Fall From Grace

by Michelle Gross

  “Come on,” I said, pulling the blankets off him. “You can sleep in my room.”

  His eyes widened. “No,” he said quickly. “I don’t want your mom or dad to get mad at me for being there without asking.”

  I smiled. “Then it will be our secret. Come on, you can slip out in the morning. You’re good at that kinda stuff.”

  He shook his head again. “No, Grace, really. I don’t want them to hate me.” I just looked at him. He didn’t talk or give praise to his mom or dad, but he always tried so hard to be polite and good around mine. I never called him out on it or asked why he did it.

  “There’s gonna be nothing for them to hate if you get sick and die out here!” I yelled. He sighed and looked away from me. I reached out for his hand and gave it a tug. “Please, Noah, I’ll wake them up and let them know if that’s what you want.”

  “Fine,” he muttered, jerking his hand away and standing. I smiled and followed him down the rope. We didn’t wake my parents. He slept on the floor of my room with a blanket and pillow I gave him. I felt pleased that he listened to me and glad he wasn’t out there freezing.

  He was already gone when Mom woke up the next morning and neither her or dad had a clue he spent the night.

  On the days it was too cold to go outside and play, Mom made us stay inside. Noah let himself in that evening after sleeping on my floor the night before. He hopped onto the bar stool next to me and immediately tossed something on the countertop. I picked up the piece of wood and turned it around. On the other side was a carved bear. I looked to him.

  He looked away from me quickly. “It’s a birthday present,” he muttered quickly. “I didn’t know your birthday was yesterday.”

  He carried a pocket knife around with him all the time, but the only thing I had ever seen him do with it was cut up sticks when he was bored. “Did you make this?” It was far from perfect. It might not even be a bear but that was what it looked like to me.

  He shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah.”

  “I love it,” I told him. “It’s a bear, isn’t it?” He nodded.

  Mom leaned over the counter and took it from my hand. “Did you really do this, Noah?” Mom smiled at him. “It looks great.” She handed it back to me. “How’d you learn to do that? Looks complicated. With a knack like this, Noah, you will make good use of those hands when you’re older.”

  Noah looked to me with a smile full of Mom’s praise. “It’s just something I do when I’m bored. I’ll get better, and when I do, I’ll make you another one.”

  “This one is perfect.” And it was for me. “But, I’ll look forward to more from you.”

  “Do they ever act like seven-year-olds?” Dad asked, stepping into the kitchen. He placed a kiss on Mom’s lips before rubbing Noah’s head with a smile. “Hey, kiddo.”

  “Hi, Steven,” Noah replied.

  Mom shook her head. “I know, I wouldn’t think they ever played if I didn’t see it with my own eyes every day.”

  And maybe that was our problem, we should have behaved like kids.

  4

  Grace age 8

  Noah age 9

  I’m just a kid, but I think I know my future. It starts and ends with Grace.

  She doesn’t realize we are meant to be more than friends, but I’m starting to. One day, I’m going to grow more than I am now, and when I do, I’m going to kiss and touch her when she lets me. I know what adults do. I know all about sex because I’ve seen it during my parents’ parties when everyone’s so high they don’t care that they’re getting it on right in front of a kid. It’s why I disappear to the treehouse to get away. I hate the noise, I hate the smell, but most of all, I hate the way my parents look when they exit real life and disappear into whatever place they love so much. Sex doesn’t look all that great from what I’ve seen in person, but at the same time, I want to try it with Grace.

  I’m waiting to grow up. I’m waiting for Grace to as well.

  I want her to know about this part of growing up like I do. I feel like with her, everything will be a little more beautiful… Because it already has been a lot brighter since she came into my life 2 years ago.

  N.P.

  Noah never celebrated his birthday with me. He didn’t even tell me when his birthday was or if he celebrated his new age with his parents every year. He didn’t seem to care. What kid didn’t get excited for their birthday?

  There was something downright crooked in his grin that day when he brought the VCR tape his cousin had gotten him for his birthday. I couldn’t share his excitement because all I could think about was still not knowing his birthday like he knew mine.

  I crossed my arms and feigned disinterest in whatever he wanted to show me on the tape. He tilted his head at me and sighed. “What is it, Priss?”

  “When are you going to tell me your birthday?” I pouted. “I can’t believe you’ve already turned nine and I’m just now finding out!” I studied him a moment. “Is it today? And you’re a May child?” I smiled, knowing I at least knew the month he was born.

  He shook his head. “It’s not today, and don’t worry about it.” He looked around the living room. “Where’s your mom?” he asked quickly.

  “Cooking,” I answered and watched as the devilish grin returned to his face.

  He took my hand. “Come on, we can’t let your parents see,” he said as he led us up the stairs. I studied the color of his ear as it grew red. Noah was up to no good, too bad I didn’t care. Once inside my room, he shut the door and hurried to the TV.

  “What are you up to?” I asked.

  After pushing the tape into the VCR, he turned around and looked at me. “Promise me you won’t scream or tell your parents what I’m about to show you?”

  The question in his eyes unnerved me. I swallowed. “Just what’s so bad on the tape that you are acting so sneaky?”

  He smirked, turned the volume almost completely down, then pressed play.

  Adults. A woman. A man. Her legs spread open while the man… inside.

  A felt nauseous, scared, freaked out, disgusted.

  Thankfully, I made no promises about not screaming. Because I did.

  He quickly stopped the tape and ran to cup my mouth. He stopped my scream and said, “Turns out there’s a lot more to being an adult than you realize, huh, Grace?”

  I jumped away from him. “Why would they?” I squinted my eyes. “Why would you show me that?”

  His eyes widened momentarily before glaring. “Don’t worry, I would never want to do that with you. You don’t even have boobs!”

  My mouth fell open. “I’m only eight!” I hissed. “Like you have that big ‘thing’ between your legs, either!” I felt a pang of fear just bringing it up again, but Noah always made me so fighting mad that I talked about it aloud.

  His face turned bright red. “You have—”

  “Is everything okay?” Mom peeked her head inside the door and asked.

  “Yeah,” I said immediately. “Noah was just leaving, weren’t you?”

  “Yeah,” Noah hid most of his grumble in front of Mom as he walked back over to the VCR and took the tape out, then left.

  Mom tilted her head at me. “Did you two fight?”

  “Yeah,” I mumbled. “Boys are stupid.”

  Mom snickered. “I give you guys a day before you make up.”

  _____

  Mom had been wrong. Noah and I were at odds for weeks after that. I no longer knew how to hold a conversation with him without thinking of the redhead’s bouncing breasts and her privates being ‘invaded’ by that guy’s ‘thing’. What was worse was I couldn’t even look at my parents normally anymore without thinking that they did that to each other. Adults were suddenly a mystery to me when I was so confident I knew a lot as a kid.

  I was wrong. So wrong.

  I blew Noah off every time he came over to the house. I was lonely and bored the month of June because I didn’t want to give in and play with him even though I wanted to. I hated t
hat he showed me that tape. I hated that it changed the way I looked at people, especially adults.

  I was never going to do any of those things when I grew up. It looked disgusting and how would it even fit… I shook my head. Don’t even think about it.

  The only problem was even though I was upset with Noah, I missed him. School was out for the summer and I was lonely, and he was my best friend.

  So, when he tapped on the door that day, I was more than ready to put the tape behind us. Mom answered the door and greeted him. “Gracie, Noah’s here!” she called through the house. I moved from the couch and slipped on my shoes before heading toward the door.

  “I’m going to the treehouse with Noah,” I told her.

  Mom looked at us with a smile before shaking her head. “It’s about time,” was all she said.

  Noah followed behind me quietly. That was another thing that changed after seeing those few seconds of the tape. I stopped wearing dresses. I was extra glad as I climbed up the rope with Noah behind me. I was suddenly fearful of everyone seeing my body through a pair of eyes like mine—one that suddenly saw everything anew. I knew I shouldn’t feel this way over a tape. I was only eight, but that was my problem; I saw too much. I thought too much. I felt too much.

  I turned around to face him, the silence eating away at us as I pressed my knees to my chest. He looked just as miserable as I felt. “I’m sorry, Grace. I shouldn’t have shown you the tape,” he said right away.

  “Why did you?” My voice wasn’t laced with accusation or guilt. I just wanted to know.

  “It’s just something I already knew about, and I don’t know, you’re smart. I guess I thought you would have already known about doing it.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I wanted you to know about it like I did.”

  “How would I know about that?”

  “I’ve seen it at my house before, okay!” he blurted. “I don’t know why I showed you! I guess I was just being a boy and wanted to scare you or something, but I didn’t imagine it would freak you out this much.” He covered his face with his hands. “I’m sorry, Grace, I won’t ever do something like that again so please don’t hate me, and please stop ignoring me.” He lifted his eyes from his hands and pleaded with me.

  The tears fell down my cheeks. “I don’t ever want to talk about this again,” I whimpered. “I’m never doing that when I grow up either,” I hiccupped. Noah steadily scooted closer to me. “I missed you—don’t ever show me that kind of stuff again!”

  He nodded as I rested my forehead against his. He stiffened as I calmed down with our small contact. Just like that, the tape faded from my thoughts as the need to be normal with Noah again became more permanent

  “Don’t worry, I’m just a boy,” he whispered between us. “I won’t even try to touch you that way even when I become a man.”

  When he spoke those words, I knew he was willing the words to be true, and they were true words… that was until puberty hit us both.

  5

  Grace age 9

  Noah age 10

  I made a promise that I’d keep, but it doesn’t mean that it’s not one that I hope she will someday let me break.

  I care about her too much to hurt her, especially when I fear her hating me, but when I’m alone with my thoughts, the need to grow up and steal her heart gets even stronger.

  Will her eyes ever discover me in a way that I picture her getting old and being mine?

  I’m not a normal kid. Grace is far from childish some days, too… Except today. She can’t be left alone. She needs me to look after her. It’s okay because I want to.

  N.P.

  “Don’t even think about it, Grace,” said Noah before I even did anything.

  “I’m just taking it some food and water,” I mumbled as I opened the gate and stepped inside the fence of one of our neighbor’s yard. “He’s clearly hungry and I just want to pet him.”

  “You clearly need your own pet,” Noah hissed behind me. “Seriously, Grace!” He grabbed my wrist and yanked me backward. I turned and glared at him. “This is trespassing.”

  “I’ll come straight back out as soon as I give him the bologna and water!” I promised. I slipped from his grasp and left the gate cracked. Bruce, the Pitbull tied to the porch jumped and barked as I moved closer. His tail wagged as he watched me. Before I even squatted, he jumped up and stole the bologna from my hands. I laughed and petted his stinky fur. “You are such a good boy,” I told him as I poured the bottled water into his bowl. “It’s too hot to be going without water, ain’t it boy?” I cooed and went on.

  “Okay, you gave him the bologna, now come on,” Noah barked, and I tilted my head to see him looking around anxiously.

  I turned my focus back to Bruce. His collar looked a little too tight. “Hold on, I’m fixing his collar.”

  He exhaled a frustrated breath. I ignored him though and focused on holding down Bruce so I could loosen his collar. Once I was finished, I gave him another rub down his back before walking around. “About time,” Noah complained as he opened the gate for me. “And you stink now,” he added. Bruce was barking and whining. He didn’t want me to leave him. “Now he’s throwing a fit because of you.” I rolled my eyes.

  “He’ll enjoy that water here in a bit,” I replied.

  Then, a boo-boo happened. Not really a boo-boo. More like uh-oh.

  It’s like Bruce waited until the moment we had our backs turned to slip out of his collar, and since we hadn’t noticed until he was running out of the gate between us, it kind of made it impossible to shut the gate before he got out.

  “GRACE!” Noah yelled my name, and I felt the fear race through my veins. This wasn’t my dog, and his owner was such a turd.

  I bent down to grab him but he was long gone. “Bruce!” I screamed. “Noah, what are we gonna do?” I looked to him and asked.

  “We?” Noah gave me a horrible look. I knew Noah though, despite his anger with me, he wouldn’t leave me alone even when I was the one at fault. Dogs were my weakness. I couldn’t help it. “Let’s try to catch him,” he said hurriedly.

  We took off running after him. He was always visible in sight, going house to house, trailer to trailer, peeing on everything, but we couldn’t get close. He’d spot us and take off running like a bolt of lightning. We kept at it for a long time, often cornering him on both sides, but he somehow always got the better of us.

  It wasn’t until I ran inside and grabbed some more bologna that I was able to coax him into coming to me, but by then it was too late. We watched from behind another neighbor’s house—where we caught Bruce—as Bruce’s turd owner pulled into the driveway. And when he stepped out of his truck, placing his hand on his hat, the first place he looked was the spot Bruce was supposed to be, then I just knew he saw the opened gate next. I held Bruce by the collar and turned to Noah nervously as we led him over to his house.

  Noah and I were both covered in sweat and exhausted, but now I was scared of what Bruce’s owner was going to say to me. “It’s okay, Grace,” Noah told me. Maybe he knew I was on the verge of crying. “We got him, he’s safe, and we are taking him back.”

  I nodded but when I looked up, Bruce’s owner was heading toward us with an ugly scowl on his face. “Mind telling me why you kids have my dog and my gate is wide open?”

  “I saw that his bowl was empty—”

  Noah prevented me from talking any further. “I just went to give him some food and water since it’s been hot today, and his collar was looking a little tight—”

  “Kid, are you trying to say I’m not feeding my dog?” He seemed angrier now.

  I was truly scared because I knew I shouldn’t have. “No, sir,” Noah started.

  “You little shits are starting to make me angry.” He looked to me and pointed. “I should have known you would eventually make your way over into my yard, always hanging around the fence and calling for Bruce.”

  Tears were in my eyes. “She just likes your dog, sir,” Noah sounded ang
ry now, and I hated that I got him into this.

  “I’m sorry,” I started.

  “Give me my damn dog,” he yanked Bruce from my hold, and even his pet whimpered and hunkered down. My heart broke.

  He looked at Noah again. “Your John’s boy, ain’t ya? No wonder,” he spat the words out, and I immediately turned to see how Noah would react. His parents were his sore spot. He gripped his fists but otherwise held it in.

  “Everything okay out here?” Noah’s dad, John, hopped off their porch with no shoes or shirt on. Just his jeans and a cigarette in his hand. He sauntered on over to us.

  “Yes, your son and his friend came over into my yard and let Bruce out.”

  “It wasn’t on purpose,” I said quickly. “It was an accident.”

  “My son?” John asked, looking back and forth between us. “Doesn’t sound like something he’d do.” I felt my cheeks color. Somehow, I knew he knew this was because of me.

  Bruce’s owner placed his hands on his hips and huffed. “Shit,” he said in disbelief. “With parents like y’all, it’s no wonder… I’ll have to check and make sure nothing’s been stolen.”

  “Say whatever you want about me, but my son’s not a thief. He’s a good kid.” It was weird hearing his father praise him when Noah refused to talk about them. “Check your shit, just leave the kids alone. You got your dog, and y’all won’t go back into his yard, will ya?” I shook my head immediately. Noah looked like he was about to explode. Maybe he didn’t like his dad helping us, there was so much I still couldn’t figure out about Noah.

  “The next time it happens, I’ll call the cops. Y’all staying up and partying all hours of the night, keeping everyone up is getting out of hand too,” he huffed before jerking Bruce by the collar. “Come on, boy.”

  John blew out a stream of smoke as he watched him leave before turning back to us. “You didn’t really let that dog out, did ya?” he asked Noah.

  “Not on purpose,” Noah replied.

  “You weren’t even the one in the yard.” John smiled at me, and my eyes widened before I averted his gaze.