To Have and To Hold

by Ruth Ann Nordin

sense to her, but as it was, she had no idea why making clothes would be something she’d

  wish to hide. Her mother’s words were far worse.

  With a frustrated sigh, Dave added, “I’m your husband. When people hurt you, they hurt me.

  We’re in this together, Mary. I want to know what she said.”

  “But I don’t want you to argue with her. We only have to be here for two weeks, and then we’l

  go back and never return again.”

  He waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. “I wish I knew what was in those letters she

  wrote you because I might have an idea of what happened in the kitchen just now.”

  She was certain there was no connection between the letters and her mother finding her on the

  porch kissing Dave. Whatever her mother wrote had to be different, but she didn’t feel like

  saying that in case he kept pressing her on the matter. As it was, she detected that he was

  backing off from the situation and that’s what she wanted most.

  He released her arm and shook his head. “It must be real y bad if you won’t say anything.

  Alright. I can’t force you to say it.”

  Biting her lower lip, she wondered if he was disappointed in her. He stood up and headed for

  the door. She thought he might say something before he left, but he didn’t. He softly opened

  the door and shut it, leaving her alone in the room. And for some reason, his silence bothered

  her more than anything he might have said.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Dave had a mind to walk right into the dining room and confront his mother-in-law. He didn’t

  take kindly to anyone upsetting his wife, regardless of their relationship with her. As he neared

  the bottom of the steps, he heard Mary’s mother say something to Grace, and from the sound

  of the woman’s carefree tone, one would never know she just said something to make her

  youngest daughter cry.

  He clenched the banister and tried to decide what the best course of action was. From what

  his father-in-law told him, Mary and her mother got along because they had to, or rather, Mary

  got along with her mother because she had to. Her mother had been used to getting Mary to

  do whatever she wanted. As long as Mary complied, her mother was happy and life was

  easier for Mary.

  Grace replied to her mother’s comment, and her mother offered a polite chuckle. Dave gritted

  his teeth. How could her mother act as if nothing was wrong? It was enough to make him

  want to go right up to her and tel her exactly what he thought of her. The only thing stopping

  him was the horrified look on Mary’s face. She’d be upset if he confronted her mother, and the

  last thing she needed was someone else causing her grief, so he did the only thing he could

  safely do: he left the house.

  As he headed down the porch steps, he saw one of Mary’s twin sisters heading up the

  sidewalk in his direction. She held a couple of neatly folded bed sheets in her arms and didn’t

  look his way until he made it to the bottom step.

  She stopped when she saw him and smiled. “Good morning. I’m Katie. Most people don’t

  know if I’m Katie or Leah until I tel them. Anyway, w e didn’t get a chance to know you yet.

  Hopeful y, that wil change over the two weeks you’re here.”

  At the moment, he didn’t care to know the people in Mary’s family, maybe except for Grace

  and Calvin since Mary’s father said they had always been nice to Mary. It seemed as if no one

  else cared enough to bother with her or they wanted to see what they could get out of her. No

  wonder Mary let people take advantage of her when she moved to Nebraska. She didn’t know

  any better.

  Katie looked at him expectantly, so he figured he’d better say something before he headed off

  for a walk through the town. “There’s plenty of time.” When he talked Mary into staying for two

  weeks instead of one, it seemed like it was a short length of time, especial y since it’d be his

  only chance to know her family and for her to see them again. But now, it seemed like it was

  never going to end. “I’m sure we’l get a chance to talk later.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Katie said before he could step around her. “You’l be meeting al of Mary’s

  brothers and sisters, and we’re a large group. Did she tel you how many of us there are?”

  Not seeing her point, he shrugged. “Sure, eleven. Mary’s the twelfth.”

  “So you can imagine how busy it is when everyone gets together.”

  “Alright.”

  “You’re not a talker, are you?”

  “Wel , to be honest, I’m going for a walk through town.”

  “Where’s Mary?” she asked, moving the bed sheets from one arm to another. “Doesn’t she

  want to show you through town?”

  He didn’t know why she felt it was any of her business, but he shrugged and said, “I don’t mind

  doing it myself.”

  “It wouldn’t be right for a stranger to have to show himself around town. If you want, I can

  show you where everything is.”

  “It’s not a big town. Besides, I saw most of it yesterday.” Why was he explaining this to her?

  She didn’t need to know what he was doing or why. “Thank you, but I’l be fine.”

  Before she could say anything else, he walked by her and headed for the street, glad for the

  moment he had to be alone to think.

  ***

  Mary wondered if she should find Dave. She didn’t like knowing she displeased him, but could

  she real y bring herself to tel him the hurtful things her mother said? Maybe she didn’t have to

  tel him exactly what she said. She could tel him her mother didn’t approve of what they were

  doing on the porch and leave it at that. It might be enough to satisfy him.

  Wiping the remaining tears from her eyes, she stood up and smoothed her dress. Breakfast

  would be over, and even if her stomach was growling, she’d wait until lunch before eating

  anything. She had to go to the dining room and eat with the family at some point. She couldn’t

  stay in her bedroom until it was time to go home.

  From downstairs, she could hear Grace talking. Good. At least her sister would be there to

  help ease the tension. Taking a deep breath, Mary opened the bedroom door and peered

  down the empty hal way. She wondered if she should check on her father. Would her mother

  criticize her for not waiting until he asked to see her? Her hand clenched around the doorknob

  of her bedroom door as she shut it. Perhaps it’d be better if she waited for her mother to tel

  her she could see him.

  She headed for the stairs, noting her slowing steps. Her heart beat faster than usual, and her

  stomach tightened in protest. That wasn’t a surprise as much as the realization that she’d often

  felt this way when she lived here. So this was nothing new. She just wondered how she

  handled it back then.

  Without any idea of how to best proceed, she trudged down the steps, surprised when she

  heard the sound of someone else talking in the house. It was another one of her sisters. She

  recognized the voice from yesterday, so it had to be either Katie or Leah. She wasn’t

  particularly looking forward to seeing either one, but at least Grace was there, and for sure, it

  was better than being alone with her mother. She thought she’d stil do wel to try to smooth

  things over with her mother, but now wasn’t the time.

  As she neared the bo
ttom of the steps, she saw Grace, her other sister, and her mother talking

  in the parlor. They seemed to be having a pleasant discussion. That would put her mother in a

  good mood. At least, from the smile on her mother’s face, Mary assumed she was happy.

  Forcing her steps forward, Mary walked into the parlor.

  Grace and her other sister looked in her direction, but her mother seemed interested in

  inspecting the bed sheets on her lap. Alright, so things with her mother would be awkward

  even if others were around. She scanned the room and final y decided the chair by the window

  —the one furthest from her mother—would be the best place to sit.

  “Are you wel -rested?” Grace asked from where she sat, which was across from her.

  “Yes, I am, thank you,” Mary replied as she sat down, grateful for the breeze that wafted into

  the room. It was stil cool yet, but the way her other sister examined her made her break into a

  sweat so the breeze provided a much needed reprieve.

  “We missed you at breakfast,” Grace said. “You must be hungry. Would you like something to

  eat? I could get something.”

  Shifting in the chair, Mary shook her head. “No, thank you. I’l wait until lunch.”

  From beside her, her other sister gave a slight chuckle under her breath, and Mary wondered

  why her waiting until lunch to eat should be so amusing.

  “I saw Dave as he went out for a walk,” her sister—either Katie or Leah—said.

  “Oh.” Was that where he went? She thought he might be sitting on the porch and would come

  into the house when he wasn’t upset anymore.

  “Yes, he said he wanted to see the town.”

  Mary nodded, not sure what the woman wanted her to say since she stared at her with raised

  eyebrows. Clearing her throat, Mary ventured for a simple, “He’s not used to sitting inside the

  house, Leah.”

  “I’m not Leah. I’m Katie.”

  Surprised since Katie hadn’t bothered to speak to her directly yesterday, she offered an

  apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, Katie. I can’t tel you and Leah apart.” Except for who’d spoken to

  her and who hadn’t. Why was Katie even talking to her today instead of using Grace or their

  mother to speak to her?

  Katie laughed, but it struck Mary as more of a cackling sound than a pleasant one. “It’s an

  easy mistake. I’m sure if you remembered us, you’d know how to tel the difference between

  me and Leah.”

  “Probably.”

  “Wel , I don’t blame Dave for taking a walk,” Grace spoke up. “It’s a lovely day, and it’s not too

  hot. I almost envy him. Calvin took the children to visit Thomas and El ington at the mercantile.

  They’re our brothers who own the store. I should have gone with them, especial y since I could

  pick up some items.”

  “Nonsense,” Katie replied with a wave of her hand. “I can go. I have nothing else to do since

  my husband took my son fishing.” Turning to Mary, she added, “They go fishing often.”

  “That’s nice.” Mary wondered why she was being friendly to her al of the sudden. If first

  impressions were to be believed, then she was assured Katie didn’t care much for her. She

  glanced at Grace whose eyebrows furrowed, but Grace didn’t say anything or make eye

  contact with her so Mary had no idea what to make from Katie’s sudden kindness.

  “What do you need from the store, Mother?” Katie asked.

  Mary dared a peak in her mother’s direction and didn’t know if she was relieved or disappointed

  when her mother didn’t bother glancing her way. “I’l make a list.”

  Her mother stood up and headed out of the parlor, stil not giving Mary any indication that she

  saw her. Mary looked out the window in case her sisters detected the tears wel ing up in her

  eyes. She didn’t like feeling as if she were a wayward child. She understood this was how she

  often felt in this house, and as much as it hurt, the resentment at being treated in such a way

  was growing stronger than the humiliation of displeasing her mother.

  “I should go with her,” Katie said and got to her feet. “She’l forget something.”

  After she left, Grace eased out of her chair and walked over to Mary. Leaning forward so no

  one would overhear, she whispered, “What’s wrong? Did you and Dave have a fight?”

  The concern in Grace’s voice broke Mary’s resolve. She covered her face in her hands, hoping

  she didn’t cry loud enough for Katie or her mother to hear.

  “Maybe we should go upstairs,” Grace softly said, wrapping her arm around Mary’s shoulders

  and helping her up.

  “No, I don’t want to go back up there,” Mary quietly argued, wiping her tears away. “I won’t be

  sent to my room like a misbehaving child.”

  Her jaw dropped. “Mary, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. You haven’t done anything

  wrong. I just thought you’d like some privacy.”

  She studied her sister’s face and decided Grace meant it. “Forgive me, Grace. I shouldn’t

  have said that to you.”

  “It’s alright.” Grace glanced around the house and motioned to the door. “Let’s go outside. We

  can take that path we used to walk when we were children.”

  “Is it away from town?” Even if she wanted to see Dave, she was afraid he wouldn’t be happy

  with her right now so she thought it best to delay the moment.

  “Yes.”

  Mary agreed. After Grace grabbed their bonnets, they put them on and hurried out the front

  door before Katie or their mother saw them. As soon as they were down the porch steps, they

  veered away from the businesses and headed for the wooded area. It was strange to look

  around and not see hil s in the distance like she was used to seeing in Nebraska. They walked

  in silence as they made their way past the last house in the town limits.

  The trees marking the wooded area seemed familiar to Mary. “I think I recognize this place.”

  “You do?”

  “Wel , not directly, but I get a feeling of peace with it.”

  “We had many walks through here, and sometimes it was because we were upset. I believe

  you soothed me more often than I soothed you, though.”

  “Why, Grace? What happened to upset us?”

  Clasping her hands behind her back, she shrugged. “It’s hard to remember since it was years

  ago, but they were minor things. I had a tendency to overreact. Like the time when I tripped

  and showed my ankle to the boys at school. I should have realized it was an accident and

  everyone understood that, but I was horrified al the same. If it’d been winter, I would have had

  boots on and it would have been far less embarrassing. Or there was the time when I forgot to

  do my homework and had to sit in the corner of the schoolhouse. You were always there for

  me. No matter what happened, I knew I could talk to you.”

  Mary smiled. “We were close, weren’t we?”

  “Yes. Then I married Calvin and had to move to New Jersey where he got a better paying job.

  It was hard to leave because I knew we wouldn’t see each other anymore, except for funerals

  and weddings.” When her eyes met Mary’s, there were tears in her eyes. “I stil miss you.”

  “I have a feeling I miss you, too.”

  With a nod, Grace continued, “I’m glad you went to Nebraska. You’re happier there, and Dave

  loves you. Someone would have to be blind not to see it.”<
br />
  Recal ing how upset Dave was with her before he left, she sighed. “I don’t like it when I make

  him unhappy.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Her cheeks warmed at the reminder of her mother’s words. “There’s not much to say, real y.

  Our mother—” she shrugged—“didn’t like seeing Dave and I on the porch, together.” Exhaling,

  she added, “We were sharing a kiss.”

  “Oh, Mother wouldn’t like that.”

  That seemed to be an understatement. Their mother was adamantly opposed to it.

  “Mary, I know you forgot what it was like here before, but it’s best if you don’t show any

  affection with Dave while you’re here.”

  “Yes, I know that now.”

  “Is that why you didn’t want breakfast? Did Mother say something to you?”

  Looking away from Grace as they traveled the path lined with trees and flowers, she nodded.

  “I wouldn’t tel Dave, so he’s upset.” She cleared her throat. “I didn’t remember that Mother

  doesn’t approve of such things, and we were alone on the porch so I didn’t think anything of it.

  Besides, we often do that at home.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with being affectionate with your husband, Mary. Calvin and I are more

  affectionate than you’d think by watching us here. We just know Mother wouldn’t approve if we

  were that way in front of her so we don’t.”

  That made Mary feel better. So maybe it wasn’t her that their mother was upset with. Maybe

  it was seeing her kiss Dave. If their mother would have been equal y upset with Grace or any

  of their sisters, then it was the action that bothered her mother, not her.

  “I’m sure once you explain the situation to Dave, he’l understand why you didn’t want to talk to

  him,” Grace said as they rounded a bend in the path.

  “Probably.” But there was no way she could tel him how her mother compared her to a

  prostitute.

  “You didn’t eat any breakfast. Do you want to get something to eat at the restaurant? I know

  Mrs. Jones would love to see you again. You used to work for her, and you liked her a lot.”

  “I am hungry.”

  “I’l take that as a yes. This path circles most of the town, so we’re not too far from the

  restaurant.”

  “Grace, how long wil it take for Mother to forgive me?”