"But remember, she said it would take some time for us to be happy. Maybe that's why I never noticed him before tonight."
"Look, I like Evan. He's actually a really cool guy. I would love it if you dated him. Hell, I'd be thrilled if you two fell in love. But, I also don't want you to do anything stupid."
"I'm not going to sleep with him," I said, shaking my head.
"Good."
"Mayson left me, Morgan. He left."
"I know, honey," she said, placing my hair behind my ears.
"I'm so confused..."
Evan locked his hands with mine when I returned to the dance floor. Placing them on his shoulders, I intertwined my fingers behind his neck and drew him closer. My lips parted and he pressed his mouth to mine. Our tongues danced along with our bodies on the dance floor. A little voice inside my head was yelling at the top of her lungs, begging me to stop, to check my cell phone, to call a cab back to my apartment, anything to pry myself off of this eager young man in front of me. But I had no interest in listening to that voice. Evan was my escape. My intoxication and my yearning for something real pulled me towards him. He was my antidote for the pain and heartache that was Mayson.
After one kiss, though, it felt wrong. Horribly wrong. As I pulled my lips away from Evan, his forehead crinkled in confusion.
"Are you okay?" he asked over the music, placing his hand on my cheek.
"I can't--I, I'm sorry."
"Um...okay," he said, running his fingers through his hair.
"I have a boyfriend. I shouldn't have kissed you."
Evan shook his head as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. My shoulders slumped in embarrassment.
"It's okay. Seriously."
"I didn't mean to lead you on."
"You're just a heartbreaker. I get it," he said.
"I'm just giving you a hard time," Evan said, touching my elbow. "Hey...still want to dance?"
"Seriously? Are you okay with that?"
"Yeah, I was having fun even before the kiss...you know, before you dropped the bomb on me," he said with a playful grin. I shook my head, looking down at my feet, and laughed in spite of myself.
A new song began and Evan and I danced...and danced and danced. I still felt terrible about Mayson, but at least I wouldn't have any regrets. I couldn't control what he did, but I could control myself. And I was having a great time with a witty guy who liked to make me laugh. It was a pretty decent night after all.
The next morning, my room was spinning. I rolled over to find Evan sleeping on my floor covered by the fleece blanket from my couch. As we talked into the night, I heard his breathing slow and had to cover him up. But, part of me didn't expect to see him when I woke up.
When the room came into focus, the realization that Mayson promised to call today came buzzing through my brain. The thought of having to deal with him made my stomach flip.
Why couldn't I have just said those three words? That's all he wanted from me. Just three little words.
Running to the bathroom, I grasped the toilet seat, pushing it away from myself as I heaved uncontrollably. Regret spilled from my eyes with my tears. Sobbing into the toilet, I could think of nothing but Mayson. Eventually I was able to catch my breath.
After brushing my teeth, I sat back down on the bathroom floor, not wanting to go back to my room. I was sure Evan was awake by now and I was mortified. I remembered talking until our voices drifted off to sleep. He knew all about Mayson. All about my problems. And he was still here. Pressing the back of my head against the wall, I looked up at the ceiling.
How did things become such a mess?
A soft knock on the door startled me. "Daphne, are you okay? Can I get you anything?"
I reached up to open the door slightly and Evan peeked in. He was dressed in his clothes from last night and the tone of his voice told me he was worried.
"Hey," he said softly. His face looked just as handsome as it did last night. If only that was enough.
"Thanks for staying. You didn't have to do that," I said, tears forming in my eyes.
Evan stepped in and sat down next to me, putting his head against the wall. He turned towards me and gently pushed the bangs from my eyes. I felt genuine warmth coming from him.
"I've taken care of drunk women before." He laughed. "You needed someone to talk to. I could tell. I was going to leave once you fell asleep, but then I kinda drifted off too. Thanks for covering me up."
"Of course," I said. "I'm shocked Morgan let you bring me home."
"She asked me to. She wanted to make sure you got home okay, and they had to head back early. Don't you remember that?"
"Oh...yeah, I guess some of the night is hazy."
"Matt and I have been friends for a while. He knows I'm a good guy."
"Sorry,that was...sorry." I said, shaking my head.
"It's all right. Believe it or not, I had fun last night."
"You did?" I paused, "Yeah, I guess I did too."
"You're a good dancer. We killed it out there."
"Thanks," I said.
"Do you have any Sprite in your apartment? It'll settle your stomach. Or toast. Can I make you some toast?"
"I can't let you do that."
"Whatever. C'mon," he said, standing up and extending his hand to me. I took it in mine and he pulled me up.
"Lead the way," he said, gesturing toward the kitchen.
Evan and I enjoyed a breakfast of Sprite over ice and toast with butter and cinnamon sugar. It was the only thing my stomach could handle. But, it hit the spot.
"It's too bad you don't have any bacon in your fridge," he said with a bite of toast in his mouth.
"Why's that?"
"I make really good bacon and eggs."
"No offense, but neither of those things sounds good to me. At all."
Evan laughed, "Yeah, I could see that. Some other time, maybe."
Such a flirt. And he really was handsome. Knowing just how thoughtful, just how considerate this man was just made me feel worse, though. I didn't want to lead him on. My heart was in Colorado.
"Can we be friends?"
"I kinda thought we already were. We did talk for hours last night," Evan said, taking a sip of his Coke.
"True," I said with a nod.
"Look, you have a boyfriend. I get it. No worries."
"Thanks for being so cool about this."
"I like that you're so up front with me...and you didn't cheat on your boyfriend. I respect that." His voice was solemn. And I knew he'd been hurt before. Whoever she was, I wanted to smack her. He deserved better than that. But, that meant that maybe Mayson deserved better than me.
"I should tell him...about the kiss."
"That's up to you," he said, placing his empty plate by the sink. "The important thing is that you put him first. You stopped it and the rest of the night was innocent."
"True," I said.
"But, I can tell by the face you're making, you're going to confess it all, aren't you?"
I laughed through the tears that were building in my eyes. Evan was absolutely right.
"Yeah, I probably will."
"You're honest. I like that."
"I'm also a cheater."
"I think you're being too hard on yourself."
"So you don't think he'll be pissed?"
"Oh, yeah, he'll be pissed. No guy wants to think about their girl kissing another guy. But, eventually he'll probably be glad you told him."
"I hope you're right."
"Listen, I gotta run," he said, grabbing a post-it note from my counter and scribbling on the paper. "But, if anything changes...give me a call."
"Isn't that a little presumptuous?"
"Maybe," he shrugged with a grin.
"Thank you so much. For staying, for breakfast, for everything. You're a good guy, Evan."
"You're welcome." He placed a small kiss on my cheek. "It's going to be okay. Really it is."
After walking Evan to the door, I slump
ed down to the floor, placing my head in my hands. Today, I'd do whatever it took to make things right with Mayson. I'd tell him I loved him, beg for forgiveness, and tear down my wall. I just hoped it wasn't too late.
#
Chapter 15
Call
"So, how long has it been?" Elise asked. We were sitting at a local Chinese restaurant. She held her chopsticks in anticipation, waiting for me to tell her the last time I heard from Mayson.
"Two weeks. It's killing me. I was finally ready, Elise. I was ready to tell him everything that I've been feeling about him, about us. I keep sending him text messages and calling his cell, but I can't reach him. Do you think he's ending this?"
"No," Elise said, shaking her head. "There must be a reason why you haven't heard from him."
"I think I've been dumped. Maybe I deserve it."
"Oh stop it. If he's walking away because you froze under pressure, then he's an idiot."
"He's not--"
"Yes, he is." Elise said, pushing her bangs away from her face.
"What am I gonna do?"
I raised my chopsticks towards my mouth forcing in another bite of beef and broccoli. Just as the food touched my lips, I heard the familiar ring tone of my cell phone. My stomach did a cartwheel as I dug through my purse, searching for the phone, praying that I could find it before he hung up.
"Mayson? Mayse?" The pause on the other end of the line made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
"Daphne, hello. My name is Cecelia Holt. I'm Mayson's mother." Why on earth would Mayson's mother be calling me? I couldn't think of any possible reason, unless, unless.... "I've received all of your messages and texts. Mayson is not ignoring you, dear. He's been in a serious accident."
My body grew numb. I couldn't feel my fingers or my toes. Panic overwhelmed me as I waited for Mrs. Holt to continue, but there was silence.
"Is he all right? Is he alive?" My voice was cracking with anticipation and worry. Tears welled in my eyes and my hands began to quiver. Elise placed her chopsticks on the table, looking at me with questioning concern.
"Yes, he's alive. But, he's on life support. We're hoping that he'll recover from his injuries, but right now, his outlook is...well, it's not good." Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat.
"Can I see him?"
"Of course, dear, that's why I called. It's obvious that you two are...close, and I wanted you to have the opportunity to see him."
The walls were closing in all around me as I wrote down the address of the hospital. My life would never be the same after this phone call. That realization disturbed me to my core. Hanging up with Mrs. Holt, I slumped in my chair, staring into space.
"Daphne? Daph! Honey, what's going on? You're as pale as a ghost." I could barely hear Elise. All I could hear was the sound of my heart pumping blood through my veins. Her arms wrapped around me as tears flooded my eyes, streaming down my face and neck.
"I could lose him, Elise. I could lose him and he'd never know how I feel about him. He'll never know that I love him."
"Mayson?"
I nodded, "He was in an accident. A really bad one. And I wasn't there."
"This isn't your fault. How could you have known?"
"I know, but god knows how long ago this happened. I haven't seen him in weeks. I'm gonna lose him..."
We sat in silence for several minutes. Elise slowly stroked my arms with her fingertips, trying desperately to comfort me as best she could.
"What am I going to do?" I asked as I wiped my cheeks, feeling completely defeated.
"You're getting on the next plane to Denver. And I'm going with you," she said confidently as she stroked my hair. "You're not going to lose him, Daph. You're going to sit by his bed, talk to him, and help him wake up. And then you're going to spill your guts and get your goddamn happily ever after." I nodded, wiping away the tears on my cheeks.
We arrived in Denver the following day. The hotel we'd booked was only a few blocks away from St. Joseph's Hospital, so we quickly checked in to the hotel and started walking. It was early afternoon and Elise suggested stopping for lunch, but I couldn't. I had to get to Mayson. She held my hand as we rode the elevator to his floor. The nurse directed us towards his room and I felt like I was swaying through a dream. This couldn't actually be happening. The only man I'd ever loved couldn't possibly be here fighting for his life.
"Deep breaths, honey. It's going to be okay," Elise said softly. "I'm going to wait in the elevator lobby. You go ahead inside," she continued as we approached his room. I saw Mayson through the glass. His beautiful, sandy brown hair was gone. His head had been shaved and a long cut lingered across the right side of his skull. His eyes were closed and he was hooked up to several machines, IV bags giving him much needed nourishment. He looked like he'd lost a significant amount of weight and I wondered how long he'd been like this. When did this happen? Did it happen while I was so carelessly kissing Evan on the dance floor? Did it happen when I was having breakfast with Evan wishing I could make things right? Guilt plagued me and I could think only of the betrayal that I'd committed. I was a horrible person, a horrible girlfriend. And I didn't deserve him.
The room was empty. Thank God. It felt like my guilt was a being in and of itself, standing next to me, shouting my betrayals to the world. Mayson was lying lifeless in the small bed. His arms were stretched out at his sides and tubes were in his mouth. His chest rose and fell in a hypnotic rhythm. Tears pulled at my eyes as I stared at him from the foot of the bed. My once strong and vibrant love was now so still, so calm, so broken.
My legs felt uneasy so I grabbed an armchair from the corner of the room. Bringing it to the side of the bed, I sat and locked my hand with Mayson's. I was powerless to stop the tears that poured from my eyes. I kissed his hand, stroking it as gently as I could, as I looked at him through swollen eyes.
"Oh, Mayse. What the hell happened?" I wept, stroking his thumb, his fingers, his wrist, hoping that somehow my touch would magically bring him back to me. But it didn't. His chest continued to rise and fall with the machines. The IV dripped softly into his veins, and the guilt in my heart continued to haunt me. It was time to confess my sins.
"I did something horrible, Mayse. I betrayed you and I'm so, so sorry. But, if you can just wake up and talk with me about it, I know things can get better. I can be better...for you. Please, Mayse..." I sobbed uncontrollably into his limp hand.
"I know that I don't deserve you. But, the past few months have been the best and worst of my life. They've been awful because I've been fighting with myself over not wanting to be hurt again. But I'm done with that, Mayse, because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You make me feel things that no one else ever has. I'm ready to tear down my wall. I'm ready to be with you, here, now. Won't you please wake up and be with me? Please? I love you, Mayson. Come back to me."
I'm interrupted by a sharp voice. "Come back to you?" A young woman with long, silky blond hair was staring at me from the doorway. Her piercing blue eyes were angry, stabbing. She cocked her head to the side and hissed, "Who the hell are you? And why on earth are you telling my fiancé that you love him?"
#
Chapter 16
Brynn
"Your fiancé?" I asked, feeling the sting of her words all over my body. Shocked, confused, and alone, I stood up and looked down at Mayson. I glared at him through clenched teeth.
You son of a bitch.
"Yes!" she screeched, dramatically pointing down at him. "The man I'm going to marry!" She took a deep breath, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Who are you? I want an answer!" She crossed the room until she was only inches away from my face. I could smell her perfume. It was a heavy floral scent that made my stomach churn. Her skin was pale and her eyes bright. Such delicate features for someone so venomous.
My pulse was out of control and my heart was breaking. Mayson was not mine, he was someone else's. He was not the man I thought he was. Not at all. If he wasn't alr
eady unconscious, I'd want to punch him. For weeks, I'd been agonizing over a kiss. A stupid kiss. When he has a fiance.
Told you so, Daphne. It was just a matter of time.
"Mayson and I went to college together. We dated then, but reconnected this summer. We've been dating for a few months." My voice trailed off at the end. I was terrified to find out where this conversation was leading and what would be revealed in its wake.
"Daphne, right?"
"Yes," I said in surprise, "how do you know my name?"
"Well, isn't that just fantastic?" she said, her voice dripping with anger and sarcasm. She glared at Mayson with a look that showed she was no longer surprised by the sight of me.
"I'm Brynn," she said, raising her eyebrows, looking for some recognition of her name. But I'd never heard it before and she rolled her eyes at that realization. "I don't know why that doesn't surprise me. I know who you are. I know all about you."
"I don't understand."
"What I didn't know is that you two have been having a fling right under my nose."
"It wasn't a fling," I said angrily, defending myself. Her icy blue eyes continued to overwhelm me, but I would not give up without a fight. "It was much more than that. He told me he loved me."
"Well, obviously he told both of us a lot of things," she snapped defiantly, crossing her arms, her gorgeous amber mane falling past her shoulders.
I narrowed my eyes, looking at her and reflecting on what she had said. "How do you know my name?"
"Because he told me about you."
"When?"
"Ugh. I've known Mayson since high school. I stayed in Charleston for college. We started going out sophomore year when he came home for break. You know, right before you two broke up. Put the pieces together."
"He what?" My thoughts were racing. He broke up with me for her? He lied to me in college, told me he needed to get his priorities straight, focus on his future. I felt helpless, scared, and out of control. I looked desperately to Brynn for more answers. I needed more pieces of the puzzle in order to make them fit.
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