Winter’s Fairytale

by Maxine Morrey

  As he was paying, I’d gathered myself, standing back from the edge of the road to avoid splashing from passing traffic. I waited, back straight, feeling resolutely British and foolish for my earlier unexpected outburst. Rob looked at me, his gaze becoming quizzical before he turned away to pull open the heavy door that led into the foyer of the swanky address. I hesitated before entering. Really I just wanted to go home but, if the trains were as he said they were, then it really would be best to find out which ones were still running rather than just blindly hoping mine was one of them. The taxi driver who’d dropped us off had mentioned he was glad we’d not asked him to take us further outside the city as his colleagues had been reporting the roads were getting a lot worse. Calling one to get me home was looking less and less likely. I could ring Mags and see if I could at least get to her flat. It was still a journey but less so than getting to my own place.

  ‘I can see the cogs whirring.’ Rob’s words jolted me out of my thoughts.

  ‘Sorry?’

  Rob smiled as he stood aside for the occupants of the lift to exit before inviting me to enter first.

  ‘I imagine your brain is currently working feverishly on how to get home?’

  I blushed. It really was uncanny how he could read me. If I spent an evening with him and Mags, I don’t think I’d actually have to speak at all. They both had a knack of knowing what I was going to say anyway. Odd that Steven had never had a clue. Although, fair to say, that clearly went both ways as I’d had no idea he was going to ditch me at the altar either.

  ‘I wouldn’t say “feverishly” exactly,’ I lied, ‘But yes, I am considering what the best solution might be.’

  Honestly, I was amazed my nose didn’t grow. And from the amused look Rob gave me, so was he.

  ‘Stop fretting, Izz. We’ll get you home.’

  The lift pinged and the doors swished open. I exited and stood aside, not knowing which way to go. I knew which building Rob lived in, but had never actually been there before. Rob followed me out. He walked down the hall to the end apartment and put his key in the lock. Turning it, he pushed open the door and stepped in, holding the door for me as I caught up.

  ‘Wow, this is gorgeous!’ I said, walking past him down the hall, pulling off my heels as I did so. Before me, from a huge picture window, the beauty of London shimmered under electric light. Snowflakes glittered past the window in a rush, and the roofs below now had a distinct covering of snow.

  ‘Yes, I have to admit that the view really sold it to me.’

  ‘I can see why.’

  I turned to look around at the rest of the apartment. It felt welcoming and homely, but in a modern way. It certainly didn’t have the macho, bachelor pad feel I’d been expecting. Rob even had scatter cushions on his sofas! It dawned on me that there was a definite hint of a woman’s touch here. At the thought, a feeling I couldn’t quite explain went through me. I shook it off and looked down at my feet, wiggling my toes. The floor was warm on them. It felt lovely, the soothing feel of the underfloor heating thawing out my frozen toes. In the corner stood a perfectly decorated Christmas tree, with silver and white decorations twinkling in the glow from the accompanying white fairy lights. There were more lights across the mantelpiece and adorning the balustrade of the three steps that separated the kitchen from the main floor. Cards were starting to fill the hangers created for them. It was all elegantly beautiful, like living pages torn from an upmarket décor magazine. I’d seen Rob with girls during the time I’d been engaged to Steven but I’d never heard of him getting particularly serious with anyone. But then again I hadn’t been in touch with him for months. Perhaps something had changed. I surreptitiously glanced around to see if I could spot any other signs of feminine presence. The last thing I needed right now was for a girlfriend to walk in and wonder why the hell her boyfriend had a strange woman, no doubt sporting spectacular panda eyes by this point, in their flat.

  ‘Would you like something to drink?’ Rob asked.

  A hot drink sounded perfect right at that moment. The outside of me was thawing but inside, I still felt chilled to the bone after walking from the restaurant. But I needed to get home. My hesitation told on me.

  ‘I’m about to check the roads and weather to see about getting you home. But my ears are frozen and I’m pretty sure part of my brain is too. I also work better when I’ve got coffee inside me, so I’m making a drink anyway. You look half frozen and it won’t do you any good if you go down with a chill, will it?’

  I thought of my clients. Rob had a point. He also saw me waiver.

  ‘One hot chocolate coming up. Take a seat, I’ll fire up the laptop in a minute and we can plan your escape route.’

  ‘Don’t put it like that. I’m not looking to escape from you!’

  Rob busied himself at the fancy drinks machine he had on his counter top. His mouth had an amused curve to it as he snagged a couple of the little pots that slid into the machine from a shelf just beside it.

  ‘Actually I was referring to your escape from the city.’

  ‘Oh. Of course! Exactly.’

  From the corner of my eye I saw Rob almost imperceptibly shake his head as he continued to concentrate on the task in hand. I knew I’d hurt his feelings. He’d been nothing but kind to me from the day of the non-nuptials and I hadn’t had the decency to act the same. It dawned on me that he was right with what he’d said earlier. I mean, he was wrong, but he was right. From where he stood, it probably did look like I was blaming him for the whole wedding debacle – even down to getting punched on the nose! And I didn’t blame him at all. In fact, I had been inordinately glad he’d been there that day, and not just because he’d indirectly saved me from getting arrested for decking a vicar. His presence, his calming demeanour and just the small squeeze of my hand he’d given during those horrible moments when he’d had to tell me Steven wasn’t coming – it had meant so much. Firmly stuck right in the middle, he’d acted with absolute kindness and consideration towards me. I’d never thought about it from his perspective before. How would I have felt if I’d had to deliver a message like that? And all I’d done since was ignore any attempt at contact. I knew the reasons for it – at least some of them. But looking at it now, I could see how confusing it would have been for Rob. Oh God! I was a horrible human being!

  Rob put the drinks down on the coffee table, a laptop tucked under his arm.

  ‘One hot chocolate. Get that inside you and–’ He stopped as he caught a glance at my face, ‘Are you all right? You’ve gone really pale. Look, take this,’ he leant across, pulled a soft blanket from the other sofa and laid it around my shoulders, ‘Do you feel sick, or feverish? I’ve got a mate who’s a doctor. He only lives round the corner, I can give him–’

  ‘Rob, I’m fine.’ I said, although I didn’t shrug off the blanket. It was so beautifully soft and snuggly.

  The look on his face showed he doubted my self-diagnosis and he placed the back of his hand on my forehead.

  ‘You don’t seem to have a temperature.’ he noted, his voice still sounding doubtful.

  ‘I don’t. I’m fine.’ I said, picking up one of the mugs from the table.

  ‘Then why do you look terrible?’

  I looked up from my drink. ‘Gee, thanks!’ I laughed, ‘You certainly know how to make a girl feel good!’

  Rob tilted his head and pulled a face. ‘You know what I mean. Although your colour does seem to be coming back a little now. Are you sure you’re all right?’

  I set my drink back on its coaster and turned to face him. ‘Rob. I’m sorry.’

  Confusion clouded his face.

  ‘For?’ he asked.

  I took a deep breath. ‘Well, let’s see. For punching you on the nose–’

  ‘You already apologised for that at the time,’ he interrupted.

  ‘Yes, but I didn’t apologise for actually breaking it.’

  ‘To be fair, you didn’t know you had broken it.’

  ‘So it’s
true? I did break it?’ I replied, a little horrified. I was still secretly hoping Mags had got her facts skewed on this. I don’t know why I thought not breaking his nose was any better than breaking it. I’d still punched him, for goodness’ sake. But in my own little twisted mess of logic, it made a semblance of sense.

  ‘You did.’

  ‘Oh my God.’ I covered my face with my hands, shame and embarrassment flooding over me again.

  Rob laughed and gave me a quick squeeze around the shoulders. ‘Don’t even think about it, Izz. I’ve been playing rugby since I was six years old. It’s not the first time it’s been broken. I doubt it’ll be the last, either.’

  I dropped my hands down to my lap and slid my glance to him.

  ‘Honestly. It’s ok. Frankly, I was kind of impressed.’

  ‘What? Why?’

  Rob laughed. ‘Izzy, look at you! You’re this petite, waif-y, very feminine-looking little thing who looks like she’d blow over in a strong breeze and you knocked a six-foot-three, seventeen stone rugby playing bloke on his arse and broke his nose.’

  ‘And that’s impressive? I’m more inclined to call it mortifying! And I’m not sure how I feel about being called a “waif-y little thing” either.’

  ‘It wasn’t meant in a derogatory way. A lot of men find it very attractive – look at Kylie! So don’t knock it. And yes, it is impressive. I’m still getting jibes at the club about being decked by a girl. Either way, it certainly makes me worry less about you walking to the tube!’

  ‘Oh dear. I’m sorry you’re getting teased. I didn’t really think that whole thing through.’

  ‘Don’t worry. I give as good as I get.’

  I grinned. ‘That I believe.’

  ‘That’s the first real smile I’ve seen from you all evening.’

  At his words, the smile faded a little.

  ‘Uh oh. Looks like I should have kept quiet.’

  I rolled my eyes at him and he chuckled, sipping his coffee.

  ‘Let’s have a look at this weather.’ he said, opening the laptop.

  I put my hand on the lid and closed it again, gently. Rob looked up, the same expression of confusion on his face as he’d shown earlier. Poor Rob. I had a feeling he wished his meeting had been elsewhere this evening, which would have allowed him to avoid bumping into me and inadvertently boarding the Isabel Emotional Rollercoaster.

  ‘I need to apologise for some other things, and I need to do it now. I’ve already let it go on for far too long.’

  Rob didn’t say anything so I carried on.

  ‘I’m sorry I walked out at the church. I should have stayed until you came back in from making the announcement, not least to thank you for doing that.’

  I could see Rob was about to say something. I put my hand on his arm to stall him.

  ‘I never thought about the position that you were in. Having to come and tell me Steven wasn’t coming. I know you and I weren’t close but we were friends, and I’m pretty sure, from what I knew – know – of you, that it wasn’t an easy thing for you to have to do. I’m sorry that you were put in that position and I’m sorry that I didn’t handle it better.’

  ‘Izzy.’ Rob moved and took my hands in his. They practically disappeared within them. I never thought of myself as particularly petite. Mags was pretty dinky too so there was no big comparison usually. Now, sat next to Rob, my hands engulfed in his, I could see why he’d describe me as waif-like. And I realised that, from him, I didn’t mind it. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard a similar term, but from Rob it had seemed like a compliment. That was new. I looked up from our hands and into Rob’s gentle brown eyes, surrounded by ridiculously long, thick and jealousy-inducing dark lashes.

  ‘Izz?’ His voice sounded unsure.

  ‘Sorry, yes?’ I came back from the lash envy.

  ‘Please don’t ever blame yourself for what happened. None of it was your fault. And I really don’t like to think of you believing that any of it was.’

  I pulled a face. ‘I’m pretty sure some of it was down to me. I mean, it was me that he didn’t want to marry, after all.’

  ‘And he’s a fool for that!’ There was an edge to Rob’s voice that I’d rarely heard. I tried to meet his eyes but he’d already turned away. Letting go of my hands, he pushed my mug towards me.

  ‘This is getting cold.’

  I leant forward and picked up the mug, cradling it in my hands, enjoying the warmth.

  ‘I wanted to say sorry for ignoring all your calls and texts, too. I don’t know why I did. Well, I do, I suppose.’

  Rob still wasn’t looking at me. I carried on.

  ‘I was just embarrassed. At having been stood up. At having punched you. At having fled like an overly dramatic heroine in a Barbara Cartland novel. Just at everything. And I suppose I thought that having contact with you was too close to having contact with Steven.’

  I felt Rob stiffen next to me.

  ‘I understand.’ His voice was tight. ‘As I said, you shouldn’t feel responsible for anything that happened that day. Everything that went wrong was down to Steven being a twat. It’s as simple as that. And I can see now why you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. What was supposed to be the best day of your life turned out to be one of the worst. And as the messenger, you’re always going to associate me with that day, that moment. It’s understandable. I guess I never thought about it like that. I just wanted to know that you were ok. Mags had assured me that you were – at least that you were putting on a brave face, which I knew you would. But I suppose I needed to see for myself. I realise now that I should have just taken Mags’ word and not barrelled in.’

  ‘Rob…’

  He looked at me for the first time since he’d started his speech. ‘There’s something I do need you to know though. I am nothing like Steven. I would never, ever have done that to you – to anyone,’ he corrected himself, ‘I went to see him straight after and told him exactly what I thought of his actions and his cowardice. We haven’t spoken since.’

  ‘Oh Rob, no! I never meant for you to fall out with Steven over this. What happened between us shouldn’t affect your friendship. One has nothing to do with the other.’

  ‘Yes, it does, Izzy. And of course it’s going to affect it. How could it not? He ensured that it would by dumping me right in the middle of it all. And he lied to me. I was supposed to stay over the night before. We were going to go out and get breakfast in the morning then go back to the flat and get ready. Steven cancelled the night before and said he had a really bad headache.’

  ‘He told me the same thing when I called to say goodnight. He does get bad headaches.’ I obviously wasn’t Steven’s biggest fan right now but I also had a streak of fair play running through me, which forced me to confirm his account and reasons. Annoyingly.

  ‘Yeah I know. And I know that the nerves might have kicked it off, which is why I didn’t think too much of it. But then he said that he wouldn’t be able to do breakfast the next day either. I asked him why and he just said that he thought it would be better to have a lie in. When I asked him if everything was ok, he said it was. That he just wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to feel bad at the wedding. I took him at his word because I never had reason to doubt him.’

  ‘What is it that you’re saying?’

  ‘I’m saying that Steven knew the night before that he wasn’t going to be at that church.’

  I looked at Rob. ‘You don’t know that.’ I said, my voice betraying my own uncertainty.

  Rob ran a hand over his hair. ‘Yeah, Izz. I do. He told me.’

  I couldn’t help the tears that pricked at my eyes, even though I willed them away. Rob noticed anyway.

  ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.’

  ‘Yes. You should. Please. Just tell me what else you know.’

  ‘There isn’t much else to tell. He said he’d meet me at the church instead. So, on the day it was getting later and later, and he wasn’t answering his ph
one. I had all these visions that something awful had happened and was kicking myself for not going round. I was just about to drive over there when he finally picked up and told me that he couldn’t do it. That he just didn’t feel ready to get married.’

  ‘I never pressured him into getting engaged or setting a date. You have to know that.’

  ‘No. I know you didn’t.’ Rob took my hand, ‘It wasn’t your fault. None of it. Please don’t ever forget that.’

  I smiled at his sincerity.

  ‘Ok. But you still don’t know that Steven didn’t just panic at the last minute.’ I had no idea whether I was trying to defend Steven – and if so, why. Or if it was that, somehow, being stood up at the last minute was better than the alternative Rob was hinting at.

  ‘I asked him outright. When I went round there after you’d left.’

  I shook my head.

  ‘I’m sorry, Izz. I guess Steven had changed more than I thought over the years. The bloke I went to uni with would never have acted like that. He would have had the guts to sort it out earlier. And he would have had the guts to tell you himself.’

  ‘Thereby reducing the chance that you’d be the one to get a fist in the face.’

  Rob gave me half a crooked grin, ‘I have to admit, I hadn’t even considered that was a remote possibility until it happened. Perhaps Steven was more canny than I thought. Although he did look pretty shocked when I turned up at his place suitably bloody.’

  ‘I can imagine.’

  ‘He thought your dad might have done it.’

  ‘Dad would never have hit you. He knew you had nothing to do with it. Though, I can’t guarantee he wouldn’t have floored Steven, given the opportunity.’

  ‘Good to know. But, like I said, maybe I shouldn’t have told you.’

  ‘No. I’m glad you did. I know this can’t have been easy for you, Rob. And I’m so sorry that it’s caused you to lose a friend.’

  ‘Yeah. Me too. But I asked him if everything was ok the night before. I gave him the opportunity to tell me then and there. If he had just told me then, I would have understood.’ He pulled a face, ‘Well, understood might be an overstatement. But dealt with it better, at least. There might have been a chance at salvaging the friendship. But not this way. He lied to me. He lied to you. He left you to face everyone. On your own.’