"You heard me," she hissed. "He ended things with you to be with me. And we've been together ever since."
"No. You're lying. Why would he do that?" I couldn't see straight. My world was collapsing in front of me.
"Well, maybe I was able to give him something you were unwilling to give?" Her words burned through my brain.
There was only one thing I didn't give him when we were together.
"Did he sleep with you during spring break?" I was praying that Brynn would say no, but deep down I knew what her response was before she even uttered the words.
"What did you expect? He was a nineteen-year-old boy! They live and breathe sex, and he was stuck dating a prude, who refused to give it up. He was going out of his mind. No wonder he came looking for me."
"You bitch." I said, sneering at her.
"Oh, get over yourself. He was horny and I was willing. Your loss."
"Oh my god...I can't believe this is happening," I said, trying to catch my breath, to wrap my brain around the past.
"How do you think I feel right now? I've been with Mayson for years...years. I uprooted my entire life to move here after college. I spend holidays with his family. I take care of his dog while he travels for work."
"He said a neighbor watched Gus."
"You know his dog's name? You fucking bastard," she said smacking Mayson's foot before glaring at me. "Get the hell out of here. You have no business being near him or his family right now. And the sight of you is making me sick!"
I didn't move.
"Get out!" She screamed into my face.
My stomach turned and instinctively I ran out of the room, tears spilling from my eyes. People walked by, looking at me with curiosity and concern.
She moved here after college? Spent holidays with his family? Things were starting to make sense. Brynn was the reason why I was not welcome at Thanksgiving. His fiancé was already with him, eating turkey and mashed potatoes with the Holts. Mayson had betrayed me...again. Everything that I thought I knew about him, about us, was a lie. A few short weeks ago, he was professing his love. And now? I was nothing but his whore.
Thoughts raced through my head as sweat collected on my furrowed brow, tears streaming uncontrollably down my cheeks. I had to get out of this hospital. It was going to swallow me whole. I had to get out. Now.
Elise was sitting quietly in a chair near the elevator lobby, iPod buds nestled deep within her ears. When she saw me, she hopped out of her seat.
"Daphne, are you okay? What happened?"
"He...I...he has a...I'm not...Oh my god, Elise." I fell apart completely in her arms as she pulled me down to a nearby chair. She stroked my hair gently as she softly whispered "Shhh" into my ear. But a few moments later I felt Elise's body tense. Her fingertips dug into the skin of my back.
"Excuse me, are you Daphne?" I looked up to see a woman in her fifties. She was beautiful despite the dark circles under her eyes. She looked so much like Mayson. Green eyes, tan skin and curly hair placed in a relaxed bun. I knew she had to be his mother. Wiping the tears away, I did my best to compose myself.
"Yes, I am." I nodded, rubbing my eyes roughly with the backs of my hands.
"Hello. I'm Cecilia, Mayson's mother. We spoke on the phone. May I sit?" she asked gingerly. I nodded through my hesitation as she sat down next to me. Elise pressed her arm around my shoulder even tighter than before, protecting me from another possible confrontation. Cecelia noticed the gesture and nodded in understanding.
"I saw you running out of Mayson's room and hoped I might catch you before you left the hospital. I would hate to think that girl chased you off."
"But she's his fiancé," I said in confusion. Cecelia's eyes widened.
"Did she say that?" Shaking her head in disgust, she continued, "Yes, of course she would. In truth, Daphne, they are dating, but my son is not engaged to anyone." She rolled her eyes. "And he certainly isn't engaged to Brynn. If he were, I would know it. Brynn has always been ten steps ahead of Mayson. She's just staking her claim is all."
"So, he's not engaged?" I asked, feeling some relief.
"No, dear, he's not. Why don't you come back to the room and we can talk."
"I'm not sure I can, Mrs. Holt." My apprehension was clear in my shaky voice.
"Please, call me Cece. And don't worry, I've sent Brynn home to cool down. You won't have to worry about her, not today anyway."
I nodded my head in agreement, and slowly we made our way back to Mayson's room. When we entered, she pulled two chairs together next to his bed and we sat in silence for a few minutes, both watching the rise and fall of Mayson's chest.
"Brynn told me you've been seeing Mayson for several months. She's infuriated, to say the least."
"Yes, I know, and she has every right to be, I guess. But, then again...so do I. I didn't know anything about her."
"Where are you from, dear? You have an accent. Midwestern, I'm guessing."
"That's right. I'm from the Chicago suburbs. Mayson and I went to school together."
"Mayson was always so happy when he came home from business trips to Illinois. I'm guessing you're the reason why." She smiled. I blushed but returned her sentiment with a soft smile.
"I'd like to think so."
"A mother always knows when something unusual is happening with her children. Mayson has been...different for a while now. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. But, seeing you here makes sense."
"To be honest, Mrs. Holt, I'm confused. Not only that, I'm angry. Really angry. I know that technically I'm 'the other woman,' but I didn't know that. I would never have done that."
"I understand."
"Mayson was my boyfriend. I didn't know a thing about Brynn." She gave me a knowing smile before shaking her head.
"I love my son. God, I love my son. But, he's always been impulsive and extremely self-absorbed. I'm sure he never meant to hurt you. Or Brynn, for that matter. Knowing Mayson, he must've had some "plan." And now, he's lying in a hospital bed and his secrets are revealed." She shook her head, laughing sadly.
"He's a good boy, Daphne...a good, good boy. Please don't give up on him, not yet."
"I can't promise you that. This is not what I expected when I got here. Not at all."
"I see." She rubbed her furrowed brow with her fingertips. Yellow gold jewelry shined from her long fingers.
"I'm not sure I could ever be with someone who cheated on me like this. For God's sake, he's been leading two separate lives. One with me, the other with Brynn. I'm not even sure I know him anymore."
"I'm not excusing him. What he's done is awful. I just think that he'll have a good reason for this. For all of this."
"What if he doesn't?"
"I don't know," she muttered, shaking her head.
"You don't know me at all. Why would you want me to stay?"
"Look,I'm going to be honest. I've never been a big fan of Brynn. She's not the type of woman I want Mayson to be with. She's selfish and spoiled and has been climbing the social ladder of Charleston for years."
"Oh, I didn't realize--but what does that have to do with me?"
"When I told you something was different with Mayson, I meant it. He's been happier, kinder, and gentler these past few months. He's been a joy to be around...until Thanksgiving, that is. He was a royal pain in the ass on that holiday." She laughed, stroking his arm and patting his wrist.
"He did tell me that day was a hard day," I said, remembering our uncomfortable conversation the following day. She raised a curious eyebrow before continuing.
"He and Brynn arrived on Wednesday and he hardly spoke a word the whole time they were there. He sat on the couch with his brothers, watching football, drinking beer. Normally, he stands in the kitchen with me while I cook the bird and make my pralines. He tells me stories about all the projects he's working on, the buildings he has a hand in designing. But not this year. This year he hung with the men and left Brynn and I alone in the kitchen."
Starin
g at Mayson's pale, lifeless body, I tried to imagine him at home with his family. But, I couldn't. The thought of him with Brynn made me ill.
"Couples have their ups and downs," Cece continued. "Even though I secretly hoped he was finally going to break up with her, I assumed this was one of their downs."
Mayson's words creeped into my head. I did a lot of thinking as I sat at my mother's dining room table last night, wishing you were there with me.
I was the reason Mayson was not himself with his family, the reason he kept to himself on the couch watching football. But, was I merely a distraction from a down cycle with Brynn? After all, I was the other woman in this equation, even though the thought of that made my blood boil. I couldn't let myself forget it.
"What happened to him? The accident, I mean. You didn't give me details over the phone."
"He went out for a morning run about two weeks ago. He had his iPod going way too loud, as always. Ever since he was a boy, he's always turned his music up way too high.I always thought he'd lose his hearing, but this was so much worse."
"Was he hit by a car?"
"Yes, a stupid teenager was texting and didn't see him jogging into the intersection. By the time she saw him, it was too late. Thank God she did know well enough to call 911 before even getting out of her car. The doctors were able to get him into surgery quickly and that has saved his life up until this point. But, I could just kill that girl." Tears streamed down her face as she stroked Mayson's hand. All I could think about was that damn iPod and the songs I picked out for him. He was listening to my music when he was hit.
Cece wiped her tears with a stroke of her hand and continued, "You need to prepare yourself. His outlook isn't good."
"Oh God," I said, placing my hand in front of my mouth.
"Of course, I can tell you to prepare yourself. But I'll never be prepared to lose my baby."
"I'm so sorry," I said, my heart sinking for her, for me, for Mayson.
"The doctors say there is a fifty percent chance that he may never be able to breathe on his own. I doubt my son would approve of being kept alive by machines."
"But there's a fifty percent chance that he'll be okay?" I asked, wiping my tears with a tissue.
"There's always a chance, but the doctors are warning us not to be too hopeful. They call it a traumatic brain hemorrhage. His kind is one of the worst, an acute subdural hematoma," she said, reading from the chart placed by Mayson's feet. "I can never remember the exact term on my own, I always need to look at the chart. Mother's defense mechanism, I guess."
She shrugged. My heart broke for Cecelia who had opened herself up to me despite our circumstances. I wished so badly that I had the power to take her pain away. Selfishly, I wanted to see Mayson's stunning green eyes again. I wanted to tell him that I loved him and know that he could hear me. I wasn't sure if I could ever trust him again. But, I wanted him to live...even if wasn't with me.
Despite his deceit, despite his lies, in this moment I was bound to him, to his mother, to his family. I had to know he was going to be okay.
Later that afternoon, I returned to Elise who was patiently waiting for me in the uncomfortable hospital chairs. Right away, I felt relieved by her presence. Elise stared at me in disbelief as I finished explaining everything that had transpired in Mayson's hospital room.
"What do I do, Elise? Please, tell me...tell me what I should do." I searched her face for answers, but couldn't find any. She shrugged her shoulders compassionately and rubbed my forearm softly before speaking.
"Things with Mayson have always been complicated. You've never seemed quite comfortable with him, not quite yourself. I've noticed that for years."
"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked, my eyes burning, my nose painfully red.
"It wasn't my place," she said. "You loved him and you still do. You're my best friend in the entire world and I just want you to be happy."
"You said I'm not myself with him. What do you mean?"
"You always seem so unsure of yourself when you're with him. As if you're on your best behavior or something. And honestly, that's not how love should be. Just ask Henry! I'm myself with him, completely and utterly myself. Sometimes it sucks to be my husband. But he loves me anyway. He loves me when I'm bitchy, when I'm moody, and when I'm jealous. He just loves me."
"Mayson told me he loved me..."
"I know, honey. But how well does Mayson actually know you, the real you? Please don't misunderstand me. You are wonderful. You're funny, kind, and sensitive. You light up a room. I know he sees that! But, when you've had a bad day, do you let him see it? When you're pissed off at him, do you let him have it? I know you don't. And to be with someone, really be with someone, he has to know you inside and out, the good and the bad." I hung my head, knowing that she was absolutely right. I held back my feelings with Mayson. I built my wall to keep myself safe. How could he possibly love someone he didn't really know?
"I still love him. But, this kind of betrayal, I don't know if I can ever forgive this. It's too much."
"Daph, if you want to leave, we will. If you want to stay, we'll stay. Just give yourself some time to decide." Elise took my hand in hers and squeezed it tight. "You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. Remember that." She smiled gently, squeezed my hand one more time, and gestured towards the door.
"Let's get you out of here. You need to clear your head and you can't be here any longer. You need some distance from Mayson, from Brynn, and even from his family. You need to figure out what you want, my friend."
#
Chapter 17
Return
It had been six weeks since I sat with Cece in Mayson's hospital room. Mayson's condition had not changed at all. Cece had warned me that the doctors were starting to become more and more pessimistic about his outlook. Christmas was awful without him. Not that we had ever spent any holidays together, but I'd been so hopeful that this would be our first. I had called Cece that morning to wish her a Merry Christmas. In my gut, I knew she would be with Mayson in his hospital room. She couldn't bear to leave him. The rest of the family returned to South Carolina as she decorated his sterile room with garland and some of his favorite childhood ornaments. It didn't make a difference.
I was back at home, trying my best to live my life. Elise and Morgan let me talk through my frustration and sadness. I tried really hard to hide it while at work, but I don't think I did the best job. Other faculty members had noticed that I was keeping to myself and not coming to Happy Hour or other social events. I'd chosen to keep most of it private, especially because I was embarrassed that, technically, Mayson and I had been having an affair. Afraid of judgment, I'd kept my mouth shut, only revealing the details of my misery to Morgan and Elise.
Morgan and I were making popcorn, preparing to watch a crazy reality show when my cell phone rang. My heart jumped when I saw that it was Cece. She usually sent text messages to let me know that Mayson's condition was the same. Maybe she was calling with good news!
"Hello, dear," she said. Her voice was sullen and instantly I was terrified.
"Cece, hi, how are you?"
"I don't know how to say this..." Her voice trailed off.
"What is it? Is Mayson okay?"
"No, dear. He isn't. They found a bleed in his brain last night. They brought him in for emergency surgery, but they couldn't stop the bleed. And now he's having constant seizures. Every few minutes. They keep happening."
"Oh my god."
"His poor body just can't take it. His brain activity has plummeted."
"What does that mean?"
She signed into the phone before answering. "His brain is shutting down. We have to let him go."
"Oh no..." I said, looking up at the ceiling, trying to suppress my tears.
"Come and say goodbye, Daphne. If that's what you want to do. I know you've been conflicted."
"No, of course I will come, I--"
"We're turning the machines off tomorrow morning. I
begged the doctors to wait until then, so that his brothers could be here. But, I have no idea how long he will still...be with us when they turn them off. For all we know, he's gone already."
"Of course," I said, my voice weak and frail. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. This was a nightmare and, rather than waking up from this wretched dream, I now had to force myself to get on an airplane and continue the agony. But I needed to be there, for Mayson and for Cece. I needed to say goodbye, to kiss his cheek, and tell him again that I really did love him.
Walking through the hospital doors felt surreal. I was returning after a few long, excruciating weeks, and yet it felt as if I never left. The elevator delivered me to Mayson's floor, and I was flooded with memories, the good and the bad, the kisses and the tears, the wonderful conversations and the things left unsaid.
My heart catapulted into my throat as I approached his room. Overcome with emotion, I was terrified that Brynn would be inside. I didn't want to cause her any more pain, but I also wanted to have my own goodbye with Mayson without her watching and judging my every word.
Brynn was nowhere to be found as I entered the room. I let out a huge sigh of relief, but the tears streamed from my eyes as I saw Mayson lying helplessly in the bed. The hum of the respirator was absent and the silence was maddening. Cece was sitting next to Mayson and she gestured for me to join her. She stroked his hand lovingly and it was clear that he was still with us for the time being.
"Daphne, I'm so relieved that you're here. We're pretty sure he doesn't have much more time. His pulse has slowed significantly since they disconnected the machines an hour ago. I'm going to step outside and let you have a moment. I'll be back though. I need to be with my baby when he goes." She wiped a lone tear from her cheek. I offered her a sympathetic smile while rubbing her arm gently. She squeezed my hand briefly before walking out of the room.
I slid the chair next to the side of the bed and held both his hands in mine. I needed to say goodbye, even though I couldn't possibly imagine a world without Mayson in it.
"I'm so glad I got to see you one last time, Mayse. I would've regretted it forever if I hadn't. I know I should be angry with you. I should be furious, but I'm not. I'm too devastated to be angry. I thought this was it, Mayse. I thought it'd be you and me." I sobbed, wiping my tears with my sleeve.
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