Needing Me, Wanting You

by C. M. Stunich

  “Darren – ” Tease starts to talk and then stops abruptly. “Tax,” she corrects herself. “Is hardly ever at the clubhouse except for church and a get-together once a month.” She stops talking and takes a deep breath, her eyes going blank for a moment, like she's not sure if she's even supposed to be saying this. Tease blinks her eyes to clear them. “I wouldn't worry about getting stuck there. Eventually, you'll just be praying for a couple nights in a row.”

  “That right?” Austin asks, giving her a strange look and then lifting his eyes to mine. I raise my brows and then shrug. We've been bachelors forever together, hunting girls down with Kimmi while Gaine tagged along in the background, pretending he didn't give a fuck about Mireya. And in the span of what, a friggin' month, we're dropping like flies? Shoot, son.

  “If the girl says so, it must be God's honest truth.” I grin. “My momma taught me that. A real man never questions a lady.” I tip a pretend hat to my friends. “Now if you'll excuse us, we got burgers to grab.”

  Tease

  Chapter 23

  The meeting is set. Monday. I don't know that I've ever looked forward to a date with such trepidation. And that girl, Margot … I want to call my brother and beg for her life. She just looked so … trapped. I can relate to that. I know he won't be wickedly cruel, but I doubt he'll spare her life either. The whole thing is just sad. I think of Oren and glance over at Beck, at his hands, those fingers carved with the word Hopeless, and I imagine him thrusting a knife into Oren's body.

  “I want to forgive you, you know,” I tell Beck as we start down a trail that begins near the back doors of the hotel. Behind the building, there's a whole sweep of wild forest with dirt trails winding through it. I found the advertisement for it in the box at the front counter. It seemed as good as anything for what I'm starting to feel like is a first date. A first date with someone I already had sex with. Multiple times.

  “Yeah?” Beck asks, not bothering to ask what about. He knows. I know he knows. I sigh and twist my fingers together, trying to find the right words. Swept away, kidnapped, burned. My time with Beck has been a whirlwind of activity and probably the wildest couple of days in my entire life.

  “For Oren, for the others. But I can't. Only the club can forgive you, and they won't. For a long time, if ever.” Beck is nodding, glancing up at the trees and the speckled spots of sunshine.

  “That's alright, Emilie. I get it. I understand you got your loyalties, same way I got mine.” He looks over at me and winks. I smile back. “So don't worry about that. I'm just glad you're still talkin' to me.” He reaches up and laces his fingers together behind his head. “And I'm sorry to lay all that heavy shit on ya, but I wanted you to know.” I don't ask him why. I can't know that. I can't hear him say something I'm only thinking in the back of my head. Could we work together? Even though we just met? Even though I'm eighteen and he's thirty? That he's from Triple M and I'm from Seventy-seven Brothers?

  “Thanks for the hamburger,” I tell him, garnering another laugh. The sound is muffled in the trees, but pleasant. It's nice out here, peaceful. “And tell Gaine thanks for the … badger story.” Beck full on chortles at that one, pausing to bend over and put his hands on his knees. “Way too much information, but it was interesting. I'm still having trouble figuring out how the badger got into the gym in the first place.”

  “Stick around awhile and he's sure to tell it again. You'll get the full story eventually.”

  “I don't know that I want the full story,” I say as Beck stands up and we continue our walk. The urge to reach over and grab his hand is overwhelming. I feel like a teenager again. What thirty year old biker wants to walk around a forest holding hands? “And thanks for coming on this walk with me. I can't imagine it's something you do often.”

  “Shit, sugar lips, this is the best day I've had in years. And not just because of the sex.” He raises his brows at me, and I meet his gaze, remembering the feel of his lips down there. It truly makes me question why I waited so long to try oral sex out. Given, I doubt either of my previous boyfriends could've won me over like Beck. He went down on me like he kisses – hot, searing, stabbing straight into my soul. They might've just drooled all over down there and scarred me for life. I shiver. “And you're right. I don't do shit like this often. Hell, I don't do shit like this ever. I drink, party, and screw around. I beat the crap out of people and I ride my bike. That's about it. I ain't all that interesting.” I bite my tongue to stop myself from blurting out: you're interesting to me.

  “Neither am I. The hardest part of my day is choosing which set of heels to wear or what shade of lipstick to apply. I hang out at the clubhouse on Tax's good graces, just waiting for somebody to snatch me up as their old lady.” I breathe in, out. I can feel Beck's gaze burning into the back of my neck as I stare down at the purple heels, so out of place against the dirt trail. “Even though I don't want any of them to. I feel like I'm on borrowed time, that someday soon, Tax will just give me away.”

  “So why stay?” Beck asks, and I cringe because that's a loaded question that I don't even know how to answer. I love my brother. I love my club. I belong. It sounds so hollow in my head that I don't bother to say it aloud.

  “My sister didn't,” I tell him instead, looking up and finding myself at a crossroads. How fucking poetic. I glance down one side and find a couple making out on a rock. Nobody from the club, just some teenagers, probably around my age. I wonder how they ended up here together, what their parents think of their relationship, if they even care. Beck decides on our path for us and starts down the right fork. “As soon as she could, she left the club, my brother, and me behind. Since I turned eighteen, she's been coming around, trying to convince me to leave, but I don't know. I don't think I'm cut out for the real world.”

  “Doesn't get any realer than this,” Beck says with a whistle and another grin. “You can cut it here, you can cut it anywhere. But I get where you're coming from. That's why I'm trying so hard to preserve Triple M. This is where I'm meant to be. Second I met the folks in the club, I knew.” We walk for a little while in silence before he adds, “We're here for the folks too fucked up for society, too fragile for anywhere else on earth. Guess you could just say we serve a niche market.” I smile, too widely maybe. Whether he knows it or not, he's really, really tempting me. Traitor.

  “Motorcycles, madness, money. I like the whole Triple M thing. I guess you know where our club got its name? That my brother always rides out with seventy-seven men?”

  “I've heard the rumors,” Beck says, green eyes catching the light and shimmering. “But I didn't believe it until I saw it. Impressive set-up your brother's got going there. I'll give him that.”

  “He's driven, that's for sure. He knows what he wants, and he works hard to spread his beliefs.” I sigh. “Should the Need Arise. He put that on the back of the club's jackets after my father passed away, and he was voted in. Darren … ” Damn it. “Tax believes in family first. Respect second. Dignity, honesty, and pride. If he thinks those things are missing somewhere, that's where he goes. Where the need is. I guess he was trying to teach you all a lesson.” I hang my head, but Beck mistakes it for shame, touching my chin and raising my face to his. I can't take my eyes off his lips, standing there on the path like I've been rooted in place.

  “You're a good woman, Tease. And you come from a good family, I see that. But you're you. Not your brother, not your club. They're your family, but they can't define who you are or control you, not if you don't want them to. The best way for us to connect with the folks in our lives is to find ourselves first.” And then he leans over and kisses me, tongue sliding between my lips, hand curling around my waist. We stand there, just kissing for several moments, the sunshine dappling our faces, before we hear laughter.

  I pull away suddenly and find the two teenagers from earlier moving down the path away from us. I smile.

  “You've got to stop doing that or … ”

  “Or you'll fuck me again?”
I glance up sharply at his face, at the laugh lines near his eyes, his red hair. “Then I guess I better keep going.” Beck pulls me closer again and leans his face down, breathing hot breath across my cheeks.

  “This is getting risky, Beck. We haven't used a condom even once.” He pauses.

  “I'm clean. Don't tell me a girl as tight as you isn't?” He tries to make it a joke, but it isn't, not really. I let him touch my neck with his fingers, back me up against a tree. Crap, Tease! Not again.

  “I'm sore, Beck,” I groan as he kisses my neck and lifts my left thigh up with one hand, spreading me open against him. Even through our jeans, I can feel the bulge in his pants. “I could get pregnant.” This gives him a moment of pause at least.

  “You're not on birth control?” he asks, sounding like maybe this is the first time he's thought to wonder about this. I touch my hands to his chest, press my palms against his solidness, his strength. I love that about him, love the idea that he could protect me no matter what, fight for me. If he wanted to, that is. But I like the fantasy of it regardless. “Well, sugar, you should've said something.” He reaches down with his right hand and unzips his pants, exposing his cock right there in the middle of the trail. If those teenagers come back, they're going to get an eyeful. “But I still don't regret it. If anything happens, you just tell me what you want me to do. Whether you're here or back at your clubhouse, you call me.” I don't tell him that Darren would never allow that. If I did get pregnant, the baby would be raised in the club, just like I was. Beck would never know.

  “What if I can't?” I ask him as he pushes my pants down my hips and uses his boot to drag them to the forest floor. It's an effective way of getting the jeans off quick. Beck releases my thigh and sets my foot on the ground, bending down and pulling off my borrowed heels, chucking them to the side before he stands up and puts his hands on either side of my face. I stand there, my bottom half buck naked, pressed against the rough bark of the tree. Surreptitiously, I use my right foot to pull my left leg completely out of the jeans.

  “Then stay,” Beck says, sending chills down my spine. “If you're worried, stay. I mean, it's a long shot, but if you like Triple M then give it a chance.” He touches his hand to my cheek and leans in, kissing the side of my mouth.

  “Are you saying that in case I am pregnant?” I ask. I feel like I need clarification. Right now. It's stupid, but I want to hear him say he likes me, that he wants me to stay. Maybe it's because I'm eighteen and inexperienced or maybe it's just because I have that desperate need to belong. “I doubt I am, but … I don't want you to feel obligated on the off chance that it happens.” Beck presses something into my hand – a condom. I squeeze it tight and then end up opening my fingers and letting it fall to the forest floor. “Because the club would take care of me. Nobody else has to.”

  “Nobody else has to, but if someone wanted to?” I reach down and grab Beck's cock as his hand lifts my thigh again, guiding him to my opening with a sigh of relief. Even though I'm sore, I want it. I need it.

  “Who?” I ask, but Beck doesn't answer, thrusting into me with a grunt, grinding my bare ass against the tree. My question hangs in the air, just half a phrase, an idea. Who would want to? I do. That's the real answer. I want to take care of myself. I just need to figure out the best way to do that. Traitor.

  “I won't lie to you, Tease. The risk turns me on.” Beck growls into my ear, pushing inside of me again and again, letting his grunts ring out alongside my moans. If anyone else had the bright idea to take a walk today, I'm sure we've just ruined their afternoon. Beck doesn't bother to kiss me this time, so I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face against his chest, letting him fuck me as hard and fast as he wants to. I nip at his skin, sliding my teeth across his flesh as my mind roils and I wonder what the fuck I'm doing here. Why I'm waiting until Monday to see my brother. I'm not a captive anymore, not really. I could've asked to go back sooner. And Beck would've let me. So why. Why. Why. Why am I staying, and why does he want me to stay?

  “Me, too,” I whisper back, raising my chin and looking straight into his eyes, getting lost in green as my face flushes and my nipples harden. I don't want to get pregnant, and I'm pretty doubtful that I will, but it really makes me think about my life and how I want to live it. When I imagine raising a baby in the club, I feel sick. “Me, too, Beck.”

  “I'm goin' to come inside of you, baby. Shoot my seed straight up into your womb.” I groan as Beck's hand grabs my ass and pulls me closer. He nips my lip and breathes his beautiful Southern drawl against my mouth. “I'm gonna fuck you so hard, you end up with twins.”

  “Do it,” I whimper at him, melting again, turning into a boneless puddle of flesh and pleasure. Beck is like a drug, and I'm thoroughly addicted. “Do it. Do it now.” He grunts again, a deep animalistic sound of pure male pleasure tearing from his throat. I let my eyes flutter closed and give into the addiction.

  Tease

  Chapter 24

  I'm sitting at the bar, real late, drinking a beer with Austin, Gaine, and Kimmi. Mireya's at the pool with Christy and Amy, but not because anyone told her, too. She went willingly. This is a big fucking step for that woman. I don't think in all the time I've known her that she's ever had a single female friend.

  “Hey Austin,” I ask nonchalantly, spinning my bottle in a circle on the bar top. “What would you do if you got Amy pregnant?”

  “The fuck?” Austin says, getting way too friggin' excited for his own good. I give him a look and a raised brow. “Why on God's green earth would you ask me that?”

  “Real question here is, what are you so afraid of?” Gaine asks him, steerin' the conversation in a completely different direction than I'd intended. I try not to groan, and sit back with my drink, exchanging a look with Kimmi.

  “I ain't afraid of shit,” Austin says, sitting back down and glaring at me like this is all my friggin' fault. He pauses and his nostrils flare. “Not a damn thing.”

  “Not even the idea of settling down into a clubhouse?” Kimmi prods, leaning forward and putting her elbow on the bar. “Because as soon as I came back to you with a perfectly affordable and available option, you flipped out.”

  “You mean, I told you to get lost because my pants were halfway down my hips and I was this close to bangin' Miss Amy. Next time you knock on my door and tell me it's an emergency, there better damn well be one.” Kimmi grins, but she doesn't apologize. Meanwhile, I'm fuckin' sitting here thinking about Tease and trying to decide what I should do, if I should just come right out and say it to her face. I want you to stay. I down the last of my beer and set the bottle on the counter, running my hands down my face. This is gettin' complicated up in here. The more I think about sending her back to Seventy-seven Brothers and imagine her becoming somebody's ol' lady, the more I flip the fuck out. And now I find out she ain't on birth control? Shoot.

  “I'm goin' upstairs. If you need me, I'll be balls deep in a sexy little redhead.” I salute my friends and move away from the bar before I can see them exchanging glances. I know what they think. They think Beck Evans has lost his damn mind. I'm almost inclined to agree with them.

  I head up to our room and open the door to find Tease sitting up in bed, hands around her knees. The digital clock on the nightstand says it's later than a whore's bedtime. We got a day left. One day. I feel sick to my damn stomach.

  She turns to me with a smile and adjusts herself, scooting closer to the edge of the bed. We been fuckin' like rabbits the last few days, but I don't think she's comfortable actually sleeping with me. I wonder if that would change if I just spoke the words aloud, told her the crazy ass thoughts in my head. I don't want her to go – for her sake as well as mine. She loves her club. That much is obvious. But she doesn't like it there, doesn't fit in. It's weird, but somehow, I feel she fits with me.

  “I was watching some old western movies,” she says, gesturing at the black and white screen. “Blood on the Moon is almost over. They're about to start a Lo
nesome Dove marathon.” I grin.

  “A woman after my own heart. You're telling me you really like to watch these damn things?”

  “Who doesn't?” she asks, giving me a wink. It ain't often I'm on the receiving end, and I like it. Turns me on. Not that that's surprising. Nobody ever needs to ask Beck Evans if there's a damn banana in his pocket; he's always happy to see 'em. Tease turns back to the screen and sighs, letting her breath out in a slow, controlled motion. I move closer to the bed and pause, looking down at her bare shoulders, the perfect smoothness of her skin. “I'm sorry about earlier,” she says, and it takes me a second to figure out what she's talking about. “I shouldn't have brought up the pregnancy thing. I'm not trying to scare you or pressure you into anything. I'm going home on Monday no matter what. There's nothing to worry about.”

  I sit down hard on the edge of the bed and grab the remote from her, turning off the TV and trying to figure out what to say. I ain't all that good with words.

  “The only thing I'm worried about is you. I been lost before, sugar. I know what it's like to be found.” She stares at me as I lick my lips and try to figure out if I'm man enough to admit my feelings. This girl is from a rival club, and I don't know how the other Triple M'ers would take it. Still, when I asked her to stay, I meant it. She'd like it here; I'm sure of it. There'd be a price to pay, though. There always is. Melissa. If Tease doesn't go back to her brother, I don't know how I'll get my friend back. I hesitate and the moment passes.

  It don't feel good to be stuck between a rock and a hard place.

  “I'm gonna grab a real quick shower if you don't mind,” I tell Tease and she nods, smiling at me as I stand up and move away. It's hard enough for me to make it to the damn bathroom without looking back, and I can't help but wonder if I got the fuckin' strength to watch her walk away forever.