frowning; he sounded upset.

  “The kind who’s trying to distract himself,” I reminded him. “So you weren’t? Picking up girls?”

  He looked away again, but squeezed my hand. “I was dating earlier this year. Starting with Brianna.”

  I swallowed hard. “How many others?”

  “One. Well, two if you count Summer, although we didn’t date, we just had the one... relapse.”

  I winced but didn’t say anything. I was definitely counting Summer.

  “Look, Téa, I’m a man, not a kid, and...” He sounded defensive.

  “Let me guess,” I said bitterly, “you have ‘needs’-”

  “That’s not what I was going to say-” he interjected.

  “Did you sleep with them?” I pulled my hand away from him and clenched my fists in my lap.

  “No.”

  I glanced at him, and though his brow was furrowed, his eyes met mine calmly, hiding nothing. I believed him. Although I couldn’t help thinking that I could never have dated anyone but him these past few months.

  “Did you kiss them?”

  “Yes.”

  I wasn’t really surprised, but it still hurt. I blinked back tears angrily; I didn’t want to cry. I felt Jaden’s hand on my face, gently trying to make me face him, but I resisted.

  “Téa.” His smooth voice was very soft. I wished I didn’t love the sound of it so much. I kept my eyes resolutely away from him.

  “Téa, look at me.”

  I slowly lifted my eyes to his. He wiped away my tears with his thumbs.

  “I know you’re hurting right now, but hear me out. First of all, you need to know that those other kisses were nothing like the ones we just shared. What we just did...” He exhaled hard. “Well, I’ve never felt anything like that before.”

  A swell of joy coursed through me. “Really? I mean, neither have I, but you’ve probably had a bit more experience than me.”

  “Maybe a bit.” He smiled. “Second, I was unattached at the time — in terms of relationships, I didn’t think of you as an option. Sometimes, in a moment of weakness, I’d consider the possibility, but I suppressed those hopes quickly because I knew they were wrong.”

  I opened my mouth to argue, but he held up a finger to silence me. His face grew stern.

  “Third, I haven’t kissed anyone recently. I’m not the one who was kissing someone else this very afternoon.”

  “I — but — that’s totally different,” I spluttered.

  He gave me a look that clearly indicated he didn’t think so.

  “Now that I think of it, my kissing Summer was very similar,” he said. “I wasn’t trying to make you jealous. Rather, I was trying to convince myself I didn’t care that I wasn’t with you.”

  I thought about it for a minute, then cocked my head and considered him. “Okay, how’s this — I’ll forgive you for Summer if you forgive me for Kabir.”

  “Deal.”

  We shook hands, and he pulled me forward and crushed me to his chest. “It’s so good to finally hold you,” he whispered.

  “It’s even better to finally be held,” I replied. That was such a gross understatement it was almost laughable; I couldn’t remember ever being happier. I never wanted to move.

  As though reading my thoughts, Jaden asked quietly, “How long do you have?”

  I sighed. “Not long. I told Dec I had to help Teri with a personal crisis.”

  We drew back and assessed each other. I knew we were wondering the same thing.

  “Shall we keep this quiet for now?” he asked.

  “Yes.” I hesitated. “But, Seth knows about... well, he knew why I was kissing Kabir.”

  A flicker crossed his face. “Well, I didn’t expect Seth to stay in the dark for long,” he conceded.

  “And, um,” I continued uncomfortably, “Teri also sort of knows... and Julia.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Does everyone know that you’ve been, uh-”

  “Lusting after you?” I supplied, grinning.

  He laughed. “Oh, is that what you’re doing?”

  We grinned at each other, but my smile soon faded. “We can’t tell Dec,” I said quietly.

  “I suppose there’s no reason to say anything yet,” he agreed, “though I don’t like lying to him. Eventually, though, we’ll have to tell him.” The prospect seemed to worry him.

  I was secretly thrilled at this mention of the future. I was so happy that I didn’t even worry about breaking the news to Dec; after all, who knew what tomorrow would bring? Jaden walked me to my car, holding me close all the way. He kissed me goodbye far too briefly — though it was probably several minutes — and I drove away.

  * * *

  I was up early the next morning, even though I had barely slept. I’d been far, far too excited. I kept reliving every moment I’d spent with Jaden, every touch, every word. I wondered if I had dreamed the whole thing, but the look he gave me when he arrived the next morning made it clear everything had been real. We decided to go for a ride, after Seth agreed to teach my one morning class. They were beginners, and they would have fun with Seth, although they might not learn much.

  We spoke very little on the ride. I led the way, taking Jaden to a little copse that I had discovered. It was a short distance from the regular trail, the trees surrounding it were very dense, and inside it was a small clearing. We dismounted and led our horses across the long, gently waving grass.

  Once the horses were secured I took off my chaps; it was getting hot already. Jaden took my hand and led me into the shade of a large tree, and we faced each other, finally alone. I felt a bit tongue-tied as I watched his eyes roam over my face, pausing on the dark circles under my eyes.

  “You look ti
red.” He smiled knowingly.

  “So do you.” I smiled back.

  He rested his hand on my cheek, softly brushing the dark smudge under my eye with his thumb. His touch was a balm; I leaned into it, feeling all the hurt and uncertainty of the past few months evaporate, like dreams touched by the morning light.

  He watched my face as he put his other hand on my waist and inclined his head slowly. He meant to be gentle, to ease into our kiss as he had yesterday. I could tell that was his intention — but when our lips met, it was a flame meeting gasoline. His mouth came down hard on mine; my arms snaked around his neck as I flattened myself against him. I was yanked off the ground as he clamped his arms around me, and my legs wound around his hips of their own accord. I could hardly breathe, blood was roaring in my ears, and for a long time all I could feel and taste and smell and see was Jaden. Eventually, I felt a shift and realized we were lying on the grass, his weight binding our bodies even more tightly together. His lips traveled all over my face, my neck, my shoulders, while his hands caressed every part of me they could reach and I clutched him to me with all my strength, gasping.

  When his mouth finally returned to mine it was softer, more patient. He kissed me deeply; I felt a moan in my throat and with the same sense of shock as the night before, I understood that I wanted him. I wanted us to strip off our clothes and make love right then and there. I was taken aback by the intensity of my desire. It was an entirely new thing in my experience.

  “Jaden...”

  It wasn’t the first time I’d said his name, but he sensed the difference and pulled back immediately.

  “No, wait — don’t get off me,” I protested, drawing him back in.

  He returned his body to mine with a slight smile, though he didn’t rest his full weight on me, I now realized. He looked somewhat apologetic.

  “Sorry, that was a bit-” he started to say.

  “Don’t,” I interrupted softly. I stared into his light-flecked eyes. “That was the best... interlude of my life. Don’t say anything against it.”