Alex continued, “My bad. You want her to leave her… fiancé…”
“Thank you.” Tommy tipped his head and lifted his glass in the air.
“But for what? For some guy who hasn’t even admitted what he really feels for her? She doesn’t even know you love her. She probably thinks you don’t. No girl in her right mind would leave what she has for that.”
A subtle spark of light flickered from deep inside Jackson’s eyes. “You’re right.”
“Of course I’m right.” Alex smiled. “And by the way, everyone knows you’re a good guy. You’d never intentionally hurt anyone. You’re not the girl-stealing type. I know it goes against everything you believe in to be in this type of situation, but you have to give your pride a rest and listen to your heart, or you’ll regret it.”
Tommy rolled his eyes. “Jesus, Alex, are you really a girl? Do you have a vagina?”
“You’re such a dick,” Jackson commented half-heartedly.
“At least I have one,” Tommy bit off in response.
Alex interjected. “My point is…would you be okay with losing this girl forever?”
Just hearing those words made Jackson want to beat the living shit out of every guy in that bar. It also made his knees want to buckle and his stomach turn inside out. He couldn’t answer Alex, so he simply shook his head and lost himself in the pattern of wood on the table.
“Then you have to tell her how you feel…give her all the information she needs…that’s the right thing to do. Expecting her to make life-changing decisions based on how only she feels isn’t fair, especially when she doesn’t know that you feel the same way.” Alex glanced down toward his friend who refused to look up.
Jackson swallowed the last of his beer and asked, “Are you done?”
Alex laughed. “Yeah, I’m done.”
“Good.” All Jackson could think about was how much physical pain he was in, and how much beer it would take to numb it. “Someone get another pitcher.”
Chapter Eleven
Caroline felt ill. If you’d asked her a year ago what she wanted out of life, this was definitely part of the plan. She had always felt that Clay was the one.
That is, until she met Jackson.
Now everything was wrong. It all felt out of place. She struggled with her feelings and desperately tried to sort them out, but nothing seemed logical. Everything was a huge mess. Were her feelings for Jackson real, or were they fabricated, at best? She didn’t know for sure.
After a quick call to a “not so surprised about all the drama, but was still sorry it was happening” Tracey, Caroline called Bailey who said, “Get over here and stay with me tonight.”
Caroline knocked on Bailey’s apartment door and her shoulders dropped in relief at the sight of Bailey’s sympathetic face. Bailey grabbed her in her arms and that was all Caroline needed to start the waterworks.
She tossed her purse onto the faded blue couch and leaned against the wall. Then she fell apart. She could barely speak through her sobs and when she did, Bailey could hardly understand what she tried to say. “So you’re saying that you told Jackson about the proposal?”
Caroline nodded.
“Oh, God, Care. Did he freak?”
Caroline nodded again and Bailey walked to the kitchen and poured a tall glass of water.
“Here, Care, you’ve got to calm down. Please. Take some deep breaths and then let’s talk about this.” Bailey sat against the wall next to her crying friend.
“O…o…” But all Caroline could do was cry and try to breathe. “O…okay.” She tried desperately to stop the tears that fell. “He’s so angry, Bailey. He’s so mad at me.”
Bailey rubbed her hand along the length of Caroline’s back. “Of course he’s angry. He’s devastated.”
“What do you mean?” Caroline looked at her with tear-filled eyes.
Bailey chuckled. “What do you mean, what do I mean? Stop being stupid. He loves you. He doesn’t want you to marry someone else. Can’t you see that? You have to know that. I mean, reverse the situation—how would you feel?”
Caroline sat for a moment and allowed her mind to do exactly that. Now it was Jackson who had the girlfriend. And Jackson who delivered the news that he was engaged. She immediately felt nauseous at the made-up thoughts and reached for the empty trash can nearby.
“Oh no, you don’t. No emotional puking on my watch, missy.” Bailey snatched away the blue canister and handed her the water instead.
“How do you know he loves me?”
“Are you really that naïve?” Caroline flashed a look through angry eyes, which only made Bailey grin. “He’s a GUY, Caroline…a guy who is getting nothing from you. I mean, no loving, no nookie, no nothing!”
Bailey cocked her eyebrows and threw a hand in the air. When it was clear that Caroline still didn’t understand, she continued. “Ugh. He still texts you, emails you…spends hours on the phone with you. He goes out of his way to spend time with you and pay attention to you. Guys don’t do that—especially when they’re not getting anything physical in return—unless they care about you.”
The words sent Caroline into a tailspin of emotions. Shooting pains ricocheted through her chest. “What do I do? I’m such a mess, Bailey. What do I do?”
Bailey looked at her friend. “I can’t tell you that. Look, I know you love Clay. And I know that Clay is a really great guy.”
Caroline nodded her head in agreement. “So you think I should stay with Clay?”
“I didn’t say that. I just said I know you love him and I know he’s great. And I think you guys could be perfectly happy together.” Caroline acknowledged Bailey’s words with a knowing look.
“But I also know that in all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never heard you talk about any guy, ever, the way you talk about Jackson,” Bailey continued. “And I’ve never seen you light up the way you do when it comes to him.”
Bailey paused for a moment. “I also know that you wouldn’t be doing this for just any guy. I think if you could make your heart stop feeling things for Jackson, you would because you think that’s the right thing to do. You never want to hurt people and you always want to do the right thing. I think people come into our lives for a reason, Care. For whatever reason, Jackson came into yours…but for a completely different one, he hasn’t left. And you haven’t let him. So you tell me.”
Caroline answered, “I know what I want. Like, I know what my heart wants me to do. I know where I want to be. And it’s not here. It’s not with Clay. And just saying that out loud makes me feel like a terrible, awful person. Everything about this situation seems so wrong…hurting Clay…breaking off the engagement. That doesn’t feel good. Why should being with Jackson be this difficult? If we’re really supposed to be together, wouldn’t it be easier?”
“Are you kidding? Who made that rule ’cause I’d love to give them a piece of my mind,” Bailey sassed.
“I don’t know that I can do it.”
“Do what exactly?” Bailey pressed.
Caroline eyed her. “I love Clay. I really do.”
“No one doubts your love for Clay.”
“But what if leaving him is the wrong choice?”
“No one said you have to leave.”
“Am I being stupid, though? I mean, realistically, I barely even know Jackson. It’s wrong to leave my boyfriend for someone I don’t really know, isn’t it?”
“Are you leaving Clay for Jackson?” Bailey inquired.
“No.” Caroline looked at the floor, tears spilling all around her. “But if I did, everyone would hate me. Good people don’t do things like this. They’d all get shirts that said ‘Team Clay’ or something.”
Bailey couldn’t stop from laughing. “I’d totally wear one of those.” Caroline’s face writhed in pain as the tears fell harder. “I’m just kidding, Care. You can’t worry about what other people would think. You’re the one who has to live with your decisions, not them.”
Caroline sniffed and put her
head in her hands. “Before Jackson, I’d never thought about any guy other than Clay. I knew exactly what I wanted and where my life was headed.”
Bailey’s brown curls shook in understanding as Caroline continued. “But now that I’ve met Jackson, I am questioning everything. It’s like nothing in my life will ever be the same, no matter what I do.”
“I know. Look Care, this is a lot to deal with in two nights.” Bailey stroked Caroline’s long blonde hair and wished she could take her pain away.
“I am exhausted,” Caroline admitted.
“I’m sure you are.” Bailey smiled tenderly at her lifelong friend “And one last thing.”
Caroline cocked her head to one side and muttered, “Yeah?”
“Sometimes other hearts have to break in order to keep yours intact.”
Bailey’s words shot straight to the source of Caroline’s angst like a sharpened arrow. She felt them blow straight past her mind, down her throat, and bury themselves in the center of her chest. “That was deep, Bails.” She took a deep breath. “Thank you.”
“I love you, Care. This will all be okay. It will all work out.”
“I love you, too. Thanks for being here with me.” The girls hugged and Caroline’s tears finally slowed.
“That’s what best friends are for.” Bailey gave her another squeeze. “But now it’s my job—as your best friend, of course—to put your ass to bed.”
Caroline snickered a little and walked slowly into Bailey’s oversized bedroom. She was grateful for the escape. She was in no shape to be at home with Clay. Bailey had taken care of it all. She sent Caroline to the shower and then called Clay.
“You know how we girls get when it comes to weddings. Lots to plan and talk about!” Bailey could pull off any lie she needed to if it protected her friend, which worked out really, because Caroline was a terrible liar.
“I’ll tell her. ’Night, Clay.” Bailey hung up and wondered how the hell Caroline was going to make it out of this situation in one piece.
Caroline walked out of the bedroom and tried to dry her long wet hair with a towel when Bailey spoke up. “I called Clay. He knows you’re here and staying the night. He said to tell you goodnight and he loves you.”
Her eyes started to water again as Caroline struggled to keep her emotions in check. “Thank you so much, Bailey. There was no way I could have talked to him.”
“I know.”
Caroline grabbed her purse from off the couch, opened up the zipper compartment, and pulled out the note Jackson had sent her along with the heart charm. She ran her thumb across the words in the note, thinking of how his hand had also touched that paper.
Affection swirled within her as she placed the charm on the nightstand and crawled into the queen-sized bed. The paper firmly clutched to her chest, she quietly cried herself to sleep.
Chapter Twelve
When Caroline woke up the next morning, emotions from the previous night flooded her mind like a hurricane. Everything felt exactly the same.
“Morning,” Bailey said from her side of the bed.
“Hi.”
“How do you feel?”
“Just as awful and confused as I did last night.” Caroline’s face crinkled. “But you know the worst part?” Her eyes filled up with tears.
“What?”
“All I keep thinking about is Jackson. Why hasn’t he called, or texted, or something?”
Bailey smiled softly from her pillow. “I don’t think that’s the worst part.”
Caroline stared at her friend. “God, I am so tired of crying. How is it possible I have any stupid tears left? This is ridiculous.”
Bailey smirked. “You should try to call him. And you should do it now, while you’re here and we can still buy you time with Clay.”
Caroline nodded. “Okay.”
Bailey stretched and let out a yawn. “I’ll be in the other room if you need me.”
“Thanks.” Caroline reached across the bed toward the nightstand. She grabbed her phone and pressed the button to call Jackson. As it rang, her whole body began to shake uncontrollably. She was nervous. It rang more times than it had in the past six months. She thought he wasn’t going to answer, but he did.
“Hello.” His voice sounded ragged, tired, and beaten.
“Hi.” She didn’t even know where to begin. “How are you?” She wanted to kick herself after those words escaped her lips.
“Um, I’m pretty terrible, Caroline. How are you?” He was still angry, hurt, and bitter.
Her heart twisted into knots at the tone of his voice and made the bile in her stomach rise into her throat. “I’m a mess,” she admitted.
“I don’t want to play games.” His voice sounded cold and uncaring.
That sentence instantly made her defenses rise. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up as anger spread throughout her body. “Then don’t, Jackson.” She spoke his name with disdain.
“Why are you calling, Caroline? What do you want?”
The harshness of his questions infuriated her. “Nothing. My mistake. Sorry to have bothered you. Have a nice life.” She hung up and then hurled her phone at the bedroom wall. Thankful it didn’t break, she slowly got up to retrieve it.
Suddenly her phone started to blare Jackson’s ringtone and she considered briefly letting it go to voicemail just to make him suffer. But she couldn’t do it. She answered with only a breath before Jackson immediately asked, “Don’t you want to be with me?” His voice cracked with emotion.
She was quiet at first and knew he felt stupid when he quickly added, “Forget it. I shouldn’t have asked. I shouldn’t have called back.”
“No! Jackson, wait!” Caroline pleaded. “I do…want to be with you.”
“You do?” His voice sounded lighter…hopeful.
“Of course I do,” she stressed. “But it’s not that easy.”
“It is that easy, Caroline. You want something, then you do it. Why won’t you just do it?”
“Do what? Leave Clay and be with you? Is that what you want?”
“Of course that’s what I want. Isn’t that what you want?” His voice sounded desperate.
“What would people say?”
“Who gives a shit what people would say? You’re going to just stay in this relationship, marry this guy and have his kids, because you don’t want to deal with what people might say if you leave him?” Jackson spat, his tone rising.
Silence thundered between them before Jackson spoke again. “You’re not the person I thought you were.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” She choked the words out through her obvious shock.
“I just never pegged you for the kind of girl who lived her life to please everyone else. It’s pathetic, really.” He spoke the last sentence with as much disdain as he could muster up.
“That’s not fair.” She wasn’t going to sit there and let him talk to her like that. “It’s easy for you to sit there and judge me when you’re not the one who has to make the tough decisions.”
“God damn it, listen to me,” Jackson lashed out. “I want to be with you. I don’t want you to marry this guy, no matter how great he is. And if you wanted to marry him, you wouldn’t be having this conversation with me right now. Hell, we wouldn’t have done anything that we’ve done the last six months.”
“I know. It’s just…”
He cut her off. “Let me finish.”
She fell quiet as he continued. “I’m not sure I could live through you marrying someone else. I think about you all the time. And I think about us all the time. I want there to be an us, Caroline. We belong together. And if you’d stop worrying about what everyone else thought, you’d see that too.”
Caroline leaned her head into the bed and tried to muffle the sound of her heart breaking. “I don’t think I’m strong enough,” she admitted softly.
“Strong enough…for what?” his voice faltered.
She paused a moment before answering, “To leave Clay.�
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The silence hung between them like thick smoke in a slow burning room, until Jackson choked out, “Caroline?”
“I’m here.” She spoke the words so faintly, he barely registered the response.
“I’m in love with you.”
It was the final blow. She broke down. “I just don’t want to hurt anyone. And leaving Clay would hurt so many people.”
“So I guess it’s better you live your life unhappy so everyone else can be happy?”
“Don’t be mean. It’s not that,” she fretted.
“Then WHAT is it? Tell me. Help me see what the hell it is that you’re thinking? Make it okay for me that I let you go. God, Caroline, do you love me or not?” he asked half-crazed.
“Of course I love you. The thought of not being with you makes me feel like nothing will ever truly be right in my life again.”
His heart beat wildly with hope against the confines of his chest. “When two people love each other, they should be together.”
Filled with guilt, she asked. “At what cost? Any? That’s so selfish. I can’t live my life only thinking of myself with no regard for anyone else.”
“No. You can’t. But it’s not like you’re already married. You haven’t taken that leap yet.” His voice quivered as his tone changed. “I’m just asking you not to take it, Caroline. Because once you do that…well, I can’t keep doing this. Not if you choose to marry him.”
“Clay doesn’t deserve this.”
“But I do?”
“I never asked to meet you!” Caroline pulled the phone away from her face and yelled into the receiver. Once the words passed through her teeth she desperately wished she could stuff them back into her mouth and swallow them whole.
“As much as I’d love to say I didn’t ask to meet you either, I can’t.” The dejection coursed from his lips to her ears. “I’ve waited my whole life to find someone like you.”
“I didn’t mean that Jackson, I’m sorry…”
“I know.”
“It’s just that I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror and like the person I see there. You understand that, don’t you?”
“I do,” he sighed.
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