Avery entered the house through the garage, as he always did, but for some reason it felt wrong that night. Maybe it was the guilt he carried playing tricks on him. He saw the house was dark as he drove up the driveway. That wasn't abnormal for this time of night, but still felt wrong. He had to remind himself Kane's car was parked in the garage. He had to be in this house somewhere. That should have given him peace, so he tried hard and worked at pushing the bad vibes away. They spent most of their time in their bedroom when they were home alone. The darkness shouldn't have intensified his gloom, but dammit, he felt like such a heel for starting their fight.
Avery kept the lights off and walked through the kitchen. He was almost through the living room when a lamp light clicked on. He had a small heart attack right there, as he whipped his body toward the sofa. Kane sat only a few feet from him. The file folder of information spread out around him.
"You scared me to death," Avery said, taking the minute to catch his breath and calm his pounding heart.
"It's late," Kane responded. His face calm and passive, giving Avery all the information he needed to know that things were still bad between them.
"I'm sorry," Avery immediately said and moved toward the sofa. Kane's face tightened as Avery stepped forward.
"For what?" Kane finally asked, and that made Avery give a small smile. It was just like his mister to need clarification before he gave in. God, he loved this man.
"For flying off the handle earlier," Avery replied, now standing directly in front of Kane. He prepared to drop to his knees to beg for forgiveness. Kane paused again, but his stare never faltered. Avery held his ground, waiting.
"We can go talk to this doctor you found. I also want to talk to a psychologist about the effects on a child being raised by two fathers. If we move forward with this, I want you to go first. I want our children to look like you and I want to pick the mother carefully. She has to be smart and well-rounded, not just anyone will do. I want nothing left to chance," Kane finally said.
Avery let out the breath he'd been holding. Relief poured through him and he couldn't help the smile that spread across his lips as he dropped to his knees in front of Kane. He reached out for Kane's hands, grabbing them, trying to thread their fingers together. Kane didn't return the hold. Kane always took his hand; that wasn't a good sign, but he held on to the hope Kane's words gave him. Avery kept eye contact and tightened his grip. He'd hold Kane's hand tight enough for them both.
"Thank you. I was so worried you wouldn't want this for us. I agree with everything you said, but I wanted you to go first. I want your baby," Avery replied, resting back on his heels. Thank God! This so wasn't what he'd expected to walk into. His Kane was always so full of surprises.
"No. I want you to go first. And I want to know the legal side of things before we make a firm decision. I don't want either of us left unprotected. If we do this, we're a family through and through," Kane stated firmly.
"All right, that's fine," Avery answered. Kane rose from the couch with Avery still kneeling in front of him. He stepped away, leaving Avery alone on the floor. Kane never reached out to touch him before making his way to the stairs. Avery slowly stood, watching him go. He'd gotten his agreement, and that was hallelujah good, but the tension between them was thick enough that he could almost reach out and touch it. What did that mean? They should be celebrating now. Yet Kane was walking up those stairs by himself and didn't show any signs he wanted Avery to follow. He was uncertain about what to do in his own home. Once Kane got to the top of the stairs, Avery decided, "fuck the tension," and started to move forward, but stopped as Kane spoke.
"You're wrong, Avery. I don't doubt us. I'm proud of us. I never pray for anything but for you to stay in my life. I'm just worried about the science of it all, and I never thought about us having children because it wasn't an option, until today. You should have given me a minute to catch up. You're so wrong in what you think about me." Kane's voice lowered on the last few words as he disappeared inside their bedroom. Avery heard their bedroom door shut firmly, closing him completely out. He supposed he deserved that, but did this mean he'd been relegated to the sofa?
As if Kane had read his thoughts, he opened the door and yelled out, "Yes, you're on the sofa. You should've called to let me know you were okay, but you didn't, you stayed gone and that's not right." The bedroom door shut again, and Avery smiled, running his fingers through his hair. Kane knew him too well and they had finally had their first big fight. He was sleeping on the sofa tonight. He guessed it was better than a hotel. He could use the guest bedroom, but he looked around and, though he hadn't noticed them before, saw his pillow and blanket on the sofa. The sheet was already tucked across the seat cushion where Kane had been sitting when he came in.
Avery began to undress, resigned to his makeshift bed for the night. He deserved this, but his heart couldn't get too far down. Even when angry, Kane still took care of him. He had made his bed for the night. His mister always took care of him. He stretched out on the sofa and lay there for several long minutes, thinking about all the possibilities.
No, he wasn't wrapped around Kane, but he did fall asleep with the smile still on his face.
Chapter 16
August 1979 ~ Minneapolis, Minnesota
Avery sat with Kane in the small, sterile hospital waiting room. His concern landed squarely on his shell-shocked husband. The minutes ticked by and the whirlwind experience of the last several months came down to rest in these last few hours.
As it turned out, everyone was ready to jump on board the fertility bandwagon. Kane and Avery were excellent candidates. Not because they were gay men, or because Avery brought a certain notoriety to the procedure, but because they could pay and that made them perfect.
Today's procedure would implant the in vitro fertilized eggs into their donor's uterus. Approximately a month from now, they would know if any of the embryos took to create a viable pregnancy.
The process to get them here hadn't taken nearly as long as they'd expected. The medical community sat ready and waiting to make the same miracles happen for infertile couples across the world. Both the doctor and donor were in Minneapolis, meaning Avery and Kane would get to be involved with each step of the pregnancy until their baby was born. All they needed now was for the fertilized egg to take, and apparently that had been the tricky part in other cases.
Kane had won the battle and Avery went first. Avery had actually held on to his desire to have Kane be their first biological father until he slept on the sofa for a second night in a row. He didn't like being kicked out of their bed or at odds with Kane.
Interestingly enough, it hadn't been a porn magazine that helped him ejaculate into a cup, but Kane right there in the room with him. Kane had been his own personal porn show. It hadn't taken much— never did when Kane was around.
They were matched almost immediately with a female. She was a young, highly-educated physician in the same practice as their doctor. She was eager to make her mark on history. When they first met, they had spent hours talking with her and her husband, who, believe it or not, actually supported her decision to be their surrogate. A close friendship had grown over the past eight months and they couldn't have been happier, and everyone knew exactly where they stood in all of this.
Sophia Richardson was tall and blonde with an athletic build. She could have been Avery's sister, they looked so much alike. She met every one of Kane's long list of requirements in a donor and Avery personally worked out all the legalities. He covered each point Kane insisted upon, and many Kane hadn't thought of, until their budding little family was as fully protected as the law would allow.
Although gay adoption was still an uphill battle, the consensus amongst psychologists was clear—any children they had could turn out as well-adjusted as children in traditional families and Avery made sure Kane was legally protected if anything happened to him.
The only noise in the waiting room came from the large white and bla
ck clock hanging high on the wall. Avery bit at his fingernail and looked over at Kane who sat there, pale and quiet. Avery imagined he looked pretty much in the same condition. He forced himself to stop worrying his fingernail and reached over to thread his and Kane's fingers together, bumping Kane in the shoulder with his.
"What're you thinking?" Avery asked. Kane looked over at him a little dazed and confused.
With no hesitation, he whispered, "I honestly didn't know this would all come together so quickly."
"I hoped it might," Avery replied.
"If this takes, we'll have a baby in nine months," Kane whispered.
"But we can't get our hopes up, Kane. You know that. They said it rarely takes the first time. Maybe the fourth or fifth time, but not the first time," Avery explained. Even though Kane spoke in a whisper, Avery used his regular tone of voice, trying hard to manage their expectations.
"It's really expensive to do this over and over," Kane responded, his voice even lower than the whisper now.
"I know, but it'll be worth it," Avery said. Kane nodded and looked forward again. They'd made a joint agreement that they would be a part of every doctor's appointment, every pregnancy milestone until their baby was finally placed in their arms, no matter how long that took. The decision had actually been a joint one between Avery, Kane, Paulie, and Rodney since they would be picking up Kane's slack at La Bella Luna.
"I know I said I didn't doubt us and I don't, but are you sure you believe this is gonna be okay on our baby? I mean it just seems wiser to have the mother in the mix," Kane asked softly, his eyes downcast now.
"Honey, you know the answer to that," Avery said, trying to get Kane to look at him.
"Hmmm," was all he got back, and Kane started worrying his lip.
"Baby, you were meant to be with me. We have so much love, so much to offer a baby. We can do this. We can. Look at me, Kane." It took a moment, but Kane finally slid his eyes back to Avery. The worry there warmed his heart. His honey always took everything so seriously, it was exactly the reason he knew they would be good parents. "I promise this is going to be all right. I promise you. You're going to be the best mother/father combination on the planet. Trust me, okay?"
Kane said nothing, but turned his head back to the closed door where the procedure was taking place. Other than the biting of his lip, he sat so still he could have been a statue, a true sign of Kane's anxiety. Nothing Avery could say or do would help relieve Kane's
concerns until this was all done. "Are you praying?"
"Yes," Kane replied instantly, his eyes back on Avery's.
"Then ask God to give you peace, because I totally have it in this deal. I have no doubt we're going to raise happy, well-adjusted children. Or as well-adjusted as they can be in today's world," Avery said. Kane didn't have time to reply as a compact Paulie came busting through the main doors like a bull in a china shop. Avery grinned like he always did when he saw Paulie. He never got over how much attention the small built man commanded.
"You never called! I couldn't stand the waiting. What do you know?" Paulie asked, ripping the well-worn cap off his head.
"Nothing. We're still waiting," Kane said, letting go of Avery's hand as he started to rise.
"Nah, don't get up. How much longer?" Paulie asked, taking the seat directly across from them.
"Your guess is as good as mine," Avery said, lifting up, sitting straighter as Kane sat back down beside him.
"Damn doctors always make you wait!" Paulie grumbled, sitting fully back in his seat, clearly there for the long haul. That was all they said, although Paulie gave several grunts, and eye rolls with each passing minute. They waited the next hour and a half until the doctor, dressed in light green scrubs, stepped inside the waiting room.
"Everything went well. Took a little longer than expected, but there were no complications, Sophia's doing good. We have her in recovery, she's awake, alert, and just a real trooper." Avery stood first, Paulie a close second, and Kane was slower to get to his feet.
"Is her husband here?" Kane asked. Avery looked back and noticed his honey's coloring had drained from his face as he stood nervously tucking his hands in his slacks pockets. He couldn't help but want to comfort him so he reached out and wrapped an arm around him, anchoring Kane against his side.
"He's with her now. She gave me two thumbs up to send out here to you two," Dr. Palmer said.
"Now, we have to wait about a month to know for sure?" Paulie's gruff voice piped in.
"Yes. Now it's in God's hands. A prayer wouldn't hurt," the doctor said. Avery chuckled, drawing all eyes to him as Kane gave an overstated nod, agreeing with the physician. That was something Kane had down. There would be no shortage of prayers over the next month.
"Let Sophia know if there is anything she needs, we'll get it taken care of," Avery reassured.
"I will. Get some rest, this is the first of many steps," Dr. Palmer said, letting that be his goodbye as he retreated back through the waiting room door. That left the three of them alone again. Avery was so much lighter now that they had made it through the procedure.
"Thank you for coming. We need to celebrate!" Avery said, shaking Paulie's hand, who surprised him by reaching up and embracing him in a solid, back-whacking hug instead. Kane still didn't look good. "Honey, you okay? Are you hungry?"
"I'm gonna throw up," Kane said. Avery narrowed his eyes and looked closer to see if Kane was joking or serious. He was much paler than before and maybe had a little greener tint to his skin. He untangled himself from Paulie's hold and they both went to Kane who landed back in the seat with a thump. His head dropped down between his knees. After a moment, Avery decided Kane probably wasn't going to pass out and helped him up, pulling him back against his side.
"You think this is bad. You just wait until that baby comes home the first night. You're gonna be a nervous wreck!" Paulie announced, completely not helping.
"Come on, babe. You'll be all right. Have you already started the prayers?" Avery asked, motioning Paulie ahead of them as they left the waiting room. Kane bumped up against him as they slowly made their way down the corridor.
"You know the answer to that," Kane replied, taking a deep breath.
"Good, then everything will be fine." Avery pushed the button for the elevator and held the door for Kane and Paulie when it arrived. After the doors closed, Kane turned toward him, laying his head on Avery's shoulder.
"This is all so emotional. I hope you're right."
"I know I'm right," Avery stated, kissing Kane's forehead.
"I love you," Kane professed, lifting his lips for a kiss.
"I love you, too," Avery declared as he looked deeply into Kane's eyes.
"Good God, does it ever stop with you two? It's way too sweet in here! You're making my teeth hurt. Come on, I'll fix you something special at the restaurant. You know it wouldn't kill you to go ahead and work tonight. You'd think you were having this baby yourself…" Paulie started as he exited the elevator, leaving them in his dust. Avery listened halfheartedly as he kept Kane close and headed toward their car. He'd have to manage his own excitement, play it cool for Kane, but he found himself praying too—for this procedure to take, for them to have their baby.
September, 1979 ~ Minneapolis, Minnesota
Avery anxiously paced, wearing a path in the brown shag carpet in the back of the physician's office. They had become intimately familiar with these four walls. Dr. Palmer kept a tidy, neat desk with a large stack of magazines at their disposal. Kane had kept a steady tempo, flipping through most of them in the hour or so that they had been waiting. Avery's steps never faltered in the steady route he followed. The rustling of his clothing filled the silent room as he restlessly marched back and forth. It was the only noise they'd made since they'd arrived.
Today was their one month exam to see if any of the fertilized eggs had taken.
Kane had emotionally prepared himself for a no. His brain told him to expect a negative response, but his h
eart seemed to have a mind of its own. No matter how hard he had scolded himself, he couldn't quite work the hope out of his system. Now, as he sat waiting, he pulled deeper inside himself with each passing minute. Good Lord, how he wanted Sophia to be pregnant.
The accumulation of anticipation every day for the past month now resulted in nothing more than another apprehensive waiting game. The last few weeks had been torturous. It seemed the daytime hours ticked by slowly in expectation of their nightly phone call to Sophia. Avery dropped by La Bella Luna every evening after work. Kane always stopped whatever he was doing and they retreated back to his office to check in on her progress. As each day passed and the one month mark closed in, the three of them grew cautiously excited. Kane hid the eagerness clawing at his gut. He had secretly grown to crave the idea of having a little baby to complete their family.
For Sophia, with her scholarly and professional mind, she'd wanted to explore and participate in this newfound territory of fertility. She was a true scientist, through and through. Her excitement over being a donor, knowing firsthand with real time experience how the pregnancy played out, seemed a dream come true for her. She was documenting and journaling everything for the American Medical Association. It seemed they were all impatient to get this ball rolling. For Kane, they were a match made in heaven.
The interesting thing was the more Kane spoke to Sophia, the more he liked her, and that helped solidify everything for him. They had known each other for almost a year now. The connection he felt with her was the root of why he allowed himself to secretly hope they could pull this off. In his mind, he couldn't have asked for a better surrogate. She fit them perfectly, while being genuinely and completely at ease with his and Avery's relationship. Avery was taken with her as well, or so he'd said many times over the past months.
Always (With Bonus Material) (Always & Forever Book 1) Page 15