Help Our Heroes: A Military Charity Anthology

by T. L. Wainwright

  I’m being so mean. So hateful. I’m lying to her face.

  And she’s believing every word.

  Her face is pale. Her cheeks are literally devoid of all color and her eyes are stark and shocked as she stares at me. Her mouth is open in a wide “O”.

  She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t move.

  We both jump when her cell phone rings. She jerks to the side and pulls it out of her back pocket.

  I didn’t know she stuffed it in there.

  Still staring at me, she answers it. “Hel––lo.” Her voice wavers. “Hello, this is Rea.” It was clear that time. “Oh, hey. Yeah, I’m here with him now, but I’m leaving… Yeah, how was the party… that’s good… yes, I’m going home… about half an hour. I have to get my car from my parents. Yes… no. Can you meet me at me place? No, they’ve just been outside all day and I need to see you. Great… ok. Half an hour. Drive safe.”

  How was the party? She needs to see him?

  That’s Clive. She’s leaving here to go see Clive.

  That’s what you wanted, Luka. That’s what she deserves.

  That’s why you just hurt her like that… just pushed her away.

  She hangs up and looks away from me before swallowing. She says nothing as she stands and smoothes her jeans down her thighs. Finally she turns to me. “Your family should be home soon. Just stay here and don’t try to do anything that could hurt you. If you do need someone, my parents are home and can be here in less than a minute. I’ll write their number down for you.”

  I snap, “I know their number. It’s the same fucking number it’s been for twenty years.”

  She jerks at my tone and walks toward the door. I watch her go.

  When she reaches it, she stops. “I’m glad you’re getting around, Luka. I know it seems overwhelming right now, but you’ll get it. The harder you work, the stronger you’ll get and eventually, you’ll be able to get around all by yourself. You won’t need anyone.

  “That should make you very happy…” She opens the door and walks out. It closes softly behind her, so I know that she closed it.

  I stare at the door as rage builds within me. I’m so angry at Rea for making me realize what I really feel, at the military for giving me my dream, but taking my leg, at Clive for being the man I’m not, and at my family for being so goddamned considerate and loving even when I don’t deserve it. But the person I’m angriest at is myself. Because I just hurt the one person who has always gone out of her way to make certain that I’m ok.

  I just hurt the woman I love… and the fact that I know I love her and I just pushed her to walk out pisses me off most of all.

  Grabbing the lamp off the nightstand, I hurl it across the room. The glass hits the door and shatters. It’s so satisfying that I grab the next thing I can reach, my alarm clock, and fling it, too. It bounces off the door, but not before leaving a huge dent.

  My eyes take in the shards and chunks of shattered glass and the busted lampshade before once again looking at the damage I caused to the door.

  Resignation and shame course through me.

  Dammit!

  I need to clean that up. My parents don’t deserve to come home to this shit all because I’m a grown ass man throwing a tantrum like a toddler.

  I look at my leg and the crutch before muttering out loud. “Son of a bitch, you asshole. God job. Now how the hell am I supposed to get over there, on to the floor, clean that up without shredding my skin, and then get back up?!”

  Leaning my head back, I yell at the ceiling, “FUCK!”

  Laeten sweeps the last of the shards into the dustpan and then stands. “Yeah, how about you not break shit next time you’re home alone and pissy?!”

  I glare at him from my bed, where he helped me to sit when he and my parents got home half an hour ago. I was on the floor trying to balance on my knee while holding the dustpan with one hand and sweeping with the other.

  It wasn’t going well.

  He walks into the bathroom across the hall and dumps the dustpan before calling down the hall, “Momma, where’s the vacuum?”

  She yells back and he points at me. “You don’t move. I’m going get that heavy ass thing and then once I vacuum the carpet, you’re telling me why you threw the lamp in the first place.”

  I roll my eyes and yell after him, “Yeah, where the hell am I going to go!?”

  Now, do I tell him the truth or do I just blame my anger issues from my PTSD?

  Of course I’m going to tell him the damn truth…

  Chapter Twelve

  Rea

  A week and a half later

  I’m in my office, entering information into the computer from the week’s charts.

  Stopping to pinch the bridge of my nose, I sigh. Things have been awkward between Clive and I. We’re both professionals and we work very well together, but since I ended things, he’s keeping his distance. Not that I can blame him.

  He arrived at my house about ten minutes after I did last Sunday. Thankfully, I was able to get home in time to splash some water on my face and try to organize my thoughts. I knew that I had to break up with him. I had to be honest with him. He deserved that.

  I was in the living room, perched on the edge of the couch, a bundle of nervous energy, when he knocked on the door. I’d heard his car pull into the drive, so I knew he was there. I opened the door for him and he was there, smiling like always. He was holding a bouquet of daisies. He leaned down to press his lips to mine and I let him, though I didn’t return his kiss.

  He pulled back and searched my face. Then, he sighed and said, “Ah, I can’t say that I’m surprised.”

  I immediately felt like shit, but I held my hand out for him to come in. He handed me the flowers and said, “These are for you, so if you want them, you probably need to put them in some water.”

  I sighed and led him to the couch with me. I sat facing him and he just stared at me as I tried to think of how to start the conversation. It ended up that I didn’t have to. He said, “It’s Luka, isn’t it? You’re in love with him?”

  I swallowed and nodded. “I am. I’m so sorry.” I leaned forward. “Clive, I’ve loved him my whole life. But, it was just me… We never… I mean, he and I… we never…

  “He left and I was ready to move on. I like you. I care about you… so much.”

  He smiled sadly. “But, not as much as him.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I sighed. “I don’t know if I can ever love anyone as much as I love that stubborn man.” I smiled sadly. “But, we aren’t together… he and I… I mean…”

  He saved me from further humiliation by covering my hand with his. “Rea, it’s ok. I always knew you weren’t as invested as I was in the relationship.” My mouth fell open to contradict him, but he kept going. “I went all in… you always held back and I was ok with it… I am ok with it. We tried.

  “I know you cared about me. That you care about me. And I care about you… that’s why I’m willing to let you go. I want you to be happy, Rea.

  “That’s what caring about someone is.”

  I started crying and he wiped my tears with his thumb. “We’re ok, Rea. You are more than my girlfriend. You’re my friend. That’s not going to change. And we work together.” He smiled at me. “You’re my best nurse and the patients love you… I’m not going to lose you over the fact that we didn’t work as a couple.”

  Everything he said… his maturity and understanding… and he meant it… he really did.

  It’s just one more reason that I cannot believe that out of him and Luka Fitzgerald, my stupid heart decided on Luka Fitzgerald.

  Pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes, I groan. “Ugh! Stupid ass!”

  A slight chuckle at my office door has my turning my head. Leila points to my desk and then circles my face with her finger. “Something tells me that the ‘stupid ass’ is not directed at anyone in those charts.”

  Groaning again, I bury my head in my hands. I feel her per
ch on the edge of my desk, near my elbow. I peek at her through my fingers. She’s looking at her fingernails. She smiles at me. “So, who’s a stupid ass?”

  I ignore her and she chuckles. “It wouldn’t be a certain brother of mine, that is right this very second, sitting in the waiting room, awaiting being called back to see the dreamy doctor, that you are no longer dating, now would it?”

  My hands fall and I slap my desk. “Luka is not here. He’s not supposed to be here until Friday.”

  Leila grins at me. “Oh, but he is. There was a cancellation for this afternoon and I just so happened to slide him into the spot.” She crosses her arms and looks down at me. “You know he’s started his therapy and he was fitted for his prosthesis yesterday…”

  Of course I know that… I see the charts and you keep telling me everything about him.

  Hell, I probably know how many times he peed today!

  Ok, not really, but Leila has been keeping me plenty informed.

  So has Laeten for that matter.

  I haven’t been back to the Fitzgerald house since the day we kissed… the day he told me quite clearly that he was aware of my lifelong adoration and that he was not interested.

  I don’t fully believe him, but my feelings were hurt enough that I didn’t want to chance it.

  I might have ended things with Clive, but I’m not looking to have my heart broken.

  So… I’ve just avoided all things Luka Fitzgerald. Or tried to… it’s a little difficult when my two best friends are his siblings.

  Flipping the page in the chart I was working on, I start reading down the document, or trying to. I can’t see the words and codes.

  My ruse isn’t fooling Leila. “Really? You better not actually enter anything on the damn screen right now, Rea. You’re just going to have to redo it. I bet you don’t even know what you just read.”

  I mutter, “I do, too. Go away. I’m busy.”

  She snatches the chart from me and I growl at her as she looks briefly before closing it and asking sarcastically, “What’s this patient’s name?” I glare and sit back in my chair before crossing my arms morosely. She arches her brow. “Well?”

  I snap, “I don’t know, ok!”

  She smirks. “Uh huh. I knew that.” She taps the folder to her mouth while her eyes flit over my face. “Ok, so when are you going to tell me what happened between you and Luka?”

  I gasp, “Who said anything happened between us? He said something?”

  She laughs. “No. You just did.” She leans down and her hair cocoons us. “So, something did happen?” Her eyes search mine. “Rea, I’m your best friend. I’ve been your best friend since we were freaking embryos. You’ve been in love with my beloved, idiot brother for about that long, too. Only, well, he was stupid so he never noticed. And you were too scared to tell him.

  “You broke up with Clive and that happened right after you spent the day with my mule-headed, though women find that attractive, brother… You try to change the subject when either Laeten or I mention Luka or his recovery, though I see you filing every little detail away in that pretty head of yours.

  “And… Luka is an angry elf!” I look at her and smirk. She laughs and shakes her head, “No, he is horrid, Rea. Like even worse than his previous peachy self. If I didn’t love him so much, I’d stab him in the eye with a fork or kick him in the balls. But, he’s had enough trauma, so, I figure I wouldn’t do that.”

  I can’t help it. I laugh. “Please don’t kick him in the balls. Or stab him in the eye. His eyes are so pretty.”

  She grins at me. “You think everything about him is pretty.” She sobers. “No, really, Rea. Something happened… I don’t know what, because neither of you have told me. You both suck by the way. But, I’m not stupid.”

  She sighs. “So, I’m going to assume that you two got naked…”

  I gasp and quickly look at the door. It’s closed. “Leila! We did not! Oh, my God! I was with Clive. I didn’t… we didn’t… NO!” She grins at me. “But something happened.”

  Rolling my eyes, I snap. “Yes, we kissed, ok?!”

  She claps, but I wave off her glee. “No, don’t. It was nothing. In fact, he told me he wasn’t interested and that the only reason he kissed was because I was there and he was hard up.”

  That still hurts.

  Her mouth drops open. “I’m going to kick him in the balls.”

  She turns to the door and I call out, “Oh my, God. Leila stop. No. You’re at work, you fool. Besides, it’s ok.”

  She glares at me. “No, it’s not and I know that you know he didn’t mean that. I don’t know why he said that to you, but you know damn well he didn’t mean it.”

  I do know that…

  Doesn’t make it any less scary. In fact, it makes it scarier.

  Luka

  Laeten is at my appointment with me. Leila called this morning and said they had a cancelation and she was putting me in it. She didn’t ask, she just told; but, I’m used to that.

  She wouldn’t be Leila if she wasn’t bossy.

  He was at the house with me anyway since they still refuse to leave me alone for more than a few hours at a time. It’s like they’re all worried I’ll hurt myself or break more shit. Which I haven’t… not since the lamp… and the clock.

  He glances at his watch and I fidget as I look around the room. The waiting room is pretty packed.

  They see all these people every day here? Holy shit!

  Everything is in the same building, so I was actually here yesterday when I was measured for my prosthesis. My leg is finally healed enough, or it should be, to start my physical therapy with the prosthetic once it’s ready. I’m seeing Doctor Evans today…

  Of course it would be Clive. And since it’s Clive, will Rea be there, too?

  I haven’t seen or heard from her since I said those hateful things to her and made her leave. Neither Laeten nor Leila have mentioned her either. Which now that I’m really thinking about it is not good.

  Does she hate me?

  Is that why they won’t answer me or why she hasn’t checked in.

  Well, neither have you, Luka.

  The door opens a heavy nurse in blue scrubs calls out five names. Mine is one of them.

  Laeten looks over at me and hands me my crutch. Since Rea left the other day, I haven’t been in the wheelchair. I’ve been working hard every day to re-strengthen my arms and my good leg. My abs are solid steel again and I’m proud of that.

  Every day I’m stronger. I’ve also started my physical therapy and once my prosthesis comes in, it’ll focus on teaching me to walk again. Eventually, I plan to run.

  Group therapy is different. It’s a whole bunch of veterans in a room with a counselor who is also a veteran. I haven’t participated in it yet other than to tell the group my name and rank. Maybe next week…

  Reaching out, I take the crutch from him and use my other hand to steady myself as I stand. I’m getting good at this. Every time, it’s a little easier, a little more natural. A little less strenuous.

  Laeten lets go and says, “You good, bro? Still want me to tag along?”

  He knows that I’m stubborn. Besides, if I see Rea in a minute, I want to be doing this all on my own.

  I nod. “Yup. I’m golden. But, I would really appreciate it if you would come with me.” He nods. “Thanks, bro.”

  We follow everyone else through the doors to the back. The nurse is pointing at doors and calling out numbers. “Willis… four… Fitzgerald… you’re in five, but let’s go get your weight, ok?”

  I follow her to the scale and try to inconspicuously look around. I don’t see Rea.

  So, is she not going to be my nurse?

  I ask the nurse before I can think better of it. “Is Rea here today?”

  The nurse looks up from her chart and her eyes widen as she really looks at me. She grins. “Ah, yes indeed. She is. Rea is here every day. That girl never takes a break. She’s everyone’s favorite around here.” />
  Including the damn doctor. That she’s dating.

  But, she’s here…

  She gestures to the room. “Go on and get undressed. Put the paper gown on and hop up on the table. Be in shortly.” Before I can ask anything else, she disappears into a room after sharply rapping on the door.

  Laeten is joking about the drab walls and see through paper gown I have on when there’s a knock at the door. I call out, expecting to see the heavy nurse from earlier, but instead, my eyes widen as I look into the wide blue eyes I last saw ten day ago.

  Rea looks at me and calmly says, “Luka.” She looks over at Laeten and smiles at him. “Hey, Laeten.”

  She didn’t smile at me.

  She wheels in a blood pressure machine. “I need to check your pressure and temperature and then Dr. Evans will be in shortly to check your leg… it should be mostly healed, but he needs to check it thoroughly before he can sign off on your therapy with your prosthetic. If any area is not fully healed, the therapy can cause friction and that can cause an infection.”

  Really? We’re playing this game?

  She’s going to act like she doesn’t even know me?

  Glancing over, I see Laeten hiding a smirk behind his hand.

  Oh, so he’s picked up on this, too.

  “Lift your arm, please. I just need to get this cuff around.” She wraps it and tightens the Velcro. “Is that too tight?”

  I stare at her, but she doesn’t look up. “It’s great.” She pushes the button and the cuff tightens around my bicep while she readies the thermometer. She holds it up and says without looking at me again. “I’m just going to slip this under your tongue.” She’s looking at my chin.

  I don’t open my mouth. She sighs and says, “Can you open your mouth, Luka?!”

  I still don’t do it. Finally, she looks at me and the fire in her eyes makes my heart pound. “Why are you treating me like you don’t know me?” I look at the door pointedly and then back at her. “Is Doctor Perfect going to get mad?”

  Laeten snickers and I look at him in annoyance. Rea looks at him sharply and then back at me. She rolls her eyes, “Why would my boss, Doctor Evans, get mad that I’m talking to a patient?”