Forms of Love

by Rita Clay Estrada

“From what I’ve seen,” she continued, “women look the most vulnerable on the outside but are very strong centered on the inside. They’re quicker to read emotions and minds than men.”

  He wasn’t going to tell her how right she was. “And what are your observations about men?”

  “Just the opposite. Men seem very strong on the outside and so very insecure on the inside. They seem afraid to read their own emotions or anyone else’s. They’re more comfortable with surface reactions.”

  “You and three hundred psychologists agree,” he muttered.

  She shrugged. “Probably. Herfronites are able to read both telepathic and body signals. It’s a way of life for us, necessary for our continued growth.”

  “If Herfronites are so great, then why are they mating with poor dumb humans?”

  She frowned. “I didn’t say you were dumb. And the reason is simple. We are using your physical strength. We don’t have that in our race. In blending the best assets of both species, we hope to join the best of both attributes.”

  “Don’t you realize you’re more human than Herfronite?” His voice held a challenge.

  She smiled at him as if he were a small child making simple demands. But her looks and their effect on him were anything but childlike.

  “In your country you have blacks who have a mixture of ancestors. But you continue to call them black, even if they’re only one-eighth of that race. I’m only a third-generation Herfronite. One human/one Herfronite-in-two generation. Our scientists have also tried to retain our working ability and mental capacity, making changes only in the body. Ergo I am far more Herfronite than most of your blacks are black.”

  “You’re crazy,” he said for lack of anything else to say. No matter how stupid it sounded, she was absolutely right. “Besides, I’m supposed to believe that you’re a Herfronite because I’ve seen a cave drawing of someone or something you claim is an ancestor. I think you’re a good hypnotist.”

  “You think I can read your mind that easily?”

  Dan nodded, but he wasn’t sure what he was saying yes to. “I just lost my wife and I’m in a weakened state. It’s possible this whole thing is going on in my head, and you’re either not here at all or I picked you up on the highway and I’m really helping you escape from some crazy farm!”

  She turned in her seat, facing him once more. Her heart-shaped face was earnest in her desire to understand. “If I could, I would show you our ship, but I made a promise to my race that I would never do that.”

  His heart tripped over itself. “Who would know?”

  “You would. I would. Soon, other Herfronites would.” She shook her head and her silky hard hair bounced in the sunlight just like Kendra’s used to, spitting threads of copper through the satiny coal. “It’s impossible. My word is all I have and it is important enough to live or die for.”

  Still he pressed. “You weren’t supposed to promise anything to Kendra, but you did.”

  “That was the only way I could help her,” she argued, trying to be logical. “I will explain that to my superiors and I am sure they will understand.”

  “Where is your ship?”

  “Near the river.”

  “Where?”

  She grinned, teasing him instead of getting angry about his persistence. “If I told you, then my word would be broken. It would be the same as leading you there, don’t you think?”

  “No. I think I could find it myself and then no one could blame you.”

  “But I would still know. That means that my superiors would know.”

  “How are you getting there?”

  Kendra shrugged. “Walking.”

  “From Lajitas? That’s got to be quite a walk in any direction. American side or Mexican?”

  “American. I was planning to have you drop me off in Big Bend National Park.”

  “I’ll take you where you want to go.” Dan ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t think I’ll sleep well unless I believe you’re safe from whatever harm might be out there.” He took a good look at her again. “And with your looks, hell knows what surprises might be in store for you.”

  “There aren’t that many people in the park.”

  “There are at the lodge. And there are lots of dropouts who live in caves, cabins and tents in that lonely stretch of country. They don’t like people and they’re not sure about animals.” He saw her frown as she digested this information, and pressed his point. “It might be easier to get to your ship from water.”

  Her brows lifted. “Now who’s doing the mind reading?”

  “I was guessing.” He didn’t bother to tell her that more flying saucers were spotted out there and in New Mexico every year than anywhere else.

  “Well, the ship is close, but I don’t swim.”

  “I do. And I’m going by raft down the Rio Grande.”

  She leaned forward and her dark hair draped over her shoulder like a midnight-colored curtain. “You wouldn’t mind taking me with you?”

  “Not at all.”

  “I will not let you see the ship.” Her voice held a warning.

  “I understand.”

  Kendra leaned back, a satisfied smile on her face. “This would be a wonderful opportunity for our memory tapes.” She hesitated, then nodded her head as if agreeing to a discussion inside her head. “Yes. If you are going rafting, I’ll go with you.”

  “Great.” He felt as if he’d pulled off a coup. If he got close, then he’d see the damned thing. Once and for all, he’d know the truth about the woman sitting next to him.

  She caught his attention by taking a deep breath. “I have to get there anyway, so I might as well go by water as by land. This experience would definitely help our people.”

  “Your people, not mine.”

  Kendra leaned back and was silent several long minutes. He was dying to insist on knowing her thoughts, but he was equally afraid to break into her reverie. Besides, their whole relationship was becoming so fascinating, he didn’t want it to end. Not yet. His engineer’s mind found everything she said logical, if weird.

  “I’m surprised,” she finally murmured. “But I find that I want you to believe me for my sake as well as for your wife’s. You see, I made a promise to her that I would let you know her feelings for you. If you don’t believe me completely now, then, when I wipe out your memory of me you might not believe your memories of her. That would defeat my promise.”

  “And why do you want me to believe you for your sake?”

  She tilted her head and stared at him, her brow etched in puzzlement. “I’m not sure I know yet. Interesting. At home I would have no problem being believed. No one would dare lie. Here it’s even done in the context of manners, so one won’t hurt another’s feelings. It’s a strange concept, but one that seems to work for humans.”

  “So you’re proving your word is your bond.”

  “Something like that.”

  Dan was pleased she’d agreed—he couldn’t lose this woman just yet.

  3

  THE SMALL TOWN of Lajitas in far-west Texas was just seventeen miles from Terlingua, a onetime mining town and much-promoted chili capital of the Southwest. A few trees grew by the adobe-walled building that squatted on the banks of the Rio Grande. The thick-walled store was all that was left of the turn-of-the-century trading post.

  Some two hundred people lived in or around Lajitas. Most of them worked for one of the river-raft companies or at the hotel/restaurant that was a minivacation spot and stop-off for those who traversed the river.

  Dan nosed the Jeep toward the town boardwalk, a long wooden structure that ran the length of six or seven shops made to look like something from the Old West.

  “What are you doing?” Kendra asked, uncurling her legs.

  Reaching across her lap, Dan punched the glove compartment button, then grabbed a credit card holder. “Can’t you read my mind?”

  “No.” She sounded almost petulant. “You’ve been blocking me since we left Del Rio.”r />
  He raised a skeptical brow. “I didn’t know it was that easy.”

  “Only because I don’t probe hard.”

  “There are levels of probing?” He flipped through several credit cards, then extracted one. “I’m surprised you haven’t tried harder.”

  “It is not a Herfronite’s way to hurt someone, and probing hard could do that.”

  “According to what you’ve said so far, you’ve broken other rules. Why not break this one, too? After all, it’s just a lowly human’s mind you’re playing with, not a lofty Herfronite’s.”

  She touched his arm, stopping him from moving out of the truck. “Please, let us be friends. We have only a short time together. Let’s spend it pleasantly.”

  He let out a heavy sigh, reluctant to admit she was right. He’d been angry, mean and willing to attack anyone ever since he’d learned the devastating news of Kendra’s death. It might as well end now. He could at least be civil until he got a few more answers to some very intriguing questions. “Peace,” he finally said.

  She smiled. “Peace.”

  He didn’t like the fact that she looked beautiful when she smiled. He didn’t like it one bit. If it was possible, she was more fascinating than he remembered the original Kendra to be. She was also far more open and quick to speak. He felt guilty for making the comparison. This whole set of circumstances was crazy.

  Dan reached for the door handle, then stopped and stared at her a moment. “Would you like to spend the night here or on the river?” he found himself asking.

  She answered immediately. “On the river.”

  “I’ll make the arrangements,” he said, glancing at his watch. “But we won’t have much time on the water before we have to set up camp. It’s almost four o’clock now.”

  “We’ll do it.” She spoke confidently, as if she knew something he didn’t. He looked at her, then realized that she was only echoing his own wishes.

  “Be right back,” he promised, a smile in his voice. He’d been so quick to anger or become frustrated that he had forgotten to read her own, very sensual, body language. She seemed at ease and casual with him. Open. Not bad for an alien.

  * * *

  KENDRA SAT QUIETLY, waiting for Dan to return from the rafting company’s office. She remained utterly still, her mind stretching, trying to reach to any of her kind in the area. There should be several Herfronites here.

  It was odd that in the one week she had spent in San Antonio she had learned so much about Dan’s race. Her training hadn’t taught what human beings were really like. Though equally kind and cruel to one another, humans were not quite the barbarians she had been taught they would be.

  Far more of them had psychic abilities than she would have imagined—including Dan. And most of these, it seemed, preferred not to allow their abilities free rein. Very odd.

  She stilled her mind again and tried once more to touch one of her kind. A small shimmer of thought came her way, then disappeared. She tried to reach out for it, but to no avail. What had gone wrong?

  She played over the accumulated memories of the past week, taking each day at a time and recalling the strength and weakness of her telepathic powers at the start and end of each day. In the beginning she had malked with many who had made the trip from Herfron with her. Then, they had slowly drifted away. One or two had refused to answer or malk at all, and had disappeared completely. She’d thought it was her fault. Could she have been wrong? Could their powers have dwindled?

  She frowned, biting her lip just as Kendra did. Now that she was examining it, her mind-reading powers had become weaker with each passing day. Was she the only one having this reaction? Or had her fellow travelers become weaker, too?

  She remembered the warnings that had been drummed into her. Always obey every rule set forth. If one Herfronite strays from the rules, tell another immediately. And most important: Never stay on Earth longer than one week, unless connected to a Guardian. Had she used up too much energy in collecting Kendra’s thoughts? She didn’t know. Perhaps she would find out when she met up with some of the others at the spaceship in the next two days.

  A sharp stab of regret filled her at the thought of leaving Earth. She had become immersed in the culture—a very human and not-very-Herfronite thing to do. And she had truly gotten emotionally involved with just one person—Dan.

  She had broken rules she never should have, and made excuses for breaking them—excuses like hoping that her own people would be able to use the information. Now it almost seemed disloyal to admit that, even to herself. It was most unlike her. Perhaps the old Kendra was more of a rebel than she’d thought....

  She wasn’t always sure which emotions were Kendra’s and which ones were her own. What she felt for Dan was tenderness, sympathy and a kind of vulnerability to him; a very human set of emotions. And there was something else—something very strong but foreign to her; something she couldn’t yet put a name to.

  Returning to the truck, Dan opened the door and slipped into the driver’s seat. He stared at her with blue eyes that were like steel needles that could pierce through her to see the thousands of small problems she saw ahead. “Are you okay?”

  She nodded.

  He backed the truck out of its parking space and headed across the street to a large metal building. “I’m getting the raft blown up here and then we’ll leave. These guys will pick up my Jeep and take it to the end point for me.”

  She nodded again as if she understood.

  It was another fifteen minutes before they were on the empty, two-lane highway headed north. Their rubber raft was tied to the top of the truck, fresh ice was packed in the food chest and there was an empty rubber bag in the back seat. Dan had explained that it was to hold their clothing and whatever else they didn’t want to get wet.

  The old Kendra’s thoughts and memories over the past six months hadn’t dwelled on the working part of their annual trips down the Rio Grande. Only the funny, teasing, loving memories had been relived and savored. Odd snatches of dialogue, intimate looks that communicated without words, touches that brought strong emotions. Memories that had little to do with sex and everything to do with that elusive emotion humans called love.

  The new Kendra shook her head in wonder. Two days ago she’d been amazed that Dan’s wife could have reveled in those feelings and not paid the slightest attention to where she was going when she stepped off that curb.

  Now that she was beginning to experience those same emotions herself, she understood. She searched her own memories and thoughts, and came to the same conclusion she had reached earlier: she was quite sure that her own emotions were similar to the old Kendra’s. And with a yearning that was palpable, she wanted Dan to say, to do, to feel the things the old Kendra had memories of. Only she wanted him to do it with her.

  This frightened her.

  Dan slowed down, stopped, then backed into a break in the low desert shrubbery. From behind her, Kendra could here the dull roar of rushing water and she tensed. Although they had water on their planet, most of her race considered it an “environmental” threat. The ground on their planet that wasn’t cultivated did not readily absorb water. Instead, they experienced raging floods. Herfronites were heavy and ploddingly slow. They were terrible swimmers. Just the sound of rushing water was enough to warn a Herfronite to start moving toward higher ground.

  Dan glanced over at her, noting her reaction. “We’re here. You’re hearing the river rapids.”

  “I thought so,” she muttered, holding on to the door as he eased the truck backward, parked it in a scrub-shaded area at the water’s edge and stepped out, all in one fluid motion.

  It took several seconds for Kendra to react, and when she did it was with jerky motions. She was still a little frightened by the sound of water, but she also knew that she was only holding on to a fear with no basis for it.

  “Can I help?” she asked, as she finally went to the back of the truck where Dan was unloading the equipment and securing i
t in the rubber raft he had already set at the water’s edge.

  “Just sit tight until I’m through,” he barked, quickly continuing his task.

  “I’m able to lift and tote, you know.”

  That stopped him. His eyes narrowed on her a moment, then rolled down her slim form and back up, hesitating only a split second longer at the fullness of her T-shirt. She felt a flush begin at her neck, but then descend to fill her breasts with a tightness she was unfamiliar with. He resumed his packing. “It’s my equipment, I’ll do it.”

  She stood, hands on her hips as she watched him, biting her lip to avoid telling him off. Within a matter of minutes everything was packed except the contents of his suitcase. He reached for the case, snapped open the top and grabbed the rubber bag next to it. Unceremoniously, he dumped the contents into the bottom of the rubber bag.

  Then he finally looked at her. “Where are your clothes?”

  “In the back.”

  “Get them.”

  She did. She only had one change of clothes and two sets of underwear. She hadn’t needed more for a week on planet Earth. At least she hadn’t thought she would.

  He looked at the contents. “This is it?”

  She nodded, her own gaze daring him to comment further. It had been a very long week and she only recently found that she’d inherited a temper. Fury must have been something Dan could sense, because he took one look at her and said nothing.

  She let out her breath in a slow, measured sigh. It was a full minute before she realized she had read him in the human way instead of the Herfronite way: body language versus malking.

  It was yet another frightening realization of the changes she was undergoing.

  Two young men in a pickup pulled in front of Dan’s Jeep. As one of them stepped from the passenger seat, Dan gave a grin and tossed them his keys. “Thanks, guys, I’ll look downriver right after Santa Elena Canyon.”

  “Right,” the one said and slid into Dan’s driver’s seat. Two minutes later, both the Jeep and the pickup were gone.

  Dan visually checked over the boat, tugged on a bungee cord that held one of the coolers and gave a satisfied grunt. “Get in,” he ordered, nodding his head toward the rubber raft.