Cowboy Deputy

by Carla Cassidy

  But it was too late.

  He was too late.

  Still, a little part of her wondered what it would be like to make love with somebody who truly loved her?

  Benjamin stood beneath the spray of the shower until it began to cool. Somewhere in the span of the events of the past couple days he’d made his decision to turn in his badge. He wouldn’t do it now, with Tom so overloaded by what was happening, but within the next few months he would follow his heart and become a full-time rancher.

  When he thought about spending all his days and nights at the ranch in all his imaginings, Edie was there at his side.

  He could easily see himself walking up the lane from the pasture and her seated on the front porch waiting for him to return. It was easy to imagine the two of them on horseback, her laughter riding the fresh-scented air and her eyes sparkling with that light that made him weak in the knees.

  He’d never felt this way about a woman before, suspected he would never feel this depth of love again. She was a burn in his soul, a song in his heart and he knew that no matter what happened between them, she’d transformed him as a man forever.

  He stepped out of the shower and quickly dried off, his head still filled with thoughts of Edie. She’d shown him that he was capable of love, of great passion for a woman. He’d begun to believe that it wasn’t in his character to feel those emotions. She made him feel more alive than he had in all his years of life.

  He didn’t bother putting his shirt back on but pulled on his briefs and his jeans and left the bathroom. The room was dark and silent and he thought she must already be asleep.

  He shucked his jeans to the floor and placed his gun on the nightstand, then slid in beneath the sheets that smelled faintly of bleach and fabric softener.

  He was exhausted but he instinctively knew that sleep was a long time coming. His mind whirled not only with the shooting of Walt, but also the possibility that another woman had gone missing.

  Hopefully Suzy Bakersfield had just gone off with a girlfriend and hadn’t checked her plans with her boyfriend. That she was alive and well and would have some explaining to do when she eventually returned home.

  But he couldn’t dismiss the sick feeling that she was just like Brittany, just like Jennifer Hightower, and she’d somehow disappeared into thin air.

  As always thoughts of his missing sister caused a deep grief to rip through his heart. The idea of never seeing her smile again, never hearing her babble about men and work and life, left a hole inside him that he knew would never completely be filled.

  “Benjamin, are you asleep?” Edie’s voice whispered across the darkness of the room.

  “No.”

  “Me, either,” she said and released a deep sigh.

  “Things on your mind? Do you need to talk?” He rolled over on his side to face her direction.

  She was silent for a long moment. “I’m reconsidering this celibacy thing.”

  Every muscle in his body froze. He was afraid to speak, afraid to hope what her words might mean. He realized she was waiting for some sort of a response from him. “Oh, really?” he finally managed to utter. “What’s changed your mind?”

  “You.”

  He heard her change positions and knew that she’d turned to face his direction. “How did I change your mind?” he asked. His breath was painful in his chest as he tried not to anticipate what might happen next.

  “I don’t know, you just did,” she said with a hint of frustration in her voice. “I want you, Benjamin. I want you to make love to me.”

  Joy leaped into his heart, but it was a joy tempered with caution. “Edie, I don’t want a bullet through the window to force you to make a decision you’ll regret later.” As much as he wanted her, he didn’t want to be just another mistake in her life.

  “As long as you’d understand that it’s a one-shot deal, that there are no promises or strings attached, then I wouldn’t regret it.”

  Funny, most men would have jumped at the chance for sex with no strings, no commitments, but Benjamin had hoped for more, had desperately wanted more from her.

  “Benjamin?” Her whisper held both a wealth of longing and more than a hint of self-consciousness.

  He’d take what he could get of her, he thought as he threw back the sheet and got up and then grabbed his wallet from the nightstand. He had a condom tucked inside it, compliments of his brother Caleb who insisted the Grayson men were always prepared.

  He was surprised to discover his fingers trembling slightly as he pulled the condom out and placed it on the nightstand next to her bed.

  He hesitated, wishing there was some illumination in the room so he could see her face. “Edie, are you sure?”

  Her hand reached out and touched his, then her fingers twined with his and she tugged him into her bed. As he got beneath the sheets he felt nervous, excited and as if he were about to make love for the very first time.

  He pulled her into his embrace and she came willingly, eagerly. She was all heat and soft curves against him as she hid her face in the crook of his neck.

  He stroked his hands up the length of her back, unsurprised that her skin was as silky as he’d imagined. He wanted to say words of love, wanted her to know just how much he cared about her, but he knew that would only drive her away.

  She needed this not to matter and so he told himself it didn’t, that it was just a hookup for mutual sexual pleasure and nothing more.

  Still, when he found her lips with his he drank of her, his heart filling with her taste, the clean soapy scent of her and the warmth that raced through his veins.

  “I knew you’d feel so good,” she said as he left her mouth and rained kisses down the side of her jaw. She released a small moan as he found a sensitive place just below her ear.

  “And I knew the same about you,” he murmured.

  Her arms tightened around him and she stroked her fingers down his back, increasing the flame that threatened to consume him.

  His hunger for her wanted to move fast, to rip the panties and bra from her body and take her with hard, fast strokes. He wanted to possess her in a way she’d never been possessed before, in a way that would make her cling to him now and forever.

  But his need was tempered with the desire to go slow, to savor each and every moment that he held her in his arms for he knew this moment probably wouldn’t happen again.

  He captured her mouth again, their tongues swirling together in a deeply intimate kiss. At the same time his hands moved to her bra fastener. He hesitated, waiting to make sure she wouldn’t suddenly protest. When she didn’t he unfastened the whisper of fabric.

  She shrugged it off and tossed it to the end of the bed, then went back into his arms. His heart banged against his chest at the feel of her warm breasts against him.

  She fit neatly against him, as if they were made to fit together. She leaned back slightly and stroked a hand down his chest. “So strong,” she murmured and pressed her lips against his collarbone.

  He wasn’t strong, not where she was concerned. He felt weak and vulnerable and needy as he captured her breasts with his hands. “So beautiful,” he whispered. “You make me weak, Edie.”

  “I don’t want you weak right now. I want you strong and powerful.”

  Her words merely increased his raging need of her. He bent his head and took the tip of one of her nipples in his mouth, enjoying the gasp of pleasure that escaped her.

  Her nipple hardened and extended in his mouth as she tangled her fingers in his hair and moaned. She pressed her body into his and he knew she had to realize that he was fully aroused.

  Rather than warding her off, his erection seemed to intensify her desire. She grabbed his buttocks, her fingers burning through the thin cotton of his briefs.

  He ran a hand down the flat of her belly and slid it under the slick silk of her panties. Hot and damp, she arched up to meet his touch.

  A sudden impatience snapped through him. He wanted to be naked and he w
anted her naked. He tugged at her panties to remove them and she aided him by lifting her hips.

  He then took off his own and pulled her back into his arms, reveling in the feel of bare skin against skin.

  Again he touched her damp heat and she caught her breath and then moaned his name. His heart expanded with love for her. Wanting to be the best lover she’d ever had, he increased the pressure of his touch, felt the rising tide of sensation inside her.

  He ran his lips across her cheek, down the length of her neck and moaned in pleasure as she reached her climax. She shuddered and cried out his name once more as she went limp.

  She didn’t stay that way for long. As she reached out and encircled his hard length with her hand, it was his turn to gasp in pleasure.

  Control it. He was definitely going to lose control if she continued to touch him that way. He slid away from her and reached for the condom on the nightstand, mentally thanking his little brother for insisting that he be prepared for the unexpected.

  When he was ready he crouched over her and framed her face with his hands. He could easily imagine how her eyes looked at the moment, emerald and glowing with fire. He kissed her lips, her cheek and then her forehead as he slowly eased into her.

  Engulfed in exquisite pleasure, he whispered her name again and again and began to stroke in and out of her sweet heat. She gripped his buttocks, drawing him in deep with each thrust.

  Lost. He was lost in her and he never wanted to be found. But all too quickly he felt the rise of a tidal wave building up inside him, sweeping him toward completion.

  When it came, he took her mouth with his in a kiss that held all the emotions he had inside. And when it was over he slumped to the side of her in awe.

  Benjamin had enjoyed sex plenty of times in his life, but never with the kind of love he felt for this woman. His Edie.

  No, not his. The deal was that this meant nothing to her. Just physical release without any strings. She’d made it clear in a hundred different ways that she had no intention of loving him back.

  But that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to break through her defenses and win her heart. He rolled over and kissed her, then slid out of bed. “I’ll be right back,” he said and went into the bathroom.

  He washed up and then stared at his reflection in the mirror. He’d never seen her coming. He’d had no way to prepare himself for the tremendous emotion Edie evoked inside him. He’d been utterly helpless to stop himself from loving her.

  And he was equally helpless to stop her from leaving him. The sad truth was the people you loved didn’t always love you back. But he wouldn’t stop trying to win her love until she left town. He’d hold her through the nights, keep her safe and as happy as possible during the days and maybe, just maybe, his love would win.

  He turned out the light and left the bathroom. “Good night, Benjamin,” she said as he stepped back into the room. Any thought he had of holding her through the night vanished as he realized she didn’t want him in her bed again.

  “Good night,” he replied and crawled beneath the covers on his own bed. He smelled of her and he wanted to keep that scent in his head forever. But, he knew that eventually this case would be solved and just like Brittany, she’d be gone from him forever.

  “You have to stop crying,” Brittany said to Jennifer Hightower. “You’re going to make yourself sick.”

  “What difference does it make,” Jennifer cried. “He’s going to kill us anyway.”

  Brittany snaked her fingers through the bars that separated the two women and attempted to stroke her hair. Jennifer had been crying since their captor had brought in Suzy Bakersfield about an hour ago. Suzy was now unconscious on a cot in the third cell of five in what appeared to be an old, converted barn or shedlike structure.

  Brittany had lost count of the days she’d been held captive, although she thought Jennifer had been with her for a couple weeks. She knew from experience that Suzy would remain unconscious for the rest of the night and would awaken sometime tomorrow to horror.

  Horror had become an intimate companion to Brittany. When she’d initially awakened in the small cell, she’d screamed herself hoarse and had desperately tried to find a way out, but there was none. The structure was sound, with no apparent weaknesses that could be exploited. Each cell had a cot and a toilet and nothing else that could be used as a weapon or for escape.

  They were usually fed a small meal once a day by their captor, but several times there had been nothing for two or three days. Each time he came in, Brittany tried her best to identify him, but he always wore a hat and a ski mask that made it impossible. His voice sounded vaguely familiar but no matter how she racked her brain she couldn’t place it.

  “Jenny, you didn’t eat the food he brought. You need to stop crying and eat. We have to keep up our strength so that if an opportunity arises we can escape.” Brittany pulled her hand back from Jenny’s head and instead gripped the metal bars that separated the two.

  “You can’t give up hope,” Brittany said, even though she struggled with that, as well.

  “There is no hope,” Jenny sobbed. She raised her head and looked at Brittany, her eyes swollen nearly shut and her skin splotchy from her tears.

  “There’s always hope,” Brittany said fervently. “As long as we’re alive, there’s hope.”

  Brittany had to believe that, she had to believe that somehow her brothers would find them before the last two cells were filled with women, for it was then that she knew their captor intended to begin his game—and the game meant death to them all.

  Chapter 10

  It was impossible to tell what time it was when Edie awakened the next morning. She knew that Benjamin was already awake. She could hear him in the bathroom and apparently he was talking to somebody on his cell phone.

  She’d known making love with him was a mistake, albeit a glorious mistake. Her body still tingled with the memory of his every touch, his every kiss, and there was no way to deny that he was in her heart as deeply as anyone ever had been.

  She’d made glorious love with him and she now could no longer deny her love for him and yet really nothing had changed. She couldn’t magically undo her past and she refused to let down her guard.

  Benjamin was a good man who deserved a good woman. The charm around her neck suddenly felt as if it burned her skin. She reached up and grabbed it in her hand and for a moment allowed the pain to race through her.

  The charm wasn’t a symbol of her mother’s death, but rather the death of her baby, the daughter who had died without drawing a breath.

  A medical mystery, the doctor had said with sympathy in his eyes. A tragedy, the nurse had replied as she’d gently wrapped the perfectly formed infant in a pink blanket.

  But Edie had known better. It had been her fault. Somehow she’d done something wrong. She’d been so stressed over the bills and Greg’s abandonment. She knew in her heart of hearts it was all her fault.

  “They’ll be other babies,” the doctor had said when he’d signed her release papers. “You’re young and healthy and I’m sure there are healthy babies in your future.”

  But he’d been wrong. The day Edie had buried the daughter she’d named Mary, she’d buried any hope she had, any expectation she might entertain for happiness.

  Before the grief could completely overwhelm her, she released the charm and drew a deep breath. This was her secret. Oh, the few friends she had in Topeka knew that she’d lost her baby, but after the birth she’d distanced herself from them all, unable to stand the sympathy in their eyes, the platitudes that rolled so easily off their tongues.

  She’d just wanted to be alone with her grief, and there was a part of her that still felt that way. She reached over and turned on the lamp on the nightstand, then got out of bed and quickly pulled on the clothes she’d taken off the night before. She felt better prepared to face the day, to face Benjamin, dressed.

  When the door to the bathroom opened, she tensed. The last thing s
he wanted was a morning after, a rehash of the mistake she’d made the night before.

  “Oh, good. You’re awake,” he said as he came into the room. He walked over to the window and opened the heavy outer curtains, leaving the gauzy inner curtains in place. Sunshine poured in but it was impossible to see out or into the room.

  “I was just talking to Tom. He called to tell me the lab report came in.” He sat on the edge of the bed and smiled at her and in his eyes, in the warmth of that smile, she saw the memories of their lovemaking.

  “Did the results tell you anything about the person responsible?”

  “First of all, the good news is that nothing was radioactive. In mixing some of the chemicals a reaction occurred that created the fluorescent glow, but nothing was radioactive. The bulk of the chemicals were ones used almost exclusively by taxidermists, so Tom was on his way to the taxidermy shop to speak to Jeff Hudson and his son, Jeffrey Allen.”

  “You think they’re responsible for this?” she asked. She didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to remember the feel of his warm lips against hers, the stroke of his hands across her naked body.

  “I think it’s a good lead,” he replied. “Maybe it won’t be long before this is all over.” He stood. “In the meantime I called Brett and he’s going to bring us some coffee and breakfast in a few minutes.”

  “Room service? I didn’t know motels offered that.”

  He smiled again, the warm, wonderful grin that made her want to run into his arms, or run as far away from him as possible.

  “We’ve used the motel off and on over the years when we’ve needed to stash somebody away. Brett is very accommodating when that happens.”

  As if to punctuate his sentence, there was a knock on the door. Instantly tension replaced Benjamin’s warm smile as he drew his gun from his shoulder holster and motioned her into the bathroom.

  He peered out the window and instantly relaxed. “It’s okay. It’s Brett.”