“Don’t let him ruin you, Leah. No guy is worth it,” Kayla says matter of factly.
Ruin me? How exactly can someone ruin me?
“I’m fine, really,” I answer with a half grin. “I just don’t feel good.”
She exhales, knowing all too well that I’m lying through my teeth. I feel like shit and it has nothing to do will being ill.
“K, but you better not still be in bed when I get back,” she orders.
I force a smile before laying back down and facing the wall, so she can’t see the stray tear trickling down my face.
Yeah, don’t count on it.
Don’t count on anything requiring me to function like a normal human being. My life and every part of me has been sucked dry and served to Matt on a silver fucking platter to be eaten up and destroyed. Nothing about me is as it was before.
Everything is the opposite.
An hour later I roll over to see the Facebook notification blinking on my computer. My skin crawls with nervous goosebumps. I never turned my cellphone back on, but I’d forgotten about my Facebook. Sitting up and swallowing the knot that’s pushing up my throat, I swing my legs over the side of my bed and reach over to wiggle my mouse to brighten the screen. I have a message but it’s not from Matt. It’s from Landyn. Sighing in relief, I stand up and take the two steps to my computer and open the message.
Landyn:
Hey, wanna finish our project today?
Crap, I forgot all about that that. We took some pictures the other day, but not enough and we need a better variety. I exhale, trying to decide the route to take. If I say yes, that means I have to actually get ready and be somewhat human. If I say no, I’ll be screwing Landyn over by throwing this all on him and setting myself up for a potential bad grade which is just unheard of.
Ugh.
Leah:
Yeah, sounds good. When and where?
I’m assuming word of what happened last night has probably gotten around, so he better not say to meet at his house or I just might bust in his face, too.
Landyn:
Quad in an hour?
Good boy.
Leah:
That works.
Landyn:
K
Deciding that it’s probably a good idea, I grab my bathrobe and shower caddy and make my way over to the bathroom. I’m temporarily blinded by the bright fluorescent lights lit up like a hospital in the hallway, but adjust after a few seconds.
Thankfully there is no one in the bathroom who I have to force a smile or strike a fake conversation with, because I really don’t feel like it or think that I could.
Aren’t I a peach today?
When I get back to the room it’s dark, empty, and inviting. I contemplate crawling back into my bed and forgetting about any responsibilities that await me, but I push back my dark and twisted personality. I quickly get dressed and do my hair before I change my mind.
My cellphone is sitting lifeless on my desk and I know I’m going to have to turn it on today. It’s Sunday and my parents will be checking in. Even though they just saw me yesterday, they never miss a Sunday call. With a deep breath I prevent the inevitable and press down the power button. Within seconds of turning it on the thing brightens and chimes so many times with missed texts, calls, and voicemails that you’d think it’s a damn singing, blinking Christmas tree. Not wanting to listen or read any of them, I cancel out of each screen without glancing at one. I stuff my phone in my back pocket, pick up my jacket, and go out the door.
“Look at you. Not even a scratch,” Landyn greets me, impressed.
It takes a minute to register what the heck he’s talking about, but then pride sweeps across my face when I realize he’s talking about my little brawl with Brynn.
“And this surprises you?” I joke.
He laughs at my confidence. “Nope. Not all, tough guy.”
I give him my best “that’s right” kind of look with my first genuine smile in what feels like days.
“Let me just tell you, you did some impressive work on that chick.”
Last night is such a blur and I ran off so fast that I can’t remember or picture what exactly I did or what Brynn looked like after, but with Landyn’s statement and the grin on his face, it must have been a job well done on my part.
“That bad, huh?” I ask, scrunching my nose up with a half smile.
“Oh yeah…she’s gonna be lookin’ rough for a while.”
I’m getting the impression that I’m not the only non Brynn fan.
Even though this conversation is quite entertaining and fills me with the happiness that I’ve been lacking, the topic flirts too much with another situation that I’d like to stay as far away from as possible–the reason why my little moment of weakness even happened.
“So pictures…” I say, changing the subject.
“Yes, there’s a nice breeze today and I got a wicked cool idea when I was walking over here,” he tells me, completely forgetting about what we were talking about already.
Well that was easy.
Excited about his idea, he starts walking towards one of the academic buildings and motions for me to follow him. With his long legs and my short ones I have to almost jog to keep up with him.
Wow, he’s really excited about this!
We finally get to the little L-cove of the science building that connects the old wing to the new one, and in front of me is a little tornado-like swirl of brushed up leaves that the wind is making in the corner.
Very cool!
I immediately start snapping pictures before the wind disappears.
“Good find,” I congratulate him after taking a dozen or so pictures.
“Thanks,” he replies with a big goofy grin.
I give him a warm smile back. He reminds me of my older brother–a big friendly teddy bear. I discreetly chuckle to myself because he even has the full cheeks and shaggy brown hair, just like my brother Chris. Landyn’s one of those guys that would be a loyal friend and go out of their way to make you smile, even if it’s acting like a complete dumbass which he hasn’t done... yet.
“I think we’re good,” I say after snapping a few more pictures of random things that might be a nice contrast to some of the others.
“Do ya have time to go over to the art building and develop them?” he questions.
Since I’m back to Loner Leah with no life and no boyfriend, I have all the time in the world.
“Yeah, sure.”
Just like Meredith promised, the art building and our classroom is unlocked. We quickly collect all of our supplies before heading into the dark room. For a while we work in silence, helping each other out and praising the pictures that come out good. But soon Landyn asks the question that I was hoping he wouldn’t go near.
“Have you talked to MJ?”
My breath catches, hearing his name, and I swallow so hard you can almost hear the gulp.
“No,” I quickly respond in a dry tone, hoping he’ll get the hint that I don’t want to talk about Matt.
“I think you should talk to him, Leah,” he continues in a low caring voice.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I casually respond, hanging a damp picture up on the drying rack.
“I think you’ve got it all wrong,” he says, leaning back on the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. “MJ’s a good guy. He’s not like the others.”
I once thought that, too.
“Yeah. Well…seeing is believing,” I answer, still carrying on with what I’m doing.
“Not everything is what it appears,” he rebuttals, raising an eyebrow.
Annoyed with his statement and knowing what I saw, I quickly turn on my heels so that I am completely facing him.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Landyn shrugs his shoulders.
“Just talk to him.”
I stand there and look at him puzzled, trying to understand what he’s insinuating. I feel like there’s more to Mat
t that I don’t know and Landyn does, but it isn’t something he feels he can tell me. This intrigues me.
“I’ll think about it.”
Landyn leaves it at that and we go back to our project.
Chapter 27
Last night I came to a conclusion–I’m giving myself the day off.
I never skip classes, work, or anything for that matter. I’m an above average student, present every day. I’m always early to work, never just on time. When it comes to academics and responsibilities I’m the staple student and stand up kid. But everyone needs a break at some point or another, and today is the day that I’m allowing myself that time off. Oh, and I don’t want to see Matt. Yeah, I know–pathetic, but it’s just too soon. I will talk to him. I will confront him about Saturday night, but not today. Not yet.
Although I’m exhausted and feel like I haven’t slept in days, I’m staring at the clock–it’s 8:58 a.m. Two minutes until I’m supposed to be in French class with Matt. I’m not quite sure why it’s a big deal, or why the butterflies are flapping nervously in my gut, but it is and they are. And like I expected, at exactly 9 a.m. my cellphone rings with none other than the song Brown Eye Girl by Van Morrison that Matt programmed in my phone under his number. I watch it as it sings and vibrates on my desk. I don’t move. I don’t answer it. I just watch it ring. After the fourth ring, it stops. I wait to hear it chime with the voicemail notification, but it doesn’t. I wait a few more seconds, but still, nothing happens.
Huh.
But then it beeps. He texted me. This I can deal with.
Taking a deep breath, I swing my legs over the side of my bed and reach over and pick my phone up. With one more deep breath, I unlock the screen and open the message.
Sitting there, I just stare at the screen. I don’t read it more than once, but I can’t look away. I’m numb, speechless, confused. So much was said in just that four sentence message that I’m just trying to take it all in.
He didn’t cheat on me.
Something big happened.
He needs me.
It’s cold as fuck outside.
How is that even true? I saw it.
What could have happened that is more important than our current situation?
He needs me?
And yeah, it’s upstate NY. Of course it’s cold.
Just as he warned, the intercom buzzes and the voice that makes my insides crumble follows it.
“Baby, it’s me. Let me in.”
Without even thinking, I hop off my bed, go over to the intercom and press the button to unlock the door. I don’t move. I just stand there–arms crossed and tapping my foot anxiously. No coherent thoughts are running through my head. Just nervous anticipation. I faintly hear the bell to the elevator ding, then the squishing sound of wet shoes walking along the tiled floor and coming in my direction. The sound stops outside my door and three soft knocks follow. Knowing that it’s now or never, I take a deep breath and open the door.
Standing on the other side is an exhausted, soaked, ridiculously adorable Matt. My body instantly melts and tears trickle down my face. I’ve missed him.
I need him, too.
“Oh, Babe…” he whispers, pulling me into his chest.
My arms naturally wrap around his waist and breathing in his scent, my body instantly relaxes into his arms. Matt allows just enough space between us to hold my face in his hands, staring at me with pain and warmth in his eyes, then pushes his lips on mine with so much emotion that I can feel it in my toes.
After what feels like seconds, our mouths separate, but we stay there frozen. Foreheads touching and eyes fused together, exchanging every pained second we spent apart. I hope it’s true that he didn’t cheat on me and never would, because I don’t know if I could ever spend one more day without him. He has claimed my heart. I would never be able to give it to anyone else.
Hook, line, and sinker–I belong to Matthew Jacobs.
“Oh my god. I’ve missed your frickin face,” he says, kissing me again.
This time the kiss becomes more passionate. We start moving inwards, mouths still feverishly attached. Matt kicks the door closed behind us, never loosening our hold on one another. Within seconds the back of my legs meet the side of the bed, and in one swift movement I’m laying down with Matt on top of me.
Matt reaches down for the hem of my shirt and pulls it up over my head. Even though I want this as bad as he does, I need to know the truth. Without stopping and in between kisses I ask, “you didn’t hookup with Kate and Brynn?”
Running his mouth down my jawline, “Fuck no, baby.”
Feeling his heavy breath next to my ear, I’m having a hard time concentrating, but manage to keep asking, “But I saw them walking out of your room, and Brynn–”
He cuts me off as he makes his way down my chest. “They dropped an invite off for a party–they barely made it past the door.”
I exhale deeply when his mouth slides over my nipple. “She said they…oh god!” He nips the peak of my breast, sending a wave of achingly delicious pleasure rippling throughout my body. My train of thought is long gone and has been replaced with an overwhelming surge of desire.
He moves down my stomach. “Anything that comes out of her mouth is shit–don’t ever listen to her,” he says through heavy breaths and seductive kisses.
For a second I don’t know what he’s talking about, but then remember that we were talking about Brynn.
“K.”
Although I know I shouldn’t be giving in this easily, I trust Matt. I trust that he’s telling me the truth, and I trust that he would never cheat on me. I don’t know if I ever truly believed that he did what I thought I saw, but given that actions speak louder than words and believing is seeing, I convinced myself that it had to be true. Now, hearing his confession and how the whole thing was just poor timing on my part and Brynn being the total bitch that she is...the whole situation seems so obsolete and a thing of the past.
Once Matt’s mouth reaches the top on my pajama bottoms, he takes them off along with my underwear and throws them to the side. I’m completely exposed, laying naked for his viewing. Sitting back on his heels, he slowly runs his eyes up my body, taking it all in. When his eyes are back on mine, they are full of emotion.
“Leah…” Matt softly says as he slowly climbs back over me, eyes glued to mine the whole time.
“Yeah,” I whisper back, our faces only inches apart and his hands pushing into the pillow on each side of my head.
“My heart belongs with you, baby. Only you and never anyone else.” He wipes away the stray tears that are beginning to slip down my face. “I want you right now–all of you, but I have to know that you feel the same way. I need to know you feel for me what I feel for you.”
Cupping his face with my hands, I kiss him gently before softly pushing him back up off of me. Wondering what I’m doing, he looks at me confused and almost worried. Giving him a reassuring smile, I slip out from underneath him and head to Kayla’s desk. In the top drawer I pull out the “do not disturb” sign, crack the door slightly and then slip it on the outside handle.
When I turn back around, Matt’s laying on his side watching intently and running his eyes slowly down my body as I make my way back over to the bed. Sliding in next to him with our bodies facing one another, I softly whisper the words that have been itching to come out.
“You have my heart,” I confess, staring deep into his eyes. “I’ve loved you all along.”
Licking his lips Matt leans in, but not all the way. He closes his eyes and inhales softly.
“I’m so in love with you, Leah Bennett,” he passionately whispers before closing the distance, pressing his lips against mine.
I wrap my arms around his neck as his body moves above me. Our tongues slide delicately together, tasting the love that we share. Running my hands slowly down his sides, I grip the bottom of his shirt to bring it up over his head. We continue kissing, moving very slowly and passionately and en
joying each second together. Unlocking our lips, Matt sweetly nuzzles my nose, then kisses me gently again before moving his face to the side of mine. Lightly nipping the bottom of my ear, he grazes my neck with his mouth, kissing and breathing heavily into the fold. My body warms from his touch and aches with desire as his mouth continues down my chest and over my breast. Matt takes his time, teasing and caressing one nipple with his hand while licking and sucking the other with his mouth and tongue. I let out a soft moan while arching my back, overwhelmed by the sensation.
Removing his hand from one breast, but keeping his mouth on the other, Matt slides his hand down my stomach and between my legs. He teases my clit with his finger, swirling and rubbing it, warming my body and pushing me to the edge. I become more vocal, moaning uncontrollably—overstimulated and needing relief. Matt sees my struggle and stands up next to the bed, removing his pants and boxers. His erection springs free and my breathing grows heavy with eager anticipation.
He pulls a condom from his wallet and rests it next to my head as he climbs back on top of me.
“I need to tell you something,” he whispers once our faces are back in alignment.
I don’t respond. I just stare passionately into his eyes, waiting for him to continue.
“I’ve never given myself to anyone before,” he confesses. “I wanted my first time to be with someone that I couldn’t live without. Someone that I loved and could see a future with.”
I look at him in disbelief. All this time I’ve thought he was experienced and has hooked up with multiple girls. Never did I ever imagine that he could, like me, be a virgin. It never even crossed my mind.
“It’s true. My mom was a drug addict and my dad...well, who knows what he was. I never wanted to be like them. I never wanted to have mindless sex. I wanted it to mean something–I wanted it to be real.”
I’ve always known that Matt wasn’t like the others, that he was different. He has a heart. He has a soul. And he has every quality that I ever dreamed that my somebody would have. He has captured my heart, he has won my soul and there’s nothing that will ever change that.
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