Happy and Merry: An M/M Holiday Romance Collection

by CJane Elliott

“Yeah. That would be great for him to see.”

  “It would be an encouragement without putting any pressure on him. This Saturday at noon.”

  “Central Library?”

  “Yep.”

  “Okay. We’ll be there. Thanks, Loren.”

  “Of course. Just remember, you’re a good dad, Gabe. Ian’s lucky to have you.”

  “I hope so.” Gabe walked into the kitchen to put the kettle on. “So how are you? Anything exciting happening at the shop?”

  “Oh, honey, let me tell you. Today a customer walked in….”

  Gabe made tea and let himself be entertained by Loren’s tales of sewing drama. When he hung up, his mood was much improved.

  Gabe bolted upright in bed at the first anguished cries over the baby monitor he still kept on his nightstand. He ran to Ian’s room to find him shaking and sobbing in his race car bed, his blankie clutched in one hand. Gabe sank onto the side of the bed.

  “Ian, baby? What’s wrong, kiddo?” He ran his hand over Ian’s blond hair.

  No answer, save that heartbreaking weeping. This was bad. Ian hadn’t had a spell like this since he was three and Deb was tearing him apart with her erratic behavior.

  “Did you have a bad dream?”

  Ian nodded, then gulped convulsively as he tried to catch his breath.

  “Let me just turn on the light.” Gabe rose to flick the light switch, then returned to his perch on Ian’s bed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No. You’ll be mad at me.”

  “What? No, Ian, I’ll never be mad at you for having a bad dream.”

  “But I dreamed I wore my pink dress and you yelled at me. You’re mad at me for wearing dresses. And I love my pink dress.” Ian turned his face into his pillow and cried some more. Heart-wrenching sobs that wracked his little body.

  Tears came to Gabe’s eyes as he rubbed his back. “Oh, Ian. If you want to wear dresses, you can. Of course you can. I won’t be mad. Daddy’s not mad about that, just… a little scared.”

  That got Ian’s attention. He turned his tear-streaked face to Gabe. “Scared? Why?”

  Damn. Gabe had no idea if this was right. It went against all his notions of being a strong parent. But he owed Ian some honesty. “I’m scared that you wearing dresses will make things hard for you. People believe that… that there are only two kinds of people in the world. Boys and girls. Men and women. But that’s not really true. There are people who are kind of in between, or neither.”

  “Like Loren?” Ian’s eyes, wide and solemn, hung on Gabe’s face.

  “Yes. Like Loren. People like Loren make some people angry. They don’t want to see men or boys in dresses. They don’t want to see in-between people. They sometimes call them names or even bully them.”

  “Like Ashton did to me.”

  Gabe curled his hand into a fist. He’d love to smash this Ashton’s face. “I’m sorry that Ashton bullied you, Ian.”

  “Am I an in-between people, Dad?”

  “I don’t know, sweetie. That’s for you to say. And you might not know yet. But whatever you are—boy, girl, in-between, or neither, is perfect. You are perfect just the way you are, and I love you no matter what. And you can wear dresses all you want if it makes you happy.”

  Ian clung to him and Gabe felt a fierce protectiveness wash over him. “Hey, kiddo.”

  “What?”

  “How’d you like to go see Loren read some books at the library on Saturday? I bet he’ll be wearing one of his fanciest dresses.”

  “I wanna go. I like Loren.”

  “I like him too. Do you want to wear your pink dress tomorrow to school?”

  “Yes, Daddy.”

  “Okay, honey. Now lie back down and try to get some sleep. I’ll be right here.”

  Gabe stayed with Ian, stroking his back until he fell asleep. Then he got out his laptop and composed an email to Ms. Bailey.

  Chapter 9

  Loren leaned in the bathroom mirror and straightened his wig, then stood back to admire Lily La Rose in her full drag queen-ness. She’s looking good. Loren loved Drag Queen Story Hour. He loved the kids’ rapt faces, drinking in glamorous Lily. And he always made sure to read story books that dealt with gender because you never knew what little sweetie in the audience needed to know that they were okay exactly the way they were.

  He hoped he had some kids today. He never knew what kind of a crowd would show, but given it was the week before Christmas and the library was packed, he thought he’d get a few, along with their parents, of course. At least he’d see Gabe and Ian there.

  Gabe had called him Tuesday to report on Ian’s return to dresses. And every day since, just to touch base. They’d chatted about Ian, about their respective jobs, about the upcoming holidays. It made Loren feel wanted, that Gabe was so interested in his life.

  He’d sewn Ian’s angel gown. It was kind of uneven, one side hanging shorter than the other, but Loren had soothed himself by making a fabulous pair of wings and a halo.

  “Lily, darling, are you ready?” Ben, the community coordinator and a trans man, poked his head around the door. “Oh, aren’t you spiffy.”

  “Spiffy? If we’re not gorgeous, we need more eyelashes.”

  “You’re gorgeous, you’re gorgeous. Oh, and get ready, because there’s a bunch of kids out there today. A whole class and their teacher came. I love when that happens.”

  “Oh no, really? Why didn’t you tell me? I would have prepared more.” Lily set down the lipstick and grabbed the books she planned to read.

  “That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you, doll. Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

  Lily and Ben approached the reading spot, and she almost stopped walking when she saw the crowd of kids and parents, easily twice as many as she’d ever read for before.

  “Loren!” A child’s voice rang out, and he swung around to see Ian running his way, wearing something pink and frilly. “You’re a princess.”

  “Ian! Sweetie-pie. Oh my, aren’t you cute in your darling dress.” He knelt and held out his arms, and Ian charged into them. Looking over his head, Loren saw Gabe and Nita standing next to a black woman who might be the teacher. Nita waved and nudged Gabe, whose mouth dropped open, and Lily remembered she wasn’t Loren at the moment. Gabe strode over as she released Ian. He wore jeans and a smoky blue Henley, and Lily’s breath stopped at his handsomeness.

  “Loren?” he asked.

  “It’s Lily La Rose to you, good-looking.” They laughed. “What is all this?” she asked, surveying the crowd.

  Ian jumped up. “It’s my class! Come meet my teacher, Ms. Bailey. And Sadie. She’s my best friend.” Ian tugged on her hem.

  “Wait, Ian. Loren… uh, Lily needs to get ready to read to us. How about we let her meet everyone at the end?”

  “Okay.” Ian ran off to join his classmates while Loren and Gabe regarded each other with small smiles.

  “You invited the whole class?”

  “Yeah, I talked to Natalie—Ms. Bailey—about it and suggested it would be a good learning experience. She made it a field trip—optional, of course. Not all the kids are here but more than I expected.”

  “That’s wonderful.” Dad waved to Loren, and he waved back. “That’s my dad over there.”

  “Where?” Gabe turned to see. “Your dad comes to your Drag Queen Story Hours too?”

  “Of course. I’ll introduce you after.”

  “Cool.” Gabe paused. “Hey, are you doing anything tonight?” His cheeks pinked and he seemed almost bashful, which was adorable.

  Loren gave him a saucy smile. “No. Why?”

  “Nita is having Ian and Sadie come to her place for a sleepover.”

  “I see.” Loren lifted an eyebrow.

  “Will you come play with me?”

  His sweet hopefulness made Loren giggle. “Yes, Gabe, I’ll come play.”

  “Good.” Gabe started to walk away, then turned back. “You’re beautiful.”

  “Oh my.
Thank you. Now shoo, because you’re flustering the heck out of me.”

  Gabe laughed and went to join Ian.

  Loren took a second to compose himself, then Lily took the reins and sailed over to her chair, every inch a queen. She’d selected a book about a boy who liked to wear dresses, perfect for Ian and his classmates. She settled her dress around her, drank in their fascinated little faces, and Gabe’s gorgeous one, and began.

  Chapter 10

  “You bad boy.” Loren swatted Gabe’s arm as they strolled down the city sidewalk.

  “What?”

  “Why didn’t you warn me beforehand that the whole class was going to show up?”

  “Oh. That.” Gabe took Loren’s hand. Loren was out of drag but still had on a touch of makeup. He was bewitching in his sparkly red scarf and his swishy black skirt.

  “Yes, that.”

  “I didn’t want you to get nervous. And I wasn’t sure how many would actually turn up.”

  Gabe steered him to a bench on the riverfront path. They sat down, and Loren laid his head on Gabe’s shoulder. It gave Gabe a cozy feeling as he gazed out on the dark water. “You did a wonderful job with those kids.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I mean it. They were all totally into it. And the book was dead-on. It sounded like it’d been written about Ian.”

  “Except that kid’s parents weren’t quite as accepting as you are. I already told you this, but you’re doing a wonderful job with Ian.”

  “You can keep telling me that. Because he’s the most important thing in my life.”

  They were silent, watching the river. Some skateboarders rolled by, followed by an elderly couple holding hands. Then Loren lifted his head. “Want to walk again?”

  “Sure. But what’s the hurry?” He gently brushed aside a wayward strand of Loren’s hair.

  Loren sighed and his body relaxed against Gabe’s. “You’re right. I’m slowing down now.”

  “Good. Hey, I enjoyed meeting your dad. He’s funny.”

  “He’s a hoot. Always has been. It was hard after Mom died, so I’m glad to see him cracking the jokes again. Did I tell you we had hospice for Mom?”

  “Mia did. I’m sorry about your loss.”

  “Thanks. You hospice people are angels. I don’t know how you do it, but we couldn’t have gotten through keeping Mom at home without you.”

  The rippling water moved gently along. Gabe breathed in the cool night air and Loren’s floral fragrance. “Everyone always says that they don’t know how we do it. But I love it. It’s a calling, for sure.”

  “Oh goddess, stop being so wonderful.”

  Gabe turned to Loren with a puzzled look. “What? Why?”

  Loren grimaced. “Here’s the thing. I’m…. I find myself quite attracted to you. Despite my telling myself I’m not ready to be with someone again after my last disaster of a boyfriend. But I’m so drawn to you.”

  Gabe’s breath caught. “That’s exactly how I’m feeling about you. Drawn to you. Like a… a….”

  “Moth to a flame? Not to be cliché, or anything.”

  “That’s it.” They smiled at each other, then Gabe sobered. “But is that a bad thing?”

  “I hope not.” Loren studied his hands. “Part of my hesitation is what I went through with Stephen, my last boyfriend. When we got involved, he told me how much he loved my femme side, but after a while he started criticizing me and putting me down. Nothing I did was good enough—he hated the way I dressed, my mannerisms, everything. I was so invested in the relationship, I kept trying to make it work, to be who he wanted me to be, even if it wasn’t me. By the end I wasn’t dressing femme at all except for when I did drag, and he was trying to get me to quit that. It was terrible. Mia kept begging me to leave him, and I finally did. He helped, by fucking around behind my back. Once I found that out, that was it for me. I cut it off.”

  Gabe tightened his jaw as a gust of wind agitated the rippling water. “Wow, what an asshole. He didn’t deserve you.” He pushed another piece of Loren’s hair off his forehead and stopped before he ended up stroking his cheek, the urge to caress him was so strong.

  “Totally. But he did a number on my confidence. I second-guess myself a lot. I act like I’m not bothered by people’s reactions to me expressing myself as femme, the hostility I sometimes get. But since Stephen, I feel beaten down and wary about relationships. And I really can’t be with another cis man who is going to criticize or not be completely supportive of who I am.”

  “I understand.” Loren turned sad eyes toward the river and Gabe gave in to the tenderness pulling at him. “May I touch you?” Loren startled, then nodded.

  Gabe gently cupped his face. “You’re beautiful. You’re kind. I would never want you to be someone else. It does scare me but not about you being femme. What scares me is getting involved at all, when Ian is so young and needs me so much. But you… I want you to be around and in our lives.” Gabe let his hands drop. “And I’m scared you might not want to take on a twofer.”

  Loren drew a tremulous breath, his gaze locked with Gabe’s. “Believe me, I’m not even up to being scared about helping you parent.” His expression grew wry. “Let me wallow in my ex-boyfriend troubles so I don’t even have to think about that.”

  Gabe hoped Loren wasn’t saying what he thought he was saying. “Would you ever consider it?”

  Loren’s eyes lit up. “Of course. If you were willing to consider me as a coparent, I’d be down. I’ve already fallen for Ian.”

  “I think you’d be awesome. Ian loves you. And you have your dad as a role model.”

  “Well, yeah. I’m lucky with the parents I got. Mom was more uptight than Dad, but she loved us, and we knew it.”

  “I wish my mother was like that.” Gabe sighed, his chest heavy.

  “Why? What’s she like?” Loren snuggled closer, as if sensing the plunge in Gabe’s mood.

  “Uptight times a thousand. Religious fanatic. Hypocritical. And won’t have anything to do with me or Ian.”

  Loren sat bolt upright. “What? How can she not?”

  “I came out to her as bisexual in college. I have no idea why now. Her response was predictable. She prayed for me and condemned me all at the same time.”

  “Damn. I’m sorry.” Loren put his arm around Gabe and pulled him in.

  The clouds had scattered, and stars twinkled. Gabe leaned against the soothing presence of Loren’s warm body and swallowed over the sudden ache in his throat. “I cut off contact with her. Nita’s all the family I need.”

  “And your father?”

  “He was a good dad, but he died when I was eight.” Gabe shifted. “Where were we before we started talking about our parents and death?”

  “We were talking about us.” Loren pulled away with an inquisitive air—all sparkling and merry. “Oh, and I have a question. Does Ian know you’re bi? Like, would he be okay with you and me together, especially if we progress to having sleepovers?”

  Gabe’s cheeks warmed. Sleepovers. Hell yeah. “I’m— I don’t think he’d mind. When he was little, and I hadn’t adopted him yet but was spending a lot of time with him, I was dating a guy who would come pick me up. I also made sure to read him books that showed same-sex couples. So to him, that’s just a part of life.”

  “Okay. I have one last question.” Loren’s expression grew serious. “Gabe, are you sure about going ahead with all this? I mean, with us?”

  “Well, let’s see. May I kiss you?”

  Loren’s lips parted, then curved in a happy smile. “Thanks for asking. And yes.”

  Gabe leaned in, and Loren met his mouth with lips that were soft and seeking. The subtle fragrance of flowers filled Gabe’s senses. When Loren ran his fingers through his hair, Gabe closed his eyes and surrendered—to Loren, to all that being with him implied, to the forever that seemed to imbue this moment and make it sacred.

  “Get a room!” Raucous laughter cut through the tender scene, and they jerked apart. Two c
ollege jocks were walking by. They turned back to jeer some more. “Oh gross, it’s two guys. Get the fuck outta here!”

  “Hi, sweeties,” Loren called. “You’re cute. Does your mama let you stay out late? ’Cause I got something for youuuu.”

  The guys blanched and ran off. Loren raised a haughty eyebrow. “Pussies.”

  “Well done,” Gabe said. “But screw those guys for interrupting.” He stroked Loren’s cheek, and Loren turned and kissed his palm. Desire shot through Gabe. “Um, hell, Loren. You got me all shook up. Let me see. Oh, yeah, you were asking me if I was sure. All I’m sure of is that I want to see more of you. I want to see where this goes.”

  “Me too. Even though I’m scared to death. How about you?”

  Gabe huffed a laugh, charmed by Loren’s honesty. “Um, yeah, I’m a bit freaked at how… how right this feels. But for Ian’s sake, and probably also mine, I want to take it slow. Are you okay with that?”

  “I’m totally okay with that. That’s actually perfect for me. I’m still detoxing from Stephen, and I don’t want that to mess up what’s happening with us. So should we let Ian set the pace? Not move faster than he can handle?”

  “Exactly,” Gabe responded, relieved to be understood. As he stared into Loren’s eyes and the moon shone brightly, casting a benevolent light, relief gave way to something stronger. Joy.

  “Well?” Mia’s voice came from the dark living room as soon as Loren walked in.

  “Agh! Don’t scare me like that. What are you doing still up?”

  “Waiting for you to tell me all about your big date.”

  Loren switched on a light to find Mia stretched out on the sofa in her robe and slippers, her Kindle on the end table. “You weren’t waiting. You were reading and fell asleep.”

  “That too.” Mia sat up and patted the space next to her. “Come spill the deets.”

  “Patience.” Loren made a show of slowly unbuttoning his coat and unwinding his scarf. He put them on the hook before walking over to join Mia on the couch. “It was nice.”

  “Okay. And?”

  “He likes me.”