Microsoft Word - santaanna1234567.doc

by Lauren Barnholdt

  Standing on my doorstep, his hands in his pockets. He gives me a sheepish smile.

  “Hey,” he says.

  “Hi,” I say, suddenly aware of the fact that I’m wearing sweatpants and have behead. I reach up and swipe at my hair, trying to smooth it down.

  “Sorry to just show up,” he says, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  “I’m fine,” I say, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “You seemed a little upset at the restaurant,” he says. “Who the hell was that dude?” It’s the way he says it, so simple, like he’s just curious, with no trace of judgment. I wonder if I should tell him, if I can trust him. But before I can decide, he says, “Can I come in?”

  I hesitate and look over my shoulder into the house. I want to trust him, I do, but I don’t even know him. He must sense my hesitation, because he says, “Are you hungry? We could go somewhere.”

  “Sure,” I say, “Just give me a second to change.”

  Twenty minutes later, we’re sitting on a bench outside of the mall, eating burgers and fries from Johnny Rocket’s. The food is greasy and delicious, the air is cool but nice, and for some reason, the fact that it’s starting to get dark out just makes the whole scene even better.

  “So,” Cam says, reaching into the cardboard box of fries that’s sitting between us.

  “Are you going to tell me who that guy was?”

  “Just this guy I knew from my old school.” I shrug, like it’s no big deal.

  He takes a sip of his chocolate shake and thinks about it. “Boyfriend?”

  I hesitate. “Yes.”

  “Bad break up?”

  “You could say that.”

  “What happened?”

  “We… we went out for a few months, and then when we broke up, he started all these rumors about me.” I hope he doesn’t ask me what kind of rumors, because I really don’t want to get into the things Derek told everyone, the names I got called, the way the girls, even the ones I thought were my friends, turned on me, the way everyone started looking at me differently.

  But Cam just nods. “What a scumbag. I’m sorry you had to run into him like that.”

  “Yeah,” I say, “It kind of sucked.” I take a deep breath. “So now that I answered one of your questions, you have to answer one of mine.”

  “Shoot.”

  “What’s up with you and Brody?”

  “Me and Brody?” His tone is light and nonchalant, but I sense a certain tension in his body as he takes another fry.

  “Yeah,” I say, “The fighting?”

  “He was being an asshole,” he says simply, and shrugs, like it should be obvious.

  “And so you decided to put him in a headlock?”

  “A headlock?” he says, grinning. “Is that what you thought that was?”

  “I don’t know,” I say, “Aren’t guy always putting each other in headlocks?”

  “Maybe the pus—the wimps,” he says. “But what I did to Brody wasn’t a headlock.”

  “So what was it then?”

  “Nothing,” he says, “That dude from your old school broke it up before either one of us could do anything.”

  “Okay,” I say, “But still. What’s the deal?”

  “I told you, he was – “

  “I know, being an asshole. Do you guys usually get so mad at each other? I mean, I thought you guys were best friends.”

  “We are,” he says, “Me, him, and my friend Aiden have been friends forever.

  But sometimes Brody can be…” He sighs and leans back on the bench, then readjusts the baseball hat he’s wearing. “He can be an asshole.”

  “You already said that.”

  “It’s complicated,” he says.

  “Then why still hang out with him?”

  “Why are you hanging out with him?” he counters.

  “He’s nice.” I shrug. “At least, he is to me.”

  He opens his mouth to say something, then closes it. “What?” I ask.

  “Nothing.”

  “Cam,” I say, “If you know something about Brody, then you should tell me.”

  He looks at me, and then finally, he sighs. He pulls his hat off and turns it around, so that he’s wearing it backwards. He leans forward, his elbows on his knees, and looks up at me, his face serious. “It’s probably not a big deal,” he says,

  “But when he found out I was supposed to take you to Raine’s party, he showed up at my house and told me not to.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know.”

  I feel like there’s more to the story, but I have a feeling that if I press him, he might shut down. So instead I just say, “So you think Brody’s just being nice to me because he thought you liked me?”

  “I don’t know.” He’s still looking at me, his eyes searching. A breeze flows through, ruffling my hair, and I shiver, wrapping my arms closer around me. “Do you like him?” he asks softly.

  “I’m not sure,” I say honestly, “He’s been really nice to me.”

  “I’ve been really nice to you, too.” He’s moving closer to me, and his lips are right there, soft-looking and kissable. My heart speeds up and I want to look away from him, but I can’t. “I’ve been very nice to you. I came over to check on you, didn’t I? I don’t see Brody anywhere around.”

  His lips are just a few centimeters away now, and he moves even closer and tries to kiss me. But I turn my head, even though it takes all my self-control. “You have a girlfriend,” I tell him. I’m staring down at the ground now, trying not to look at him, trying to stop what I know is about to happen.

  “Raine’s not my girlfriend,” he says.

  I look at him then, and before I know it, his lips are on mine, sweet and soft and amazing. I lean into the kiss, not worrying about anything, just letting myself fall into him. His hands are in my hair and on my neck and on my face, and I don’t think about what it means or what’s going to happen. I just think about how it feels. And how it feels is perfect.

  Chapter Six

  Campbell

  Okay. I have to face facts. Kissing Natalia is way more fun than kissing Raine.

  Like, there’s really no comparison. Raine is hot and all, but somehow when we make out it’s…kind of…lame. No, not lame. It’s just lame when I put it side by side with how kissing Natalia feels.

  I could make out with Natalia for hours. But we stop after a few minutes and just hold hands under the bench outside of the mall.

  “What are we doing?” she says, sounding a little panicked.

  I laugh. “We’re getting up and walking to my car. Come on.” We stand up and I grab her hand again.

  On the ride back to her house, we talk a little bit, listen to the radio, and sometimes we’re just quiet. But it’s not an awkward kind of silence. It’s like we’ve known each other for years and don’t need to fill every second with chatter.

  Finally we get back to her house and I put the car in park and let it idle.

  Natalia looks at me with those dark, serious eyes. “This could be bad.”

  “How so?”

  “Ummm…you and Raine. Me and Brody?

  I sigh. “I thought you and Brody weren’t officially an item. And I told you that Raine and I aren’t.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “We’re not doing anything wrong.”

  She bites her lower lip nervously, which I find very cute.

  “Well, I should go,” she says. “But I had a lot of fun.”

  “So did I. Glad I took the chance and dropped by.”

  “Me too.” She starts to open the door.

  “Hey,” I say.

  She waits for a moment. “Yeah?”

  “I don’t want you to think that I’m going to be like that jerk, Derek. I’d never spread rumors or talk about you to anyone. Ever.”

  Natalia smiles. “I know you wouldn’t. But thanks.”

  I want to say more. For a moment, I want to say a whole lot more. But I
chicken out and she leaves. When the car door slams shut, I sit there and watch her move up the front walkway to her house. She looks back once and waves before going inside.

  I wait a second after her front door closes before putting the car in gear and pulling onto the street. On the way home all I can think about is kissing her. Being with her and how right it felt.

  The rest of the night I want to call her. Text her. Something.

  But I resist. Instead I watch a string of movies and try not to think about Natalia.

  And fail miserably.

  The next day is even harder. I wake up thinking about her. In fact, I’m pretty sure I had a dream about her. Something to do with butterflies. A whole bunch of them fluttering and flying around in this field where I was trying to find her. I was calling her name but couldn’t see where she was.

  Weird dream.

  “Cam, you promised you’d help with the garage today,” my mom says as I sit downstairs on Sunday morning, channel surfing and eating a bowl of cereal.

  Normally I’d bitch about it and try and get her to let me do it some other weekend. But now I consider that maybe it’ll help me keep my mind off Natalia.

  So I change into sweatpants and a t-shirt and go out to the garage with mom barking orders at me. I make it my mission to do everything she says without complaint.

  I’m sweating and we’re getting a lot done. Then, in one quiet moment when mom leaves to get us water, I can’t take it anymore. I pull out my cell.

  I have three unread text messages.

  Natalia? I think, my heart beating a little faster.

  But no. One is from Aiden.

  So what am I now? Chopped liver?

  I grimace. It’s going to take some time for me to make this up to him. Maybe it will mean really giving him a play by play of Friday night and every little thing that went down. Except for my little fainting spell. Nobody needs to know that happened.

  And then there are two texts from Raine.

  Hey cutie.

  And then, just a few minutes ago:

  Ugh. So bored.

  Shit. I can’t ignore her completely. That would be weird. So I send her a text and tell her that I’m having a terrible time helping my mom in the garage. Raine responds that I’m a sweetheart and how sexy it is when a boy does manly work.

  But I don’t really want to continue the conversation so I go right back to working, deciding it wouldn’t be right to text Natalia until after I talk to Raine. When the garage is finally done, it’s time for dinner. I’ve killed off most of the day and managed not to go insane thinking about Natalia.

  But I cave in right before going to sleep that night. Somehow I just can’t go another night without trying to talk to her. So I send her a quick text good night text while lying in my bed. Then I put the phone down on the nightstand and try to close my eyes and go unconscious.

  A buzzing sound startles me.

  A response from Natalia.

  Hey.

  My heart is beating again. I have a huge, ridiculous grin on my face. Thank god nobody I know can see me right now. I type fast.

  Ive been thinking.

  About?

  About me & you.

  What about us?

  I hesitate. Best to just say it straight.

  I like u. A lot.

  Don’t say that.

  But it’s true.

  Still…

  Maybe u and me can hang.

  What abt Brody? And Raine?

  Do u like him?

  She better not say yes.

  Not the way I like you.

  My grin is back, bigger than ever.

  Okay. So we need to just let them know.

  I’m a little scared.

  Don’t be. I’ll take care of it.

  Promise?

  Promise.

  A little while later we say goodnight and I fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  But reading back the string of texts in the cold light of Monday morning, I start to feel a faint stirring of regret. I said a lot of stuff. Of course I meant it, but those are some mighty big words. Especially about taking care of everything. After all, I can’t really stop Raine from going ballistic nuts when she finds out that I like Natalia more than her.

  It could get ugly.

  But when I get to our hallway before first period, I see something strange. The Triad is all gathered around Natalia’s locker, and Natalia is talking with them. Laughing.

  At first I think I must be seeing things, but no. It’s true. Raine and Natalia are gabbing away like best friends reunited after five years apart. I mean, if I didn’t know better I’d think the Triad was a Quad.

  When Natalia sees me, she shoots me a look like, “don’t come over here” and then looks away quickly. What the fuck?

  “What’s it feel like to be a total self-centered asshole who drops his friends when he makes the big time?”

  I turn around and see Aiden standing there.

  “Holy shit!” I say, slapping my forehead. “I totally forgot to pick you up.”

  “Oh, I understand. After all, we’ve only done the same thing every day for two straight years. Why would you remember?”

  “Dude, I’m sorry. It was totally an accident.”

  “Yeah. Sure.” He slaps me on the back. “Hope you had a good weekend, lady killer.”

  “Aiden, come on, man.”

  As he walks off, Natalia and the Triad are still babbling away at her locker.

  This day is like something out of The Twilight Zone, I think, shaking my head at the ridiculousness of it all.

  “It’s okay to be confused. Basic math does that to me all the time.” Brody nods at me from his locker across the hall.

  I chuckle appreciatively. “It’s not math, just…life.”

  “Oh, right. What about life exactly?”

  “Aiden’s mad at me.”

  Brody’s in a great mood for some reason. Acting like his old self. He comes over and leans against the wall near me.

  “Look, I was thinking about this stuff with me and you,” he says. He shifts his books to his other arm. “I want to squash it, bro. It’s stupid. We’ve been friends way too long.”

  I hesitate, but not long. “Me too. I’ve got no beef with you.” I think about coming clean now, about telling him about what happened with Natalia. But out of the corner of my eye, I see her heading down the hall with The Triad, and I decide I need to talk to her before I do anything stupid.

  “See how easy that was?” Brody says. “I’m so reasonable it’s crazy.”

  “If only Aiden will forgive me, we can get back to the way things used to be.”

  “He’ll get over it, man. After all, if you and me can get past this shit, I’m sure that dude will forgive you. What’s he got his panties in a bunch about now?”

  “I forgot to pick him up for school today.”

  Brody laughs. “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah.” I hang my head in shame.

  “Dude lives two houses down from you!” He cackles even more and it turns into a laugh that builds in intensity. Next thing I know, we’re both laughing so hard we’re almost crying.

  “I probably drove right by him while he was standing out there,” I gasp. Just picturing it sends us into a new round of hysterics.

  Finally we get a hold of ourselves. Brody grows serious. “Look, dude. I just want you to know. No matter what, you’ll always be my boy.”

  “Thanks man.”

  We give each other a pound and then head to class.

  And honestly, the whole thing’s making me really second-guess any ideas I had about making Natalia and me official. I mean, Brody’s my boy and Natalia just moved here. Not to mention that she’s finally starting to make friends, and now I’m going to screw it all up for her? I need to find a time to talk with her so we can figure all this out.

  As cool as she is, as much as I’d like for us to be able to hang, I’m just not sure it’s going to work. Not now. Maybe
not ever.

  Chapter Seven