Charmed Life

by Druga, Jacqueline

  +++

  Freddy puckered his lips, and ran his hand over his jaw with a perplexed expression. “Lesbian, you say?”

  “Lesbian,” Grace said, her arm shooting out to the side.

  “Our Louise?”

  “Yep.” Grace nodded. “Told me today. Well, she told Chip after she thought Chip wanted sexual favors in the back room.”

  “Off of Louise?”

  “So she thought.”

  “I don’t think Chip has sex.”

  Grace shrugged, her arm shot out to the side.

  “Wow, Louise is a lesbian. This shocks me. I didn’t think there was such a thing as old Lesbians. Especially ones that old.”

  “Why?” Grace laughed.

  “I don’t know. Maybe too much ingestion of Estrogen causes early death.” Freddy shuddered. “Dear Goodness, if the skin hangs off her face like it does can you imagine what her…”

  “No, stop. Bad visual.” Grace shuddered and bodily tripped to the left. She regained her footing. “But the lesbian thing is not the worst of the secrets I found about our Louise.”

  “Tell, do tell.”

  “She …” Grace sailed sideways again, stumbled and stood up straight. “She told me…”

  “Stop.”

  “What?”

  “Give me that.” Freddy undid the Velcro wristband from Grace’s hand. “We’ll settle this while we talk.” He took the leash, walked to the pillar in the center of his section, and secured Larson there. “Stay.”

  Larson ran outward to Freddy, only made it so far, and proceeded to run in place with his hands in the air.

  “Continue,” Freddy said.

  “Thanks, Freddy. Wow my arm is really sore.” She shook her arm.

  “You have to take control of him, not he of you,” Freddy said. “Obviously this is an ongoing problem with Larson if his mother dropped off a leash. I wonder why she left him alone at the Gazebo.”

  “Maybe he only wanders in Bargain-Mart.” Grace shrugged. “So check this out. Louise was in prison for fifty-three years.”

  “Yikes!” Freddy peeped. “Wait. No.”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s my life expectancy.”

  “Yes.”

  “For what?” He asked.

  “Murder.”

  Freddy gasped.

  “Double murder.”

  He gasped again.

  “Premeditated double murder.”

  “And they let her out?” Freddy asked. “Oh, no wonder she frightens you. I’d be fearful for my life.”

  “Tell me about it. She has those eyes, I know she’s plotting my death.”

  “Probably, princess, probably.” Freddy sighed out.. “Oh, look, there’s Bobby’s father.”

  Grace looked over her shoulder.

  Clyde walked into the store. He wore a tan, waist length jacket, with his hands in his pockets. He stopped and looked at Larson, who still ran.

  “Who tied that boy to the pole?” Clyde asked.

  Freddy raised his and. “That would be me. I had to. He’s supposed to be attached to Grace, but the poor thing needed a break before her arm suffered cartilage damage.”

  “Oh.” Clyde nodded.

  “Welcome to Freddy’s Fashion Frenzy, Mr. Dawson. How can I help you dress today?”

  “Actually, I came to see her.” He pointed to Grace.

  “Her?” Freddy asked.

  “Me?” Grace questioned.

  “Yes,” Clyde answered.

  “Really?” Freddy asked.

  “Yes,” Clyde repeated.

  “Ok, it’s your fashion funeral.”

  After a crinkled brow look to Freddy, Clyde turned his attention to Grace. “I was talking to Polly. My wife.”

  “Nice woman,” Grace said.

  “Yeah, so anyway,” Clyde continued. “She sent me out here. Wants to invite you to supper tonight. Fish and macaroni and Cheese. Friday dinner. No pork. Unless of course you don’t go out on Friday.”

  “No, I do,” Grace said. “That’s really nice of you to invite me over.”

  “Yep.” Clyde nodded. “Polly thought you can use some friendly atmosphere especially after passing out drunk on your first date with my son and joy riding with marathon man over there.” Clyde pointed to Larson. “So what do you say? Seven?”

  “Seven, yes, thank you.”

  “Make a left at the store go four blocks down. 1445,” Clyde said. “We’ll expect you. And we won’t serve bread. If we do, it’ll be that flat bread. No yeast. Don’t want any bad episodes at the house.”

  “No episodes, thank you,” Grace said.

  Another nod, Clyde stepped away. He paused before Larson, and looked back. “These leash things. They legal?”

  Freddy answered. “They’re called Child Close. Perfectly legal, non abusive, of course liberal’s debate that and if they were illegal we wouldn’t carry them.”

  “Bargain-Mart carries them?” Clyde asked.

  “Yes, sir,” Freddy answered. “And Larson’s mom personally brought that to us, so we’re not hurting Larson.”

  “I don’t give a shit about him,” Clyde said. “Just tell me where in this store you sell them.”

  “Children accessories,” Freddy answered with hesitation.

  Clyde lifted a thanking and waving hand and walked away … in the direction of children’s accessories.

  “Princess,” Freddy said. “I wonder why he needs … oh!” he gasped out. “Oh!”

  “What?”

  “Oh.”

  “What!” Grace yelled.

  Freddy snapped his finger over and over, as if trying to get out the word. “He’s getting it for you.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.” Freddy nodded. “He said it. No episodes. He’s getting one in case you freak out.”

  “Shit.”

  “Don’t worry, just don’t eat bread.” Freddy tapped her on the shoulder. “OK. Worry.”

  “Why?”

  “She’s done training the greeting position.” Freddy pointed.

  “Damn it.” Grace shook her head and turned around. “Hey, Louise.”

  “See you’re taking good care of Larson,” she said with sarcasm.

  “He was pulling me,” Grace replied.

  “You’ll get used to it.”

  “How was training for greeting?”

  Louise put her hands on her hips. “How the hell do you think it went? Good fucking God it was a greeter position. Now, let’s go see how you did on….” Louise stopped, looked up, and then did something she rarely did. Smiled.

  With a ‘huh’, Grace looked at Freddy.

  Bright and cheerful, Louise called out. “Muffin!”

  Freddy tilted his head. “Is she calling me muffin or you muffin.”

  Louise snapped a glare at him. “I’d never call either of you tarts, Muffin. Her.”

  Freddy spun. Immediately, his eyes fluttered and he blinked a million times at lightening speed. “Muffin?”

  A huge woman, tall and masculine approached. Short spiky hair, no make up, the only thing that made her distinguishable to Freddy as a woman were her breasts, Even then it was confusing with the thin mustache.

  “Lulu, I missed you.” She embraced and hugged Louise. “Had to stop and see you.”

  Freddy questioned again. “Muffin?”

  “Problem?” she asked Freddy.

  “No, not at all,” Freddy replied. “Just trying to figure out if Muffin is short for something or was your mother just hungry when she named you.”

  The woman rolled her eyes. “My name is Tina. Learn it.”

  Freddy asked, “By any chance did you two met in the joint?”

  Louise twitched her head. “That’s the queer I was telling you about.”

  Tina nodded and looked at Grace. “And is that the chick that’s been giving you a hard time.”

  “Yep, that’s her,” Louise said.

  Tina stepped to Grace. “You bullying my woman?”

 
Grace’s eyes widened. “What? No. I don’t bully her. She bullies me.”

  Freddy cringed. “Wrong answer.”

  “You saying she’s a liar?” Tina blasted.

  “Um…”

  Tina stepped closer to Grace.

  The height difference, weigh difference. Freddy feared … then suddenly, it rushed through him. He heard the song, “Holding out for a Hero’ in his head, and a jolt went thought his body.

  What was it?

  Courage?

  Yes.

  Suddenly, Freddy felt like Superman only in a more flattering outfit. With one full motion, he stepped before Grace and held up his hand to Tina. “Look, toots, don’t come into this department and harass my friend. Keep it up and you and I might have to step outside after my shift.”

  “I’d flatten you,” she said.

  “Probably. But I stand a better chance than she does. Now, shoo.” Freddy waved her away. “Go on … with your… bad self.”

  Tina huffed and pivoted to Louise. “Come baby, take your break.”

  “Yeah, I can use one.”

  Holding hands, they walked off.

  Freddy huddled to Grace. “They have sex.” He grunted out a verbal shudder, and then faced Grace. “You OK?”

  “A little shaken.”

  “I would be too.”

  “Thank you for stepping in,” Grace said. “That was brave.”

  “Princess, I don’t know what came over me. I saw you in danger and I didn’t think about myself.”

  “I know. I was so proud.”

  “Must be the Right Guard,” Freddy said, then exhaled. “Well, at least she’s gone. You get another break from Louise, and can work in peace for a spell.”

  “True,” Grace said. “Fuck.”

  “What?’

  Grace pointed. “Larson’s gone.”

  +++

  They found him out on the highway. Thank God a trucker saw him, noticed the uniform, and returned Larson to Bargain-Mart.

  Larson’s mother wasn’t a bit happy. Especially since she invested in the Child Close latching system so he wouldn’t wander off.

  “There’s nothing we can do,” Chip said to Grace. “I mean, there isn’t a policy about losing another store employee.”

  “I didn’t mean to lose him. He set himself free. He’s not dumb you know.”

  Chip only looked at her.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “He was supposed to be attached to you. You said you can handle him.”

  “I did. I was wrong. It won’t happen again,” Grace held up his hand.

  “Grace,” Chip sighed out. “I hate doing this to you.”

  “You’re firing me?”

  “No. No-no.” Chip shook his head. “I’m afraid I’m gonna have to put you elsewhere in the store.”

  “But I like being a floor walker,” Grace said. “I’m learning where everything is.”

  “I know. I know. But Larson’s mom is threatening to go to the state. We work with the State with Larson. She said if we don’t keep you away from her son, she will file a complaint with the state mental retardation unit. I mean you can understand her reaction. First the joy riding, prison, now this.”

  Grace nodded.

  “I know Larson is the only friend you have here besides Freddy, and you have a kinship with him. But it has to be done.”

  “I understand.”

  “Ok, I’m gonna let you go a bit early. I know Freddy isn’t done, but go sit in the break room or walk the garden center. That running the wrong way down the highway looking for him must have worn you out.”

  “It did.” Grace stood up.

  “Grace, it’ll get better.” Chip smiled.

  “Thanks, Chip.”

  Better. Grace could only hope. Actually, she was pretty positive things would get better, because there was no way in hell they could get worse.

  +++

  Polly whizzed around the kitchen. Rushing from sink to table to stove, she checked her watched intermittently while cooking.

  The back door opened and Bobby walked in.

  “It’s about time.” she said. “You’re late.”

  “I know. The second coat of blue at the Hollworth’s didn’t turn out. I had to redo.”

  “Well, hurry and get cleaned up. But before you do, can you grab me the bag of salad from the fridge.”

  Bobby walked to the fridge, opened it and grabbed the salad. “Why am I hurrying and getting cleaned up?”

  “We have company coming for dinner,” Polly said.

  Bobby walked to the stove and opened it. “Fish sticks and Kraft Macaroni and cheese. Bag of salad. Must not be very important company.”

  “You have a problem with it?”

  Bobby shrugged. “No. But if you’re trying to impress someone, it’s not the way to do it.”

  “Well, I worked all day. Sorry.”

  “Then why’d did you invite company.”

  “She needed a change of pace.”

  “She?” Bobby asked. “Who is coming to dinner?”

  “Grace.”

  “Grace?” Bobby barked in shock. “You invited Grace for dinner?”

  “Yes, I did.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Polly shrugged. “Got busy.”

  “Mom …”

  “Robert, get cleaned up. Now, please.”

  “Ok, wait, stop,” Bobby said. “Why did you invite her?”

  “I thought you liked her.”

  “I do. I was even gonna ask her to go get a drink tonight.”

  “Hopefully not beer.”

  “Mom.”

  “Well … she started it. And you were gonna ask her to go out tonight, when?”

  “Tonight.”

  “Can’t get anywhere asking women out at the last minute.”

  Bobby sighed. “I know. But I am not ready for her to meet the girls yet. Not yet.”

  “Why?”

  “You know why.”

  “Here’s my theory,” Polly said. “Might as well get the kid thing out of the way. That way, if you like her, and it works out with the girls, then you’re good. If you wait until you are too involved, then things can get sticky.”

  Bobby nodded. “True.”

  “Get cleaned up.”

  “Doing it now.” Bobby started to leave, but stopped. “It’s quiet. Where are they?”

  “Oh, they’re playing with Clyde. He bought a new toy at Bargain-Mart today and tweaked it. Whatever that means. Hell, haven’t heard a peep in an hour.”

  “Wonder if we can keep them busy with it during dinner.”

  “They’re your offspring. Not their fault their mother was the spawn of Satan and now they’re the demon seeds.”

  “Mom, they aren’t that bad.”

  Polly only looked up from the salad.

  “Ok, they’re that bad.” Bobby sighed as he left. “And I was really starting to like her.”

  “There’s possibilities with Grace and the girls.”

  “You think?”

  “Oh, sure,” Polly said. “Anyone who thinks Larson can drive and gets in a car with him lives dangerously. If she can live that dangerously, she can handle your girls.”

  Bobby held up crossed fingers and left the room.

  +++

  Freddy was scared.

  What was it about the summer storms in Lodi? The wind blew, thunder blasted and lightening crashed, but the rain didn’t fall.

  He had visions of tornados ripping through the small town, lifting his trailer home and twirling it out of control like a bad scene from the Wizard of Oz.

  He was scared.

  And it wasn’t any movie that caused Freddy’s fright. It was Grace’s novel. He read the first ten pages and shuddered in fear.

  Not because the scenes were scary. They weren’t.

  Perhaps the eighteen year old Jewish prostitute was a bit frightening, or rather the sex act she performed with Gabriel in the first chapter.

 
The words on the pages didn’t frighten him as much as the ramification of Grace’s implications.

  Surely, God wasn’t happy.

  Then again, maybe he was. Maybe God gave her the talent to tell the story.

  No, he was pissed. Freddy knew it,and felt it. He vowed he was going to go out and buy a few crucifixes and Christian music just to protect her.

  The second they left the trailer to walk to Polly and Clyde’s lightening flashed.

  Freddy, fearful that God was going to aim and shoot his rods at them, darted back to the house and grabbed the car keys.

  They planned and time it perfectly with a walk, so they had to wait. Freddy said being punctual was best, never early to a dinner party, the host may still be preparing.

  “And you’re sure they said I may attend?” Freddy asked.

  “Positive, I asked. And you made that wonderful Cobbler and picked up wine.”

  “The man at the wine store didn’t know what went with Mac and Cheese. So I guessed.”

  “I’m sure it’s fine,” Grace said.

  “You don’t think I’m over dressed do you?” Freddy asked. “I wasn’t certain the attire.”

  “You’re great.”

  “After meeting that Clyde fellow, I debated on wearing flannel, Right Guard and splashing myself with Brute. But … I would be falsifying my persona and that’s not what I want to portray. I want to make a good impression on them.”

  “You’ll make me look good.”

  “Hopefully they haven’t heard about the incident today,” Freddy said.

  Grace shook her head. “I know.”

  “Although I was happy I got those few digital shots of you running down the highway.”

  “Thanks.”

  “We’ll share them with your grandkids, should you ever have them,” Freddy said.

  “You know, I’m not allowed to hang out with Larson anymore.”

  “And this surprises you?”

  “A little yeah. We get along. A part of me thinks he understands me.”

  “It’s Larson.”

  “I know. But …”

  “No, buts babe,” Freddy said. “It’s Larson; this attitude is exactly why you got arrested. You see him differently. You don’t see who he is or how limited he is.”

  “Is it so wrong to see a potential in him?”

  “Potential for what?” Freddy asked. “To stop eating air fresheners.”