Happy and Merry: An M/M Holiday Romance Collection

by CJane Elliott

  “Middle school, though. Isn’t that the hardest age to teach?”

  “Actually, I enjoy that age group. They’re still figuring out who they are. They’re so gawky.”

  “And that’s a good thing?”

  Ed nodded. “I like it. They’re not all slick and hostile like they sometimes get in high school. It’s fun to watch them grapple with stuff. Not just music.”

  Dex stared at the tree. “I wouldn’t call Rowan gawky, but she’s not happy.”

  “She has a good reason. You both do.”

  Ed’s quiet words about did him in. He leapt to his feet, leaving a confused Ed looking up at him from the couch. Enough of cozy Christmas scenes. He needed to move. “Let’s go out and do something. You like jazz, right? What am I saying? You’re a jazz musician. Let’s go to the Jazz Nook.”

  “That sounds good. But I can’t. I have a thing at my mom’s tonight. Bunch of family. Maybe another time?” Ed rose.

  “Oh.” The crushing disappointment Dex felt seemed way out of proportion to the facts. “Okay. Um, thanks again for helping me with the tree.”

  “I told you, it’s one of my favorite things to do. You going anywhere for the holidays?”

  Dex walked Ed to the door. “I’ll be around. I’m working the next few days, off on Christmas Eve and Christmas.”

  They paused in front of the door. “How rude of me. I haven’t even asked you what you do for work.”

  “That’s okay. I’m a physical therapist.”

  “Oh? Mom just worked with one from Home Health. She loved him.”

  Dex could feel his cheeks warm. It seemed stupid not to say something, but he was bound by health information laws. “Uh-huh. Good.”

  “Sorry I need to go.” Ed stepped closer. “I really do hope to see you again.” To Dex’s surprise, Ed put his arms around his neck and kissed him.

  Dex closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of Ed’s lips, tasting him, inhaling his scent of cinnamon and something earthy. “I’d like to see you too,” he said when Ed released him.

  “I’ll be in touch. Enjoy your tree.” Ed’s brown eyes sparkled behind his glasses, making Dex think of Christmas elves.

  Then the door shut and Dex was alone.

  Chapter 6

  The next day, Dex woke up with a headache. He groaned his way out of bed and kicked a laundry basket that had the temerity to be in his way. Foul mood, meet Dex. Memories of yesterday and Ed’s kind face kept going through his mind. He’d blown it. There they’d been, on the couch, the perfect setting for hot sex, and what had he done? Jumped up like a madman and suggested going out. No wonder Ed had bailed. And then Dex had spent the evening not going out for some jazz, but staying in, getting drunk on IPAs and wolfing down half a pizza. Idiot.

  He stood under the shower for an extra long time, letting the pounding water wash away his negativity. As his rational mind took over, he realized getting involved with Rowan’s music teacher when she was so fragile was probably not great. And then he berated himself for not even thinking about Rowan’s feelings until now. But maybe that was why he’d jumped away from the sex train that had been roaring toward him and Ed yesterday.

  Well, shit. Having to be an adult sucked sometimes.

  On the way to work, Dex’s phone buzzed, and he felt a surge of happiness when he saw it was from Ed. He dutifully did not try to read it while driving—hello, adult!—but as soon as he pulled in the parking garage and found a spot, he snatched up his phone.

  Why didn’t you tell me you were mom’s PT?

  Busted. He texted back: Against healthcare regulations. And how are you today?

  Great. I have orders from mom tho. You’re coming for Xmas. Sorry.

  And just like that, this thing with Ed was barreling ahead of Dex’s good intentions. He didn’t even have time to wipe the grin from his face when another text came through.

  Unless you have other plans. Mom would say cancel them. Sorry.

  Dex laughed. He could see Mrs. Alcott saying that. Don’t be sorry. I love your mom. Tell her I’m happy to come.

  Are you two going to gang up on me? Forget I asked that.

  Maybe. I gotta go to work. When can I see you again?

  Is tonight too soon?

  Love it. I want to make you dinner. Call you later.

  As Dex grabbed his work laptop, planning the dinner he was going to make for Ed, he remembered his earlier resolution about not getting involved with Rowan’s music teacher. A cozy dinner at his place would most probably lead to getting even more involved. Or at the very least, great sex. And then getting more involved. He should slow down. He needed to talk to Rowan. And he should probably not count on going to the Alcott’s for Christmas.

  He texted Ed again. Can we do dinner out? Maybe catch some jazz for real at the Jazz Nook?

  Sure. Friends of mine are playing tonight. I’ll get us tickets. Dinner at Coleman’s before? 6 p.m.?

  Yes. Thanks.

  Not getting involved, not getting involved… sitting across a table and then in a crowded jazz club should be safe. Just a little dinner and music between friends.

  Crap. Adulting was no fun. But seeing Ed again promised to ease the pain.

  Coleman’s was draped in festive lights, with a ribbon-bedecked wreath hanging on the door. Inside, Luther Vandross crooned holiday songs through the speakers, and the crowd at the bar was full of Christmas cheer, their hoots and laughter bouncing off the walls.

  Dex scanned the room and found Ed, who waved at him from a table by the window. He raised his hand in response and tried to keep his cool as he walked over, but the happiness bubbling up threatened to capsize that plan. It’d been a long time since he’d been this excited to be on an actual date.

  Colors from the lights reflected off Ed’s glasses. He wore a dark cable-knit sweater and black jeans and a wide smile—the picture of a hipster musician/cuddly elf. “Hello, you.”

  “Hi.” His ridiculous sense of wellbeing continued. “Good to see you.”

  Luther swung into “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” as the waitperson stopped by the table. “Hey, folks. Would you like to try one of our seasonal cocktails?”

  “Why not?” Ed said. “I think I’ll have the hot buttered rum.” He slid the drinks menu over to Dex. “What looks good to you?”

  You do. “Uh, what IPAs do you have?” he asked the waitperson.

  “No holiday drink?” Ed sounded disappointed.

  “Oh, okay. Do you have one with peppermint in it?” He fake-scowled at Ed. “Don’t judge. Peppermint bark is my favorite.”

  “You’re in luck,” said the waitperson. “We have Peppermintinis.”

  Ed gasped. “Oh my god, that sounds amazing or awful, depending on your relationship with peppermint.”

  Dex chuckled. “My relationship is very positive, so yes, I’ll have a Peppermintini.”

  “Good choice.” The waitperson nodded approvingly. “It’s like peppermint bark in a glass, only better. I’ll be back.”

  Luther had gotten to “hang the shining star upon the highest bough” and Dex was surprised to see Ed frown. “What’s wrong?”

  “Call me a purist but I never liked how they changed the lyrics to this song.”

  “They did?” Dex didn’t know who “they” were but they were making Ed upset, so Dex was mad at them too.

  Ed’s eyes widened behind his glasses. “You don’t know? Meet Me in St. Louis? Judy Garland sings this in the movie.”

  “Oh, yeah, I kind of knew that. But tell me about the lyrics.”

  “Well. The original lyrics where ‘hang the shining star’ comes in were… wait. Let me start with…” He cleared his throat and sang, “Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow.” His voice was beautifully mellow. He stopped to comment, “and here’s the true lyric—until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow.” He cocked his head at Dex, then finished softly, “So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.”

  �
��Muddle through. That’s… different.” And exactly what me and Rowan have been doing.

  “Right? It makes the song so much realer. I mean, I love this time of year but the holidays are actually hard and sad for a lot of people. The original song captured that sense of loss, and—” Ed stopped. “Sorry. I just realized I’m being hugely insensitive, talking about loss.”

  “No. It’s cool. I don’t mind.” Although it was unusual for Dex to have an open conversation about it.

  “My dad was a big fan of holiday songs and Christmas movies. I miss him this time of year.” Ed leaned back and folded his arms over his chest like maybe he needed a hug.

  “He’s no longer with you?” Dex already knew this from Mrs. Alcott but he wasn’t going to disclose what they had talked about during PT.

  “No. He died about eight years ago. Heart attack.”

  “I’m sorry. Jan—Rowan’s mom—was huge into the holiday stuff too. The decorating, the baking, the movies and music. We’re kind of lost without her doing her holiday thing.”

  This was an odd conversation for a first date. Dex hadn’t really talked about Jan’s death with anyone. He didn’t discuss it with Rowan because it was too painful for her and he wanted to protect her. But not talking about it didn’t change the fact that Jan’s death was devastating—like a crater landing in his and Rowan’s lives. And now they were surviving—muddling through—in the wreckage. Somehow sharing it with Ed helped.

  “Here you go. One hot buttered rum and one Peppermintini.” The waitperson set down their drinks. “Are you ready to order or should I come back?”

  Ed raised his eyebrows questioningly and Dex said, “Oh. I don’t know yet. I haven’t even looked at the menu.”

  “Give us a few minutes,” Ed told the waitperson. When they were alone again, Ed picked up his drink and raised it. “To muddling through.”

  Dex raised the martini glass full of a garishly pink concoction. “I’ll drink to that.” Their eyes locked and Ed’s was so full of compassionate understanding that Dex dropped his. Get it together. This is a date, not a therapy session. But all the posturing from his macho side didn’t change the fact that it felt fucking good for someone to see through his act for once—to acknowledge the pain and not try to make it all better. He lifted his glance. “Thanks.”

  “For what?”

  “For… I don’t know. Making it okay to be bummed out. But also bringing, like, the happy and merry too. It’s fun being with you.”

  “Any time.” A blush crept up Ed’s cheeks and he seemed shyly pleased.

  Dex sipped the Peppermintini. “Wow. That’s intense. Wanna try?”

  Ed shuddered. “No, thanks. I think I’ll pass.”

  After dinner, as they got ready to leave, Ed reached behind his chair and picked up an instrument case. Dex hadn’t even noticed it.

  “Are you going to play at the Jazz Nook?”

  “Probably. It’s a bunch of my friends tonight and they usually ask me to sit in on a few numbers.”

  “Wow. I can’t wait to hear you play. Is that a sax?”

  “Yes.”

  “Even better.”

  Ed laughed. “I’m glad you think so. It should be some good stuff tonight. Some originals and some old standards and, of course, holiday tunes.”

  The Jazz Nook was a few blocks down from Conrad’s. Even the streets were festive—glittery balls hung from every streetlight and all the shops were dressed up in holiday finery. As they walked, a light snow began to fall.

  “Snow too? This is the most Christmasy I’ve felt in years,” Dex remarked.

  “Isn’t it the best?” Ed stuck out his tongue.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to get a snowflake. Haven’t you ever done that? Come on.” Ed stopped and turned his face up to the sky with his mouth wide and his tongue hanging out. He looked both ridiculous and hot.

  “Oh, okay.” Dex copied him, trying not to laugh at the picture they made. A snowflake landed on his tongue. “I got one!”

  “Me too.” Ed’s eyes twinkled. “Wanna swap?”

  Dex froze as filthy hot visions of deep wet kisses overtook him.

  But the moment was ruined by a cop strolling by and giving them a stern “what are you two up to?” look. As soon as the cop’s back was to them, Dex stuck out his tongue at him, then lifted his face to try for another snowflake.

  Ed laughed so hard he bent over. “I’ve created a monster.” He took Dex’s arm. “Come on, you. I’m getting you into the Jazz Nook before you get arrested.”

  Chapter 7

  Dex followed Ed into the club, both relieved and disappointed that Ed’s comment about swapping snowflakes got sidelined by the cop. He still needed to figure out if his and Ed being together was even appropriate, given how fragile Rowan was. If they got involved, it wouldn’t be a hook up. He wasn’t going to casually sleep with Rowan’s band director. Besides, he and Ed seemed to have gone beyond casual. But nothing further could happen until Dex knew that Rowan would be okay with it.

  They found a small table toward the front of the cozy space. The Jazz Nook, Ed informed him, was founded by community jazz lovers, and ran on donations and volunteer labor. It hosted area jazz musicians, of which Eugene had many, and was also home to high school and college student performances.

  Large photos of local musicians lined the walls. Dex spotted one of Ed playing the sax. “Hey, that’s you.” He pointed and Ed nodded. “So you’re kind of a big deal around here, huh?”

  “Oh, I wouldn’t say that. Just one of many.”

  A woman came from a hallway at the side of the small stage and beckoned to Ed.

  Dex nudged him. “You’re being summoned. But I get it—you’re not a big deal.”

  Ed shrugged with a sheepish smile. “That’s Ella, one of the musicians for tonight. They probably want to talk to me about the set.”

  “Well, go. I’ll be here.”

  “You sure?”

  “Of course. I can’t wait to hear you play.”

  Ed grabbed his sax and disappeared down the hall with Ella as Dex watched, enjoying the sight of his cute butt. Then he got an IPA at the small bar and settled back down at the table. His phone buzzed with a picture from Rowan. She and Gaga smiled out at him next to an enormous tree trimmed in white and blue. Very classy. Very Gaga. He studied Rowan’s face. It was good to see her smile.

  After texting Rowan back, Dex stretched. When someone nearby smiled at him, he realized he must be smiling too. He gave them a friendly nod, then laughed inwardly. Damn. It felt good to feel good.

  Then Ed and the rest of the jazz combo walked on to the stage. A guy with a goatee greeted the audience. “We have a special treat for you tonight. Our dude Ed Alcott is sitting in on sax.”

  Applause broke out. Yeah, right—not a big deal.

  The combo swung into their first number and Dex let the music work its magic. Also, Ed up on stage playing sax was extremely hot.

  Several songs in, Ed took the mic. “This next one goes out to all of us who are getting through the season—muddling through somehow. And it’s also for a special friend of mine.”

  A jazzy instrumental of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” filled the club. When Ed’s sax solo soared out, Dex’s breath stopped and he blinked away tears.

  After the gig, they lingered on the sidewalk. The snow had stopped, leaving a light dusting. Ed’s friends invited them out for drinks, but Dex begged off. He worked tomorrow, and he also figured more alcohol would only make it harder to resist jumping Ed’s bones. Because, damn. Add hot saxophone player to the rest of Ed’s many charms, and Dex was basically gone. Practically head over heels. And definitely infatuated.

  “Well,” Ed said. “This was great.” He seemed uncertain. “Would you like to come over?”

  “Hell, yeah. But… I should have said this before. I’m not sure about how Rowan would handle us getting involved.” When Ed’s expression changed, Dex hastily added, “It’s
not that I’m not interested. I am. But—”

  “No, I get it. I should have been thinking about that myself. You’re right and I’m an idiot for forgetting about Rowan and everything she’s been going through.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far. I think we both kind of got ahead of ourselves. Because you are definitely one sexy man.”

  But that wasn’t it. Not really. It wasn’t about Ed being sexy, although he was. It was the way Ed made Dex feel. Ed had banished the constant loneliness that lingered at the edges of Dex’s life. Around him, Dex felt safe, and known, and understood. And hopeful. But how to say any of that without sounding ridiculous?

  “You are too. I’m surprised someone hasn’t already snapped you up.”

  “Ditto.” God. Inarticulate much? Dex struggled with how to convey to Ed how much he’d already done for him.

  “Well….” Ed shifted on his feet as a cold breeze ruffled his hair.

  “Listen.” Dex reached out and took hold of Ed’s shoulder. “I really like you. It’s not just about hooking up. You’re… well, you’re kind of amazing to me.”

  Ed blinked. “I am?”

  “Yeah. So I’m going to talk to Rowan. But I need to go with whatever she needs.”

  “Of course you do. And I’m okay with that. But, Dex?” Ed’s eyes had regained their twinkle.

  “Yes?” Dex was still holding his shoulder. He didn’t let go.

  “I don’t mind waiting for you.”

  Chapter 8

  Dex rolled over and silenced the alarm clock. Six a.m. after a late night was brutal, but he needed the extra time for the call he was about to make to Rowan. He paused with his finger hovering over her contact. Hmm. Maybe he should consult Gwen first. She was a wise lady. He hit her number.

  “Dex. How are you, my dear?”

  “Good. How’s everything there?”

  “Fine. It’s lovely having Rowan here.”

  “She’s doing okay?”

  “Yes.” Gwen cleared her throat.