Chapter 17
The next day, Friday, I was absolutely miserable and excited at the same time. On one hand, I couldn’t accept the notion that I had failed in my attempts to stay away from Sebastian’s charms. On the other, I couldn’t wait to see him again.
Not ready to concede defeat, I walked around campus still avoiding the most transited areas. The crazy thing was that every time I saw a dark-haired guy, my heart jumped, hoping it was Sebastian.
After our pizza picnic, he’d taken me home and said good night without attempting to kiss me. My initial disappointment led to relief after he left. A kiss would have led us down a path I wasn’t ready for.
Seized by an attack of low self-esteem, I started telling myself that he had found our conversation dull and decided I wasn’t very interesting, after all. Once this idea took hold, my disappointment came back with a vengeance. And it got even worse when I remembered his promise to leave me alone if I agreed to go on a date with him. Was that why he hadn’t kissed me? I nearly growled in frustration. This mental back-and-forth was exhausting.
The weekend passed in similar fashion. Disappointment and relief struggled for the prime spot in my mind, neither getting the upper hand for long. Saturday, I visited Hunter and was glad to see that he was back to his normal self—at least the normal self that I had first met. Sunday, I studied in the library, my eyes dancing from my textbooks to my cell phone, hoping to receive a text message. None came.
Monday evening, Jessica and I walked together to the student center for our second G.A.P. meeting of the semester. It was hard to believe I’d only known Sebastian for two weeks.
She was uncharacteristically quiet, and I was too lost in my thoughts to wonder why. When we arrived, several of the girls were already there, setting folding chairs in a circle, while Brandy and Clarissa laid out snacks on a table in the back.
“Clarissa wanted to bring snacks. Isn’t that a great idea?” Jessica asked me.
I nodded my agreement and went for a chocolate chip cookie.
“I made those,” Clarissa said proudly.
“They’re great,” I mumbled between bites.
Clarissa moved on to meet some of the G.A.P. veterans who hadn’t been there last time. I counted twenty girls total. They talked animatedly, rolling their eyes, gesturing and laughing. Once more, I felt out of place, far removed from the things that made them tick. Oftentimes in the past few weeks, I had felt compelled to tell Jessica the club wasn’t for me anymore, and that feeling had recently redoubled.
I had met Jessica a year ago when we ended up as roommates. At that point in time, we’d been in strikingly similar stages in our lives. We were both heartbroken freshmen who hadn’t quite been ready for the college challenge and had lacked the fortitude needed to move on and leave the past behind.
During one of our pity fests, Jessica had come up with the idea for G.A.P. Right off the bat, she had thought it was a brilliant idea and threw herself into the task, devoting all her energy to finding a group of girls with stories similar to ours. I had liked the idea of the club as a concept, but I never quite thought it was right. Still, that first semester, I had found strength and comfort in our numbers as we shared anecdotes. We had done nothing harmful. We’d only talked and felt sorry for each other.
But last semester, everything had changed. Jessica had decided that we were being too passive. She said that as we sat there, feeling sorry for ourselves, bastards like the ones we whined about all the time, prowled every corner of campus looking for helpless victims. Soon, with her energetic determination, she convinced everyone that we should quit acting like victims, and instead become avengers. After that, the idea of pulling Plays was born, and I found myself doing things I never wanted to do.
Now, I couldn’t help but contemplate whether the close camaraderie Jessica and I had shared in the beginning had been entirely due to our common brokenheartedness, and if there was nothing left to keep the friendship going now that we had gotten over Taylor and David.
Everyone mingled for the first fifteen minutes while I stood to the side next to a giant bowl, staining my fingers orange with cheese puff powder.
“Okay, girls,” Jessica announced, clapping her hands. “Enough chatting and eating.” She gave me a pointed look. “Let’s get started.”
After sitting, she pulled out her clipboard and placed it on her crossed legs. “I’m glad to announce that everyone has entered the Play pot. Even those who couldn’t be here today dropped their names into the hat. Officially, we have three thousand dollars up for grabs. Woohoo!”
Everyone echoed Jessica’s cheer.
“Let’s do updates now. I will get us started tonight. I began working on two Plays the first week of class. One is going extremely well.”
Jessica’s eyes flicked in my direction, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was referring to Sebastian.
“The other one, not so much,” she added.
Brandy spoke up. “I hope that’s not the one with the Latin hottie.”
“Unfortunately, it is.” Jessica pulled her hair out of a pony tail and fluffed it. “I pulled out all the stops. At first, I thought he was gay. I mean, the man had no interest in any of this.” She ran two hands down her torso, proudly brushing her boobs. “Then I realized what was happening.”
Jessica turned in her chair, angling her whole body in my direction. Twenty pairs of eyes turned to look at me. I shrank back involuntarily.
Jessica slipped her hair elastic around her wrist. “The thing is, Maddie caught his eye first, and the clever girl got ahead of me and stole my Play.”
“You slut!” Brandy called out laughing.
The girls laughed and cheered me.
“A Player among Players,” said someone else.
My head spun as I looked at all the grinning faces around me. I wanted to stand up and scream it wasn’t true, but I just sat there frozen, cringing at the cheers and words of encouragement. My stomach made itself into a knot. I wasn’t Playing Sebastian. I didn’t want to Play anybody. I was done with that. Jessica was wrong. They were all wrong.
“Let me tell you,” Jessica said in a confidential tone, “he’s a handful. Ooh, that man has been around the block plenty. I was starting to wonder if I should pull out of the Play when I realized Maddie was going for it. I think I would have eventually given up on the grounds of finding myself in over my head. He was certainly trying to Play me, but you can’t outsmart a G.A.P. girl. Not if we follow all the rules in our playbook.” Jessica turned a level gaze my way. “So, give us the juicy details,” she said. “Any advice we can give you? Or are you handling that bad boy well on your own?
“Um . . .” I considered saying that I had pulled out of the Play, but I wasn’t sure how much Jessica knew. Obviously, she had put two and two together that day she walked in on us. Then there was my suspicion that she’d rifled through my text messages. What else did she know? These campus walls had eyes and ears, and they all seemed to talk to Jessica.
Not wanting to embarrass myself in front of the whole group, I played along. “No, I think I’m doing well. He is a handful, but I can manage him.”
“You go, girl,” Brandy said.
“So how did your date go the other night?” Jessica asked.
I was—to say the least—shocked, even though I’d known it was a possibility Jessica might have heard something. I wondered how she’d found out.
“Uh, it went well. We had pizza and . . . talked.”
“Talked?” several girls asked in chorus.
“Yes, I’m . . . playing hard to get,” I said wincing.
“That’s always an excellent tactic,” Jessica said. “Thumbs up, girl.” Before turning to get updates from the other members, she gave me a false smile that seemed to simmer with contempt.
I groaned inwardly, knowing she and I had to have a conversation after this. And I wasn’t looking forward to it, to say the least.
Chapter 18
After the G.A
.P. meeting ended, I waited for Jessica to say goodbye to everyone. As I stood there, I couldn’t help but feel she was ignoring me, even though she knew I was waiting for her. As she started to leave with Brandy, I called out her name before she reached the door.
“Jessica, wait.”
She looked back over her shoulder.
“I’d like to talk to you,” I said.
“We’ll talk later. Brandy and I have something to do first.” She smiled, but the expression never reached her eyes. “See you at home.” And with that she left.
As I exited the conference room, the beat of Latin music from the next room over reached my ears. I sighed, turned in the opposite direction and left.
***
I waited up for Jessica until almost midnight, but she didn’t come home. Tuesday was a long day with classes and work, so I went to bed determined to have that conversation with her the next day whether she wanted it or not.
Arriving early to English class, I found a seat in the back row, the same place where Sebastian and I had sat last Thursday. When he entered the auditorium a few minutes later, his green eyes immediately found mine. He gave me a small wave and a smile and proceeded to sit in the front row.
Foolishly, a sense of betrayal washed over me. He was supposed to sit next to me. He had since the first day of class.
As the professor arrived and began to lecture, I stared at the back of Sebastian’s head, telling myself it was for the best. He would finally leave me alone, and I could go on without breaking my vow to not get involved with anybody before finishing college—or ever, if necessary.
The class seemed to go on forever, as I fought my urge to change seats and repeated the mantra that it was better this way.
In spite of all my efforts, I couldn’t help my mouth from going dry when class ended and Sebastian got up from his seat, stood there for a moment staring at the floor, then drew a deep breath and walked out without looking back my way.
I knew I was in trouble when for lunch I found myself at my favorite sushi bar, paying for two orders to go. It couldn’t be good if I needed food to comfort me.
***
After my shift at the hospital—sad to say, but restocking all the closets with clean sheets was one of the best assignments I’d had since the semester started—I went to visit Hunter. I knocked on his door.
A female voice called out, “Come in.”
Feeling I shouldn’t interrupt, I wanted to turn away, but leaving Hunter and whoever else was inside waiting for a visitor would have been rude, so I stepped inside.
“Maddie,” Hunter said, giving a little bounce on his bed.
“Hi, Hunter.” I turned to the dark-haired woman that sat next to his bed and greeted her, too.
She got up from the chair and extended a hand to me. “I’m Jill, Hunter’s mother. It’s very nice to meet you. Hunter talks about you all the time.”
I shook her hand. “Yeah, we’re buddies,” I said.
“I’m going home tomorrow,” Hunter said.
“You are?! That is awesome, Hunter!” I was delighted.
He frowned. “The only bad thing is,” his voice dropped to a whisper, “I won’t get to see you.” I had to strain to hear his words. He averted his eyes and looked shyly at his mother.
Jill smiled. “I think . . . I’ll go get a soda from the vending machine.” She left the room, closing the door behind her.
“Well,” I started, not sure of what to say.
“I won’t see Sebastian either,” he said, “So it’ll be hard to get better at the coin tricks. He brought me a book this morning.” Hunter picked up the book from his bedside table and showed it to me. The title read World’s Best Coin Tricks.
So Sebastian had been to see Hunter again, without ulterior motives. Something inside me seemed to crack at learning this.
“He said if I read it all and practice, I’ll be even better than him.”
“I’m sure that’s true.”
“I was hoping . . .” Hunter’s voice was little and bashful. He pulled out a square envelope from between the pages of the book and handed it to me.
I waited for him to finish his sentence, but when he didn’t, I tore the envelope open. It was a birthday card invitation.
“I’d love to come to your party, Hunter!” I exclaimed.
“Really? You don’t think it’s silly? I mean, you go to grown-up parties with music and stuff. It’ll just be a bunch of kids, drinking organic fruit punch and water.”
“I love fruit punch, especially organic,” I said, mock punching his shoulder.
“Sebastian promised he’d come, too. He said he’d wear his ‘Amazing Capello’ costume.”
“Amazing Capello costume? What is that?”
“That’s his stage name. He has a magician’s costume, too. He’s so cool!”
“Yes, he is.” He wasn’t bad at all. He was the kind of guy who kept his promises and did awesome things for sick kids. “Yes, he is.” I repeated, assaulted by a sudden need to see Sebastian.
After saying goodbye to Hunter, I went to the locker room and changed out of my scrubs in a hurry.
Lola watched me with interest as she took her things out of her locker. “What’s the hurry, girl? Is the building on fire?”
I barely stopped to shake my head.
“Alright, then it’s gotta be a booty call. I never get in such a hurry unless a booty call’s involved,” Lola said, chuckling to herself.
I deliberately slowed my pace. “No. Not a booty call,” I said, sounding uncertain.
Lola made a skeptical sound in the back of her throat. “Mm-hmm, sure.”
I wanted to call Sebastian, but not for that reason. I just wanted to see him.
After bidding Lola goodnight, I rushed out of the hospital, typing on my phone.
Me: “Where are you?”
Five seconds later. Sebastian: “Rooftop.”
I went straight from work to the Social Science Tower. I told myself I was making a huge mistake, and I felt so wound up inside it was hard to even breathe. It all felt so complicated.
Me, fighting my body.
Sebastian, keeping a promise that felt stale and wrong.
Jessica, making me feel guilty for something I wasn’t doing.
I just wanted everything to be simple. How could all this be less complicated than just accepting how I felt, than just letting things evolve naturally, instead of trying to compartmentalize everything in neat little categories?
Keeping my heart safe was starting to feel more labor intensive than picking up the broken pieces had been. And what if . . . what if my heart was safe with Sebastian? Wouldn’t it be easier to just let it happen? Wasn’t fighting what I felt twice as hard?
When I got to the Social Science Tower, I found a rock holding the front door open. I hurried inside, punched the elevator button and waited, shaking my leg impatiently. After arriving at the top floor, I practically ran down the hall, then threw open the metal door.
Sebastian stood by the retaining wall, facing away from me, hands stuffed in his back pockets. When he heard the door open, he turned around and smiled an arresting smile.
“Hi,” he said.
I dropped my messenger bag on the graveled roof and strode in his direction. He looked at me doubtfully, unsure of my intentions. I came to an abrupt stop right in front of him and looked into his green eyes, trying to find a hint of danger and deception. All I saw was concern.
“Is everything okay?” he asked in a worried tone.
“Yeah.” I dipped my chin once.
“Good, I thought maybe something happened.”
“Something did happen.” I was beyond caring about my high school promises, beyond worrying about broken hearts that might never come.
“What happened, Madison?” He reached out a hand but froze in midair.
I took a deep breath and told myself to be honest with him. “I don’t want you to keep your promise.”
A slow smile crept up Se
bastian’s lips. “You don’t?”
I put a hand on his chest and slowly brought it up to his neck. His skin was warm and a vein pulsed under my fingers. “No, I don’t. I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Sebastian’s beautiful eyes shone with something that looked like happiness. He put a hand on my elbow and traced my upper arm and shoulder up to my neck.
“Maybe I should tell you . . .” He started, but then shook his head as if changing his mind about something.
“What?” I worried for a moment. He had lost his smile.
“Um . . . that I . . . didn’t really believe I could keep that promise.” He forced the smile back and lowered his eyes, looking shy.
He was adorable.
“May I kiss you?” I asked, remembering his good manners when he asked me why I wouldn’t go out with him. I put my thumb on his chin, then traced the line of his jaw. He shivered.
“No girl has ever asked my permission before,” he said, wetting his lips, an amused smile tipping his lips.
“And are you going to keep me waiting for an answer?” I teased.
Sebastian shook his head. “Of course not!”
“So?” I asked. “May I?”
“You may,” he said with a shy smile that was more adorable than any of his crooked half-smiles.
I pushed up on my tiptoes and wrapped my hands around his neck. He seized my waist and crushed me against him. Our lips met and fell into the now-familiar rhythm they had invented together. His hands moved restlessly down my back, then up to tangle themselves in my hair, as if they wanted to be everywhere.
Raking my fingers in his soft hair, I deepened my kiss, slipping my tongue inside and grazing the roof of his mouth. A low rumble sounded in the back of his throat. Repeating my name over and over, he pushed my back against the metal door through which I had exited. His body was hard along the length of mine, and it felt delicious.
The Guys Are Props Club Page 11