“Suit yourself.” She popped the beer and took a drink as she led him into her living room.
He looked around the room and saw a pile of things on her coffee table next to a box that said “Ryan’s Locker.” His stomach tied itself in a double knot. They sat down on her couch and Avery handed him a blue envelope.
“This is addressed to you. It was in Ryan’s locker at the hospital when he died.”
He regarded the envelope with apprehension.
“I’ll take it with me and open it later. I really need to get to Nicole’s.”
“Aaron. I know how selfish this sounds. I could have opened this without you—I wanted to. But it’s yours. I just really want to know what’s inside. I need to see it and I think you do, too.”
Her grim expression convinced him to appease her. He ripped the envelope open, and a DVD accompanied a birth announcement with Ike’s picture. The DVD had a post-it attached that said ‘watch me” in Ryan’s familiar scrawl.
“I think I’ll take that beer now, Avery,” he murmured, and she left the room, returning with the entire case. He popped the top of one, gulping half of it down. As he stared at his reflection on the DVD, Aaron’s heart thudded in his chest. Though certain things couldn’t get more ugly than they had in Minnesota, Ryan seemed to have thrown him a posthumous curveball. For a moment he considered snapping it in half, but he glanced at Ike’s baby picture and stopped himself. As if she’d read his mind, Avery plucked it from his hand, and placed it in her DVD player. She joined him on the couch and after they exchanged a tense look, he chugged the rest of his beer. She moved close to him, like a small child afraid of the dark. He threw an arm around her and Avery pressed play.
They were instantly greeted with a zoomed in close-up of Ryan’s face as he adjusted his webcam. Aaron saw the familiar brick wall behind him, and knew the DVD was filmed in their Chicago apartment. Ryan was wearing his old Hawkeye shirt from back in the day. He looked happy, but exhausted.
“Hey, buddy. I tried to call you, but it looks like you changed your number, too. Mitch said you’re back in J.P. so I’m coming to see you. I hope you won’t shoot me for being on your property.”
Avery and Aaron both snorted.
“There’s no easy way to begin, so here goes: You were right. I was wrong. When you walked out that door, I was terrified. I knew I’d lost you and was pretty damn sure I was going to lose Nic. I pulled all the bottles out of the minibar and the pills out of my bag and started planning a cocktail to end it.” Ryan stopped talking and looked away, his jaw clenching.
“Lucky for me, Avery happened to text me a picture of Anna in her Halloween costume. I just couldn’t put my family through it.” They watched as Ryan took a deep breath and covered his eyes, as if reliving the event.
“Aaron, I tried to stop. For real. I knew you were serious about telling Nicole, so I sent the email from Nic’s account and changed our phone numbers.” Ryan paused, looking up as if he was in pain from the memories.
“A month later, I slipped up again and she caught me. She said she was pregnant and she was done with me. She was leaving and I would never know my own kid. That was my rock bottom. So I started counseling.”
Avery sniffled next to him, and Aaron sat with a hand over his mouth, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.
“Even if you never speak to me again, it’s important that you know what you said to me made a difference. You can show this to Nic if you feel you have to, but I hope you won’t. I’m getting help. I want to be the husband she deserves and I want to be a great dad, like mine.”
They watched as Ryan bent down and picked up a newborn baby.
“Aaron, this is Isaac … or as Nic insists on calling him, Ike.” Ryan rolled his eyes and grinned. “You know Nic—it’s more ‘rock n roll.’ I want you to be his godfather. I can’t think of anyone better to look out for my son.”
Tears rolled down both of his cheeks and Aaron sniffed. Avery covered her face next to him.
Ike started fussing and Ryan murmured comfortingly to him. He turned back to the camera, his happy eyes glistening with tears.
“I’ll see you soon, man. I have to go.” The TV screen faded to black.
Aaron was stunned speechless. He and Avery sat frozen, staring at the static on the television.
He stood abruptly and threw on his coat.
“Where are you going?” Avery cried. He picked up the case of beer and stuck it under his arm.
“I’m going to see Ryan.”
“Wait. Let me go with you.” She went for her coat and purse.
“No. I need to do this shit alone.” He was out the door before she could argue. He opened the truck door and then slammed it shut. He knew he’d be way too drunk to drive by the time he was through. He headed out on foot. All the way to the cemetery, he fumed. Rage overtook logic, and he downed another beer. He haphazardly threw one empty beer can after another in the ditch along the way. Finally he arrived at the cemetery and stumbled along in the dark toward Ryan’s grave. He shone a flashlight at the tombstones; he didn’t want to bitch out the wrong ghost. He finished the can he held in his hand, crumpled it and threw it at the headstone. It bounced off and disappeared in the darkness.
“You son of a bitch. Just when I think you can’t top yourself, the fabulous Ryan Harper does it again. You had to be great at everything. Now you can even haunt with the best of them.” The night was still, and he heard an owl hoot nearby.
He plopped down into the snow, leaning against Ryan’s grave. He picked up a bottle of beer someone had left and popped it open. After sniffing it, he took a swig.
“Not bad. Only the best for you, my good man.” He dumped some on the grave. “One for me and one for my homie.”
He drank the rest of the bottle, then a couple more beers even though his head was already spinning.
“Man, I shouldn’t have said that stuff about the car hitting you. We’re not better off without you.” He felt new tears on his face. The thought that Ryan had lived a year after their fight and they’d never spoken broke his heart all over again. He slammed more beer as the tears rolled on.
That fucking overachiever even had to die when someone told him to.
“I can’t believe you sent me that email and let me think Nicole didn’t want to talk to me anymore. That was low, even for you. I ought to dig you up and kick your ass all over again. Now I’ve got to decide whether to tell her about the DVD. Thanks a lot.”
He angrily wiped away more tears.
“I love Nic, Ryan. With all that I’ve got. I’m going to marry that girl. And to answer your question, no—I won’t be Ike’s godfather. I’m going to be his father.” A coyote howled in the distance.
“Hello there.” A deep voice came out of the night. Aaron jumped, nearly pissing himself as a flashlight turned on under Jack’s face and he plopped down next to Aaron.
“Hey, Jack.” Aaron popped another beer open and handed it to Jack, who accepted it silently. They sat drinking, by the light of their flashlights. Aaron sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve.
“Should I start planning the bachelor party now?” They both laughed, and then stopped. Then Aaron started laughing again.
“Well … maybe I should ask her first. She might have an opinion on that.”
“Yeah, they usually do.” They sat for a bit and finished their beers. Aaron opened another.
“Ryan wasn’t just my friend, Jack. He was family.” Aaron’s voice shook and he didn’t care.
“I know, amigo.” They drank another beer in silence. Jack stood and paced around to stay warm. Aaron realized he was soaking wet from sitting in the snow for so long.
“I gotta take you back to Avery’s dude. She’s flipping out,” Jack reasoned.
“Can you drive us to the city?” Aaron stood, his head spinning. He nearly fell over, but Jack snatched him by the sleeve.
“Why?”
“Gotta get a ring.”
“Listen, Romeo
. I already have Shilah in the truck, drunk as shit. So you’ve got two options. You can go to Avery’s and you can sleep this off or I can dump you at Shilah’s hotel.”
“Can’t you drop me at Nicole’s?”
“I don’t think she’d appreciate that in your current condition.”
Aaron uttered a resigned sigh.
“I’ll go to Avery’s. My truck’s there.” When they returned to Jack’s truck, Shilah was passed out in the passenger seat.
Jack heaved a tired sigh. “You two need to get your shit straight or I’m fixin’ to move back to Texas where men can hold their liquor.”
Aaron woke up to the sound of Avery banging pans around in the kitchen. He smelled bacon, and short of a slight headache and cottonmouth, saw no sign of the epic hangover he so richly deserved. As he rolled off the couch, he recalled every stupid thing he’d said in the cemetery the night before. He thought about saying he’d be Ike’s father to Ryan. He felt petulant and regretted verbalizing it.
He didn't remember much after Jack dropped him at Avery's. Groaning, he glanced at the box of Ryan's possessions and rubbed his face with his hands.
When he walked into the kitchen, Avery was piling food onto two plates. She glanced up, and looked a hell of a lot worse than he felt.
“I hope to hell you're hungry,” she murmured.
“I could eat. I think I have frostbite on my ass cheeks.”
“Me too.”
“Did you call Nicole last night? All I told her was that I'd be late.”
“Mm hmm. Then you called Nicole and went on and on. She finally made you give me the phone.”
Maybe I don’t remember everything…
“Christ, Aves. What did I say?”
“You told her all about Ryan's DVD. I tried to stop you from calling her, jackass.”
Aaron hid his face in his hands, elbows on the table.
“She's cool, Aaron. According to her, none of it was a big surprise. She was worried about you, though.”
Aaron cringed at his behavior.
“Is that all I said?”
“Besides telling her you loved her about a hundred times? Yeah.”
Aaron uttered a relieved sigh and looked around.
“Where’s Shilah?”
Avery stopped eating mid-bite and put her fork down.
“I heard he moved in with you.”
“He did. It just didn’t work out.” She picked up her fork and began to eat again.
“Must have been a hell of a fight.”
She shrugged and continued to chew.
“He told me he took you to meet his parents. That’s some serious shit for a guy, Aves.”
“He left me.”
“I’ll talk to him.” Aaron’s expression softened as he saw her work to maintain a poker face.
“Don’t bother. You have enough on your plate. Are we going to go get this ring, or what?”
Aaron gaped at her, stunned. They both turned at the sound of someone coming in the front door.
“Knock-knock! Hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Sandra Harper’s voice carried into the kitchen just before she appeared in the doorway. She glanced at Aaron, her lips set in a hard line.
“Spreading yourself a little thin, aren’t you, Aaron?” She didn’t make eye contact with him. Aaron paused mid-bite, surprised at the speed with which Sandra went for the jugular.
“Really, Mom?” Avery scoffed.
“Good to see you too, Mrs. Harper.” Aaron heaved a sigh and continued to eat his bacon.
“I hear you’ve been spending a lot of time at Nicole’s.”
“And?”
“I realize Nicole has to be lonely with O’Connell out of the picture. But you, Aaron, staying there overnight. It seems very inappropriate.” Aaron shook his head and tried not to let her words sting him. He’d known this woman for years and had expected this type of reaction from her. He was having a hard time not being offended for Nicole, though.
Kind of ridiculous to get mad at a scorpion for stinging you.
“Mom, it’s none of your business,” Avery interjected.
“Actually, Avery, I think I’m entitled to be offended that my son’s best man is sniffing around his widow.” Her mother’s tone was clipped and her face seemed to light on fire.
Avery gasped and looked to Aaron, who felt rage brewing inside him.
“We’re grown ass adults, Sandra. We don’t need your blessing or permission.” His voice was calm and quiet. He was livid and he could see by the way Avery pushed back her chair that she knew it.
“How could you, Aaron. Ryan loved her so much. She was his whole world. He made all of his plans around her.” She shot back at him. Aaron scooted his chair back with such force it scraped the floor loudly.
“Oh yes, here we go!” Aaron snapped crazily. “Saint Ryan Harper.”
Avery stepped between them. She looked Aaron dead in the eye.
“I got this. Go home. I’ll be at your place in a couple hours.”
Aaron stared Sandra down. Knowing he needed to leave before his mouth caused any more trouble, he grabbed his coat and bolted out the door.
Avery spun to her mom.
“Let me guess, you were driving by and you saw Aaron’s truck in the driveway.”
“I was really hoping Nicole would be with him. I’d really like to give her a piece of my mind, as well.”
“Why?”
“For whoring around and parading all these men in front of my grandson.”
Unable to contain her temper, Avery lost all control. “You’re the whore, Mother! I saw you walk out of that hotel room with that man. Funny place and time for a council meeting.”
She watched reality crush her mother, and saw the wheels spinning behind her eyes as she tried to find an argument or alibi. Avery waited.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Her mother’s tone was quiet and calm.
“Now I know where Ryan gets it. You need to see something important.” She marched her mother into the living room. As she queued up the DVD, Sandra slowly bent over the box of Ryan’s things and picked up the open pack of gum. Avery could see her mother’s hands shaking.
As Ryan started speaking, Avery left the room. She walked into the kitchen, a strange sense of calm overtaking her. She scraped the plates into the garbage disposal and returned to the living room. The recording had ended, and her mother sat with her head buried in her hands.
“He was always my favorite. I know mothers aren’t supposed to have one … but he was mine.”
“We all know that, Mom.”
“I owe Aaron an apology.” Her mother’s face looked so sincere, it stunned her.
“Obviously.”
Her mother shook her head. “And Nicole … I’ve blamed her for so long.”
“What?” Avery felt genuinely confused.
“He wouldn’t be dead if he hadn’t married her and moved to Chicago to be near her.” Sandra’s flat tone made Avery angry and sad.
“He wouldn’t have died if he hadn’t been a doctor. He wouldn’t have died if he had just stayed home with Ike and Nic that day. Or maybe he would have. They were his choices, Mom. There are no guarantees.”
“Can you bring me a glass of water?”
Avery did as she asked. After greedily swallowing some down, she sighed.
“I just don’t know how to fix this mess.” Her mother pulled out a pack of cigarettes. She lit one and Avery snatched the pack from her and did the same.
“Step one, you’re ending whatever it is that’s going on at the hotel immediately.” Avery exhaled a fine line of smoke. “Then as the matriarch of the Harper family, you’re going to welcome Aaron with open arms. He’s proposing to Nicole. So unless you want Ike to spend every holiday with the Fosters, I suggest you learn to keep your mouth shut. I’m tired of your shit, and I know Nicole’s tired of it. Based on the election margin, I’m thinking the entire town is tired of you.”
Her mother h
uffed. Neither said anything for a long time.
A little smile appeared on Sandra’s face.
“Where’s your roommate?” her mother asked.
“He left yesterday. He’s tired of dealing with my shit.”
“Jason always seemed to tolerate your moods so well.”
“That’s because he was either drunk or gone. Why do you keep throwing him in my face?”
Her mother sighed tiredly. “Avery, planning your wedding to Jason was the one time when I actually felt like you and I connected. It was refreshing. I miss it.”
“If you’d just quit trying to mold me into what you want me to be, we might have a shot at a decent relationship.”
They sat in silence, smoking.
Avery looked at her mom. “Here’s the deal. If you get with the program, I won’t tell Dad, even though I really want to.”
“You’re so much like your father.”
“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
Nicole turned into the parking lot of Foster’s Farm and parked away from the chaos near the buildings. The place was packed. Three days before Christmas, late shoppers clamored to snag the last remaining trees and parents jockeyed for a spot in line to have their children’s picture taken with Santa.
Ike had crashed on the ride out to the farm and Nicole put her Jeep in park and turned her radio down. As she watched a family packing up their freshly shaken tree and two children squealing happily as a horse pulled their sleigh, she took a quiet moment to herself to reflect on the past few weeks with Aaron.
After his initial apprehension, Ike had warmed to Aaron, which both thrilled and frightened Nicole. Within two days, Aaron had taught Ike his colors, using balls from various sports as examples. Ike ran to Aaron every time he arrived and they roughhoused and fist bumped their way into fast friendship. At first, seeing them together disturbed her, their charisma reminded her so much of Ryan and Aaron in the early days. Though it squeezed her heart to see them happily munching popcorn and wresting around together, she worried about how Ike would respond if things didn’t work out.
The majority of Jefferson Point had responded positively to the news that they were officially a couple. Aaron’s family enthusiastically accepted Nicole and they were overjoyed at the improvement in his mood. All the way in Florida, her mom had heard about them being together before Nic had a chance to tell her—impressive by even Jefferson Point standards.
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