“Why is that?”
“My mom said I constantly talked. She said it was nonstop from the time I learned to talk until I was about ten. I think she’s exaggerating, though,” I say.
He just smiles. “I wouldn’t bring you back.”
I have a feeling I wouldn’t want Estaine to bring me back, but I quickly push the thought to the back of my mind. I’m not going to allow myself to start crushing on this guy. I can’t.
Monday, September 4
Does my nose really look like that?
It’s Monday afternoon and the campus has slowly been filling back up with kids coming back to school from their Labor Day break. I am jealous of everybody who was allowed to go off campus. After the incident at the baseball game, I’m not sure that I will be allowed off campus again for a long time.
“What. The. Heck?”
Teagan’s voice rings loud in our dorm room and I hear her over the music I have blasting in my ears. I remove one of the headphones and look at her, waiting for her to continue saying whatever she was going to say. But she doesn’t. She just holds up her phone.
I stand up and look at the screen.
It’s me.
At the baseball game.
“Does my nose really look like that?” I ask, touching the end of my nose.
It looks oddly small on camera.
“Phoenix Underwood, you need to explain this to me right now,” Teagan says. “You kissed Estaine and Brooks. And why the heck were you there with both of them at the same time, anyway? I thought you were dating Estaine? And why did Brooks kiss you like that?”
I don’t answer her question. Instead, I feel fear wish over my body slowly. With each beat of my heart, the fear intensifies until my ears are ringing and my face is hot.
“Where did you find this video?” I ask.
“It’s trending on YouTube. And Twitter. Everybody is jealous of some girl at the Boston game because she got to kiss two hot guys,” Teagan answers. “Now it’s your turn to answer my questions.”
I don’t though. Instead I walk over to my bed and sit down, because I’m suddenly feeling dizzy. I’m having problems taking a deep breath and the air around me is too thin.
Oh, my gosh.
I am going to die.
This terrorists group is going to find me. And this time, they’re going to shoot me instead of kidnapping me. They won’t take the chance of me getting rescued.
I’ll never be seventeen.
I’ll never be kissed by a boy when I actually want to be kissed by him.
I’ll never graduate high school.
I’ll never go to college.
I don’t even know what I want from life yet, and now the choice is going to be taken away from me. I’ll just be a page in the yearbook. That girl who died really young. And they won’t even remember me because I’ve only been at this school for two weeks. Or I’ll be remembered as that girl who kissed two boys at a baseball game, which might be even worse than not being remembered.
“Hey, are you okay?” Teagan asks. “Your face is really pale.”
“I’m fine,” I say, but it comes out breathless.
I’m pretty sure I’m not fine.
“I need to go,” I say, then stand up. I nearly fall over, but I catch myself on the bedpost.
“Maybe you should sit back down,” Teagan says.
“Maybe you’re right,” I say, falling back onto the bed.
I have got to get myself under control. I don’t even know that the terrorists saw this video. And even if they did see it, could they really track it back here? And if they do see it, will it put Estaine and Brooks in danger?
There is a knock on the door and Teagan walks over to open it. When she does, Estaine walks through.
“I’m guessing you saw the video,” he says.
I nod.
“Do you think...” he looks at Teagan, then me, “that your uncle has seen it yet?”
I shake my head.
I really need to show Uncle Matty and Jake.
“Want to take a walk with me?” Estaine asks.
I nod.
“I don’t think she should be going anywhere right now,” Teagan says.
“I’ll be fine,” I say, standing up again.
“Well, hurry back. You have a lot of explaining to do,” she says.
“Yeah, okay,” I say.
Estaine and I walk out of my dorm, shutting the door behind us.
“What are you going to tell her?” Estaine whispers.
“I don’t know,” I answer. “I guess the truth. That Brooks kissed me against my will.”
“Yeah, but it still doesn’t explain why he was at the game with us,” he says.
“That would be your fault. You invited him,” I say.
“Because you were upset,” he says. “I want you to be happy, whether that is with me, Brooks, or whomever. I didn’t realize that he would do... that. I mean, he’s always been impulsive, but he’s usually not so stupid about it. I think he really likes you.”
“Well, I’m still mad at him,” I say.
Because I am.
I’m glad he’s at West Raven, because I’m pretty sure if I had to see his beautiful blue eyes I would probably have forgiven him already. And I know I should forgive him anyway. I’m not one to hold grudges, usually.
“You were so upset over everything that happened,” Estaine says, as we walk from the building towards my car. “I thought that you liked him, too. Like, you know, more than a friend-like.”
“I don’t know him,” I say. “I’ve only seen him a few times and we’ve texted, but I don’t know him well enough to say whether I like him or not. I do know that he gets really jealous, which is something that I definitely don’t like. He can’t expect me to not be friends with other guys.”
Especially if we’re just friends.
I’m sixteen. And I want to be friends with whomever I want to be friends with.
Maybe I just don’t do well when somebody tries to control me.
“Why did you trust me with your secret?” Estaine asks, as we get in the car.
“I don’t know,” I answer. “I just... do. I needed to tell somebody, and you’re the one I chose to tell. I don’t regret my decision.”
“Yeah, but... why me?”
I start my car, but don’t move to take off, yet. I just try to think of how to answer his question.
“Estaine, you’re my friend. From the moment I met you, I knew that we were going to be friends,” I say. “I trust you completely. Which is probably insane considering I’ve only known you for a couple of weeks, but I do.”
“I’m glad you chose me,” he says. “But why not tell Brooks? You were friends with him too, then, right?”
“I can’t explain my choice,” I say, as I start driving towards Uncle Matty and Jake’s house.
Estaine doesn’t respond and doesn’t say another word the entire two minute drive to Uncle Matty’s house. Normally, I would feel the need to fill the silence with pointless chatter, but I find that silence with Estaine is oddly comforting.
“Why do you think you’re comfortable with me?” Estaine asks, as we pull into Uncle Matty’s driveway. “I mean, comfortable enough to tell me the truth.”
For a moment, I thought he was thinking out loud. It takes a second to realize he’s just continuing our earlier conversation.
I turn off the engine, but neither one of us reach for the door.
“I don’t know,” I finally answer. “I just know that I trust you with my life.”
“But not Brooks?”
What a loaded question.
“No,” I answer. “Not that I distrust Brooks, but it’s not the same.” He’s not the same.
He’s not Estaine.
5pm.
I don’t want to lose you.
Uncle Matty and Jake are surprisingly calm. A lot calmer than I am.
“Why are you not freaking out?” I ask them as I pace back and forth in front
of the couch where they’re sitting. “When the terrorists see the video, it’s going to lead them here.”
“There is no student named Phoenix here or at West Raven,” Uncle Matty says. “It’s not like they can just come onto a high school campus and search for you. The reason we chose this school is because of the security.”
“They’re terrorists. I don’t think they’re exactly going to ask permission to search for me,” I say. “Maybe they’ll just bomb both schools, just to be sure.”
“That would defeat the purpose,” Jake says. “If killing you was the goal, they would’ve already done it. They need you.”
“So, you think I’m safe then?” I ask.
“I already told you, you’re never truly safe,” Uncle Matty says.
“Then what am I supposed to do?”
“Continue like we have been,” Jake answers. “Training every morning. You’ll go to class and live your life.”
“Jake and I will be keeping a closer eye on you,” Uncle Matty says.
“That’s it?” I ask. “I am just supposed to continue pretending to be like a normal teenager, while somebody out there is looking for me so they can do God knows what to me? How is that in any way okay?”
“I never said it was okay,” Uncle Matty says. “It’s just the only option you have right now.”
“This is crap,” Estaine says, standing up from his chair. “You’re not doing enough.”
“Well, what do you propose we do?” Jake asks.
“I don’t know,” Estaine says. “But something. You’re supposed to be protecting Phoenix.”
“We are protecting her. Would you prefer that she start her life over again? That would mean saying goodbye to you and everybody else at this school,” Uncle Matty says, now sounding angry. “Do you want her to disappear? You may never see her again if we do.”
“No. That’s not what I want,” Estaine says, then looks at me. “I can’t imagine life without you now. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t either,” I say.
“Then it’s settled,” Uncle Matty says.
I have no choice but to trust them.
6pm.
It’s over.
“What do I tell her?” I ask Estaine as we walk towards the dining hall together.
“Her?”
“Teagan,” I answer. “About the viral video.”
“Oh,” he says. “Yeah, I guess everybody is going to wonder about that. My phone has been blowing up with people asking questions.”
“You’re supposed to be my boyfriend. How do I explain Brooks?” I ask.
“Well, we can tell them the truth about Brooks,” Estaine says.
“The truth?”
“That you slapped him after you stopped being stunned over the fact that he kissed you.”
I laugh. “I can’t believe I slapped him. I’ve never hit anybody in my life. Not even Charlie, when we fought as kids.”
“I’m glad you did slap him. I wanted to punch him at the stadium when it first happened,” he says.
“I bet your hit would’ve hurt worse,” I say, as we walk into the room. Everybody stops talking and stares at us. Estaine doesn’t seem to notice or care.
“I doubt it. You’re an epic MMA fighter,” he says.
Not even. I’ve only been working with Uncle Matty and Jake two weeks.
“Everybody is staring,” I say to him.
“Let them,” he says, and grabs my hand.
I love the way my hand feels in his.
We grab our food and then sit down at the table with our friends. I notice that Emma and Bryce are sitting by each other and I’m hoping that they’re not back together. But I also notice that Teagan and Jason are sitting by each other. Jason usually doesn’t sit by her.
“Sup, guys?” Estaine asks as we sit down.
They’re all watching us.
I let out a sigh. “Estaine and I went to a baseball game. Brooks went with us because he’s my friend. He kissed me. I slapped him after I stopped being stunned. Now let’s never talk about it again. Ever.”
“Are you two still dating?” Emma asks.
“Yes,” Estaine answers.
“And you didn’t punch him?” Bryce asks. “If any guy even thought of touching Emma, he’d be on the floor in a second flat...”
So they are back together.
I try to keep my facial expression neutral, but I’m pretty sure the disgust is clearly written for everybody to see.
“Trust me, I wanted to punch him,” Estaine says. “But watching her slap him was hot.”
My face grows warm.
“What was with you guys’ kiss?” Teagan asks. “You just barely touched lips.”
“Uh...” I say, but don’t really have anything to say in response. Estaine stays quiet beside me.
“Wait, you haven’t kissed yet?” Teagan asks.
I look at Estaine, trying to figure out what to say.
He puts his arm around me. “I just want our first kiss to be special, and not because a camera was on us at a baseball game.”
Nice save.
Also, very romantic. If we were dating, I’d be swooning right now. Actually, forget that. I’m swooning, anyway. And if the looks on Emma and Teagan’s face are any indication, I’d say they’re pretty impressed with Estaine’s answer.
“Wow. You must really like this girl. Especially since you hung out with Brooks for her,” Jason says.
“You guys hate each other,” Ian says.
“I thought it would be good for them to work through their differences,” I say. “But now I’m kind of mad at Brooks.”
“Why did Brooks kiss you?” Emma asks.
“He said it was because he was jealous,” I answer.
“Girls here probably hate you now,” Teagan says. “You kissed Brooks, and you’re dating Estaine.”
“I kind of hate you,” Emma says, laughing.
Bryce gives her a look. He’s not happy with what Emma said, which makes me want to laugh.
“What?” Emma asks. “I’m not allowed to think other guys are cute?”
“No,” Bryce answers.
Emma just rolls her eyes.
Huh.
Maybe their break did do her some good.
“I only have eyes for you,” Bryce tells Emma.
I nearly choke on my drink when he says that, and I notice that Teagan coughs to cover up a laugh too.
“Sorry,” I say, patting my chest. “Just went down the wrong way.”
“Phoenix, would you be jealous if Estaine thought some other girl was cute?” Bryce asks, clearly challenging me.
“I don’t know,” I answer. “Maybe a little, but I definitely wouldn’t act like a jealous freak about it. It’s not like we’re engaged or anything. Besides, I trust Estaine. I don’t have to worry about him cheating on me.”
Besides, we’re not really dating.
“No girl can compare to Phoenix,” Estaine says.
I laugh. “Whatever.”
“Estaine, aren’t you jealous that another guy kissed your girlfriend?” Bryce asked. “Because, if you ask me, it kind of looked like she kissed him back.”
“Why would I be jealous of Brooks?” Estaine asks. “I’ve got the girl.”
Ha.
Great response.
“Whatever,” Bryce says. “I’m just saying, no guy better try to kiss Emma.”
“I hope you trust me not to let another guy kiss me,” Emma says. “Because, unlike some people at this table, I’ve never been unfaithful.”
Oh.
Burn. That was most definitely a dig at Bryce. And he deserved it.
“I told you, Emma, we can’t be together if you keep bringing it up,” Bryce says.
“Well, maybe I don’t want to date you, Bryce. Because if I want to bring it up, I’ll bring it up,” Emma says.
“Fine,” he say, standing up. “It’s over.”
“Good,” Emma says.
Bryce turn
s and walks away.
Wonder how long until they get back together.
“So, how about that Red Sox’s game, huh?” Ian asks.
I just laugh.
The drama at East Raven...
8pm.
Can’t even.
I know the second I walk back to my dorm room that Teagan is going to grill me for information, so I am slowly going to the dorm, trying to come up with an explanation, any explanation, which will explain to her what is going on.
When I open the door, Teagan and Emma are both there.
“Hey,” I say to them.
“We need more details than you gave,” Teagan says.
“So spill,” Emma says.
I let out a sigh. “Well, there’s not a lot to explain.”
“Let’s start with why both Brooks and Estaine ditched The Hamptons for Labor Day,” Teagan says. “It’s just expected that they’d throw a party. Imagine everybody’s surprise when they showed up and both houses were locked up.”
“Estaine stayed with me. I honestly have no idea why Brooks stayed,” I answer, trying to be as honest as I possibly can. “I kind of hurt Brooks. You know, ’cause I’m dating Estaine. I guess Estaine felt bad, because he knew how upset I was. He invited Brooks, to be nice.”
It’s sort of true.
“Is he trying to get you to dump him for Brooks?” Emma asks. “Cause Estaine is hot. The hottest guy here. But Brooks... he’s like... movie star hot.”
“I could totally see him being a movie star,” Teagan says, now looking at Emma. “Or a rock star. I wonder if he can sing.”
“Who cares? I’d go to the concerts just to stare at him.”
I roll my eyes. “Guys, can we focus?”
“Right,” Teagan says, looking back at me. “You already know I’m team Estaine. Brooks Remington is not commitment material.”
“You and Estaine are perfect for each other,” Emma says.
“But, be honest, you kissed Brooks back at the game.”
“Only because I was shocked,” I say. “I wasn’t sure what I was doing. I was just stunned. It took me about thirty minutes to even talk afterwards. And then I slapped him.”
Ever After (East Raven Academy Book 1) Page 20