Knight's Redemption (Knights of Hell Book 1)

by Sherilee Gray

  She could barely believe the horror of what he was telling her. But she knew looking into his eyes that it was all true.

  “The heavens couldn’t allow such atrocities to occur, so six angels chose to fall for the good of mankind.”

  Eve rubbed her temples, a slow throb building behind her eyes. “Why did they need to fall?”

  “To breed with the very demons they despised, to create a race of warriors. The knights of Hell, they called us. The angels had tried and failed to track the demi-demons on their own, to control the demon hordes escaping hell. But with the addition of demon DNA it would be possible. They had to prevent the demon offspring from being used as weapons. They couldn’t allow such evil to corrupt the Earth. Balance must always be maintained.”

  “And you’re one of the knights?”

  He dipped his chin. “I have no idea which fallen birthed me; none of us do. We weren’t raised like human children, Eve. We were raised to be warriors, weapons in the war between Heaven and Hell.”

  What he described turned her stomach, made her ache for the little boy he had once been. Yes, she’d suffered repeated rejection by her extended family, but she’d also had many years of nurturing by her mother and father, of feeling loved.

  “What happened to disturb the balance?” He kept using that word. It wasn’t hard to figure out something had tipped the scale.

  “Tobias, one of our bothers, surrendered to his demon after the death of his mate. He chose a life without the memory of her love.” He swallowed hard. “Because living without her was just too painful.”

  She wrapped her arms around herself when a cold, hollow feeling settled in the center of her chest. “How he must have suffered to make such a choice. He’s the one you’ve been searching for?”

  “Yes. And because he surrendered to his demon willingly, the possession was gradual. They became one, which enables him to maintain a measure of control, unlike the rest of us. Now he answers to Diemos.”

  He stood, his back to her. “You see, all knights are connected, a bond that was formed when we were born. It’s an added safeguard created by the angels to keep us tied together so we won’t be tempted to abandon our purpose, a bond so strong it can only be broken by death. While Tobias lives, he can send his toxic poison to us through that bond. We’re absorbing his dark, demonic nature, which is throwing off that delicate balance.” He turned to face her. “He’s taking the rest of us with him.”

  The horror of his words and the cold way he spoke them caused her to flinch. “Lazarus, I’m so sorry—”

  “No.” His deep voice cut her off, startling her. A muscle in his jaw jumped. “Don’t be sorry for me.”

  Anguish transformed his gaze. And whatever had caused the pain and self-loathing she saw there had left a mark on his soul and caused a torment so deep she could see the invisible wound bleeding from his chest. She tamped down the urge to go to him, to comfort him. At that moment he wouldn’t welcome it. “What happens now?”

  “The angels have taken his actions as a declaration of war. He chose his side, and it wasn’t ours. Now you understand the urgency, the reason I need to find Tobias.”

  She stood and took a step toward him. When he didn’t retreat, she moved in close enough to rest a hand on his biceps. The muscle flexed under her palm, hard as stone. “I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

  “You will?” he choked.

  “Yes.” If being with him helped save him and his brothers, of course she’d help. How could she not?

  “I hate that you have to do this. I hate that you are in danger because of me. But, Eve, I’m also thankful. You don’t know how many people you’re saving by allowing me to”—he sucked in a sharp breath—“by giving yourself to me in that way.” His throat worked several times before he carried on. “Sex seems to provide enough of a calming effect on me that…” He ran a hand over his head before he glanced back up at her. “There shouldn’t be any need for us to mate fully. I felt it when we were in the storeroom at the airport. And just touching me seems to help a little.”

  It took effort, but she managed to school her features. Dammit, why did it hurt so much? His words confirmed what she’d already guessed. The idea of being tied to her for the rest of his life was not a welcome prospect. Lazarus would use her body, and when he no longer needed her, he would leave.

  She should be used to this by now. Really, she should be as pleased as he obviously was. Even though she knew this was how it must be, it stung. She had grown to care far more than she should for the dangerous warrior.

  Realization struck, and her mouth went dry. “That’s why you’re keeping me close?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “My main priority has always been keeping you safe.”

  “You sure about that? Or was it so I could help you control your demon, so you could track Tobias?”

  His lips compressed into a thin line. “I had no idea you’d have that effect on me. I promise you that.”

  The man in front of her was going through hell, doing what he had to for a greater good. But hanging on for dear life while he dragged her through the fiery aftermath wasn’t much fun either. Neither was having your life ripped out from under you and treated as nothing more than a means to an end.

  The way he was looking at her, she knew that wasn’t it, though. There was more. “What aren’t you telling me?”

  He closed the distance between them and his hand went to her hip, finger sliding into the elastic of her shorts, tugging down the side a little.

  Eve looked down, confused as he ran his fingers over the crimson birthmark she had there. Her heart rate had picked up speed when she looked back at him.

  “This”—another brush of his finger over the mark—“is called the Beast’s touch.” Eve’s whole body jerked and she tried to pull away. Lazarus wouldn’t let her, his big hand gripping her hip, holding her there. “As far as we know, only demi who carry this mark can do what you can.”

  She clenched her fists so tight her knuckles ached. “And what’s that?”

  “You can open the gates of Hell.”

  Oh God, she felt sick. She tried to pull away again, but Lazarus wouldn’t let her retreat. “How?” she whispered.

  “When Lucifer still ruled Hell—”

  “He doesn’t rule Hell anymore?”

  Lazarus’s brows lowered. “He was overthrown by Diemos and cast out. No one knows where he is, if he’s even still alive.”

  Eve’s head started to pound. “And what does that have to do with me?”

  “He had a group of warriors, demons, he called his handmaidens. They were loyal to only him, guarded him, took care of him, and they also had the ability to open and close the gates of Hell.” He gave her hip a squeeze. “You are a descendant of one of his handmaids, and as a result, you have inherited the same ability. You’re a hell’s gate, Eve.”

  She started to shake. “I’m a what?”

  “Demons can only cross from the Hell to Earth four times a year—during the summer and winter solstice, and the spring and autumn equinox. That’s when the barrier between realms is at its thinnest.”

  She wanted to block her ears, didn’t want to believe what she was hearing.

  “And if Diemos captured you—”

  “Diemos?”

  “He controls Hell now, and his main goal is to take Earth as well, to rule it. Because of his limited access to Earth, Diemos can only send a small number of his soldiers through at a time. He doesn’t like that. The gate opens, he sends demons through, the gate closes, and we get time to whittle down the army he’s trying to build. It’s a never-ending cycle, and the only way to gain unlimited access is to possess a hell’s gate demi. With you, he could activate the hell’s gate at will.”

  Eve was suddenly struggling to breathe.

  He started rubbing her back. “Eve?” He cursed. “Calm down. I need you to calm down.”

  She shook her head and pushed at his arms with more force. He let her go this ti
me, let her stumble back several steps. “Calm down? Are you serious?”

  Lazarus stayed where he was as she paced around.

  “Eve…”

  She shook her head, trying to take it in. All of it. Her stomach roiled. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

  “Eve, look at me.”

  She forced herself to look up, to meet his green gaze.

  “I won’t let that happen. Do you hear me? Now we have you, they can’t use you. No one can get to you here. And while you’re wearing the amulet, they can’t track you either. Your power to activate the gate won’t work.”

  “Is there a way to get this…this gate out of me, to stop it?” She wanted to claw at her skin, tear it out of her body.

  His jaw clenched again. “Mating will render the power useless.” He pointed to the heavy gold necklace she wore. “But it’s not necessary. As long as you wear that, you’ll be safe.”

  She squeezed her eyes closed. God, what she wouldn’t give to be in her little bookstore right in that moment, back to living her quiet, solitary existence. She’d spent her life giving to others, trying to please, only to have it thrown back in her face. No more. She was sick of life happening to her, of being overlooked, of being the girl people walked all over.

  She let her anger rise to the surface, anger she had kept bottled up for far too long. A bitter laugh escaped, and she didn’t recognize her voice when she spoke. “Lucky you, huh?” She curled her fingers around the amulet and held it up. “I can only imagine your relief that this chunk of metal exists. I mean, I’d hate to put you through the alternative.”

  “Eve—”

  “No, it’s fine, really. If jumping your bones on a regular basis is what you need from me…” She smiled, though it was more just a baring of teeth. “Well, that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

  He stiffened and crimson slashed his sharp cheekbones. “Eve.” He took a step toward her, reached for her.

  She took a step back. “No, you’re right, this is extremely good news. So how does this whole thing work? You start to lose control of your demon, and I—what? Jump on your dick and make it better?”

  He flinched. “I promise I won’t bother you unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

  Ouch. The blows were coming thick and fast, and she felt emotionally battered and bruised as a result. She didn’t want to look too deep at how strong those feelings had grown in such a short span of time. Since he wouldn’t be coming to her unless he absolutely had to, she might get a reprieve from his overpowering presence, maybe get a chance to gain some perspective over her jumbled emotions.

  “I’d appreciate that,” she said.

  He stiffened.

  “And once you kill Tobias, I’m free to go? I just have to make sure I wear this amulet…you know, so a horde of demons doesn’t come after me, yes?”

  “Eve, please—”

  “What about pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases? I’d prefer not to be left raising a child on my own.” Obviously, this was something she should have thought of before they’d had sex, but at the time they’d been in a seriously stressful situation and it hadn’t exactly been the first thing that had popped into her head right afterward. She curled her fingers into a tight fist. She’d always wanted kids, someone to love and be loved unconditionally in return. It had been something she’d craved almost all her life. A real family.

  “I can’t carry diseases of any kind. And pregnancy can only occur between mated couples.” His voice was so low she barely heard him.

  She shrugged carelessly, despite another verbal slap. “I guess I’m stuck here for a while longer, then. You know, since I’m the go-to girl when you need to get off.” Accusation was clear in her voice, but she couldn’t stop it, didn’t want to. She should have known better than to trust so easily. Would she ever learn? How many times would she extend her hand only to have her fingers bitten?

  He stood ramrod straight, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “It’s not like that—”

  She ignored him and talked right over him. “All my life I’ve wanted to be special, to be important. Well, look at me now.” She threw up her hands. “I got my wish. Turns out I’ve got a magic vagina.” She turned her back on him and started toward the bedroom, needing to get the hell away from him.

  He swore under his breath. “Eve, for fuck’s sake. Stop.”

  She paused at her bedroom door but didn’t turn around. She hated herself for thinking it, but she wanted him to tell her that wasn’t all there was between them, that he cared for her. Even just a little.

  The silence dragged out and finally he said, “I have to go out for a while. Will you be all right on your own?”

  Trying but no doubt failing to hide the conflicting emotions stirring inside her, she glanced back at him over her shoulder and shrugged “It’s what I prefer. What I’m used to.”

  His mouth compressed into a thin line, and he ran a hand through his hair before he turned and strode from the room.

  He’d been gone less than a minute when her mind headed to a place she didn’t want it to go. The constant ache between her thighs made it near impossible to ignore. The question shot through her mind then proceeded to pierce her heart with a force that belied the short time she’d known him.

  How long before he came for her?

  Eve hated herself for still wanting him.

  It shouldn’t, but the thought of possessing Lazarus, of being wholly possessed in return, felt right. Unfortunately, she was the only one who felt it.

  Still staring at the door after him, she made herself turn, and rubbing the gooseflesh from her arms, walked to the bathroom.

  She didn’t have a claim over him, never would, and he sure as hell didn’t own her. How could he?

  He didn’t even want her.

  She needed a shower, needed to wash off his scent, his touch…his kiss.

  The reminders of what they’d done the night before lingered. A tangible thing, crowding the room, almost like he was seared into her skin and, God help her, her soul.

  Chapter 19

  Lazarus shut the door behind him and sucked in a ragged breath.

  He’d circled the pits of Hell, had barely resisted the darkness calling him home, and had never believed it possible to sink lower than he had when he lost Scarlet. But at that moment, he despised himself with a fierceness of emotion he thought impossible.

  He’d made his decision, but nothing had changed. He still wanted Eve, and he had to get away before he took her, for no other reason than he wanted to feel her body wrapped around his. He didn’t need to make her his mate, didn’t need to tie her to him for eternity. He should be pleased.

  Instead, Eve’s obvious relief at being set free from the life sentence stirred unwanted emotion and a feeling of such overwhelming possessiveness he was surprised his molars hadn’t disintegrated to dust attempting to conceal the strength of his reaction.

  He never expected to feel anything for her, and relinquishing his claim to her, shit, felt beyond wrong. It felt unnatural.

  He mentally flinched, remembering the disgust covering her face and lacing her words. “No, you’re right, this is extremely good news. So how does this whole thing work? You start to lose control of your demon, and I—what? Jump on your dick and make it better?”

  The fact she didn’t want him touching her, and because of the situation she found herself in, that she might be forced to have sex with him anyway, made his stomach roil.

  Oh, physically she responded to his touch, but their connection removed a certain amount of control over her body’s reaction to him.

  Bile burned the back of his throat. Fuck, he was going to be sick.

  Lazarus pounded down the stairs and out through the club’s fire exit. If he was about to empty the contents of his stomach, he didn’t want an audience. Palms pressed against the cool, rough brick, he sucked back oxygen in an attempt fight the nausea, but the stench in the alley only made it worse.
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  Staying away from her would help. The more time they spent together, the stronger their bond would become, and he couldn’t risk growing any more attached to her than he already was. His demon clawed at his mind as soon as the notion crossed it.

  Finding your mate should be a joyous occasion, ending a long and sometimes lonely life. Finally gaining the balance his kind fought to maintain their entire lives—the missing half of their soul returned, complete.

  It was a rare thing, something he should have cherished and nurtured, not disrespected and avoided. With the shitty way he’d handled this whole thing, he’d singlehandedly destroyed their one shot at happiness. He would never know the feeling of completing their bond. The exhilaration of fusing their life forces together for eternity, or the euphoric surge as their powers increased and grew.

  No, he would never know her the way he only now realized he longed to.

  After Scarlet’s death, he’d been determined to avoid such a union. He had barely survived the crippling grief of her loss, but after seeing the suffering of her mate followed by his slow descent into darkness, his own pain paled in comparison.

  What if I fail Eve as well?

  If something happened to her because of him…fuck, he couldn’t think about that. As hard as it was to fight his natural instincts to claim her, it was for the best.

  How could he force Eve to tie herself to someone like him? He didn’t deserve her. Not after what he’d done.

  Scarlet wrapped her arms around his waist and smiled up at him. That amazing knock-the-wind-from-your-lungs smile he knew so well. The one that reminded him of the little girl he’d found all those years ago.

  “Thank you,” she said.

  “Why are you thanking me, sweet girl?”

  She squeezed him tighter and glanced over at Tobias standing across the room. “I found my mate because of you. I have a family because you found me.” She went up onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “Lazarus, I owe you everything.”