“Frank and I were never a thing. We just had casual sex whenever we were both single and had the itch. At least that’s what I thought we had.” The memory of the giant, scrawled poem on her living room wall flashed before her eyes, sending a shudder through her body.
“Frank and I had hooked up for the last time the day before I was scheduled to interview Mason. After that we were done.” Laura hugged a white, furry throw pillow to her chest.
A vibration went off in Laura’s purse. The caller I.D. flashed Mason’s name. She hastily sent him to voicemail and shut the phone off. She didn’t want him finding her right now.
Jill settled onto the couch with two steaming mugs. Handing one off to Laura, she spoke. “That seems a little much. Are you sure there isn’t anything else that is making him so clingy?”
Laura sat back and thought. She had spent days analyzing her relationship from every angle to find an answer to that very question. “I can’t think of anything. Except for the first time we were together. I walked in on him in a compromising position and bolted.” The hot tea felt warm on her hands. The taste was even better. “That’s the only thing I can think of that he may be projecting or something. I don’t want to count that though because we were supposed to have moved past that.”
Laura started to cry again. Deep down she already knew how to handle this. “I love him so much and wanted us to work out.” She buried her face in the pillow and sobbed. Eight years of missing his touch, his warmth, the way he laughed, and when she got him back it was as if life had straightened out again. The idea that her relationship was about to combust around her again was too much to handle.
Her crying turned almost to convulsions as her body shivered and stomach muscles pulsed tightly around her insides. Laura booked it to the kitchen and dove into the trashcan. The tea and everything she had eaten that morning lay in a sloppy pool in Jill’s trash bag. She rested her sweaty forehead on her forearm and drew in ragged breaths to calm herself.
Without saying a word, Jill approached Laura with a glass of water and a damp rag. Once Laura was clean and hydrated, Jill pulled her friend in for a tight hug. She hated seeing anyone upset, and to have one of her closest friends a hysterical, puking mess was too much to handle.
“Do you want my advice?” Jill asked.
Laura chuckled. “Go ahead. I’m fresh out of ideas.”
“Take your space. Figure out a way to get away for a bit and be by yourself. No man. Maybe then you can figure out exactly what you want out of your relationship.”
Laura stared at the floor, processing Jill’s suggestion. “You’re right. I need to force this to happen. I’ll go home. My parents are always up my butt about getting out of New York, anyway.” A plan was forming, and she was feeling more relaxed already. “Do you think I can crash here for the night while I get my shit in order?”
Jill lit up. “Absolutely. The couch pulls out, and I can lend you some pajamas later. They’ll be about six inches too short, but you won’t have to sleep in your jeans.” Jill’s phone buzzed. “It’s Craig. He’s on his way home. Let’s figure out what to make for dinner, hm?”
Chapter Forty Four
Mason paced up across his kitchen. Laura had just bailed on him, no warning, nothing. He dialed her phone five different times, immediately going to voicemail each time. She didn’t show up on his friend finder app. Mason was starting to get angry.
She knew how much he worried about her. How could she do this to him? Mason’s need for control was overwhelming. The drive to keep Laura safe had turned into an obsession. She didn’t tell him she was involved with someone when they got together and didn’t tell him that that same man was following her around and breaking into her apartment.
Laura had hidden so much it made him wonder if there was anything else. He figured he deserved it though. He had so completely and thoroughly destroyed her trust the first time around that for him to expect her to let that go so easily was really naïve on his part.
Mason sank down into his couch and hid his head in his hands. Fixing things and making it up to her was the only course of action to take, and the only way to do that was to back off. The thought of being away from her again, for any length of time, was incredibly painful. He had gone eight long years pining for her. Would he be able to step back now?
“Fuck. What do I do?” he whispered to himself. He knew the answer to that question, but he didn’t have to like it.
Chapter Forty Five
“Telecommute? What the hell?” Daniel had been less than thrilled at the news that his star writer needed to leave.
“Daniel, I don’t want to quit. I just need to get out of New York. You have me flying all over Hell and Creation for most of these interviews anyway, so what does it matter if I’m in the office or not?” Laura pulled her phone out of her pocket and pulled up her calendar. “Look, next week you have me flying out to San Francisco for three days. The following week I’m in Boston for two days, and then immediately I go to Atlanta. I had a nice break for the holidays, but you have me totally balls to the wall. I won’t be here.”
Laura stared expectantly at Dennis. It was true he wasn’t a fan of any of his staff not being in-house. He kept them all tightly tethered to the office, but Laura had done so well and made him so much money, he had to say yes.
“Fine. Since you’ll still be driving distance away, I’ll allow it. But I still expect you back here once in a while for the occasional staff meeting.” He raised his arms just slightly out in front of him. When he realized what he’d almost done he dropped his hands and strolled behind his desk.
“Why, Daniel. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear you wanted to give me a hug,” Laura teased.
“That’s the beauty of it, kid. You do know better. Now get out of here and take care of your move. I just wish you would tell me why.” Daniel sat down at his desk and woke up his computer. “Not that it’s any of my business, but this sudden interest in moving to the Berkshires wouldn’t have anything to do with that boyfriend of yours, would it?” The question was legitimate in his mind. He had seen far too many of his female staff put relationships ahead of their jobs.
“No. Well, not really. I just need a change of scenery, but I love working for this magazine, so I didn’t want to have to cut my ties to do it.” The half-truth should be enough. The idea of involving her boss in her personal life in any way, shape, or form felt awkward and icky. She had a feeling Daniel felt the same way.
“I understand. What with the mess with Frank, I can see why you’d need to get away. I’m just glad you wanted to keep me and the magazine included in those plans. Godspeed, kid.” And that was that. Daniel turned back to his computer before things could get too mushy.
Laura recognized that was the closest to a warm moment she and her boss would ever have. It felt good to know how much her editor valued her, even if he had to say it in a roundabout sort of way.
She shut Daniel’s office door on her way on and walked down the hall to her office. She had decided to leave in the morning and had to rent a small U-Haul to get the job done. Thankfully, packing her office would be easy. All she needed were the few notebooks she had lying around and a few other odds and ends.
Sitting at her desk, she sifted through her desk drawers to make sure she didn’t miss anything. That’s when she stumbled on the pig book Mason had sent her. It was tucked in the bottom drawer and forgotten about.
She thumbed through the bright, glossy pages, stopping when she saw a little pink piglet or something interesting. She flipped to the chapter on castration and found Mason’s sticky note still tucked in with his little joke scrawled on it. It was all she could do to keep from crying again. Too many tears had been shed over the last three days, and she hadn’t even officially broken up with the man yet.
She tossed the book in her “Take” box. It would at least serve as a sweet memory. The metal-framed photo of the two of them in Switzerland was coming too.
Even thou
gh Laura had made up her mind that this was what she needed, the idea that she was losing Mason a second time was overwhelming and nauseating. There were moments where she wanted to back out, but when she asked herself if she could marry him tomorrow, she would break out in a cold sweat. Every time.
With a sniff, she quickly packed the rest of her box and went to say her goodbyes. Michelle, Daniel, and the rest of the office was easy enough, but stopping at the reception desk to say goodbye to Tammy was the worst.
“You can’t go!” Tammy whined into Laura’s shoulder. The two women had been stuck in a hug for the last two minutes and showed no signs of letting go.
“I have to. I’ll be back once in a while to check in. It’s not like we’ll never see each other again.” Laura was very careful about what she told Tammy. She had been getting very close to Roy, and as of that moment, he was still employed by Mason, even though she had given him the slip that morning.
“Take care then.” Tammy pulled herself away and wiped her tear-streaked face with her sleeve.
With a wave, Laura was off. She was meeting Jill to finish packing her apartment. She hadn’t heard from Mason since she escaped The Guggenheim and hoped her luck would hold out a few hours longer so she could get her things packed, on the truck, and over to Jill’s house.
Chapter Forty Six
“So have you told him yet?” Jill asked. The two women were stuck in the packed U-Haul, waiting on traffic to move.
“No. I was going to call him once we got back to your place.”
“I’m surprised he didn’t just show up at your apartment,” Jill observed.
Laura nodded. “Yeah. Me too. I’m amazed my luck held out. I wasn’t sure what I would do or say if he did, and I sure as hell didn’t want to have a scene.”
Would it have been as bad as all that? Laura felt like maybe she was too far into her own head. “Do you think I’m doing the right thing?” This was a question she had asked herself several times over the past three days. It would be nice to hear someone else answer it for a change.
“Honestly? I think distance will be good for you both. I just hope it doesn’t become permanent. All this drama aside, I think you two are good together.” Jill nudged Laura. “Just go home and enjoy your parents.”
“This is the second time we’re splitting up. I don’t think that qualifies as ‘good together.’” Laura perked up as the cars began to move. They were only four blocks from Jill’s building, and it was taking forever to get there.
Laura’s phone vibrated on the seat next to her. Jill grabbed it to see who was calling. “It’s Mason.”
Those two words filled Laura with the kind of dread usually reserved for dental visits and sick relatives.
“Do you want me to answer?” Jill asked.
“Go ahead. Put it on speaker.” The last thing she needed was a ticket for talking on her phone. “Hello?”
“Laura?” The voice coming through the speaker was quiet and lacked its usual mirth and confidence.
“Hi, Mason. How are you?” Laura could feel her conviction wavering. Just the sound of his voice was enough to make her drop everything and say no.
“I’ve been better. Do you have time to talk?” Mason asked.
“Yeah, of course. I was going to call you in a bit anyway.”
For a moment there was an awkward and deafening silence in the truck cab. Jill tried to look anywhere but at Laura. Being Laura’s support was one thing; being privy to the demise of her relationship was another.
“What happened the other day? You took off and didn’t bother saying anything to me or anyone else…except Jill. Is there something you need to tell me?”
God, he sounds like a lost child. Laura cleared the knot from her throat before answering. “Yeah. I think so.” She opened her mouth to speak, and hesitated. Did she really want to pull the trigger here? “Mason, I can’t do this anymore.”
A long stretch of silence lingered on the line. “Mason? Are you there?”
“Yeah. I am.” He coughed to hide how upset he truly was. “I think you’re right. Maybe this won’t work out.”
Laura was so taken back she nearly hit the stopped car in front of her. She looked over at Jill, who looked just as surprised as she felt. “Oh. Um, good. We’re on the same page then. I guess.”
“It seems like it.” Mason’s voice had grown cold. If he were to make it through this phone call he would have to go completely Vulcan.
“Thank you, Mason. I’m not sure there’s anything left to say.” Who was she kidding? There were a million things left to say. The most important being: I love you. But the words wouldn’t come. The situation just didn’t feel appropriate.
“Of course, Laura. Take care.” The line went dead.
Jill put the phone to sleep and just waited. Several minutes passed in which neither of them said anything. Finally, Jill had to hear something other than the rumble of the engine. “Are you going to be all right?” She knew it was a stupid question to ask, but she wasn’t sure how to help her friend.
Laura had gone numb. In a two-minute phone call, the last thirteen years of her life had just gone up in smoke. Mason had been a part of her life in one capacity or another since she was eighteen years old, and now he was gone. “I hope you don’t mind, Jill, but I’m going to leave tonight.” Staying in the city even one minute more than necessary was going to destroy her, and she didn’t want to go to pieces. Besides, she was leaving in the morning anyway.
“Of course. I’ll have Craig meet us at the curb to give you your things and say goodbye.”
***
Mason stared at his cellphone screen. The happy faces of him and Laura stared back, taunting him. With a roar he hurled the device across the room. Without a second thought he had just let her go. What happened to wanting to fight for their relationship? Wasn’t that supposed to be the plan? Mason sank to his knees and struggled to keep his bleeding pieces together. His life, his future, had slipped between his fingers and was gone.
To think he was going to propose only a few weeks out from then. Laura’s birthday was March third, and he wanted to make it the most special birthday she’d ever had.
Instead, he’d blown it. He knew he’d blown it. All she wanted was a little breathing room. It may have only been a week or two, who knew? But now, because he’d freaked, a narrow timeframe became indefinite. That was the most painful truth of all.
He’d chosen to not trust her. Laura wasn’t the same twenty-two-year-old he’d played house with all those years ago. She had grown into a strong-willed woman with an independent streak a mile wide, and for some reason, he couldn’t grasp that, couldn’t trust that she had her own life and knew what she was doing.
That’s what both scared him and made him proud of her: right or wrong, she wanted to handle her own life. The fear that there was no room for him in it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He kicked on the British “stiff upper lip” and climbed to his feet. Wrapping his arms around himself to keep his pieces together, he approached the shattered remnants of his phone. He chuckled darkly that this was the only thing in his life he had the ability to fix and grabbed his coat. It was time for a trip to the electronics store, and to the pub. He needed to get so shitfaced the day would just disappear into the depths of his brain and never come back out.
Chapter Forty Seven
“Laura, honey? You’ve been in this room for two weeks. Why don’t you come out now?” Joanie Ross poked her head inside the room. The stale smell of dirty laundry and closed-off room attacked her nostrils.
Laura didn’t move. She just stared at the blank wall in front of her. Several full boxes were tucked into the corners of her childhood bedroom. Her Backstreet Boys posters were even still on the walls.
“Let’s maybe get you unpacked then? Come on, honey. Speak to me. I’m worried about you.” Joanie shuffled around the debris and clutter of the contents of Laura’s New York apartment to get to the full-sized canopy bed.
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Laura sighed and closed her eyes. She couldn’t seem to find the energy to move. Honestly, she didn’t want to find it.
Joanie was at the end of her patience. Her daughter wasn’t eating or drinking much, she only came out of her room to use the rest room, and she could hear Laura crying at night. It was heartbreaking.
She got to her feet and busied herself stacking boxes out of the way so she could get to across the room to open the windows. She yanked back the curtains and threw open the window to let the sharp, February air in to circulate around the room.
“Ma, why?” Laura whined, and pulled her floral print quilt over her head.
“Why? Because I’ve had enough of the moping around, young lady. I won’t watch my only child waste away and be depressed. You better be up, showered, and downstairs for lunch in thirty minutes, or I’m sending your father up to drag you from that bed. Do you understand me?” She pressed her fists to her hips.
Laura eased into a sitting position and pressed her hand over her eyes. The sun had temporarily blinded her. “Yeah, I got it. I’ll be down in a bit.”
Joanie waited until Laura was fully standing before leaving the room. She felt a little bit guilty for being so forceful, but didn’t want to see how her husband would have handled it.
Laura looked around the room as if she’d landed on an alien planet. Nick Carter and her Barbie collection all looked right back at her with their judging eyes. She pointed at a poster. “Oh, yeah? Well, I’ve listened to a lot of your music, buddy. So you can take your judgments and stuff ‘em,” she spat before collecting a towel and stomping off to the bathroom.
She stripped out of her disgusting and swampy sweats. Her legs were wooly, her roots had become overgrown, and she was offended by her own stink. The shower squeaked to steamy life, and she hopped in.
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