He let his fingers drift across her shoulder and into her hair so he could massage the back of her head and neck where she would feel the most discomfort. She leaned into his touch and made a little moaning sound that hit him right in the balls. More of his waning self-control slipped. It took effort, but he dropped his hand and stepped back. “Good, that’s good.”
“Anything you want to tell me, brother?” Brent said.
He had a stupid look on his face, one Lazarus had never seen on the other male before, and didn’t much like. Lazarus glared at him. “Yes. In future, keep your thoughts R13.”
Brent shrugged. “Impossible.”
“She’s telepathic.”
The guy didn’t look worried in the slightest. In fact, he looked amused. He turned to Eve. “I apologize if I embarrassed you, Eve, but you really are an attractive female.”
Lazarus growled through clenched teeth. “In future, don’t think about her.”
“I’ll do my best, but I’m not blind.”
“Then don’t look at her, or I’ll make it so you don’t have a choice.”
Laughter lit his eyes. “For fuck’s sake, if you have your way I’ll be in a wheelchair with glass eyeballs.”
“And no fucking hands,” Lazarus added.
Brent laughed harder.
“Not another damn word,” he gritted out.
“It’s okay,” Eve said beside him. “I’m all right now you’re back. Anyway, I’m used to it…well, I thought I was.” She looked confused, her cheeks flushed.
“Just take us to the room, you sick shit.”
Two apartments were located upstairs: one Brent’s, the other kept empty for the knights if they should need it.
Brent took them up, and once inside, Lazarus carried Eve’s bag into the bedroom. Eve’s quiet laughter drifted in from the living room.
When he walked back in, he raised an eyebrow at Brent who was grinning as well. “What are you talking about?” He didn’t like that the other male had caused her happiness when he had only caused her pain.
“I didn’t say a word.” His friend smirked, and Lazarus realized as soon as he’d left the room Eve had again read Brent’s thoughts.
“What the hell were you thinking about?” he demanded.
“A few images of you I thought Eve might find entertaining.” Brent shook his head. “Man, the seventies really weren’t kind to anyone, were they? Orange bell-bottoms, Laz, really?”
“I never wore orange bell-bottoms, dipshit.”
“No, but I have an excellent imagination.”
Lazarus shook his head at the guy’s warped sense of humor. “Leave.”
Brent ignored his rudeness. “It was nice to meet you, Eve. Call down to the bar if you need anything.” Then he left them very much alone.
“This is nice,” Eve said after a few minutes of silence looking around the small apartment.
“It’s okay.”
“Is it all right if I grab a shower?”
“Of course. Everything you need should be in the bathroom.” An image flashed through his mind of her naked, water sluicing over her pale skin, hands moving over her voluptuous body, nipples dark and peaked and begging for his mouth.
She didn’t move right away, but stood there watching him, waiting for something, something he couldn’t give her. Her color was high and she bit her lower lip. “Well, okay. I’ll just…” She motioned to the bathroom.
He gave her a sharp nod then watched her walk away.
He didn’t go in after her, and it almost killed him. If he was honest, his fear of this growing hold she had over him was the only thing keeping him from joining her in the shower and fucking her hard against the cool tile. But after the way he’d reacted downstairs, he didn’t trust himself to have her again without forcing a mating.
His stomach churned. Did she believe he was capable of tender feelings, of love?
Why hadn’t he told her the truth?
Maybe because I selfishly want her even though I can never love her.
He didn’t want to see that trusting look on her face turn to betrayal, the heat in her eyes turn to dread. He shook off the thought and sat his ass on the couch.
He was incapable of giving her what she deserved, what he’d seen between Meredith and Kryos, and—before everything went to hell—Tobias and Scarlet. Love wasn’t something he could offer. Not anymore.
The door opened and he couldn’t stop himself from looking at her when she walked out. She wore a pair of red boxers with little white hearts all over them and a white tank top. The outfit should have been innocent enough, but on Eve it was the opposite. The top clung to her out-of-control curves and he could see her beaded nipples through the thin fabric. His mouth went dry.
“I’m going to head to bed,” she said.
When she walked through the living room, Lazarus stood. He felt like a puppet and Eve controlled the strings. Without thought or control over his actions, he stepped forward, blocking her path.
“Is everything all right?” She lifted her arm and cradled it to her chest.
Shit. What was he doing?
Her bandage stood out against all that smooth, creamy skin. “I, ah, I need to take a look at your arm.”
“It’s fine, really.”
“Bathroom, Eve.” He didn’t really need to look at it now, though, did he?
She swallowed hard. “It’s not sore. I can check it in the morning.”
Her resistance just made him more determined. He couldn’t be in the same room as her, but he also didn’t want her hiding from him. Where Eve was concerned, he was a mass of contradicting thoughts and feelings. Completely fucked in the head over her. “Go to the bathroom, Eve,” he heard himself say.
Her shoulders stiffened, but she turned and walked toward the tiny room.
He followed and tried to ignore the sway of her heart-shaped ass the whole damn way.
She turned to face him and he gripped her hips, lifting her up and sitting her on the bathroom counter. She squeaked in surprise, and he tried to ignore the soft heat of her curves against his palms. After gathering supplies from the cabinet, he removed her bandage and began cleaning her injury with methodical efficiency. All the while trying not to take in her scent and the subtle way her breath hitched when he touched her skin. Taking her wrist, he inspected her wounds. Warmth radiated from her body as he leaned in to get a better look. Her breath coasted across his neck and goose bumps broke out across his skin.
“It’s healing well.”
“That’s good,” she said in a hushed tone that only made it worse.
He quickly redressed it. “There, all done. We can change them again tomorrow.” How the hell would he get through this again tomorrow? Stepping back, he inspected the new bandage.
Her gaze darkened.
Nostrils flaring, he drew in a deep breath. God, he could smell how turned on she was.
She confirmed it when her skin flushed pink. Her cheeks, her chest, the tops of her breasts.
So fucking beautiful.
It took everything he had, but instead of moving back in and taking what he wanted, he started for the door. Her body soothed him, tamed his demon, but he couldn’t take her just because his dick was hard, just because he wanted her. That wasn’t what this was, not now. It never was.
He had to stay focused, he needed to maintain an emotional and physical distance for both their sakes. “I’ll let you get to bed.”
“Good night,” she called after him.
He paused at the door, struggling, desperate to go back to her.
She made the decision for him when she climbed off the counter and slipped passed him.
He tracked her across the room, unable to look away, until she shut the door, closing herself in the bedroom.
Chapter 16
Music drifted up from the clubs and bars as the city moved at a rapid pace below. Lazarus looked down from the top of the building he stood on, the wind ruffling his hair, coasting across his
fevered skin. It did little to cool his blood. Shit, he was on fire, burning from the inside out, and had been since he laid eyes on Eve.
He needed it to stop.
An image of Scarlet invaded his mind, a memory that succeeded in shooting ice through his veins and putting another crack though his heart.
“What did you get her?” Tobias asked Lazarus five seconds after walking into his apartment.
“A gun.”
Tobias grunted and looked down at the jewel-handled blade in his hand. “Well, I’m giving mine to her first.”
Lazarus shook his head and scowled at his brother. It was Scarlet’s twentieth birthday and there was no way Tobias was going to give his baby girl a present first. The guy had been acting weird lately, overprotective of her, especially since they’d started taking her along to retrievals. They all loved her, but T’s behavior seemed extreme.
“What the fuck is up with you?” Lazarus said, starting to get pissed off.
Tobias rubbed the back of his neck and actually winced. “Okay, so there’s something I need to talk to you about.” The guy stalled out, looking fidgety as hell.
Lazarus straightened. “What?”
Scarlet walked in, a small smile on her lips. “I guess I’ll tell you, since Tobias is obviously going to chicken out.”
Both Tobias and Lazarus turned to her, and he noted Tobias looked shocked.
“Tobias is my mate,” she said, stopping beside the male.
Lazarus went rigid and Tobias stared down at her with his mouth hanging open. “You know?” he said to her.
She smiled up at T, beautiful and open. “Yeah, of course. I’ve felt something…I don’t know…a connection between us since Laz brought me home. It’s changed, though, grown stronger the last few months. It’s become something different…um…more.” She blushed. “Was that the same for you?”
Tobias made a choking, growling sound and nodded.
She chuckled at the male’s continued slack-jawed expression. “So are you gonna kiss me now or what?”
“Like hell,” Lazarus barked out.
Tobias touched Scarlet’s face, with an expression on his own that Laz had never seen before. Awe. There was no other way to describe it. “Yeah, I’m gonna kiss you, sweetheart, a lot,” he said. “But first I have to let Laz kick my ass. It’s only right.”
Scarlet nodded sagely, her lips kicking up in a grin. “Agreed.” She motioned to the door. “I’ll be down in my room when you’re done.”
Tobias sucked in a sharp breath, eyes darkening, and Lazarus took advantage of his momentary distraction and tackled him. Yeah, he knew this was out of the male’s control, but it didn’t change the fact that his friend was about to mate a female he considered his daughter, and Lazarus was going to kick the fucker’s ass before he worked at accepting it.
“I’ll be down shortly,” Tobias called back, then grunted when Laz punched him in the gut.
“Don’t damage any of the important parts!” Scarlet called as she walked out the door.
Tobias groaned. “You’re totally gonna go for the important parts now, aren’t you?”
“Fuck yes,” Laz said.
They’d made their peace and Tobias had made Scarlet his mate. The knight had loved and cherished her, protected and respected her, had been the kind of male any father would wish for his child.
Pain sliced through him. And then Lazarus had destroyed them both.
He sure as fuck didn’t deserve that kind of happiness for himself.
Lazarus felt the angel’s presence at his back before the guy made his arrival known.
“You called?” Silas drawled.
Arrogant asshole.
“Ouch,” he said, amusement in his deep voice.
Lazarus turned to face him. “Get the fuck out of my head, angel.”
Silas stared at him, silver eyes missing nothing, head tilted to the side. Under the moon his hair looked like strands of spun gold, the black streaks through it such a contrast it was hard to look at. “You have so much anger and pain, Lazarus. Getting in your head isn’t exactly a barrel of laughs for me either.”
He looked at the angel who’d trained him many lifetimes ago, the male who had branded him as one of Heaven’s warriors, and shook his head. “Then stay the fuck out.”
He ran a hand through that unusual hair. “I don’t like being taken by surprise, Laz. You know that.”
He wore his usual uniform—black jeans and tee. The battle scenes tattooed on his arms in black ink were on full display. His gold wings shifted then settled again, arching high over his shoulders. When they were still they looked like they were made of sold gold, like he carried the intense weight of them on his back.
Lazarus held his gaze. “Since you know why I called you here, let’s not waste any more time.” When Silas said nothing, he knew there was something the fucker was hiding, something Lazarus wasn’t going to like. “What is she?” The wind whipped away his words, but the angel heard him. He heard every fucking thing. “Tell me,” he roared. Because he knew Eve was no ordinary demi, not after the way his brothers had reacted to her.
“She has the mark,” Silas said.
Lazarus clenched his fists. He fucking knew what the guy was going to say, but goddammit, he’d hoped he was wrong. “What mark?”
Sympathy lit the angel’s eerie silver eyes. “She has the Beast’s mark. She’s a descendant of Lucifer’s handmaidens.” Silas took a step closer to him. “Lazarus, she’s a hell’s gate.”
Lazarus strode away as fear and anger pumped hotly through his veins. Lucifer’s handmaids had served only him. Whatever he wanted, they got, which meant they had the ability to move between realms at will. Eve being a descendant, having the mark, meant she also carried the ability to open a gate.
Making her Diemos’s number one target.
Fuck.
The demon needed her. When Lucifer left and took his handmaids with him, he’d trapped the other male in Hell.
If Diemos left during the equinox, before he had an army here on Earth, and 24/7 access to the hell’s gate, he risked being locked out and losing the throne he’d worked so hard to take.
He wanted control over the portal above all else.
Lazarus shoved his hands through his hair. He wanted to plow his fist into the angel’s face, but it was pointless. Silas would see it coming. “That’s why she collapsed back at the compound? The equinox affected her as well?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he rasped.
“She’s safe,” Silas said. “The amulet, it has the power to mask what she is, block it.”
Lazarus turned to him. “It can protect her if she remains unmated?”
Silas shook his head. “I didn’t make the amulet for that purpose.”
“You didn’t answer my question, angel.”
Silas sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Yes. Theoretically, it could protect her throughout her mortal life. Render the gate undetectable by demons…until the time of her death.”
A wave of grief washed over him so powerful he barely managed to hold his ground and not stagger back. Without mating, her life would be longer than a mortal, but it would end.
But then a full mortal life, one full of love and laughter, would be better than an eternity tied to him.
Lazarus fought to control his conflicting emotions. “The amulet, it would protect her, though? She’d be safe?”
Silas’s square jaw clenched. “Yes, as long as she keeps it on.”
How could he even contemplate this now? Now he knew what she was and what she could unwittingly unleash onto the world. Still, he had to ask. “I’m not certain,” he started carefully, “but the way things are progressing, I don’t think it will be necessary for us to mate.” The roughness of his voice was humiliating. He hated showing weakness, especially in front of this male.
“You can’t hide from me,” Silas said softly.
“No shit,” he muttered.
/>
“Are you sure about this, Laz?”
“No.” What was the point of lying? He’d see right through his bullshit.
“I guess the decision is yours. If you can dispatch Tobias before you’re taken by your demon, you may have a chance.” He shrugged. “If you’re successful, and you then choose not to take Eve as your mate, you’ll return to the way you were prior to Tobias’s betrayal.”
His gut clenched. No Eve. The idea wasn’t as appealing as it would have been a short time ago.
“And Eve?”
“The amulet will keep her safe, and once she is trained and released, she can carry on with her life the way she sees fit.”
“Right.”
“But your connection to her would still be there. You’d feel her. But harder still, you’d have to allow that connection to strengthen. You’d have to embrace it to make sure she was safe, to ensure she never removed the amulet. Lazarus, you’d know when she was happy and when she wasn’t. Could you live with that every day? Feeling her living her life, living it with her in that way? Maybe even knowing she was with someone else…someone that wasn’t you?”
His demon, who was usually subdued around Silas, shrieked, the sound vibrating through his skull. Its claws pushed at the tips of his fingers, trying to break free. Lazarus sucked in a rough breath fighting to control his own emotions. He hated the idea as much as his demon, but it would be for the best for Eve. His suffering didn’t matter as long as she was happy.
And safe, away from him.
“I would think long and hard before you choose this route,” Silas said. “Mating with you is the only way to destroy the gate she carries permanently. Also, there’s only one amulet in existence, and Eve will have it.” He shrugged his wide shoulders again. “Who knows what trials you and your brothers will face in the future?”
His eyes glittered through the darkness. Yeah, the angel knew. He knew exactly what trials they would face.
Fuck.
“Then tell me, what should I do, Silas?” He hated the desperation in his voice, but fucking hell, he was desperate.
Silas shook his head, his wings extending, ruffling in the breeze. “It is not for me to say.”
Knight's Redemption (Knights of Hell Book 1) Page 15