Back to Blue

by Dillon Watson

  “What if I can’t, you know, do what they need? God, Kevin. I’m okay with dusting in addition to the filing. They’re both something I’m actually good at. That’s saying a lot right now.”

  “Calm down. The work thrown your way will be on par with filing. No one’s going to ask you to write a report. If it makes you feel better, I’ll have Gar outline the types of assignments you should be getting and we’ll go from there.”

  “Okay.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “Change is so hard for me. But you know that already.”

  “Change helps you grow.” He patted her shoulder again. “You’ve grown so much in the past two years. I’d hate to see that slow down because you fear failure. Everyone here knows your situation and with one possible exception, no one’s going to expect miracles. And if they do, tell them to call a saint.”

  She exhaled loudly. “I can live with that. Do I still report to Marcia?”

  “Unless you tell me no. I could easily switch you to Liz. Something she seems to be angling for.”

  Summer shook her head. That would be too easy, and at a deeper level, she knew she didn’t want or need easy. “I’ll deal with her.”

  “That’s my girl.” He gave her a thumbs-up. “Now clear out. I’ve been away for a week. I have real work to take care of.”

  She took the long route to her office. The one that skirted Marcia’s office. She wasn’t ready to talk to her yet, and she had the idea Marcia was dying to talk to her. She needn’t have bothered as her supervisor was lying in wait and with what looked to Summer’s eyes like a giant stick up her butt.

  “Satisfied?” Marcia managed to put enough venom in that one word to kill a snake.

  She must have gotten acclimated yesterday. The confrontational manner didn’t bring flashes of fear. Didn’t fill her stomach with acid and make her want to run. She took a moment to celebrate that tiny victory and then asked casually, “About what?”

  “You know exactly what.”

  Summer took in the shake in Marcia’s voice, the anger stamped on her body, and thought the only thing to do was to woman up. But she could do that just as easily from a step or so further away. Marcia looked like a volcano about to spew molten lava in an effort to level all in its wake.

  “You’d better watch yourself.” Marcia punctuated each word with a stab of her finger.

  Stepping back had saved her from getting jabbed by one of Marcia’s talons. The force of the jab could have been painful. Summer rubbed her chest against a phantom pain and stared in shock when her hand came away bloody. She looked in fear at the woman responsible and—

  suddenly she wasn’t in the file room. Suddenly she wasn’t looking at Marcia. She was looking at a woman who, though taller and heavier, resembled Marcia. She was looking into eyes filled with anger and trying hard not to cry because of the slap, the bloody lip.

  “I’m sorry, Mama. I didn’t mean it.” Again she wasn’t quick enough to dodge the backhand that knocked her to one side.

  “Slut! You get in the bathroom and wash your face. Wash your whole body. No telling what you let that boy do to you.” Her mother bristled with rage.

  “He didn’t touch me, Mama. He didn’t touch me,” she swore, her cheek on fire from the hit.

  Thin lips stretched into what might have passed as a smile. “We’ll see what your daddy has to say about that.”

  Fear clenched in her chest and moved down to parts below. Her daddy would be mad if he thought someone had touched what he considered his. He’d come to her room for sure once her mother was asleep. She couldn’t stop him. She was never able to stop him…

  “Are you listening to me?”

  Summer came back into herself with a pounding headache and bile at the back of her throat. She swallowed hard and waited for the fog clouding her brain to dissipate. She was getting used to the feeling. What she wasn’t getting used to, would never get used to, was the horror of the situations she had found herself in. Was this what the rest of her life going to be about—reliving the tragedies of abused children? She pressed her hands against her temple and felt panic take hold.

  “I said, ‘Are you listening to me?’” Marcia repeated slowly. “What’s wrong with you now? Coma relapse?” Her lips stretched into a smile reminiscent of her mother’s.

  “I wish I knew,” Summer said, battling the tears that wanted to fall, the hysteria that wanted to take her over. “I need…” She dropped to the floor and rested her head on her knees. How she wished she was anyplace else. Someplace she wouldn’t be bombarded with suffering. If these experiences were to be her future, anyplace else needed to be a padded room with limited outside contact.

  Oh God, maybe she did die in the accident and this was her version of hell. What started as a laugh turned into sobs that wracked her body. Filled with sadness and hurt for those who couldn’t protect themselves, Summer didn’t notice when Marcia slipped away, shutting the door behind her.

  Eventually the tears dried up. With her head beating like the drum section of a marching band, she used the desk to pull herself up, then grabbed a tissue. The tissue was no match for the ravages of tears. She bit her lip as they threatened to return and headed for the bathroom, hoping—praying really—that it would be empty. Her luck held and she splashed water on her face until the redness around her eyes didn’t scream “crying jag.” There wasn’t anything she could do to soothe her soul. The residue left from what she’d experienced was probably permanent. She could only trust that it would eventually fade to something so dim she’d only feel it under duress.

  Staring at her reflection, she could see the horror and sorrow lingering in her eyes. But only Kevin would be able to tell and she didn’t expect to run into him again today. What she had to do now was return to her desk and get through the rest of the day. Preferably without another word from Marcia.

  Later, when she was thinking more clearly, she called her shrink. There was no need for her to go through this angst alone.

  “I’m sorry, Ms. Baxby, she’s out of town with a family emergency. I’d be happy to schedule an appointment for you with Dr. Suit, who’s agreed to see Dr. Veraat’s patients in her absence.”

  But I don’t trust anyone else, she wanted to say. It had taken her a long time to get comfortable with Dr. Veraat. She couldn’t share her craziness with a stranger. “Do you know how long she’ll be gone?”

  “I’m sorry, I don’t. Dr. Veraat is still assessing the situation, but she does not think there’ll be a quick resolution to the problem. Are you sure you won’t see Dr. Suit, Ms. Baxby? His credentials are impeccable and he’s been practicing for twenty years. Dr. Veraat holds him in the highest regard.”

  Summer could only think the hard sell meant she must have sounded desperate. “I’m sure, but…I’ll check back in a few weeks. If she hasn’t returned, I’ll consider it.” Who was she trying to fool? They’d have to admit her before she voluntarily spilled her guts to this Dr. Suit. She hung up the phone wondering if it would come to that.

  * * *

  “Hey.” Renny looked down at the puppy chewing on her ankle. “Trying to work here.” As was usual when she talked to him, Chazz jumped up and tried to lick the skin off her face. “Work,” she reminded him, trying to dodge his huge tongue. “No work, no food, buddy. As much as you like to eat that would hurt.”

  She shoved the pup aside, trying to figure out how the hell she let Jo talk her into taking him. Sure, her heart had softened when she learned he’d been abandoned, left to wander along the highway cold and hungry. According to Jo, his rescuers had done a great job of fostering him. All he needed to be a good family member was consistency and continued training. How sympathy at his plight had morphed into her opening her mouth and agreeing to take him home was a mystery even five days later. Gazing at the little giant, though, she thought maybe this was a mystery she didn’t need to resolve.

  Stretching her back, she checked the clock on her monitor. She closed her eyes and opened them, but it
was still five o’clock. No wonder the poor dog had been trying to get her attention. “I’ve been a bad mommy, haven’t I?” Petting his head, she sniffed for signs that she’d been too distracted and found none. “Aren’t you a good boy! Yes you are. You deserve a walk in the park.” She laughed as he barked and pranced around, then cringed when he bumped her desk hard and tipped over a bottle of water sitting on it.

  “Easy, Chazz.” She scooped it up before much damage was done. She decided again that she needed to invite Jo over to help her rearrange the house to accommodate him. Although he was no older than six months, he weighed forty pounds. Jo thought he might be part Leonberger. When Renny looked up the breed on the web, her heart almost stopped. Leonbergers were one of the largest dog species. A full-grown male could get up to one hundred and seventy pounds and stand over thirty-one inches tall. Renny was hoping the Leonberger part of Chazz wasn’t dominant. Still, if it was, they’d make do. She had a large house and a decent size fenced-in backyard for him to roam around in. Her new baby couldn’t be blamed for his genetic makeup.

  In addition, he was affectionate, loved kids and played well with other dogs. He’d only been to one training class, but the teacher claimed he was already ahead of the other dogs. And best of all, he forced her to push away from the computer regularly and get out of the house.

  Wanting to stretch her legs as much as Chazz seemed to, Renny took the long way to the park. The cold weather from earlier in the week had turned mild and some of the trees were starting to bud. Before she knew it the dogwoods would blossom, showcasing their signature white blooms. She’d been told it was a wonderful sight to see.

  They entered the park from the west side, closest to the playground. Unlike earlier in the week, the equipment was getting good use. Renny slowed, then stopped to watch a young mother help her son onto the swings and give him a push. She moved closer to see the boy pump his legs and give a cry of triumph as he flew high. She knew that feeling, had experienced it during the best summer of her childhood. Or to be more accurate, the best two weeks.

  Eve had just begun to date future ex-husband number two and, for reasons Renny hadn’t been privy to, she had packed her off for a visit with her grandmother. At first Renny had resisted being banished to a place she only knew from Eve’s words. A place Eve claimed was backward and boring. Her resistance had proven futile. Within a day, she was on a plane headed to the deep South and a grandmother she barely knew.

  Renny smiled, thinking about how quickly she’d changed her tune once she found out the advantages of being at her grandmother’s house. She could be herself without worry of bringing down Eve’s wrath because something she said or did had been noticed by the wrong person. For two wonderful weeks she’d been allowed to be a kid. And just when she began to settle into the room her grandmother had lovingly decorated for her visit, when she began to feel at home, Eve had called, demanding her daughter’s return. More upset than she’d been at being forced to come to Seneca, an angry Renny returned to Hollywood. Her anger intensified when she found Eve busy with wedding preparations. Apparently getting married without your only child present didn’t make good copy.

  Chazz tugged on his leash, breaking into her musings. He nudged her with his big, black head when she didn’t move.

  “I got it.” She gave the boy on the swing one last look. “Let’s go play.” She let him set the pace to the entrance of the fenced-in dog park. Once inside it, she undid his leash and moved to the three benches marked for humans. Her step faltered when she spotted a familiar figure on the other side of the fence watching the dogs as if trying to memorize how they looked. Her first instinct was to continue to the benches and act as if she hadn’t noticed her. She didn’t yield to it. She was sort of the one at fault, after all. “Hey. You lose a dog?”

  Summer briefly met Renny’s gaze before returning her attention to the dogs. “I, uh, I’m looking for a brown puppy. Lab or lab mix. Goes by the name of Brownie. Any chance you’ve, uh, you know, ever seen him?”

  “I don’t remember that name. But I’ve only been coming here a couple of days. You should talk to Keile. She and Can are regulars.”

  “Good idea. Uh, thanks.” Summer played with her helmet strap. “I should, you know, go.”

  “Wait.” Renny put a hand on the fence between them. “I want to apologize for Saturday. I guess I was channeling my mother and being a real diva.” Seeing the confusion on Summer’s face, she added, “Sorry. My mother is Eve Jamison. The actress.”

  “Oh, yeah. She was in Five Days To Hell. My dad loves that one.”

  “So does she. Won her the big one.” And launched her desperate chase for another, Renny thought but didn’t say. “Anyway. I’m sorry I acted like everyone should know all about me. Which was dumb because the reason I like it here is that people act like they don’t.”

  “That’s okay.” Summer gave her a sliver of a smile. “Your mom must be proud. Of your success, I mean.”

  “When it suits her. She’s more interested in getting me back into acting.”

  “Back?”

  “Way back when I used to do a show called Family Time.” She had to admit she felt a tug on her ego that Summer didn’t know the show. During its heyday, the show, and she with it, had been very successful. She hadn’t been able to go anywhere without being besieged by fans, young and old. With lots of therapy, Renny had come to accept that the loss of the show and the adulation had nudged her into a downward spiral.

  “Sorry.” Grimacing, Summer stuck her hands into the pockets of her slacks. “Doesn’t sound familiar. I’ve mostly watched movies so far.”

  “That’s not a bad thing. Now you won’t expect me to be like Ree.”

  “No. I promise I won’t,” Summer said, her manner serious. “Uh, I, uh, well…How long have you, you know, lived in Seneca?”

  “Around six months. I love it. It’s what I seem to need at this time in my life.”

  “Good. That’s good. Uh, have you, uh, heard of any little kids gone missing from here in that time?”

  She smiled. “The last one I heard about was about three years ago. Keile told you how she met Haydn, right? She was sitting around here when Kyle walked right up to her, put his head in her lap and called her mama.”

  “Yeah, she told me about that. But this one would have been a girl child,” Summer persisted. “Around seven years old. White. Blonde hair.”

  Renny’s smile vanished. “Are you telling me a girl’s been reported missing?”

  “I…no. No. It’s just a, you know, a thing. Probably nothing.” Summer again looked toward the dogs. “Uh-oh. Looks like your dog’s trying to make you a grandmother.”

  Renny turned to see Chazz picking up a smaller dog by the scruff of his neck. She took off running. “Chazz!”

  By the time she straightened out the situation with the other dog’s owners, Summer was gone, along with her babble about a missing child. It was probably nothing, she thought, even as she chose the path that led by the playground. When she’d passed before there had been no posters, no obvious unease. Then it hit her. If a girl had gone missing from the park, the playground would have been empty or filled with cops. She almost laughed at her own gullibility. Maybe Summer had picked up a weird sense of humor during her stay on Mars.

  At home, she fed Chazz, then fixed herself a salad; she was still doing penance for the amount of food she’d consumed Sunday night when the simple dinner she thought she was going to had morphed into a surprise birthday party for her father. Though Renny had shown up woefully underdressed, she’d been welcomed with open arms. By the time she took her leave, the respect she had for her father’s wife had increased several fold.

  She ate her salad, trying to imagine it was stuffed shells covered with a creamy lobster sauce. Her imagination was good but not that good. She turned her thoughts to how thin she’d be one day. Model thin, so the clothes in the catalogs would look the same when she tried them on. Daydreams of vamping down the catwalk ma
de the salad more appetizing.

  It wasn’t until she was lounging on the sofa, Chazz at her feet, and flipping on the TV that she remembered Summer scanning the dog park for a puppy named Brownie and asking about a missing girl with blonde hair. It was probably a hoax or some weird game Summer was playing, Renny reasoned. Nothing to be concerned about, she told herself even as curiosity had her leaving the room to retrieve her tablet.

  When her search for recent abductions came up empty, she broadened the parameters for date and age. That netted her a fourteen-year-old who thought she could sneak out, spend the night with her nineteen-year-old boyfriend, then sneak back in before her parents noticed she was gone. Definitely not what Summer was talking about.

  “Why would she make something like this up?” A snoring Chazz ignored her question, just as she’d expected. She didn’t blame him because it made no sense. But if Summer had been making something up, she’d done a good job of playing her part. Could it be because Summer believed it had happened? And if that was true, what should she do?

  Renny stewed some more and then decided to sound out Keile for some answers. Perhaps this had something to do with why Summer wasn’t up on current events and why she was almost painfully thin.

  When she rang the bell, a frazzled-looking Haydn opened the door. In her arms was a grousing baby and at her feet was a roly-poly, brown, part-lab puppy with a shoe in his mouth. Renny was tempted to shove manners off the cliff and run for home. “Not a good time, huh?”