Help Our Heroes: A Military Charity Anthology

by T. L. Wainwright

  “Okay, okay,” he says softly as he lowers me slightly.

  When I look down, he’s gazing up at me but he looks lost in his own thoughts.

  “It’s Jay.”

  “What is?”

  “Me. My name’s Jay. Well, Jayden really. Bax is what the boys call me. My surname’s Baxter,” he says.

  “Why are you telling me this now?”

  He loosens his arms and I slowly start to slide down his chest. It’s not until our eyes are level that he answers my question.

  “You’re not one of the boys.”

  “Who am I then?” I’m too lost in his eyes twinkling in the moonlight to put much thought into what I’m asking.

  “Definitely not one of the boys.” As he says it, his hands slide down my back and grab on to my arse. He pulls me tighter to him and I feel something press into my stomach.

  I clear my throat, the sudden tension taking me by surprise. “No, I’m not.”

  “No, you’re not,” he repeats before running his nose against mine.

  As I stare into his eyes, with our lips milometers apart, all I can think is how badly I want him to kiss me again. The memory of our kiss by the harbour yesterday isn’t enough.

  He stops moving and we stand stock still in the water with him holding me tightly, my feet a few inches from the seabed. He looks deep into my eyes and that saying about someone being able to see into your soul suddenly doesn’t seem so stupid.

  It feels like an eternity but eventually he leans forward and presses his lips against mine. I moan the second I feel their heat and he must sense my approval because he opens his mouth and runs the tip of his tongue along my bottom lip. I don’t waste any time in responding.

  What started out as something soft and gentle soon turns into something much, much more. I lift my legs so they wrap around his waist, and my hands alternate between running over his short hair to gripping on to his shoulders. It’s not until I feel the vibrations of his groan that I realise I’m moving my hips. Oh shit.

  I pull back and immediately avert my gaze from him.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks, slightly breathlessly.

  I try to let go of him but he holds me too tightly to be successful.

  “Erin?”

  I look up at the moon as I try to pull together what to say to him. “It’s just…I haven’t…uh…I don’t…”

  “Hey,” he says as he nudges my cheek with his nose. He clearly doesn’t want to let go of me in case I run. Reluctantly, I turn to him. The look on his face takes my breath away. His eyes are dark and hungry but he has this sexy smirk playing on his lips. “It’s okay,” he reassures. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed you. We can take this at your speed. This,” he says, flexing his hips, making me gasp at the sensation, “isn’t what this is about.”

  The look on his face is so sincere I have no reason to doubt him. “Thank you,” I whisper. I lean forward slightly when I realise how badly I want to resume our kiss, but instead of doing the same, like I expect him to, Bax, or Jay, pulls back.

  “Maybe we should get out.”

  “Oh.”

  “Trust me, Skittles, it’s not because I want to, it’s because I have to. We stay like this and I can’t promise I won’t do something I shouldn’t.” To prove his point, he flexes his hips again, pressing his hardness into me.

  “Okay,” I mutter as I unwrap myself from him and begin heading towards the shore.

  It’s not until I’m out of the water that I realise how cold I am. Jay had successfully distracted me but now my teeth are chattering, and try as I might, I can’t get my skinny jeans up my damp, sandy legs. Jay doesn’t seem to have the same issue; when I look up, he’s almost fully dressed.

  “Here,” he says, handing me his hoodie.

  I pull it on and just like his shirt last night, it almost comes down to my knees. “Thank you.”

  “Our B&B isn’t far.”

  Once we’ve got our shoes on, we make our way back for two hot showers. Being the gentleman he is, Jay tells me to go first and I’m too cold and sandy to argue, so I grab what I need and head into the bathroom. I intend on being as fast as possible but once the powerful jets of water hit me, that goes out the window.

  I spend longer than necessary putting moisturiser on my face and faffing with my hair, even though it will always dry exactly the same: straight as a die and falling just past my shoulders.

  I give myself a once over in the mirror. My cheeks are still rosy red from the chill of the sea, and my eyes are still alight with the feelings Jay brought to life when he kissed me. I look down at the silky cami and short set I’m wearing. I feel completely exposed with my breasts only just covered and what feels like the bottom of my arse hanging out. If it’s possible, I feel more naked than I did in just my underwear on the beach earlier, even though there’s more fabric.

  I take a breath and square my shoulders as I grab the doorknob. I am confident, I say to myself as I pull the door open. I’m a grown woman with a body I shouldn’t be ashamed to show off.

  The second I step into the doorway, he looks up. His eyes pin me to the spot and I stand there as looks over every inch of me. I might be barely covered in floral silk but the way he’s staring at me right now, you’d think I was naked. My heart pounds as his eyes burn into skin, leaving tingles in their wake.

  When his they come to a stop, staring at my tits, I manage to remember how to speak. “Your turn.” I don’t even recognise the sound of my own voice.

  I move to sit myself on the edge of the bed, and eventually he gets up and disappears into the bathroom. He doesn’t say anything—not that he needs to, because his eyes say it all, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t freak me out. It’s not often I think this, but I wish I could be more like Frankie right now and be able to embrace what’s happening between us, to put all my insecurities and fears to one side and enjoy everything Jay’s offering, because I want it—of course I do. The feeling of his hands on me is incredible, but I’m scared to take it further.

  He doesn’t spend as long in the bathroom as me, and when he emerges, he’s just wearing a clean and dry pair of boxers. I’ve got myself into bed and pulled the covers up to my neck in a pathetic attempt to hide from him. It doesn’t stop him running his eyes down my body. He knows exactly what it looks like, how it feels, even with the duvet covering me.

  As he starts to walk around the bed, I roll over. I don’t mean to shut him out but I’ve got so much going on in my head that I need the space. What I really don’t need is him pulling me to him and kissing me like he did in the sea again. That will only mess my head up more. I shouldn’t be feeling the way I am about him. I shouldn’t like him this much already when I’ve only known him for a day. Plus, he’s not just a guy, he’s a solider—exactly what I said I never wanted. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to deal with an army relationship and all the stress that comes with it.

  I have no idea how much time ticks by as I lie there thinking, but I know he’s not asleep behind me. I can tell by his breathing. A huge part of me wants to turn around, to make the most of the situation we’ve found ourselves in, but another part is screaming at me that this is only going to end one way, and that’s with me left behind with a broken heart. I may have only know Jayden Baxter for a day, but I already know he’s going to change my life. I’m just not sure I’m ready for it.

  Chapter Four

  Once we’ve had breakfast the next morning, we decide to hang around instead of getting in the car and heading off to our next unknown destination. We spend the day wandering through town whilst Jay picks up a few things he didn’t have in his case. We stop and have a coffee whilst watching some street entertainers, and then another one a few hours later watching an old couple fighting with their fish and chips and a swarm of seagulls.

  We shy away from any kind of serious conversation about our jobs or our futures, and it amazes me how quickly I allow myself to forget about the stress of home and just enjoy
this time doing pretty much nothing with him.

  We spend the rest of the afternoon walking hand in hand along the beach, talking, watching families building sand castles, flying kites, and those who are brave enough to venture into the sea. I have first-hand experience of how cold that is, and no intention of testing it out again.

  When the sun starts to drop, we decide we’ve probably walked far enough and start heading back. I’ve no idea how many miles we’ve covered, and I don’t really care.

  Once we get back into town, we opt for crossing over the road and walking past all the bars and cafés as we debate where we’re going to have dinner. We eventually decide on a little Italian on one of the backstreets. It’s quaint, the owner is someone you’d likely see on a comedy sketch show. He keeps us entertained for hours before we head back to our room and spend the night chilling out. Jay flicks through the channels whilst I sit with my sketchpad, coming up with some beach themed jewellery based on our day. His eyes flick over to my designs every few minutes and when he looks up at me I see him asking the same questions I do of myself regularly. Why am I doing a business degree? What am I going to do next if—or more so when—Mum’s shop goes under? I don’t answer his unspoken questions because I have no answers. I wish I did.

  When we eventually get into bed, I can’t help but have a smile on my face. I’ve had the most incredibly relaxing day and the fact that I’ve been able to switch off has everything to do with the man lying beside me.

  “Jay,” I whisper, a few minutes after turning the light off.

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you have to be so far away?”

  Not a second later, I feel his body heat against my back, before his arm wraps around my stomach and he pulls me to him.

  I have the best night’s sleep I’ve had in years.

  “Hey, sleepyhead,” Jay says when the sound of the hotel room door shutting wakes me up.

  It takes me a few seconds to register what’s going on, but I soon figure out that he must have been for a run. His fitted t-shirt shows off his sculpted chest and a pair of slim shorts hug his thighs. It’s quite a sight to wake up to.

  “What time is it?”

  “Almost ten. I asked June if we could have a late breakfast before hitting the road. She’s keeping it warm for when we’re ready.”

  “Almost ten?” I ask in shock. I don’t think I’ve slept in this late before, ever. I sit bolt upright in bed and look to the clock at the other side of the room.

  “Fucking hell,” Jay breathes, making me look back over at him. Only, he’s not looking at me—well, not my face, anyway.

  I look down to see my nipple is just about to pop out from behind my cami. “Shit.” I shift around and quickly cover myself up.

  “You ruin all my fun,” he says with a laugh, but then disappears into the bathroom for a shower. A wave of anxiety rushes through me as I think about how I’m acting. It’s clear he wants more from me but I’m running scared. Will he eventually get fed up of playing this cat and mouse game? He said our time wasn’t about that, and he’s happy to take my lead, but is that really true?

  I try to put my thoughts to one side as I get dressed and go down for breakfast. I know it won’t make the situation any better, but at least I can ignore it for now.

  “Where do you fancy going next?” Jay asks once we’ve polished off our fry up.

  “I thought we weren’t making plans?”

  “No, but I’d like to have an idea of what direction I’m driving in. Would you like to carry on down south or…?”

  “I’d prefer to go up, if that’s okay with you. I’d love to see the scenery of the Lake District and Scotland. I’ve only seen it on the telly and it looks incredible.”

  “It’s stunning.”

  “You’ve been?” I’m not sure why I’m surprised, because he’s probably been to most places, but I’m a little disappointed it’s not something we can discover together.

  “I’ve had a few exercises up there. No holidays, though,” he says, making me feel a little better.

  “So you don’t mind then?”

  “Of course not. Anywhere you want to go, we’ll go.”

  “Australia?”

  “That might be pushing it. Maybe next time,” he answers with a laugh. My heart does a little dance at the sight of his joy. I love seeing him smile and hearing his laugh. I feel pathetic even thinking it, but I think it’s my new favourite thing. “Ready?”

  “Ready.”

  We grab our stuff, say goodbye, and get ourselves into Peggy for the journey up north.

  “I’m so excited,” I mutter, more to myself than Jay when he pulls onto the motorway.

  “You’re too cute, Skittles.”

  “Are you going to tell me why you call me that?”

  “I already did. It suits you.”

  “That’s not a reason.”

  It’s late afternoon and we’re just over halfway to our destination when my phone starts ringing. Our very loose plan is to get as far into the Lake District as we can, and find a B&B before the sun sets.

  “Well, it’s good to know you’re not dead,” I comment as a greeting to my best friend when I put the phone to my ear.

  “I could say the same thing. I’ve just been to your house; your mum said you left a note saying you’d be gone for two weeks. Where the fuck are you?”

  “Uh…I’m not entirely sure, other than on the motorway heading towards the Lake District.”

  “The fucking Lake District? It’s all mountains, lakes, and sheep; why the fuck are you going there?”

  When I said before that Frankie and I are complete opposites in every way, this is what I meant. She can’t imagine a holiday that doesn’t involve getting wasted in a club full of sweaty, drunk people. I want to see places and experience other cultures and their history rather than getting drunk off my arse and not remembering most of the holiday.

  To save myself further scrutiny I change the subject. “Have you had a good weekend?”

  “OH MY GOD! Erin, you have no idea how incredible Dean is.” She squeals so loudly I have to pull the phone away from my ear. Jay looks over and raises his eyebrows in question. I shake my head at him and roll my eyes.

  “So it was all you wanted it to be?”

  “And some. Seriously, E, I thought he was going to kill me with all the orgasms. I can barely fucking walk.”

  “TMI, Kiki. TMI.”

  “I don’t care. I’m telling you everything. I’ve been waiting my whole life for this and I want to relive it with you.”

  “Great.”

  “No need to sound so excited about it,” she chastises. “So anyway, after we left the club…”

  She talks for almost thirty minutes as she tells me the ins and out—literally—of her weekend with Dean.

  “So, are you seeing him again?”

  “Yes, he’s on leave for another week, I think he said. To be fair, we haven’t done much talking, but he’s taking me out tonight. He’s left to do some crap, thank fuck, I can finally take a shit now he’s gone! Now stop changing the subject, and tell me why the fuck you’re going to the Lake District.”

  “I’m going with Jay.”

  “Who the fuck is Jay?”

  I let out a breath before explaining who he is.

  “Wait…that seriously hot guy from the club? Dean’s mate, Bax?”

  I don’t need to look up to know Jay’s smiling beside me, I can feel his amusement. “Yes, that one,” I confirm.

  “WOOHOO! Way to go, Erin. I bet he fucks like a fucking stallion as well.”

  “Uh…”

  “Oh my god, please tell me you had a go on that.”

  “I…uh…”

  “ERIN!” she screams. “For the love of all womankind, you need to tap that. Fucking hell, what’s wrong with you?”

  “Nothing’s wrong with me, thank you, Frankie.” I want to say something like, what we have is more than just a quick roll in the sheets like you’ve had with
Dean, but I’m suddenly very aware that Jay’s listening to every word I say, as well as how those words would make this sound very serious and meaningful. I’m not ready to think about that kind of thing, let alone say it out loud.

  “I’m sorry, but seriously, girl. You’ve got what, a week or so with him? Make the fucking most of it. You’ll be a long time cold and lonely when he’s gone back to wherever it is he came from. You may as well have some amazing memories to keep you company. Remember, you never regret something you’ve done, only the things you didn’t do,” she says, trying to sound wise all of a sudden.

  “Thanks for the pep talk.”

  “What are best friends for if it isn’t to tell you to fuck that hot as shit guy sat right next to you?”

  I sit in silence for a few minutes, running the conversation around in my head. Is she right? Am I going to regret holding out like this? I soon distract myself when I think back to what I wanted to say about this being more than just sex, because it is. It scares the shit out of me to admit it to myself, but I feel like this is the start of something. Something serious. I don’t want to just jump straight into bed with him. I don’t want to rush whatever this is between us just because we’ve got a limited amount of time together. There’s no reason we can’t take this one step at a time.

  I finally arrive at the depressing part of all of this as I think about him going back to wherever it is he’s based, and not seeing him for god knows how long.

  “So who exactly was that?”

  “Frankie, the blonde girl in the silver dress Saturday night.”

  “I’m not sure I’d describe that as a dress, but yeah, I know the one.”

  “She’s had this fantasy about having a fling with a soldier, showing him a good time and then sending him off to war. You know, like in the old black and white films. She just took great delight in telling me all about her weekend with Dean.”

  Jay’s response is to start laughing. It’s not the reaction I was expecting.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You just told me she has a solider fantasy and then backed it up by saying she spent the weekend with Dean.”