Lacey Luzzi: Spooked: A humorous, cozy mystery! (Lacey Luzzi Mafia Mysteries Book 6)

by Gina LaManna

  “Harold, you don’t look great.”

  “What’s wrong?” The butler mopped his heavily perspiring forehead. “I’m fueled up for the day with well-rounded nutrition.”

  “Take the day off, go to bed.” I stepped towards him, holding a hand out in concern.

  “Just…go.” Harold took off in the other direction, sprinting as fast as I’d ever seen him move.

  I stared after him. For an eighty-something-year-old English gentleman, he could move. Also, I’d never before seen him abandon his post next to the door without another guard in place.

  Things in that kitchen must be bad.

  Chapter 7

  “Wonderful. No, that’s plenty there,” I said, trying to block my plate by waving my hands over it. Didn’t work. “Oh, wow, three more, how fabulous.”

  I stared down at the leaning tower of Pisa, carefully constructed with charred pancakes. The circular bricks came in a variety of shapes and sizes, all so burned I couldn’t even tell which ones were chocolate chip, since the black parts all blended together.

  Nora squeezed an excessive amount of syrup onto the heaping pile, but as I took the first crunchy bite, I realized that even a boatload of syrup wouldn’t be able to salvage this meal.

  “So, I came to ask about a few things—” I spoke through the crumbling dough.

  “Don’t speak, Lacey. Eat first. Please, enjoy.” Nora plopped down on the bench across from me, folded her hands in front her body, and waited. “I made it just for you,” she added pointedly.

  “Thank you.” I tried to swallow a bite of the stuff, but it tasted like a handful of rusted nails. “Aren’t you having any?”

  “Oh, no. I had pastries that we ordered in,” Nora said, waving her hand dismissively. “But I didn’t want to subject you to that junk, so I cooked for you. I can eat any old thing and be happy. You my dear, I wanted you to have a home-cooked meal.”

  “Are you sure some of the guards couldn’t use the energy from these power cakes?” I blinked. “I can eat any ol’ thing, too. For example, a chocolate covered brioche.”

  “It’s the funniest thing that you mention it.” Nora shook her head. “Seems they all showed up well-fed to work today, though for the life of me I don’t know how they all planned it on the one day I decided to cook. Usually I just order in from the bakery, and the food disappears in a pinch. But I can’t even pay people to eat these, it seems.”

  Nora snapped her fingers for effect, and I struggled to nod and smile, while my throat was assaulted by pancakes resembling hundreds of needles.

  “It’s delicious.” I gestured to my plate. “Say, I have to get moving pretty quick though, and I still have some work to do. Is there a way I could put some of this in a Ziploc container and take it home to Clay? Maybe the two of us can share.”

  “Lovely idea. Have a few more bites, and I’ll prep the second batch for you to take home.”

  As Nora fiddled with the Tupperware, I managed to spit most of the pancake ashes into a napkin and slip it into the garbage. By the time she turned around, I only had one-half of a pancake remaining and a grin on my face. Nora never needed to know the grin came from a place of relief.

  Unfortunately, my stomach chose that very moment to growl as loud as a hungry lion. “Traitor,” I mumbled.

  “Wow, dear, you are hungry.” Nora said. “Let me get you more.”

  “No, I actually need to ask a few questions and get going.”

  Nora squinted. “Are you eating for two, dear? I’m not pressuring you, I’m just…”

  My head vigorously shook no before she could finish her question.

  “Oh, shoot,” Nora said. “Maybe someday the answer will be yes.”

  I smiled at her expectant, raised eyebrows and gave a noncommittal shrug. “Maybe. But in the meantime, I was wondering if I could see—”

  “Out of curiosity…should I expect that someday we were just talking about to come sooner rather than later?”

  I paused, giving my grandmother the look. “Do you remember what we said about meddling?”

  “I’m not meddling, I’m just asking.”

  “Okay, well you asked, and the answer is maybe.”

  “Fine.” Nora’s shoulders slumped. “Now, what did you want to see?”

  “Is Carlos around? Maybe it’s best if I ask him, since it’s work related.”

  “He’s not, he’s out on an errand now.” Nora gave a disheartened sigh. “I told him I made pancakes, and not five minutes later, he remembered an all-day meeting at the laundromat that’d totally slipped his mind. What a shame, I said. These goodies won’t keep ’til he gets back.”

  “What a shame,” I said aloud, though in my head I was thinking that Nora’s skills in the kitchen were actually quite impressive. Not many folks can say they’ve scared away a mob boss with a pancake.

  “Maybe I can help you?” Nora looked so thrilled at the thought, I decided to give it a go.

  “Is there some place here, a room maybe, or a…a storage spot that Carlos insists on keeping private?” I asked, dancing around the real issue. Carlos had told me to keep his wife out of things, and I didn’t know exactly how far out he wanted me to keep her.

  “Dear, I didn’t know you wanted relationship advice. Why didn’t you say so?” Nora blushed. “Carlos does prefer to keep the bedroom private, he’s never allowed anyone—”

  “No, no, no.” I waved my hands, trying to stop myself from hearing something that’d give me nightmares. “Not that sort of private. I meant more like a safe, or a secure location. Somewhere items of value might be kept.”

  “Oh.” Nora looked stumped. “Yes, I’m sure he has one.”

  “Any idea where it is? I don’t need to know any more information, or get inside, or anything like that, I’m just wondering about the location.”

  “Hmm.” Nora bit her lip. “He’s told me so many codes and locations that I get them all mixed up. I can hardly remember the garage door combination from my telephone number these days.”

  “I don’t need a code, just a location.”

  “Hmm.” Nora sat still. “I keep telling him he should draw me a map of where he keeps things. I tell you, the amount of time I spent looking for my Google warranty last week was insane.”

  “Google warranty?”

  “Yes, for The Google. My Google.”

  “You can’t own Google, Nora. I don’t think they have a warranty for the Internet.”

  “Of course they do, dear. What do you think, we all share The Google? No way. I have my own.”

  I nodded along. Nora often pulled information out of thin air and pretended to be an expert when it came to the exotic land I called The Internet.

  “If he just drew me a map with all of the safes, the spots he hides money, the garage code, the telephone bill, I’d be a happier person. I tell you, if anything happened to that man, I’d be lost. Just a mess.”

  I reached for her hand. “Don’t say that—”

  She frowned. “You know, I don’t know all his safes, but now I’m remembering something about a big closet space he uses to store things for other people.”

  My heartbeat raced. “A closet?”

  “Yes, sort of. At least, that’s what it looks like to me.”

  “Could you show me?”

  “Sure dear, follow me. It’s right across the hall from where Oleg stayed during his vacation with us.”

  My mind raced. Oleg? As in, the man who’d worked for The Fish and put a bullet in Meg’s rear end? All sorts of alarm bells went off. “Did Oleg see this closet?”

  “Oh, sure, we talked about it once when I brought him breakfast. He asked what Carlos used it for, but I said I had no clue what my husband did in there, just that I was having the darndest time remembering the code to get inside.” Nora shook her head. “I needed a pair of earrings Carlos gave me for our fiftieth anniversary. They’re real diamonds. Carlos insists on me locking them up. That man doesn’t trust anyone, I’m telling you. It�
�s unhealthy!”

  “I bet.” If Carlos felt the need to keep a pair of earrings locked in his safest safe, then I didn’t doubt they were big, real diamonds. “When did Oleg leave?”

  Nora frowned. “He vacationed with us ’til about last week or so, and then Carlos sent him off somewhere.”

  I also doubted that Carlos would call Oleg’s stay a vacation. But Nora insisted on treating her guests with the utmost courtesy, and she ran Carlos’s ‘prison’ like a bed and breakfast.

  “That sweet man, Horatio, or Garik, or Henry,” Nora paused. “His name is very confusing, but he stopped by the house to say goodbye to his brother before Oleg took off for his next vacation.”

  “Interesting,” I said, watching as Nora led me down a hallway. “Any idea where this next vacation might be for our friend?”

  “Oh dear, I don’t know. But it must be local, since I believe he and Carlos have reconciled their differences. In fact, I think Oleg is working on something for Carlos at the moment, though I forget what.”

  I nodded, keeping my eyes peeled as Nora wound me through a twisty-turny hallway near the back of the mansion. The walkway was small and narrow, unadorned and dimly lit. This wasn’t a place guests ventured, I suspected.

  I’d only seen offshoots of this hall from a distance, never explored it myself. One didn’t wander off in Carlos’s estate. Both for the fear of what might be found, and Carlos’s wrath if one stumbled upon a private area.

  “Here it is.” Nora pulled up short, gesturing towards an average looking closet.

  “This is it?” I extended a hand and rested it on the knob.

  Nora smiled. “This is it.”

  To my surprise, the metal twisted below my hand. I recoiled in surprise. “It’s not even locked.”

  “No dear, go on in.”

  I pulled the door open with hesitation, already worried Carlos wouldn’t approve of me poking around without his permission. But Nora had guided me here, even encouraging me to go inside. What the heck. I was already at the point of asking forgiveness instead of permission, anyway.

  I pulled the door open and stepped into a small room. Instead of the cramped broom closet I’d been expecting, we emerged into a quaint sitting area. One plush armchair sat in the far corner, a fancy loveseat with a look-don’t-touch sort of vibe along the other wall.

  “What is this place?” I craned my neck around the room, trying to determine where jewels might be stored.

  “This is the outer layer.” Nora blinked. “I think there’s about six more doors and a few men to get through before you can see anything really good.”

  “Oh.”

  Nora turned to me, a hand on her hip. “Can you imagine going through all of this just to get a pair of earrings?”

  “Must be some pair of earrings.” I scanned the room, noticing what looked like security cameras tucked inconspicuously in the corners. They’d been hidden between the low hanging pipes on the ceiling.

  “Well, they are gorgeous pieces of jewelry, but still. Ridiculous, I tell you.”

  “Have you ever been inside the safe?” I hoped against hope my grandmother knew the codes to get inside. If I could get a glimpse of what sort of items Carlos was protecting for his clients, it might give me ideas, get me thinking along the right lines.

  “I have been, but I can’t keep all the codes straight. And the guards on the inner level get a bit twitchy with their guns when I lock myself out too many times, so it’s best we wait for Carlos if you would like access.” Nora smiled brightly. “If you’re wanting to hang out here, there’s plenty more pancakes.”

  “No need to wait.” I offered a tight smile. “It’s just an excuse to stop back later, and see you again!”

  “I’d love that.” Nora smiled, then gestured around the room. “So, is this what you wanted to see? Anything else?”

  “This is great, thanks, Auntie Nora.” I stepped out of the room, closing the unlocked door behind her as another thought popped into my mind. “Actually, could you show me where Oleg stayed on his, er, vacation?”

  “You’re looking at it.” Nora nodded in front of me.

  A few feet down the hall was another door, this one more intimidating than the safe’s exterior. I approached with caution, running my hands over the thick wood, wondering if there wasn’t a layer of bulletproof material on the inside. A window had been placed at the top of the door, but instead of a pane of glass, there were thick metal bars over the opening.

  “I tried to decorate,” Nora said, coming to stand by my shoulder. “What do you think of the curtains?”

  “They’re nice.” She’d outfitted cute, red plaid curtains across the bars that were more fitting for a farmhouse than an involuntary hotel room.

  “He stayed a while, so I wanted him to feel at home.” Nora grinned. “He liked it here. We offered to send him home after a few days, but he asked to stay for longer. Said he liked my cooking.”

  I glanced at Nora’s flushed cheeks, realizing Oleg was smarter than he looked. He’d converted Nora to his team by sucking up to her cooking abilities. Once upon a time, Nora had been chilly towards Oleg because the man lacked some serious manners. But it seemed she’d warmed up to him significantly.

  Something he’d said also set off some serious alarm bells in my head – nobody liked Nora’s cooking, so what was he up to? Why would Oleg want to extend his stay longer than necessary?

  “Maybe I should have another pancake,” I said, testing out Oleg’s theory of sucking up to Nora’s kitchen skills for more information.

  “That’d be lovely! Let’s go to the kitchen. Unless there’s anything else you need to see?”

  “Can I go inside this room?”

  “Sure, but there’s been a thorough cleaning service, so it doesn’t look anything like it did while Oleg was our guest.”

  “That’s okay, I’d just like to take a peek.”

  Nora reached for the door which, again, was unlocked.

  “Does anyone lock anything around here?” I stepped through the door, looking around.

  “Just the important things. Why lock doors if you have nothing to hide?”

  I shrugged. She brought up a good point. The room was comfortably furnished, and I could see why Oleg wouldn’t have minded taking up residence here. Five square meals a day, maid service, and a plush bed made up with sheets of a million-count threads – not a bad gig. Better than my own accommodations, as a matter of fact.

  “He had a nice view of the grounds.” I strolled to the window and looked outside. My sight was obscured by another set of heavy duty metal bars.

  “Carlos blacked out the view initially. But when Oleg proved he could behave, I convinced Carlos to open up the windows. The place looked like a funeral home without a bit of sunlight in here.”

  I walked back across the room, processing the information as I peeked through the window on the doorway. This one was also barred, but it didn’t obscure my line of sight to the closet containing the safe’s entrance. “Interesting. You can see the vault’s door through here.”

  Nora nodded. “Again, this window was blacked out for many days, but eventually I convinced Carlos the security measures were unnecessary.”

  “Why?”

  “I like to think Oleg and I became friends.” Nora smiled. “I made a case for Carlos to remove the blinders so I could wave to Oleg on my way down the hallway. We used to talk through the bars about all sorts of things: family, life choices, everything. The man seemed like he really wants to come around.”

  Or he was trying to rob our safe, having seen men coming in and out of the door without explanation. It wasn’t a stretch to believe that after a few weeks of “vacation,” Oleg might have gotten a few ideas.

  “Carlos didn’t mind that you chatted with him?”

  Nora shook her head. “Never said anything to me about it.”

  I wondered if it wasn’t because Carlos simply wanted a break from holding a constant conversation with his wife. I
loved my grandmother to death, but her energy levels could be overwhelming.

  “Do you have any reason to believe Oleg knew how to get into the safe?” I asked.

  Nora frowned. “Of course not. For all he knew, it was a broom closet.”

  “He didn’t figure it out?”

  “Carlos is the only person who knows how to get in and out.” Nora waved a hand. “It’s practically my jewelry box, and even I can’t get dressed for a date without his help.”

  The situation stumped me. Even if Oleg had discovered the room wasn’t an actual broom closet, how could he have gotten inside? From what I remembered, Oleg wasn’t the brightest bulb. He was the low rung on the totem pole to…

  The Fish.

  I closed my eyes, hoping against hope that Oleg’s boss wasn’t involved with the missing crown. The way that man’s icy blue eyes scanned me from the inside out, the way he spoke in clipped, calm tones while holding a gun to my back, the way he had the unfortunate habit of popping up during what were supposed to be enjoyable moments in time – the whole thing had me shaking, just thinking about it.

  “Why do you ask, dear?” Nora startled me as she spoke.

  “Oh, no reason.” I shook my head. “Just curious.”

  “How about we go get that pancake then, if you’re done here.”

  “Sure.” I hesitated on my way out. “Actually, I’ll join you in one second.”

  Nora was barely out of the room, but I paused on the way out, a few markings having caught my eye.

  “What is this?” I whispered, running a hand over a series of tally marks carved into the wood of the doorframe. The markings were high above my head, and I could just about reach them if I stretched.

  Whoever had done the carving must have used a stool of some sort. Glancing around, I spotted a desk and chair tucked in the opposite corner of the room, and made quick work of pulling the seat over. I climbed up and counted the tallies. When I touched the lines, sawdust stuck to my fingers. It was fresh.

  “Forty-two tallies,” I murmured, stashing the number away for later. What had Oleg been counting?

  Snapping a quick picture with my cell phone, I filed the information away for later and climbed down. Nora shifted from one foot to another, obviously anxious to get back to the kitchen and destroy my stomach.