Kiss Kiss

by Various Authors

  He shrugged. “And…you suddenly grew a conscience and stopped talking to him?”

  “No.” The pounding of her heart hammered in her ears. “He stopped talking to me.”

  “Aw, what a stand-up guy.” Clay applauded mockingly.

  “Stop. Please. I’ve hurt so many people, I can’t take it any more.” Her insides felt like they had shattered into irreparable fragments.

  He eyeballed her, his lips pressed tightly together. “I just have one more question Caroline and then I’ll stop,” he promised.

  “Okay.” A sigh escaped from her lips.

  “See, if I’ve got this all right…you got a phone call.” Clay counted on his fingers. “And you left me alone at our engagement party without saying a word…you flew across the country to be with some guy you barely know…and now you’re breaking off our engagement and moving out.”

  Caroline tried to catch her breath when the sobs choked at her throat. She closed her eyes tightly and fought to control her emotions.

  Clay continued, his voice void of any emotion. “So I can only come to one conclusion.” Caroline peered nervously at him, her face streaked with tears. “You must love him.” He scowled and she hated herself in that moment for what she’d done to him. “So do you? Do you love this guy?”

  Tears continued to pour out as she kept quiet, unsure of what to say.

  “Answer me, Caroline!” he demanded. “You owe me at least that much.”

  “I don’t know,” she lied.

  “At least give me enough respect to tell me to my face.” His fist slammed against the table and Caroline jumped.

  She answered through short, rapid breaths. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Yes.” She tried to steady her breathing. “Yes, I love him.”

  “Get out.”

  “But…” Her face twisted in agony as her eyes pleaded with Clay to understand.

  His chest heaved under his shirt. “Get out. Get your stuff another time. I need you to leave. Now.” He glared at her, hatred filled his watery eyes.

  Caroline rose from the table, grabbed her purse, and ran out the door. She flung herself into the black iron railing and peered down at the ground, three stories below. She panted as tears fell from her face. She followed the marble stairs down one floor before she crumbled to the ground, desperate to release the pain. If there was ever a day she felt worse in her life, she wasn’t sure she could pinpoint it.

  Of course getting the news about Jackson had forced her to experience agony on a level she never knew existed. Every single breath physically hurt to breathe. Jackson’s accident filled her with regret, sorrow, and worry. She was terrified that Jackson might die and that fear overwhelmed her constantly. It was the kind of pain that made her whole world violently crash in around her.

  She explained it to Bailey once. “It’s like looking into a full-length mirror and seeing nothing but pure beauty in the reflection…and then watching helplessly as it shatters into a thousand pieces before your eyes, knowing that you can do nothing to keep it from breaking…”

  But this was different.

  The pain and heartbreak that currently ensued with Clay was completely within her control. She was solely responsible. No matter how right the decision was for her, nothing could ease the torment of hurting another.

  And it wasn’t like she didn’t love Clay. She did. He was everything she had ever wanted in life, until Jackson came along and screwed it all up. Now she broke off her engagement and ended the chapter she assumed was going to be her whole book. It hurt to walk away from a relationship that wasn’t flawed, imperfect, or unhealthy. It hurt to leave something so comfortable.

  Once her heart felt steady, she started down the rest of the stairs and fumbled through her purse for her phone. She dialed Bailey’s number at work.

  “Packed already?” Bailey asked without even saying hello.

  “No. Clay was waiting for me. I told him about Jackson.”

  “You did WHAT?” Bailey yelled.

  “He asked! I couldn’t lie.”

  “So what happened?” Bailey whispered loudly.

  “I’ve never seen him so mad,” Caroline confessed as she tried unsuccessfully to block the image from her memory.

  “Really? That’s kinda hot.”

  “Bays.”

  “Sorry, it’s just I didn’t think the guy had it in him. He’s always so composed all the time.”

  Caroline let out an annoyed breath. “Great. Can we discuss your appreciation for Clay’s anger later?”

  “Definitely. So wait, did you get your stuff or not?”

  “That’s why I’m calling. He kicked me out before I could get anything,” Caroline answered, clearly flustered.

  Bailey stifled a laugh. “Shut UP! That guy’s full of surprises!”

  “BAILEY!” Caroline screamed into the phone.

  “Calm down,” Bailey hissed. “I’ll go over there after work and get your stuff. He won’t even think about pulling any of that crap with me.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” Bailey went to hang up and then remembered. “Hey, any news on Jackson?”

  “I haven’t heard anything,” sighed Caroline.

  “No news is good news, right?”

  “Sure.” Caroline hung up before Bailey could ask her any more questions. She wandered bleary-eyed up and down a few streets before she realized she had no idea where she was.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Eight weeks had passed since Caroline had last seen Jackson. Alex had called two days earlier to let her know that the swelling in his brain had subsided and the doctors were going to try to bring him out of the coma. There was little that he could guarantee, but he promised to let her know when Jackson opened his eyes.

  “Are you gonna go out there or what?” Bailey asked.

  “I can’t. I felt so out of place when I was there before. His best friend hates me, he has another girlfriend, and his parents didn’t even know who I was.”

  “So what?” Bailey snapped.

  “What if he doesn’t want me? I left him that letter. If I’m what he wants, then I know he’ll call. But if he doesn’t, then I have my answer.”

  “You infuriate me, you know?” Bailey’s comment made Caroline chuckle. “I’m serious,” Bailey continued. “Leaving your future in the hands of a letter? A letter you handed to another girl, Caroline Weber! If that was me, I’d have thrown that letter in the trash the second you walked out the door. Pshhh…letter, my ass.”

  Caroline paused. “She wouldn’t do that.”

  Bailey groaned. “How do you know? You don’t even know that girl. She doesn’t owe you anything.”

  “Don’t worry. Alex knows about the letter too.”

  “Well, thank God! You could have told me that in the first place,” Bailey chastised.

  “I’m heading home. You coming?”

  “Not yet. I still have to finish some stuff first. I’ll see you there.” Bailey sat in her cubicle and typed furiously.

  Caroline headed toward the local deli to grab a sandwich before they closed. She squinted as she saw a couple headed toward her. Was that Clay? Her feet stopped. She was certain it was him. Walking with another girl? Was that his girlfriend? Had he moved on already?

  Caroline chastised herself. It wasn’t any of her business. She had given up all rights to know about Clay’s personal life when she decided not to be a part of it. She continued walking, each step bringing her closer to him. Clay’s pace slowed to a stop and Caroline did the same.

  “Hi, Care,” Clay’s voice wavered. “Uh, this is Gina. We work together.”

  Caroline reached out and shook the pretty girl’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Gina.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, too.” Gina smiled and turned to face Clay, “I’ll give you some time alone.” She squeezed Clay’s shoulder before walking toward a corner store.

  Caroline did her best to play the uncaring, totally-over-it ex-girlfriend—um,
ex-fiancée—but this was harder than she ever would have thought. Her chest felt tight as jealousy filled her every pore. She knew that logically she didn’t want Clay back, but the truth was that she didn’t want to see him with anyone else either. She felt irrational and immature.

  “It’s good to see you,” Clay said.

  Caroline swallowed hard. “You too. Gina seems nice and she’s really pretty.” Caroline forced a smile.

  “She is nice. We’re just friends, though.” Clay insisted as he looked in Gina’s direction. “She’s just really been there for me, you know?”

  “That’s great…” Caroline fought to hold back her jealousy, “that you have someone to talk to about everything.”

  Clay cringed and then asked, “So, how’s Jackson? Any change in his condition?”

  Caroline’s eyes widened with surprise. “No. They aren’t sure he’ll wake up. And if he does, there’s no guarantee that he’ll be the same.” She fought to hold back the tears that formed.

  He reached out his hand and put it on her shoulder. “I’m sure he will. He’ll be okay.”

  Caroline knew Clay didn’t have to say that. He didn’t have to ask about Jackson. Hell, he didn’t even have to stop and talk to her at all.

  “Thanks,” she said, as she looked down at the ground. “I’m really sorry about everything, Clay. Truly I am. I never meant to hurt you.” Her eyes met his.

  Clay nodded. “I know. I’ve done a lot of thinking these past couple of months. You know, I never should have proposed to you that night anyway.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked, her eyes wide with surprise.

  “I just mean…” He arched his eyebrows while he thought for a moment. “I did it for all the wrong reasons. I mean, I knew something was off between us. And instead of trying to figure out what it was, I just tried to fix it.”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “I thought proposing would solve everything and make whatever it was that was wrong…right. I thought it would instantly make you happy again.”

  Caroline refused to let Clay shoulder any blame. “But I should have talked to you. I should have told you what was going on with me. I should have been honest, but I was too busy trying to fight off everything I was feeling. I tried to pretend that I was okay, when I wasn’t.”

  “But I knew you weren’t okay. And I didn’t even try to talk to you about it. In all honesty, you were the last person I ever worried about losing or falling apart. I feel like I took you for granted.” His head shook.

  “You’d never had a reason to worry before. This thing with Jackson…it was beyond any of our control. I know it sounds stupid, but it was never about you and me. I knew how much you loved me, Clay, and I never felt taken for granted.” She longed for her truth to comfort him.

  “Thank you,” Clay responded, his mouth unsmiling and his gaze sincere.

  “I mean it. I really am sorry.” The pain she caused still burdened her.

  “I know you are.” Clay shifted his weight. “Look, Care, I used to want to make you hurt just as badly as I did. But now that feels like a long time ago. I don’t want you to be upset any more. I really am okay. And I want you to be, too.”

  She was happily surprised when he leaned in to hug her. Her body warmed in his familiar arms as she spoke gently in his ear. “Thank you so much. I wish you the best in everything. You truly deserve it.”

  Clay smiled and as Caroline started to walk away, she heard him call her name. Her stomach dipped as she turned to face him. “I forgive you.” He looked at his feet and then back up into her eyes. “I think I understand why you did what you did.”

  It was as if an SUV lifted off of her shoulders and the blame she carried shattered to the ground at her feet. She almost fell to the sidewalk in relief, but braced herself against a cement parking meter. “Thank you, Clay,” she answered through her tears as she watched him continue down the street with Gina at his side.

  Her body felt light and each breath filled her with relief. She hadn’t realized the extent of the guilt she had been carrying until it fell free from her. She had lived with it for so long that it had become a part of her. In hoping that her words could help him heal, he had just given her the ultimate gift…the gift of forgiveness.

  Chapter Nineteen

  When Jackson first opened his eyes, all he could make out were blurry shapes and patches of light and dark. The shapes slowly turned into blurry images and he could distinguish the faces of his parents…then Sally, Tommy, and Alex. He tried to smile, but his mouth felt like he had just left the dentist’s office.

  ****

  Alex and Tommy stood in the back of the room as Jackson’s parents were briefed; Sally hovered nearby. The doctor was encouraging as she spoke to his parents. “Jackson is responding more quickly than we expected after reducing his medication. It will be a few days before we can determine the extent of the damage, though.” She went on, “Jackson will need extensive physical therapy to regain basic motor functions. There is the possibility of speech therapy, as well.”

  Alex high-fived Sally and Tommy at the news and congratulations were exchanged all around. Jackson’s friends didn’t know what the future held for him, but one thing was certain—he would get to have one.

  ****

  Caroline received a call at work with the good news. “Hey, Caroline, it’s Alex!”

  At first, her heart stopped when she saw Alex’s name on her caller ID, but the tone of his voice immediately erased any concerns she had about the call bearing bad news. “Hi! What’s up? How are you?”

  “I’m great! I just wanted you to know that he opened his eyes.”

  Caroline’s grin stretched from ear to ear. “Really? When?”

  “About ten minutes ago.”

  “Oh my gosh, that’s awesome!” she exclaimed. “That is awesome…right?” she asked.

  Alex laughed and then explained. “It’s definitely awesome. But, he can’t talk yet and the doctors aren’t sure when his speech will come back, or to what extent. I just wanted you to know that he’s awake.”

  “Thank you so much, Alex. I really appreciate the updates.”

  “Of course. I’ll call you if anything else happens, okay?” he said.

  “Okay,” Caroline said one last time before she hung up. Her hopes high, she figured it was only a matter of time before her phone would ring with Jackson’s voice on the other end.

  She turned towards Bailey’s cubicle and beamed in her direction. “He’s awake!” she shouted in a loud whisper.

  Bailey looked up from her work and squealed. “Really? How do you know? Did he call?”

  “One sec.” Caroline held up a finger, then she thumbed Tracey a text message with the news. Tracey responded right back telling her “Great news!” and asked when she was “Coming back out?”

  Caroline turned back to Bailey. “Alex called. He said that Jackson couldn’t talk yet, but his eyes were open.”

  “That’s great news, Care. Let’s go out and celebrate tonight!”

  “Sounds great.” Caroline could use some fun in her life. She had been all but consumed in thoughts of Jackson for what felt like forever. And she’d been doing a lot of waiting—waiting for Jackson to wake up, waiting for him to call, and waiting for her life to begin again.

  The girls headed straight to a restaurant and bar after work. Caroline was still on cloud nine from Alex’s call that afternoon. They sat in a small booth and Caroline ordered appetizers and a light beer.

  “So, how long until Jackson calls, you think?” Bailey asked.

  “I don’t know. I mean, Alex said he couldn’t talk yet. But…” Caroline’s voice trailed off.

  “But what?” Bailey rolled her eyes. “Oh, don’t even, Caroline.”

  “Don’t even what?”

  “You think he’s not gonna call. I can’t believe I’m best friends with an idiot.”

  Caroline shook her head with a laugh. “No. I think it’s idiotic to assume he will.”

&
nbsp; Bailey slapped the table and Caroline grabbed her drink before it toppled over. “Ugh. Really? Of course he’s going to call. He loves you. Even Alex said so!”

  “Alex also thought Jackson’s parents knew who I was. So, he could be wrong.”

  Bailey shrugged; Caroline was right about that. Alex had been just as surprised as Caroline when they realized that Jackson’s parents didn’t know who she was. “I still think he’ll call,” Bailey said with optimism.

  Caroline smiled. “I hope so.”

  “There’s no way this all happened for nothing. All the drama, the heartache, leaving Clay…”

  “You better be right,” Caroline said.

  “Dur. Of course I’m right. I’m smart, remember?” Bailey laughed, and held up her glass.

  Chapter Twenty

  The days seemed to pass in slow motion as Caroline waited for the call that never came. She attempted to fill the agony of waiting during the day with work and let Bailey drag her out at night.

  She sat at her desk trying to concentrate on the ad mock-up that was due before the end of the day, but Jackson consumed her every thought. Caroline wanted to believe that he would call soon, but worried his silence meant what she had feared the most…that Jackson had really moved on and was no longer in love with her.

  Caroline silently berated herself for the hundredth time for waiting so long to walk away from Clay. She had finally admitted what she had felt since that first day, but it was apparently too late and she had no one to blame but herself. She had waited too long…treated him badly…abused his heart. She snapped her laptop shut in frustration, picked up her cell phone and checked to make sure she still had a signal. She did.

  Bailey walked by her desk quickly without stopping. “Anything yet?”

  Caroline simply shook her head and Bailey mouthed, “I’m sorry” as she continued on to the conference room.

  ****

  Jackson laughed in his hospital bed as Sally told him about a funny incident at the bar. Alex leaned in the doorway and watched Sally’s interaction with Jackson. He had tried to be patient, wanting to ask his best friend about Caroline, but once again it seemed like a bad time. Sally was always in Jackson’s room whenever Alex dropped in, and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.