My Brother's Best Friend

by Becky Andrews

  “Have you considered that you don’t want to believe the truth because it would force you to tell Devin how you feel? And maybe you are scared that his feelings aren’t reciprocated, so you decide to believe what you saw and not what you know?”

  “And what do I know?”

  “That your sister is jealous of you and fancies herself in love with Devin. That Devin has always told you the truth so why would he lie to you?”

  “Because he doesn’t want to be caught for cheating!”

  “You two were never a real couple.”

  “So it makes it okay to have sex with my sister?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying. You were never a couple but the way you both reacted was as if you two really cared for each other. His desperation in trying to contact you suggests to me that he does in fact reciprocate your feelings.”

  I didn’t say anything, I only looked down at my shoes.

  “I want you to look back through your journal, looking at even the portions before Mitchell and Megan left and see for yourself how Devin feels. I’m sure he’s expressed it, you just didn’t realize it.”

  I opened my mouth to refute the possibility, but unfortunately was cut off by the door swinging open violently and Devin rushing in like a mad man.

  I hate to admit it, but my heart fluttered at the sight of him, making me temporarily forget that he had hurt me to the core. The second my mind jostled me awake, I was out of my chair, yelling at him to stay away from me.

  “Do you realize how worried I have been?” he yelled, stepping forward toward me.

  “What are you doing here?” I accused him. “Get out! I don’t want to see you!”

  “You haven’t answered my calls or any of my texts and when I asked Megan, she said you had left work. I thought you were…I didn’t know where you were.”

  I looked at him with angry eyes. “You thought I would kill myself? I would never think of doing that again. I can’t believe you would think I was capable of hurting myself that way. And even to think it was because you hurt me? Please, I wouldn’t waste my life due to something you did!”

  “I didn’t think you would do that! I thought you could have been hurt. Your phone was off, no one had heard from you all day! I care about you, so how could you think I wouldn’t be worried?”

  “You don’t care about me! It was just some stupid agreement we made. We were never a couple! Stop pretending like I mean anything to you!”

  “Then why are you so mad at me?”

  I stared him straight in the eyes, “Because I love you and you hurt me deeply with whatever it was you were doing with my sister!”

  “You love me?”

  “Loved! You hurt me, Devin. I gave you my heart and you threw it away!”

  “I never threw it away! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. Your sister texted me with your phone and lured me to your place. The lights were off and—”

  “I don’t want to hear it!”

  “Nothing happened, Chris! I walked in and she mauled me. I pushed her away and turned on the lights. She was already dressed like...well, she threw the picture on your desk at me. Nothing happened! I wouldn’t lie to you! You have given me your heart, but don’t you see that I have given you mine too.”

  Tears came to my eyes at his words. How I wished they were true. “Shut up! I don’t want to hear any of it!” I grabbed my bag and tried to pass him, but he held me back. “Let go of me!”

  “You're blind sometimes, CJ. I've told you so many times and you just don't see it. I told you all you had to do was ask me a question and I would tell you the truth. Ask me.”

  I looked up at him. “Why did you make fun of me in high school for my journal?”

  “What does—” He stopped and sighed. He knew I asked because I wanted to see if he would tell me the truth. “Because I thought you were nerdy and it was pathetic that you thought you were going to marry me. I didn’t like your brother making jokes about us so I started making fun of you.”

  I nodded. It still didn’t prove anything. “Did you want to sleep with my sister?”

  “No. Never.”

  “Did you think she was me when you first walked into the room?”

  He paused and nodded.

  “Did you kiss her?”

  He looked hurt but nodded once again.

  My eyes filled with tears and my voice shook. “Did you get any of my messages?”

  “I got Emily’s forged message before my phone died, but I didn’t get yours until after I went home.”

  “How did you know it wasn’t me?”

  “Her kiss…it wasn’t yours. I realized pretty quickly, but she had already...”

  “She was the one undoing your...” I couldn’t even say it out loud.

  “Yes.”

  I nodded my head and wiped the tears rolling down my face. “Did you touch her?” I gulped.

  His own eyes were glistening and he nodded. “The darkness played with my senses. I...I kissed her neck, thinking it was you and ran my hands down her sides. Before anything else happened, she kissed me and I knew it wasn’t you. I’m sorry.”

  “You’re being honest, that’s what I asked for.” My voice shook. “Now I would like it if you respect my privacy.”

  “Please, Chris. You didn’t ask me the most important question. When I realized it was Emily, I could have easily let it go. I could have had her, but I pushed her away. Why?”

  I looked up at him and stepped to the side to get around him as I wiped the tears falling down my face. “Leave me alone, Devin. I don’t want to talk to you. I’m tired of it, and I just...I just want to leave. I can’t look at you. I just can’t handle anything more.”

  “You think it’s over? You told me you gave me your heart. Well, I didn’t throw it away. I gave you my own. It’s been in your possession since I saved you from yourself.”

  I looked up at Devin, wanting nothing more than for his words to be true. My heart was still heavy, though, and my mind clouded. I wasn’t sure if I could trust myself, let alone trust Devin. I had been burned before.

  “Think about the assignment I gave you, Christy,” Dr. Stone said. I had completely forgotten that he had just witnessed everything that had happened.

  I nodded my head and took one last look at Devin before walking out of the office. I cried the whole way home.

  When I pulled up to the house I sat for a while, thinking about everything Devin had said. It only made me seethe with anger. My sister completely violated my privacy and even worse, she wanted to damage me, to hurt me with her stunt.

  I got out of the car and marched angrily up to the house.

  I slammed the front door and ran up the stairs, trying to get to my room but Emily stopped me. She was the last person I wanted to see right then, besides Devin of course.

  “Christy, I’m sorry for what I did,” she sobbed. Her tears meant nothing to me at that moment. “It’s not what you think. Devin...”

  I lost it. The minute she said his name. I couldn’t contain all the feelings I was bottling up inside. My fury was like a volcanic eruption. “Shut up, Emily! Just shut up! You don’t care about what happened to me. You don’t care about anyone but yourself. You think you’re so cool by dating a new guy every week, but you know what that makes you? A whore! You steal other people’s boyfriends at school and now you’ve ruined my life by taking something of mine away. So don’t apologize if you don’t mean it and don’t talk to me about Devin. You are a selfish spoiled little brat who thinks she can just take what she wants with no consequences, but pretty soon the girls you call your friends will turn on you. They’ll call you out for stealing their boyfriends and you know where that will leave you? On the bottom of the totem pole. No one will want to be your friend. You will be ostracized even from your own cheerleading buddies.”

  “Christy!” Mitchell yelled, coming up the stairs.

  “You know you think the same thing. She disrespects me, you and now Megan. Do you think i
t will get better, Mitch? Do you?” I turned back to Emily. “You need to pull your act together because sooner or later your house of cards is going to collapse and no one is going to want to help you pick up the pieces. It’s about time you start respecting Mitch and Megan. They love you and care for you and are trying their damnedest to make you happy and all you do is throw dirt in their face. And me? You’ve hated me since Mom and Dad died! I gave up everything I had for you. I gave up my dreams. I gave up Yale, all so Mitch and I could keep you clothed and fed. We both sacrificed so we wouldn’t have to split up the family. You don’t even know the half of what happened that year.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize unless you mean it, Em.” I paused briefly before continuing my rant. “You know what hurts me the most? My own sister betrayed me. I can live with the fact that my life is in shambles right now, but what really tears at me is the fact that you just ripped my heart out and spat on it like it meant nothing to you, like your sister meant nothing to you. I’ve dealt with humiliation and suffered through betrayal before, but to be betrayed by my own sister, that’s worse than getting humiliated in front of the entire school. That’s worse than finding out my whole senior year was a joke. Did you know how much I suffered senior year?”

  Emily shook her head, probably afraid to talk.

  “My whole relationship with Eric was a joke. He filmed it as a prank and showed it to the entire school. I was known as the sucker for falling for Eric. I was mocked and teased and then to find out Mom and Dad had died I just couldn’t take it.”

  “Chris—” Mitch said, climbing the stairs.

  “No!” Tears were now freely flowing down my cheeks. “You want to know the real reason I see Dr. Stone? Because I tried to kill myself four years ago. I almost succeeded too. If it weren’t for Devin, you would have had to bury me too! I bet you would have noticed then! So for me to find you,” I pointed angrily at Emily, “in my bedroom with the guy I love—have always loved—hits me deeper than you can possibly imagine. I hate you, Emily. And I hope you realize what you’ve done. Now leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you, any of you.” I walked into my room and shut the door, locking it behind me.

  I ripped the bed covers and sheets off the bed and tossed them to the other side of the room, then threw my pillow, hard. I went into my closet and pulled down a suitcase from the shelves and began to throw clothes into it. I just had to get out of the room. I needed to leave. My first thought was the guest room, but images of Devin lying in bed began to flood my mind and I knew I couldn’t do it. I still loved him, no matter how many times I said I hated him. It couldn’t be further from the truth.

  Instead I pulled out my phone and texted a person I had only met recently, but who had a heart of gold and I knew would understand.

  Hey, Larissa. I have a favor to ask.

  Hey, Christy! We just finished shooting for the day.

  What do you need?

  Can I hang out at your place? Something happened

  and I need a place to crash for the night.

  Sure, of course. It’s the penthouse suite at the Beverly

  Hills Hotel. I’ll let them know you’re coming.

  Thank you.

  I walked downstairs with my bag but before I could get out, Mitchell stopped me. Megan came up behind him. “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going to stay with Larissa. I can’t stay in that room.”

  Mitchell nodded. “What really happened, Christy? While we were gone? Megan didn’t tell me much, just that...”

  “The short version? I fell in love with your best friend who I tried to hate for the longest time.”

  “Did you sleep with him?” he asked quietly.

  I looked at him with guilty eyes, and he nodded in understanding. “He was the one who bought the flowers?”

  I nodded. “I won’t be back for a few days. I need to get my thoughts in order and figure out what to do.”

  Megan stepped forward. “Don’t give up on him.”

  “He hurt her, Meg,” Mitchell said angrily. “He doesn’t deserve her.”

  I watched as they argued over me and Devin. “Thanks for caring. But I’m old enough to figure this out on my own.”

  I left them and drove to Larissa’s hotel, arriving before she had returned. The staff knew I was coming though and showed me up to the penthouse.

  Words could not describe the splendor of the room. It was gorgeously furnished and very luxurious. Better than any hotel room I ever stayed in.

  I waited for Larissa on the couch, watching TV on the flat screen mounted on the wall.

  “You’re here!” she called as the elevator doors opened several minutes later. She saw my puffy eyes, set her things down and came straight to the couch. “What happened?”

  And before I knew it, I was crying again and confessing that the relationship between me and Devin had been fake. I told her everything and even confessed that I loved him.

  “He cheated on you with your sister?” she gasped when I told her why I needed a place to stay.

  “He says my sister tricked him.”

  “Do you believe him?”

  I paused to think about everything Devin had told me and my mind agreed that he was telling the truth, but my heart couldn’t forgive him.

  “Even if I believe him, I was still hurt by it. I can’t just forget what I saw and accept what he told me.”

  “Just take some time for yourself. Think things over.”

  “That’s what my psychologist told me.”

  “You have a psychologist?”

  “Uh, yeah. I just...I have issues,” I put it simply.

  She sighed, “Don’t we all. Now as for sleeping arrangements, you can have the bedroom over there,” she said, pointing to a door off to the right. “The kitchen’s back that way or you can just order room service. I always do, actually there’s probably not that much in the fridge except drinks and a few snacks I keep around.”

  “Thanks so much for doing this.”

  “Of course. Stay as long as you need to.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  I spent the next several days going to work and attending class, trying to keep my mind from wandering to Devin. I didn’t do the assignment Dr. Stone wanted me to do, instead I hid the journal, hoping to get back to some semblance of normalcy and to stop wallowing in self-pity and self-doubt, and to stop dwelling on my anger and my fear.

  However, today I went to my appointment, surprising since I didn’t feel like I could face Dr. Stone, let alone talk about Devin or my feelings.

  “Have you talked to Devin since Wednesday’s appointment?” he asked after I sat there a while in silence.

  “No. I’ve been staying at a friend’s place and didn’t want to talk to him or my family.”

  “What does your family think of this situation?”

  “From what I can tell, Mitch is pretty upset with Devin for going behind his back. He’s also upset with Emily’s pettiness. He’s cracked the whip down hard and from what Megan told me, she is finally starting to take responsibility for her actions. She’s apologized to Megan and Mitch. She wanted to apologize to me but I didn’t want to hear it.”

  “Do you think you should forgive your sister?”

  “She should apologize to me, but that doesn’t change the fact that she did something horrible just to hurt me. I can’t forget what she did. She shouldn’t get off that easily. An apology isn’t enough.”

  “What would be enough?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. I just know I can’t forgive her, not yet.”

  “And what about Devin?”

  I shook my head. “I haven’t done much in the past couple days except keep myself busy with menial tasks. I haven’t wanted to think about anything related to Devin.”

  “The only way you will be able to move on is by talking about what happened and maybe even looking back to see what led you to where you are now.”

  “You want me to go
back through my journal,” I stated.

  “Simply put, yes. You’ve written more in that than you care to admit and I’m guessing it’s what helped you open up to me, even to Devin. Now I want you to go back and really look at what happened and see if you can piece everything together.”

  I looked at him, confused. “I don’t really understand.”

  “You will. Just look back, start from the beginning.”

  Before I could ask him another question, my phone beeped loudly, signaling I had a text message. I looked apologetically at Dr. Stone and pulled out my phone.

  SIM card error. Please contact service provider.

  This SIM card is no longer in use.

  “What?” I exited out of the message and immediately my phone went to a white screen.

  Please insert a valid SIM card.

  “What is it, Christy?”

  “My phone stopped working.” I looked down at my watch, our session was nearly over. “Mind if we cut a few minutes short?”

  “It’s your money,” he said.

  I smiled and stood up with my things. “Thanks, I’ll be back Wednesday, having completed your assignment.”

  I went back to the penthouse and heated up the leftover Chinese we ordered yesterday and watched TV until Larissa came back. When Larissa finally claimed she was tired, we set off for our separate rooms.

  Now here I was, ready to look back at what I wrote. See what I missed and see what I needed to see…

  * * *

  After I finished reading my journal, I tried calling, but Devin didn’t pick up. I tried sitting on his doorstep, but he never came home. I even asked his neighbor if they had seen him.

  Well, first I raced to his apartment and wildly buzzed his apartment. There was no answer so I buzzed his neighbor. She let me up and when I asked her about Devin, she said, “Oh, yes dear.” She was a little old woman, cute as could be. “I heard some noise and came to look and he was carrying down boxes. Looked like he was moving to me.”

  My heart sank. Was he really moving? Was I too late?