TRAPPED: BREAKING FREE - BOOK 1

by C S COURT

  Three doors, and two bedrooms later I find it, collapsing on my knees and doubling over in front of the toilet.

  I can’t believe I just witnessed that.

  It’s not so much the pain of what they are doing, it’s who’s in the photo doing it!

  My supposed friend and boyfriend, tongues down each others throats and his hands down the front of her trousers, followed by a shot of him quite clearly fucking her from behind in the alley near her house.

  How could they betray me like that?

  Dan could have messed around with anyone, but to do it with my friend is the ultimate betrayal. That fucking bitch, how dare she do this to me? A million thoughts are zipping through my brain, it hurts so bad! The pain in my chest and head is so immense, I feel as if I’m taking a heavy beating.

  Oh fuck, I am so utterly clueless, they must be laughing their arses off at stupid Connie and her bimboness!

  I’m freaking out, my breathing is becoming shallow and I can’t force any air down past the lump in my throat. It hurts so so bad! A hand starts stroking my hair, whilst an arm snakes around my waist and pulls me on to a lap. I know it’s Hunter, some part of my brain making me aware it’s him mid freak out.

  I can’t hear past the buzzing in my ears, so the vibrations coming from his chest and the soothing hand stroking my hair must be him trying to calm me down.

  I don’t want this. Why me? As if I don’t have enough to deal with.

  The very thought of her thinking she has my man, that she’s better than me and laughing behind my back wounds my ego in such a way that I doubt I’ll ever be able to live this down. How on earth am I meant to go home to Dan after seeing that? What am I going to say to Rhia?

  “Argghhh,” I scream, the emotions swarming through my body are too much for me to deal and I can’t cope with it all.

  I fall back in to Hunter’s arms, collapsing in to a pile of a tears and sobbing my heart out. My whole body wracked with noisy, ugly sobs, but I could not care less.

  The hit to my pride and ego, the betrayal, the utter cheek of it all making me feel dead inside.

  A slap to my left cheek stuns me for an instance, all thoughts flee my mind and my apparent anxiety attack I was suffering disappears.

  Lottie is kneeling to the side of me, hand still raised and tears flowing down her beautiful face. “What do I do Lottie? Am I really that awful that he would choose her over me? I mean, I know he’s a bastard, but why go after my friend, who by the way, looks more like a boy than anything else? Why not put some effort in to the family he already has? Am I so bad he chooses that over me? What’s wrong with..” I don’t get to finish, as Lottie slaps me again, gentler this time, knocking all hysterics on the verge of appearing out of my system.

  “Stop, don’t even fucking go there! One, you don’t want that woman beating, womanising cunt, you’re scared to be alone and of the repercussions of leaving him. Two, Rhia is an easy slag and probably offered her fanny on the plate to him, and three you are the most amazing and beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out. Don’t ever blame yourself for how he or she acts. They are both psycho twats and this is all on them.” Yeah, I doubt that very much.

  If I was so great Dan wouldn’t do what he does to me. “Stop, I can see all the negativity swirling in those beautiful green eyes of yours. JUST STOP! Do not let them win.” She says, grabbing me by the shoulders and trying to shake some sense in to me.

  Nothing seems to be breaking through the fog that is slowly seeping in.

  I feel numb, wholly hollow and empty.

  The tears keep falling.

  There is no life behind them. I’m a shell, no longer a person on the edge of a breakdown, just a person living to exist.

  I’m staring through Lottie, looking but not fully seeing her.

  I can hear her speaking frantically to Hunter, worrying I have given up.

  And maybe I have.

  I feel like I have locked myself in a protective box. It hurts far too much to feel, this is so much easier and pain free.

  There’s noone who can hurt me in my little bubble, it’s so peaceful.

  “CONNIE. Snap the fuck out of it! DO.. NOT..LET..THEM..WIN!!! Hunter pick her up for fuck sake and move her out of the fucking toilet! Oh I don’t believe this shit, you wait till I get my hands on those bastards. I’m telling you now Con, do not even think of going home. That’s it, you’re done with the tosser, I don’t care what you say. Done, do you me hear me? Through, never going back.” That does the trick, I close my eyes and go over her words, mulling them over in my head, trying to understand what she means about not going home.

  Those words have thrown me out of my bubble and in to the pain and heart ache of reality.

  “Oh thank the lord she is coming back to us.” Lottie says, to noone in particular while I frown, trying to work out how I ended up on the sofa with a blanket thrown over me, placed in Hunter’s arms.

  I don’t recollect being moved, how long did I close my eyes for? I really need to screw my head on, I’m losing my grasp on reality and falling fast. I can’t be like this when I see my babies, I need to wake the fuck up and deal with the mess. One way or the other!

  “Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m not letting him near you or the kid’s again, this isn’t healthy and I’m fucked if I’ll sit back and watch him destory you all.” Hunter says with conviction clear in his voice.

  I sit up, needing to get my shit together and deal with the fallout.

  Fuck the betrayal, fuck the pain, that will all be there later.

  I need to deal with this mess now!

  “Hunter it’s not as easy as that. I have two very young, demanding children. Where do you expect me to live with them if I cannot go home? I have no way to support myself, any money I do get he takes straight from my account. It’s not even as if I could do a lot with the measly amount I get anyway.” I’m trying to be tough, and block out the pain, but I feel completely resigned to my fate.

  There is no easy out that everyone keeps telling me about, it’s just not that bloody simple.

  “I don’t think so woman. I have told you before and I’ll tell you again. I have two empty bedrooms used for storage and a home office at the present. You and the kiddies can have them for as long as you like. We have security on site plus a concierge preventing anybody unauthorised from entering the building. As for money, well you get your child allowance, although it’s not a lot, it’s enough to give you something to get by with or take the kid’s up the shop with. With regards to the rest, well I do a huge food shop that never gets eaten, I don’t want rent from you as I own my home and don’t pay rent myself, and anything else you need I’m sure I can loan you until you get on your feet. It’s not exactly hard babe, plus you’ve helped me out enough times over the years. I owe you for the crap your parents did to help me out all those years ago.” Lottie tells me, looking pensive at the end.

  Obviously remembering the crappy place she was in back then. She quickly shakes herself out of it and reaches for my phone, typing away on it.

  I frown, wondering what she is doing with it. “There, done. You are finally a single woman.”

  Huh, what? Single woman, what the fuck is she chatting about?

  I jump up from the sofa, and practically tackle her to the ground for my phone in a sheer panic. I flick through the sent box and notice a new text message has just been sent to Dan;

  You cheating arsehole. You can keep Rhia, Connie and the kid’s are no longer yours to worry about. Don’t bother contacting her or trying to look for her, she is no longer interested in any of the shit that spouts out of your gob.

  Oh, holy fuck, what on earth is she playing at?

  He will kill me, he will never let this swim, and when he finally gets his hands on me I’m going to be a dead woman.

  Lottie, obviously noticing the direction of my thoughts, grabs me by the shoulders and once again gives me a quick shake. “It’s done, he can no longer hurt you. I’ll h
ave a couple of coffees then request a car from the concierge to take me and Harry to yours to grab your essentials. You call your Mum and tell her the situation and that she is to keep an eye out for Dan showing up looking for you. I’ll also tell security he is not welcome here and pass a photo over to them. Breathe, you’re young, free and single at last. And like I said, you aren’t alone, you have us and those two stunningly beautiful babies.” She’s right, I know she is. But that doesn’t stop the panic from surfacing.

  This has been my life for ten long years. Is it really this simple? I can take the babies’ and leave. Stay with friend’s till I get on my feet and live a free, happy life.

  Part of me is doing a happy dance on the inside, whilst the other part is becoming increasingly anxious at the idea of being alone. Totally thrown in to the deep end.

  “Do you know what, you’re right. It’s always been about Dan and what he wants me to be and to do. I need to do this, for my children more than anything, what kind of life was I giving them? But then, What if Dan becomes nasty, or actually acts out his previous threats he’s made if I was to dare to leave him?”

  “He won’t be able to touch you or the kids. I’m here, security is here, your friends are here and he has no access to this building or anywhere even close to it. You don’t ever have to see him again if you don’t want to.” Hunter jumps in.

  I immediately forget all thoughts Dan and realise I can pursue this thing between myself and Hunter, I think I’m finally ready to do this.

  Our relationship has been over for years, I just never had the courage to leave him. It’s now or never!

  “I’m ready. I can do this, I have a fantastic support network and I need to do this now, before I chicken out. Lot’s can you go to mine, well Dan’s I suppose now, get all of my ID’s from the desk draw in the bedroom, all of the kid’s birth certificates and important documents should be there too. There are a few suitcases under my bed, strip their wardrobes bare Hun, and grab their furry blankets from their beds. If you can bring their pillows and duvets please do, as they love them. Any toys you can bring, also take as I can’t afford to replace just yet. The only other thing I need is my clothes and jewellery my Nan left me, but you know where all that is. Just throw it in a bag and get out of there.. OH, don’t forget Alex’s tablet and Lily’s DS please..” Fuck, that’s a lot. I just hope they can fit it all in the car and rush through it all before Dan gets back.

  “Babe, I will get whatever I can in the car. Whatever I can’t I will buy for you and the kid’s, call it a moving in gift from me.. Don’t even look at me like that. It’s either these terms or you can go collect your stuff yourself.” Tough love it is then.

  I couldn’t have asked for a better friend. This girl has had my back through thick and thin for the past fifteen years. Not once has she let me down, and even after all this time, she still manages to surprise me.

  I start crying, slow tears rolling down my face and pull Lottie in for a hug.

  There is no way I could have ever done this without her. I’m scared shitless, but I know I will get through this, with my children and best friend giving me reason to fight all the way.

  “Ah babe, don’t cry, you’ll set me off again. Let me go get your stuff, you call your Mum and chill with Hunter for a bit. I’m sure he has a few relaxation techniques. Wink wink.” She says, making me laugh through the tears and smiling herself at my change in mood.

  Harry and Lottie have gone, with clear instructions to get out before Dan goes home.

  I have rung my Mum and roughly explained the situation, not feeling ready to go in to details yet.

  Hunter has me in his arms, stroking my hair and soothing me, no words spoken, no conversation needed.

  I sit up suddenly, worried Dan could try and take the children from my Mum if he realises I mean business and have actually left him. I need to warn her properly, the thought of him hurting them and my Mum making me violently sick to my stomach. “Hunter I need to ring my Mum again, Dan threatened to take the children and to never let me see them again if I left him. I can’t chance it happening. Fuck, how did I not realise this earlier?”

  I thrust my hand in to my hair, twiddling a few strands between my fingers, trying to calm my racing heartbeat.

  This has become a habit of nervousness, tiredness and used in general anxious situations.

  Hunter slowly peels the hair from my death grip, placing my fingers between his and holding me steady. “Connie calm down baby.”

  Baby? Is it wrong that I love the way he calls me baby? “Without seeming really forward, would it be okay if I suggest we make a quick trip to your Mum’s house? You can explain the situation to her properly, see the kid’s are safe with your own eyes, and I get to meet the two reasons you have continued to fight and survive. I mean, if that’s okay with you? Obviously I will explain I am just a friend of yours.” Huh, friend, is that what he feels for me?

  Considering I have just walked out of a ten year relationship, albeit an abusive one, that comment hurt me more than it should. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much to bring Hunter along, my Mum will be happy to see I’m being looked after and I can see how the kid’s take to him. Mind you, I’m not so sure that even matters any more if we are to be no more than friends. I can’t even muster up a reply, I can just about force my body to nod, feeling the sting of rejection settle in.

  Ten minutes later, I note the day has sped by, it’s already four o clock, and I can’t seem to grasp where the hours have gone.

  We have made our way down to the parking lot, where I promptly had my phone confiscated by Hunter until the evening, apparently just incase I have a weak spot with regards to Dan.

  He took my pensive mood as a sign I was starting to crack, when in reality, the broken, sad feelings are from being rejected by him, even if he only said it to make me feel better.

  I sit in the front passenger seat, taking in the luxury of this vehicle and dreaming what it must be like to own something so classy and expensive, let alone drive it daily.

  Hunter starts the car, and I feel the engine roar to life under my thighs, this is one powerful beast, I LOVE IT!

  “You ready?” Hunter says, sneaking a quick glance in my direction before placing his foot on the accelerator and tearing it out of the car park, not waiting for a reply.

  I small squeak escapes my mouth, the shock of the power behind this beast of a car forcing my upper body back in my seat.

  Hunter smirks, assuming my sudden tenseness is from fear.

  He couldn’t be more wrong, I love speed. I have always been an adrenaline junky, well before I had the children anyway.

  I’m talking sky dives, bungee’s, rollercoasters, anything that can get the adrenaline flowing faster than you can blink is my kind of thing.

  I throw a huge grin in Hunter’s direction, letting him know I am enjoying his little show of manliness before throwing my head back and letting out a carefree giggle. “Wahooooo, is that the best you’ve got dude?” I ask him.

  Goading him to show me more.

  He looks astonished at my reaction to his driving, clearly expecting me to beg him to slow down. Fuck that, I’m no wimpy female, I want the speed, as long as it’s not taking unnecessary risks and clearly a death trap then I’m all for it.

  Hunter accepts my dare, pulling us on to an empty dual carriage way and putting his foot down, the force of the acceleration once again thrusting me back in to my seat.

  My stomach jumps, doing a little somersault before settling once again, the feeling this car gives you is one of a kind. It can handle the speed with ease, clearly in its element being pushed to the limit.

  These cars aren’t made for pansy drivers; they are made for people who like to put their foot down.

  “You are the complete opposite of what I expected you to be Connie, I never in my wildest dreams would have thought you would have wanted me to drive faster. Most women who get in this vehicle moan at me for driving with speed, but no, not you, y
ou want it even faster.” I immediately dislike that thought, the idea another woman has been sitting where I’m sitting, enjoying being in Hunter’s presence.

  But wait, he did just say they didn’t like it, and I did. Is that good thing? Surely it has to be a good thing. Right?

  “Ha, I’m not so sure if that’s a good or bad thing. I’ve often been called reckless.”

  “Oh sweetheart, it is most definitely a good thing. As long as there is no danger and you can handle the situation you are in if it gets out of hand, then what harm is there in feeling that rush run through your body, the high you get from doing something impulsive. Obviously with regards to me liking it about you, well that’s simple, it makes you different from the boring sheep that follow me around and are more interested in me wining and dining them then having fun. What is life if you can’t enjoy it? I always say.” Hunter’s right, why throw away a life being what you think everyone wants you to be.

  I’ve lived far too long being kept in Dan’s image of how he wants me to look and behave, but I’m done with that crap and the old Connie’s come out to play… For good.

  “Baby, I hope you don’t think I’m being too forward, but do you mind if we pull up at a toys r’us and buy something for Alex and Lily. I don’t want them to feel threatened by me if I can help it.” My heart swells and the shield I have had placed around it for so long starts to slowly crack, he is breaking down all my barriers chip by chip.

  This wonderful man has just walked in to my life, and not only cares for me, but for my two children whom he has yet to meet. I don’t think Dan has ever cared how the children feel, or what would make them comfortable.

  He just wants them to remain quiet and out of his way. There has to be some catch, what man is this perfect? This selfless?

  “Hunter you don’t have to do that, you have just moved in to a new apartment, probably have endless unpacking to do and you’ve already done so much for me as it is. I’ve trampled any house warming plans you may have had and taken you from your friend before thrusting you in to the drama that is my life. I’m so sorry.” I feel like such a huge burden.