Unexploded Love

by Paul Gait

  ‘Probably with a big bang too. No I wouldn’t recommend it.’

  ‘Well it’s going to…Oh! It’s stopped by itself,’ Frank said joyfully. ‘Thank Christ for that.’

  Well, do you want the good news or the bad news?’

  ‘Right now I could do with some good news.’

  ‘Ok. The good news is. The timer mighty be faulty.’

  ‘And the bad news?’

  ‘The ticking normally stops before it explodes,’ William informed him lightly.

  ‘Thanks for that. I’ll guess we’ll find out in a minute then,’ Frank said sarcastically.

  William continued his task without pausing to find out. ‘Ok I’ll try passing the light down again. Now don’t worry, here it comes.’

  ‘Yes, I can see the light again…it’s still on. It’s still on. I can see it out of the corner of my eye. God that’s bright.’

  ‘Your eyes will soon get used to the increased lighting. I’ll just swivel the light around so it’s not shining in your eyes though.’

  ‘Thanks, that’s better.’

  ‘Can you help by positioning the camera so we can see the markings on the bomb?’

  ‘I can’t see a camera.’

  ‘It’s the small round cylindrical thing on the end of the flexi wire.’

  ‘No I can’t see it.’

  ‘Ok. Rather than waste time, can you to tell me the details that you can see of the bomb.’

  ‘It’s a bit difficult to move without knocking against it.’

  Frank wriggled his shoulders and scooped away more dirt, feeling more mud going up underneath his fingernails. He could see the bomb clearer now.

  ‘OK. From what I can remember before the world fell in on me, It’s about five feet long and thirty inches round. It’s some sort of metal…but it’s not rusty…it’s shiny where the bucket of the JCB caught it…there’s a few dents.’

  ‘OK. Can you see the nose or the fin?’

  ‘The nose is slightly sticking out where I must have disturbed it.’

  ‘Is there a small propeller or gearing on the nose?’

  ‘No…it looks like a tube. It’s filled up with dirt.’

  ‘OK. What shape would you say it was?’

  ‘Umm…bomb shape?’

  ‘Yes OK, but is it bulbous? Does it balloon at any point…near the middle, the waist?’

  ‘Well yeah I suppose…but it’s not the sort of waist I spend my time admiring. Hang on there’s some writing on it…I can’t quite read it.’ Frank said straining his neck to get closer.

  ‘What sort of writing? Is it inscribed on a cover plate…or what?

  There is a moment of silence. Frank is staring wide eyed at the bomb.

  ‘Frank…Frank are you still with me? William called, alarmed that he had lost his man.

  Frank failed to respond.

  ‘Frank, can you hear me?’ William repeated with greater urgency.

  ‘I’m…yes I…shit…Oh my god! oh my god!’ Franks frightened voice had gone up several octaves. ‘You’ve got to get me out, now.’ Frank was clearly panicking. He was desperately trying to scramble out and banging against the ladder as he did so. His frantic struggle was knocking dirt on to the bomb. ‘Get me out of here. Get me out for fucks sake,’ he shouted hysterically.

  ‘Frank, calm down…Frank, now listen to me,’ William instructed him firmly. ‘Frank, calm down or you’ll send both of us in to orbit. What’s the matter? What’s happened?’

  ‘Get me out…God, oh God,’ Frank sobbed.

  ‘Frank, calm down,’ William repeated softly. ‘What’s the matter? We were doing so well…just be patient a bit longer.’

  ‘Please…please get me out,’ Frank pleaded desperately.

  Smithy who was still monitoring the interchange breaks in to the link.

  ‘Everything OK Boss?’

  ‘No, I think he’s finally flipped. He’s been great up til now. A real Mr Cool, but I think it’s finally got to him.’

  ‘What’s gone wrong do you think?’

  ‘Don’t know…but his thrashing around is going to trigger that bomb if we aren’t careful,’ William suggested.

  ‘Are you going to pull back?’ Smithy asked.

  ‘No…no not yet…Frank…Frank. Can you hear me? Now calm down. You’re doing just great.’

  ‘Is this some kind of sick joke? Dear God! The writing…the writing…It’s in German,’ Frank babbled.

  ‘Yes, the bomb loaders often used to write messages on the bombs. We used to do the same. Nothing unusual in that. Not that I usually see too many after I’ve dealt with them,’ William informed him. ‘Can you read it? What does it say?’

  Frank read the two sentences in fluent German. Alles Gute zum Geburtstag Frank. Ich hoffe, dass Ihnen meine kleine Überraschung mögen.

  ‘Do you know what it means?’ the other asked.

  ‘Yes, my family come from Germany. My father came over here after the war.’

  Frank paused again trying to get his brain around the message.

  ‘Frank, what does it mean? My school boy German is appalling.’

  ‘It says…it says. Happy Birthday Frank. I hope you like my little surprise.’ Frank’s voice quivered as he read it.

  ‘Wow, that’s a bit of a coincidence isn’t it? That your name is Frank.’

  ‘Even greater. It’s my birthday today,’ Frank volunteered.

  ‘Oh I see,’ William replied thoughtfully. ‘Hope you’re not superstitious?’

  Frank had gone numb. He just stared at the writing.

  Smithy interrupted calmly. ‘Boss, I gather from our bomb records that this was probably dropped on 1st June 1944 by a captured British Halifax…I believe they were after the Jet engine development that was in progress here.

  Frank Whittle was the instigator of the jet engine development and coincidentally it was his birthday too.

  So that’s probably who the message was aimed at.’

  ‘There you go Frank. As well as defusing bombs, we also give history lessons. See. Purely a coincidence,’ William added lightly.

  ‘Yes, but you don’t understand. It’s signed by Franz Schmidt. That’s my Grandfather’s name.’

  ‘Just another coincidence I’m sure. Like Smith in the UK. Schmidt is a very common German name.

  CHAPTER 30

  Joe wandered over to the Bomb Disposal man monitoring the conversation between his officer and Frank.

  ‘How they getting on?’ Joe asked nervously.

  ‘A bit of a delay at the moment Sir. But don’t worry, everything will be OK,’ the soldier informed him.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘We’ve got one of the calmest experts out there. He’s had a lot of experience dealing with these old German bombs as well as the new breed of bombs in Northern Ireland and IEDs in Afghanistan.’

  ‘If he’s so good, why is he so slow then?’

  ‘It takes time. You can’t rush these jobs. Your mate’s in safe hands I assure you. If anybody can sort it it’s the boss. I’ve seen him in some dicey situations where he was exposed to snipers and remote controlled IEDs but he never even broke out in a sweat. Ice cool he is…we call him the Iceman.’

  ‘I wish I could be so bloody calm. How much longer for Chrissake? I don’t know about Frank but I don’t think I can take any more suspense.’

  ‘Appreciate your concern. But we need to suss out the type of bomb first.’

  ‘I know that but…does it usually take so long?’

  ‘As I say, you can’t rush these things. Believe me… he’s in safe hands.

  ‘I just wish there was something I could do…’ Joe said helplessly.

  ‘You can. Go and get me a cuppa from the catering van if you like. That would be a great help.’

  Joe wandered off to the catering van and suddenly remembered Frank’s request to phone his ‘date’ to let her know he was otherwise detained. He thought he ought to check with the pub landlord if he’d sent the text.

&n
bsp; Joe took out his mobile and attempted to call the pub three times before he got a signal. When he got through, the Landlord told him that Liz had received the text message.

  She had called him back and she had been horrified to learn of Frank’s accident. George promised her that he’d get Joe to call as soon as there was any further news.

  Liz hadn’t initially tied Frank and William’s events together. It was only when she saw the news that she realised William’s callout had been to rescue Frank.

  She had a dreadful feeling of impending doom. She slumped on the settee wondering whether to go to the site or wait at home.

  CHAPTER 31

  ‘Ok Frank. Now take a deep breath. William continued his gentle mantra. ‘We can see this through together. There’s nothing sinister about the message. It’s just a coincidence. The bastards were always leaving messages…I think it was the Yanks that started chalking messages on bomb cases.’

  ‘I’ve really had enough now,’ Frank said weakly, his voice now lacking any positivity. ‘You’ve got to get me out.’

  ‘Just bear with me. Give me that description again,’ William encouraged.

  ‘Christ I don’t know. It’s a frigging bomb…It’s bomb shaped,’ Frank said, exasperated.

  ‘Did you say it looked like it had a waist?’

  ‘Waist. Girth. Spare tyre. Whatever you like to call it…Can’t you get a move on?’

  ‘We need to identify it before we even think about moving you or it… If we move it, even slightly, some bombs have gyros fitted that trigger the detonator and make a bit of a bang. …There’s no going back for a second try, if we make the wrong call. Do you understand?’ William asked.

  ‘Yes, but please hurry up. Please,’ Frank pleaded.

  ‘Any ideas boss?’ Smithy quizzed, from the safety of the monitoring point.

  The officer switched off the comms link to Frank so that he could speak confidentially to his number two.

  ‘Not at the moment. As you can see, the camera isn’t working and I have to rely on Frankie boy to give me the description.’

  ‘Oh! Difficult then.’

  And he ain’t coping too well at the moment… I guess it’s understandable when you’re babysitting a testy 1000 pound bomb. Have you been able to trace any more about the history of the site yet?’

  ‘Yeah. Apparently this was a World War two aircraft production site for Hurricanes and Typhoons. They were also developing the jet engine for the Meteor, the early jet fighter.’ Smithy told him.

  ‘Oh and therefore, a site of special interest that our ‘friend’ Adolf would make sure was disrupted as often as possible.’ William added. ‘OK. So if it was happening then what bomb types did Herman have in his cupboard?’ William quizzed.

  ‘There was the usual high explosive stuff. But their favourite on this type of target was incendiary oil bombs,’ Smithy recounted.

  ‘As I recall, they got a bit crafty with firing and anti-tamper mechanisms too, didn’t they?’ William said scanning his memory.

  ‘Do you think this might be one of them?’ Smithy probed.

  ‘See what else you can get from the German authorities on a raid around here.’ William instructed.

  ‘OK.’

  ‘In the meantime, I think we might be preparing for a hasty evacuation if things go wrong.’

  The officer switched his radio system back to communicating with Frank.

  Frank heard the click. ‘You still there? Hey, somebody speak to me.’

  ‘Yes Frank. Just checking with the backroom boys to try and get the low down on your friend down there. Has it been ticking again?’

  ‘No. But if I get out of here…’

  ‘Correction,’ William said interrupting, ‘WHEN you get out of there.’

  ‘I’m never going to buy another frigging alarm clock ever,’ Frank continued.

  ‘So what have you got planned for tonight when we get out of here?’ William sought to take his mind of his current situation.

  ‘Oh I don’t know. At least a few beers to celebrate my birthday to help me forget about this shit. And if I’m lucky a bit of ‘how’s your father’ with my date.’

  ‘Good for you. Let’s hope we can get you out before closing time then,’ William added.

  ‘I hope Joe got hold of her or she’ll think I’ve stood her up. That would really piss her off and blow my chances.’

  ‘Oh, I think she’ll know all about it by now,’ William informed him. ‘We’ve got the worlds Press and TV companies setting up all their satellite gear out here. You’re world famous.’

  ‘Can you make sure Joe got the message to her please,’ Frank requested. ‘Although it’s probably too late now if he didn’t.’

  William was happy to do anything to keep his mind off his present circumstances if it kept him calm.

  ‘Yeah sure. What’s her name?’

  ‘Liz, she’s got long ginger hair and legs that go up to her armpits. She’s well fit.’

  Suddenly alarm bells started ringing in William’s head. Surely this was too much of a coincidence. He’s called Frank and his date is Liz. She has ginger hair too.

  William’s stomach churned. His physiological control mechanism meant he normally had full command of tensions and feelings of angst.

  ‘I met her in a pub just across the road,’ Frank continued. ‘She brightened up my day.’

  ‘Oh, what pub is that?’ William asked cautiously.

  ‘The Flying Machine.’

  The information was like a knife piercing William’s heart. All his primeval defence mechanisms were triggered. His mate was being courted by another male. Like a lion defending his harem, he wanted to attack this intruder and remove the competition.

  ‘In a blind rage the Iceman tore off his headset and released the harness. In doing so landed heavily on the pile of mud that he had been so careful not to disturb. His impact sent a cascade of soil down on top of Frank.

  Frank winced at the thud on the mud pile above him and was fearful that the bomb was going to blow.

  CHAPTER 32

  William stormed back to the command centre. Smithy was surprised to see him.

  ‘Boss, what’s up? he asked, concerned. ‘Is it about to blow?’

  ‘No but I am!’

  ‘Why? What’s the matter?’

  ‘That bastard is screwing my missus,’ William seethed.

  The soldier looked at him in astonishment. ‘What! How do you know he’s porking your wife?’

  ‘He’s just asked me to get a message to her at the Flying Machine. She was his date.’

  ‘Oh shit!’ Smithy exclaimed, taking his headset off.

  ‘Now can you see why I’ve left him?’ William said, his face white with rage.

  Their dangerous occupation had created a special trusting bond between William and Smithy. So William’s revelations about Frank and Liz had made him angry too. Smithy, too, wanted to hurt the man who had offended his comrade.

  ‘That’s it. He’s on his own,’ William said pacing back and forth.

  Smithy’s mind was in turmoil. As much as he wanted to punish Frank for his liaison with Liz, he also knew it was not the right thing to do.

  ‘Appreciate how you must feel boss. But you can’t leave the poor bastard to blow himself up. Not without at least giving him a fighting chance,’ Smithy counselled.

  ‘No. I’m not going to put my life on line for a cuckold that’s been screwing my wife.’ William was adamant.

  ‘Boss, you’re a professional. This is what you do,’ Smithy reminded him.

  ‘Professional be buggered. I’m also a human being. I got feelings as well.’ Williams anger was unabated.

  ‘What about the reputation of the regiment if the press find out you left him?

  ‘Don’t try that one. This is personal,’ William spat.

  ‘OK, I can understand that. I’d probably feel the same.’ Desperately aware that William wanted revenge Smithy suggested, ‘Look we can teach him a less
on after we get him out.’

  ‘And risk my life getting that lowlife out of his hole. Forget it.’

  There was a pause in conversation as Smithy desperately looked for an alternative.

  ‘OK Boss, I’ll do it then,’ he volunteered. ‘I’ve done a few on training exercises.’

  ‘No, you’re not going to risk your life for a shit-face like him. I can’t have your death on my conscience as well. One is enough.’

  ‘Boss?’ Smithy asked, puzzled.

  ‘Pete.’ William added quietly.

  ‘Come off it. It wasn’t your fault. Don’t beat yourself up over his death.’

  ‘Let’s not go over that again,’ William demanded. ‘I’ve re-lived it enough times.’

  ‘We’ll have to call another team in then. We can’t expect to get a positive outcome out of this while we have negative attitude to getting him out,’ Smithy repeated the mantra that William had often recited.

  ‘And how do you think that would go down at HQ?’ William said, desperately trying to think of an alternative solution.

  At that moment, another soldier arrived with a piece of paper in his hand.

  ‘Boss, we’ve just received this message from HQ,’ the soldier announced and proffered William the note.

  The officer turned his back and said, ‘At the moment I couldn’t give a damn.’

  The soldier, surprised by his officer’s response, looked at Smithy who shrugged his shoulders. ‘Ok I’ll take it thanks,’ Smithy said taking the note and the other left confused by his reception.

  Smithy looked at the note and said urgently, ‘That thing is likely to have only a ten second fuze timer on it.’

  CHAPTER 33

  In the hole, Frank had been alarmed at the impact of William landing on the pile of mud, expecting any minute for the bomb to explode. He was now very frightened and frantically calling.

  ‘Hey, you up there! Jesus Christ, he’s pissed off again. Hey you bastards…Can you still hear me? Hey, I want out now. I really can’t take anymore. God, what have I done to deserve this shit? Hey, please get me out before I go mad.’

  In the meantime, after talking it over with Smithy, William had taken a few deep breaths and regained his sense of purpose. He realised that there was no alternative to him getting Frank out. His fit of pique now under control, he returned to his position by the hole with a plan.