Fall From Grace

by Michelle Gross

  “Noah…”

  He scooted his head closer, closer… I was too surprised and nervous to do anything but watch as he placed his lips against my forehead. Then he slowly raised up, “You should go.”

  I raised quickly. “What was that for?” I placed my hand on my forehead.

  “Because you’re you, and I’m me.”

  I smiled because somehow, it made it perfectly okay.

  As I slipped down the rope, I said, “Come stay in the house.”

  “I’m heading home,” he replied, coming down the rope next.

  “No one’s at your house tonight?” I asked.

  He nodded. “Nope.”

  “Then why…”

  He grinned. “And Priss, don’t get too close to Dustin. He wants to do bad things to girls already.”

  How long would Noah continue to stay safe before he stopped trying?

  Or was the kiss already proof that we were changing?

  8

  Grace age 12

  Noah age 13

  I flirt with Grace every second we’re together, she’s so used to the things I say to her, I don’t ever think I’ll break through and let her see me as more than a friend. She says I’m different than other boys but I think she knows better.

  I’m the boy that thinks of her most. I’m the boy that’s waiting to be a man, but the growth in my body only makes me hope that she sees it too. That I’m no longer a kid, I’m a teen, and all my thoughts are forever filled with her.

  N.P.

  I awoke to womanhood. When I yelled at Mom that morning, she came upstairs and I told her that I had started my period. She covered her mouth and started crying, saying something about her baby growing up. What was even more embarrassing, she told Dad as he was eating his breakfast. He stood up and hugged me then stepped out of the room where I was sure he went to cry in private.

  I was the offspring of overly sensitive, gooey, lovey-dovey people.

  It was embarrassing but I was lucky to have parents like them.

  _____

  I hated when I started my period. This was my third month since I started, and I did nothing but worry that I would bleed through my pants at school to the point that it was all I thought about every time I stood up from my chair after each class. I’d wait to leave class most of the time, except today of all days, I didn’t. Sara was rushing me and Tiffany since it was lunchtime.

  Only when I stood up, Tiffany gasped. Immediately, I covered my butt with my hands thinking that was what it had to be. Everyone was staring as they walked out the door, and I was afraid Tiffany was going to say it aloud. I looked down at my seat and thankfully there was no blood.

  “What’s with you guys?” Mark stopped at the door. Dustin was next to him, straining his evil eyes extra hard to find a weakness. Dustin was a jerk, but with hair and eyes as dark as his, he kind of started to pull me in over the years. The boys were starting to look different now, including Noah.

  Tiffany scooted closer to my backside so that no one could see the blood stains. I felt somewhat relieved but wished the boys would hurry up and leave the room. “You coming?” Mark called to Noah who was still idly sitting in his chair not really doing anything.

  “Yes, go on ahead, I’m coming,” was his reply. Mark shrugged his shoulders and left with Dustin. Noah stood up when they did and he took me by surprise when he took off his hoodie. There wasn’t even a need for a hoodie right now but he always seemed to be wearing them lately. He walked over until he stood in front of me.

  “What?” I mumbled, keeping my hands over my butt.

  “Move your hands,” he told me right before placing his arms at my sides and wrapping his hoodie around my waist. Once it was tied in the front, he turned and walked away. “Go to your mom’s class and get her to run home and get you a different pair of pants if you don’t want to keep wearing the hoodie like that all day.” He left the room.

  My face was burning. I never told him I started my period. That was too mortifying. How did he even know?

  Sara and Tiffany squealed the moment he left. I was sure he probably still heard them though. “O-M-GEE, does he always treat you like that when you guys are together?”

  “No wonder you don’t want us to ever spend the night,” Sara nudged Tiffany’s shoulder and said.

  “You’re so lucky,” Tiffany sighed. “With the way he acts with the rest of the boys, I would have never expected him to have that side to him.”

  “Is he really always like that?” Sara asked this time.

  He loved to tease me, but I did the same to him. Only this time, he didn’t. I thought of how he carried me on his back more than once when I had twisted my ankle or the way he took the blame when I had let Bruce loose by mistake, or the way he always treated my parents with respect, and all the other little things he did for me on a daily basis in between our teasing and time together. Noah was different than anybody else.

  “Let’s go,” I told them, ignoring their question.

  And it was the reason why I never wanted to share him with any other girl.

  Mom went home and brought me another pair of jeans to wear that day but I didn’t give Noah back his hoodie. That night, I checked it for blood but there was none. When I slipped the hoodie on and stood in front of the mirror in my room, I didn’t know what came over me. He was bigger than me already. How much more would he continue to grow? I brought the hoodie up to my nose and breathed in. It smelled like him too. He didn’t stink like he used to, he showered more and he wore some sort of cologne now.

  My stomach felt a little weird and tingly. I grabbed my flat stomach before quickly tearing out of the hoodie. I dropped down on the bed and cradled my head in my hands.

  I felt a little sick, maybe. I didn’t know.

  I washed his hoodie that night and the next day after school, I handed it to him.

  I whispered, “Thanks.”

  He smiled. “I borrowed a new book from the library today, wanna go in the treehouse and read?” he asked, something that was always normal.

  I grabbed my stomach, that feeling was there, along with the unease of my nerves.

  “I think I want to play a game of HORSE, do you want to?” I was afraid to be alone with him.

  “Yeah, I can read tonight. Do you know where we last put the ball?” he asked, and I felt relieved.

  “I think it’s next to the ball goal.”

  “You didn’t have cheer today?”

  I shook my head. “No practice for you either?”

  “Nope,” he answered. “We got a game this Friday though.”

  I laughed. “I know, I’ll be cheering at it, remember?”

  “I know,” he groaned. “Grace?” I looked over at him as we walked around the house. “Your uniform looks good on you this year.”

  I blushed. “Noah,” I groaned. “That’s a little embarrassing.” He laughed. “You look the best on the field, too. Even I can’t help but think you’re cool.”

  He covered his smile with the back of his hand. “I’ll win for us this weekend, just watch,” he said with a wink.

  I felt myself blushing again.

  I was starting to realize Noah was not the one that’s changed.

  It was me.

  That Friday, Noah scored the winning touchdown.

  9

  Grace age 13

  Noah age 13

  I want to kiss her, touch her, see what else my hands can do. The way that Grace is a little more nervous and wary of being alone with me tells me that she’s thinking of the same things I do.

  I shouldn’t… But I do.

  And I will because she’s Grace.

  I think I can un-promise now.

  N.P.

  I turned thirteen today. It was a Saturday and I spent the morning waiting on Noah to arrive. I looked over all the wooden pieces he had gotten me so far. Every year, he carved me a new animal. I had a bear, two cubs wrestling, another more improved bear, a wolf and his mate that I got the follo
wing year, and an eagle from my 12th birthday—that was his best work yet. His hands steadily improved over the years. I kept them on my desk.

  There was a knock on my door. I raised my chin up from the desk and smiled when Noah cracked open the door. He saw what I was looking at and smiled back. “Happy Birthday, Miss Priss.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I can’t believe you still call me that,” I told him. I finally figured out his birthday last year, and the only reason I found out was by snooping in his backpack the first of the school year and seeing where he filled out his information on the paperwork that had to be returned to school. May 5th. I grinned thinking about how Mom and I bought him a pair of shoes this year for his birthday. He treated them like they were amazing and only wore them for basketball.

  “I’m forever going to call you that,” he teased with a smirk as he dropped down on my bed. He held my new piece to add to my collection this year. It was wrapped in a grocery bag. I got up and flopped down beside him on the bed.

  “What animal do I have this year?” I asked as I took the bag from his hand. He watched me open the bag with as much eagerness as I felt. It was a little bigger than the other ones. I was at a loss for words when I saw it. It was a wolf’s face with an eagle sitting atop its head with its wings stretched out as it was about to take off. “Noah… it’s beautiful. The best yet,” I turned my head and told him.

  “What color stain are you going to get your mom to get for this one?” he asked. In order to preserve the wood, we started staining them last year after my first bear started to mildew.

  “Don’t know.” I placed it next to the others before sitting back down on the bed again. I glanced over them all with a smile. “I want bigger versions of these in my yard when I get my own place.”

  He leaned over a bit. “I can do that, I’m sure.”

  “I know, I can’t wait to see what you’ll be able to do when you get older.”

  He reddened. “You have a lot of faith in me.”

  “Of course! You’re so different than other guys our age,” I said then remembered a couple months ago and stiffened.

  He remembered too. “I’m not all that different than them, really.” I couldn’t read his expression. His hand found mine on the bed and covered it. My eyes felt a little heavy, my chest a little strange, and my stomach a web of warmth.

  He leaned in. “I promised I’d never want to do those things to you, Grace… Can I un-promise now?”

  I licked my lips while staring at his. He saw and closed in. He met my eyes once more before I shut mine. And Noah kissed me. His lips were a lot warmer, a lot softer than I thought they’d be. It didn’t make me sick and I didn’t think of the video, instead, I felt myself smiling when he pulled away, and when I opened my eyes… I just shared my first kiss with Noah.

  Noah swallowed then he came for my lips again. This time, his fingers wrapped around the back of my head and his lips were a little harder, clumsier, and his hands were shaky.

  “Come eat some cake,” Mom said right next to my door. We pushed apart right before she opened the door. Her eyes narrowed, missing nothing. “You two are looking a little weird,” she muttered before turning around. “Come on downstairs, y’all are getting the age where you shouldn’t be left alone.”

  We glanced at each other quickly before jumping off the bed and following Mom out of the door. My stomach was in knots. That was our first kiss and Mom already caught a whiff of it… Wait a minute, was I thinking there was going to be more of them?

  My eyes widened when I felt Noah’s fingers slide through mine briefly. I glanced at him and he smiled ruefully, then he let go and stepped down the stairs.

  10

  Grace age 13

  Noah age 13

  I wonder what Grace would say if I told her how much my mind stayed on her. Not just her body, it was her mind, her smile, her laugh… her future.

  I wanted it all. Which meant I had to figure out mine. I had to have a future, something better than the trailer park kid that I am, something that gave me the chance to have her.

  Grace is my destination, my goal.

  I have two very important people to impress if I wanted to reach the future I picture every night. If I show my parents how to do right, I can save them from themselves too. Mom needs help. Dad needs motivation. I’ve never seen him work, but he gets a check every month that keeps the lights on. This body of mine is made for moving, these hands can’t ever stay still. Maybe if I show him how to be, he can be a better husband to Mom. I won’t ask for them to be better parents, just to be better to themselves.

  N.P.

  It was like I was seeing the world anew after the kiss I shared with Noah. I couldn’t even fall asleep that night and spent most of it looking out the window waiting for him to come. I didn’t know why. He only ever spent the night on my floor the nights his parents had people over.

  The next morning, the waiting began again the moment my eyes opened. I was putting on my shoes by the door when Mom asked, “Where are you going?”

  “I figured Noah would be here already, so I’m going to go see if he wants to come over and play games.”

  “Wait for him to come over, you know your dad doesn’t like you going over there,” Mom said, and I sighed. I already knew that but it wasn’t like I didn’t sneak to get him anyway. I couldn’t with Mom knowing now.

  “I hate waiting though,” I mumbled, and she laughed before dropping down beside me on the floor.

  “Grace, about yesterday…” Mom drifted off. I knew this conversation was coming, I just didn’t want it to happen so soon.

  “What?”

  “I’m sure you know already… you and Noah are getting older and I just don’t want you two to make any of the wrong choices.” I didn’t say anything, I just looked down. “I know you two have something special, and I know Noah would never intentionally hurt you, Grace, but he might feel things and you might feel things.”

  “Mom,” I covered my face up. “I’m not dumb, stop.”

  She smiled. “I know. I’m a teacher at your school, remember? I know just what kind of conversations kids are having at your age… just don’t rush into these things, okay?”

  “Mom, I don’t want to lie, so I’ll be honest. I want to kiss Noah, and I’m still going to even though you want me to wait.”

  Mom closed her eyes and sighed. “Grace… kissing always leads to more.”

  “Noah would never force me to do anything I didn’t want to do!”

  She nodded. “I know, but little Noah has always loved you, of course, he’s going to want to try—” she cut herself off when she realized where she was going.

  My eyes widened. “Noah loves me?” Mom covered her mouth with a smile. “And he’s not little,” I told her.

  That only seemed to depress her more. “I know, don’t remind me. I can’t believe he’s already taller than me, and you too!” she whined.

  “You’re acting so uncool right now, Mom, I can’t help it you’re short.”

  “I’m 5’4, that’s an average height for women in America!” she huffed then pointed at me. “You’re the one that’s going to be super tall like your dad. It’s a good thing Noah seems to be outgrowing you.”

  My mouth fell open and I pushed her. “Mom, how can you say that to your daughter? You’re gonna give me height issues!”

  She hugged me and started planting kisses on my cheek. “You know you’re beautiful.”

  I tried shoving her away. “Ugh! Mom, stop! So embarrassing.” I couldn’t help but smile.

  The front door opened in front of us and Noah stopped halfway in and glanced down at us. “Uh… what are you two doing?”

  Mom finally let go of me and stood up, I did next. “Noah, you got something to tell me?” Mom asked, crossing her arms. Noah glanced my way before meeting Mom’s penetrating gaze again. “Something about k-i-s-s-ing—”

  I didn’t know whether to cover my eyes or ears. She was being so embarrassing. “I don�
��t kiss and tell,” was Noah’s answer.

  Even Mom’s jaw dropped with me. “Noah Phillips, did you just sass me? You never speak out of line, unlike my ungrateful daughter.” She pointed at ungrateful daughter—me.

  He cracked a smile. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Harper.”

  She shrugged. “Don’t call me that, we aren’t at school.” She turned around and I gave Noah a look that said, “She knows about the kiss!”

  His facial expression was something along the lines of, “No kidding!”

  “And bring the PlayStation downstairs to play it,” Mom said with her back turned. I gave another wide-eyed look to him. “He-he-he,” Mom started wiggling her shoulders around with her evil laugh as she turned back her head. “You didn’t think I’d make it easy, did you?”

  “That means a bigger TV, sounds good to me,” Noah played it cool. “I’ll go get it.”

  “I’ll come with you,” I said quickly.

  Mom narrowed her eyes at us as we trailed up the stairs. Once we inside my room, Noah closed the door silently. I met his eyes anxiously and he blew out a breathy laugh. “I always thought I’d have to worry about your dad, not your mom.”

  “You’ve thought about this stuff already? Getting caught before the kiss—” I covered my lips.

  He ran his hand through his blond strands. “Not getting caught, just getting their—never mind,” he said quickly, a tint coloring his cheeks.

  “We better hurry before she comes and gets us,” I told him, hurrying to the TV stand. I got on my knees and bent my head through the cubby to unhook everything.

  “Here let me,” Noah squatted beside me.

  I moved my head and let him do it. Just being next to him in silence had my stomach a mess. When he leaned back and saw me, he kissed me right away. Whatever my expression had told him, he replied with, “You looked like you wanted to be kissed.”

  Then he stood up with the game. He was almost out the door before I convinced my feet to move and tugged on his shirt from behind him. He turned his head just as I wrapped my arms around him from his back. I let my palms press on his chest that was so much wider than it used to be. Not yet a man, but not a boy either. “I don’t know why, but I’ve wanted to see what you felt like now.”