You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone

by Gary Morecambe

However, I digress. Let’s get back to Aldenham and education. A recent survey shows that out of 974 school teachers in this country, 201 proved conclusively that they were!

  I remember my wife saying—we were talking that day—she said what a marvellous job teachers do—and I agree, because the human

  brain is a most wonderful piece of mechanism. It starts functioning the moment you wake up in the morning, and doesn’t stop until you get to the office. I feel that teachers, and in particular headmasters, have a tremendous responsibility. My old headmaster, when I left school, said to me—‘Bartholomew, I’m sorry to see you go. You’ve been like a son to me: Insolent, surly and unappreciative.’

  But when I was at school we didn’t have the facilities of today. Just take the Aldenham school library alone. My son brings home some fantastic books. I’ve read some and they’ve taught me a thing or to.

  There was this one book—I forget the title but it was a sad story. It was about this young girl of twenty-five who was going to do away with herself as she was working in this brothel for ten years before she found out all the other girls were getting paid.

  Oh yes, I’ve learned a lot from Aldenham library.

  Of course, we try to keep up the good work when my son comes home at weekends. He sometimes brings home a couple of friends for Sunday lunch. Well, it’s not really a meal, it’s more a commando raid with knives and forks. They clear all the food off the table then they start looking at each other hungrily…

  Eric’s Rough Notes for Luton Town FC Civic Hall Reception

  Acknowledgements

  A book of this nature is always dependent on the generous cooperation of others. My profound thanks, therefore, to all my father’s peers from Lancashire who so kindly allowed me to impose during my research into his early years.

  Also, my thanks to those of stage, screen and television who, likewise, squeezed me into their hectic schedules to make enlightening observations for this book. I can honestly say that all those who have contributed have given me a fuller picture of my own father, for the first time in my life.

  Thanks to Natalie and Daniel and all at HarperCollins for their continued support and friendship; and to my literary agent Jennifer Luithlen for advising me so wisely over countless years. And to Suzanne Westrip at Billy Marsh Associates, who does such a remarkable job representing the estates of Morecambe and Wise.

  Finally, thanks to my friends and family, who no doubt regard my obsession with M&W as…well—an obsession! Yet still they stick by me!

  Absolutely finally, to Eric and Ernie themselves, who brought us the sunshine in which I’ve occasionally been able to bathe. And my thanks to my sister, Gail, for coming up with Eric’s own words for the title of this book.

  ERIC: You had a phone call while you were out. Alfred someone!

  ERNIE: [Excited] HITCHCOCK!

  ERIC: He might have, I didn’t ask…

  There’s no answer to that…!

  Sources

  Bring Me Sunshine, Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise (Futura, 1979)

  Funny Man, Gary Morecambe (Methuen, 1982)

  Funny Way to be a Hero, John Fisher (Paladin, 1976)

  Hello, I Must Be Going: Groucho and His Friends, Charlotte Chandler (Robson, 1979)

  Morecambe and Wife, Joan Morecambe (Pelham, 1985)

  Parkinson, Michael Parkinson (Elm Tree Books, 1975)

  Still On My Way to Hollywood, Ernie Wise (Duckworth, 1990)

  The Media Mob, Barry Fantoni and George Melly (Collins, 1980)

  Internet: www.ericandern.co.uk

  Index

  The pagination of this electronic edition does not match the edition from which it was created. To locate a specific passage, please use the search feature of your e-book reader.

  Copyright

  HarperCollinsPublishers 77-85

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  First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2009

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  © Gary Morecambe 2009

  Gary Morecambe asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

  A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  EPub Edition © SEPTEMBER 2009 ISBN: 978-0-007-34367-6

  While every effort has been made to trace the owners of copyright material reproduced herein, the publishers would like to apologise for any omissions and will be pleased to incorporate missing acknowledgements in any future editions.

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