The Case of the Eccentric Elkhound

by B R Snow

  “Unfortunately, I do,” Josie said. “That’s exactly the sort of thing those two would do.”

  “Yeah. And they did manage to buy her the identical bracelet last Christmas,” I said. “Can you imagine the spot that would put Chef Claire in?”

  “Yes, I can,” Josie said. “And that’s exactly why we need to make sure the two of them don’t do anything that stupid.”

  “Good luck trying to talk either one of them out of it,” I said. “You know what it’s like when they have their minds made up about something.”

  Josie gave me a sideways glance and smiled.

  “Yeah, I think I could ballpark it,” she said, laughing.

  “My focus, for lack of a better term, is completely different from how Jackson and Freddie approach problems and you know it,” I said.

  “Suzy, at the risk of repeating myself, disagree.”

  Chapter 21

  We left the house early to stop for gas on our way to the restaurant. I pulled up to one of the pumps and waved to Charlie, the owner, who was inside the convenience store and staring out through the large picture window. Adjacent to the gas pumps was Howard’s parking lot that extended off the back of his pharmacy. I was surprised to see his car parked outside the rear entrance.

  I tapped on the passenger seat window, and Josie lowered the window.

  “Check the oil, please,” she deadpanned. “And I think the front left tire might need some air.”

  “Funny,” I said, nodding at Howard’s car. “Do you think Howard’s back at work already?”

  “I’d be surprised,” Josie said. “Maybe he just stopped by to check in on how things are going. Or maybe to fill his prescriptions.”

  “I wonder if he’s remembered anything else about the other day,” I said.

  “And you think we should just pop in and say hi?” Josie said.

  “It couldn’t hurt, right?” I said.

  “How about we let the guy recover before we start pestering him with a bunch of questions?” Josie said.

  “I’m not going to pester him. Plus, it would be rude for us not check in and make sure he’s okay,” I said. “And we wouldn’t want to be rude.”

  “No, of course not,” Josie said. “You’d hate to be rude. Just incredibly nosy.”

  When the tank was full, I hopped back in the SUV, drove away from the pumps, and parked next to Howard’s car, covering a distance of about forty feet. We entered the pharmacy through the back door and found Howard taking inventory.

  “Hi, folks,” he said, silently counting to himself. “Can I help you find something or did you just stop by to say hello?”

  “We saw your car and just thought we’d check in and see how you’re doing,” I said. “Isn’t it a bit early for you to be back at work?”

  “Thanks for thinking of me. I appreciate it. The doc said I could do a couple of hours a day as long as I took it easy,” Howard said. “But between you and me, I think I should probably be home in bed.”

  “Then go home and go to bed, Howard,” I said.

  “I will,” he said, silently counting items on another shelf.

  I glanced around and noticed the boarded up window.

  “Is that where the robbers came in?” I said.

  “Yup. I was going to get it fixed the other day,” Howard said, forcing a small smile. “But something came up.”

  “You mean like getting the stuffing beaten out of you?” Josie said.

  “Yeah, it’s always something, right?” he said, chuckling.

  “Well, at least you haven’t lost your sense of humor,” Josie said.

  “Do you think the two incidents are connected, Howard?” I said.

  “The burglary and the attack on the boat?” Howard said, frowning as he sat down on top of a stack of boxes.

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, I guess they have to be, right?” he said. “I’m pretty sure that everything that’s happened the past week is all connected with the future of Calducci’s operation. And with who’s going to control it.”

  “What about Dot?” I said.

  “What about her?” Howard said.

  “What do you think is going to happen to her?” I said.

  “Who knows?” Howard said, shrugging. “Dot has two basic choices. She can either get herself cleaned up or continue destroying herself until her brain looks like something you’d find in the produce section.”

  I flinched when I heard the blunt, graphic metaphor he used. But I couldn’t argue with its validity.

  “My Mom mentioned what happened with you and Dot. About how she broke things off with you and took up with Calducci,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

  “Hey, don’t worry about it,” Howard said, shrugging. “Ancient history. But still, she felt the need to send her goons after me. Go figure.”

  “You mean Pee Wee?” I said.

  “Yeah, who else could it have been?” Howard said.

  “Why would she want to hurt you, Howard?”

  “That’s the million dollar question that’s been rolling around my head,” Howard said. “I’m hoping that it was Franny she wanted to take out, and I just got caught up in the crossfire.”

  He sounded both sad and bitter, and it was obvious that his relationship with Dot was a very old wound that had recently been reopened and was bleeding fresh.

  “When was the last time you saw Jimmy Calducci?” I said.

  “You mean before I saw him at dinner the night you opened the restaurant?” Howard said.

  “Yeah.”

  “Gee, I’ll have to think about that,” Howard said. “I know it was several years ago. Jimmy rarely made it up here.”

  “I heard he was thinking about buying a summer place on the River,” I said.

  “Really?” Howard said. “I didn’t know that. But Jimmy and I never made much of an effort to stay in touch.”

  “Do you know anything about the inner workings of Calducci’s operation?” I said.

  “Not a thing,” Howard said. “Why do you ask?”

  “Well, like you, I can’t come up with any other reason why all these things are happening. It has to be about people fighting for control of Calducci’s operation.” I said.

  “Yeah, that’s the only thing that makes sense,” Howard said. “And it has to be connected with the robbery here. Calducci overdosing on painkillers and booze should have been a perfect way to take him out and not raise suspicions. You know, make his death look accidental, maybe even suicide.”

  “From what we heard from Freddie,” I said. “They did a pretty good job of hiding their tracks.”

  “I imagine they’ve had lots of practice,” Howard said. “But all that matters is that they were successful, and the planet’s in better shape because of it.”

  “That’s pretty harsh, Howard,” I said.

  “Yeah, I guess it is,” Howard said, giving me a hard stare. “But I was recently beaten within an inch of my life by two of Calducci’s goons, so you’ll have to excuse my lack of sympathy for the deceased.”

  “I didn’t mean to upset you, Howard,” I said.

  “Forget it,” he said. “It’s probably just me overreacting. I’m kind of a mess these days.”

  “That’s completely understandable, Howard,” Josie said, giving me the wrap it up look.

  “Did Franny say anything on the boat?” I said.

  “What do you mean?” Howard said, standing up to resume his inventory count.

  “Did she say something that might be useful for figuring this all out?” I said. “Did Franny say anything about why she was still hanging around town?”

  “Yeah, she did, actually,” Howard said, sitting back down on the stack of boxes. “Whew, I’m beat.”

  “Then go home,” Josie said, shooting me a dirty look. “All of this can wait.”

  “I will,” he said. “Franny said she was still here looking for Calducci’s killer. You remember the promise she made at the funeral.”

  “Did sh
e happen to mention if she’d made any progress?” I said.

  Howard removed a bottle of pills from his white coat and swallowed two with a long swig of water.

  “She was about to,” Howard said, his voice barely above a whisper. “She said she had figured it out and was about to do something about it.”

  “Really?” I said, feeling the hairs on the back of my neck tingle. “What happened then?”

  “Those two guys showed up,” Howard said, exhaling loudly. “Then all hell broke loose, and she never got the chance to tell me.”

  “Did you tell this to Jackson?” I said.

  “Sure. And the state cops,” he said, shrugging. “But without some real evidence, what good is it going to do?”

  “But you’re sure Pee Wee was one of the men?” I said.

  “I’m positive,” Howard said. “Who else could it have been?”

  “But he has an alibi that he was in Kingston shopping all afternoon,” I said.

  “Yeah, Jackson told me,” he said. “I guess criminals are good at covering their tracks.”

  “How long were the two guys there with you and Franny?” I said.

  “Uh, Suzy, no offense,” Howard said, his voice measured. “But I’ve already been through this several times with the people who are actually responsible for figuring all this out. And you know that I love you to death, but you’re giving me a headache.”

  Before I could respond, Josie grabbed my arm and gently pulled me toward the door.

  “We’re sorry to bother you, Howard,” Josie said. “Inspector Clouseau here just can’t control herself at times.”

  “Funny,” I said.

  But inside I felt terrible about upsetting our friend and adding to his misery. To his credit, Howard forced a laugh and waved it off.

  “Don’t worry about it,” he said.

  “We’re heading to C’s for dinner,” Josie said. “Since you won’t go home and go to bed, if you’re up for it, you’re welcome to join us.”

  “Thanks, Josie. But I think I will go home. It appears I overdid it today.”

  Josie waved goodbye and nudged me toward the exit.

  “I’m sorry, Howard,” I managed on my way out the door. Chagrined, I climbed in the driver’s seat and started the car. “Not one of my finer moments.”

  “Probably not,” Josie said. “But your intentions were good.”

  “It’s like there’s a switch that goes on and I can never seem to turn it off,” I said. “I feel terrible.”

  “Maybe dinner will help,” Josie said, fastening her seat belt. “I’m starving.”

  “What on earth is the matter with me?” I said.

  “Well, for one, at the moment you’ve got the car in park,” she said. “Let’s go.”

  “No, I’m serious,” I said. “There must be something seriously wrong with me.”

  Josie sat back in her seat and glanced over at me. She placed a hand on my knee and spoke in a hushed tone.

  “Suzy, we’ve been through this many times in the past, and I’m sure we’ll go through it again. So I’m going to tell you the same thing I always do when we find ourselves in this situation.”

  “Yes?”

  “Shut up and drive.”

  It wasn’t much of a drive, and I managed to navigate the block and a half without inflicting any more self-abuse. We headed inside C’s, waved to several friends, and made our way to the kitchen to say hello to Chef Claire. It was early, but she was already buried behind a long row of order slips, so we kept it brief and headed for my mother’s table.

  “Is your mom coming?” Josie said, scanning the menu.

  “No, it’s Montreal day,” I said, glancing around the crowded dining room.

  Once a month, my mother spent the day in Montreal shopping, eating, shopping, eating, going to the theater, and, if there was still time, some more shopping before heading back to her hotel.

  “Do you think I should apologize to Howard again?” I said.

  “Just try to forget it, Suzy,” Josie said. “If you try apologizing, you’ll probably end up asking him a whole bunch of new questions.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right,” I said, focusing on the four men who were having an animated conversation with our hostess. “What’s going on over there?”

  Josie glanced over her shoulder and watched the conversation that looked like it was about to get heated.

  “Aren’t those the four guys that were here for lunch the day of Calducci’s funeral?” she said.

  “I think so,” I said, continuing to watch our hostess trying to explain herself to the four men. “They were his lieutenants, right? It looks like they might be giving Wendy a hard time. I’ll be right back.”

  I got up from the table and approached the group. Wendy looked relieved to see me.

  “Hi, Wendy,” I said, smiling and glancing around at the men. “Is there a problem?”

  “Yeah, there’s a problem,” one of the men said, glaring at Wendy. “Somebody lost our reservation.”

  “Sir, please accept my sincerest apologies,” Wendy said, obviously shaken. “I don’t know how this could have happened. We’ve never had a problem with our system losing a reservation.” She looked over at me. “Suzy, I’m so sorry about this.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Wendy. We’ll figure it out.”

  The man moved his glare from Wendy to me. Over the years, I’ve learned that most stares are easy to return or even avoid. Others immediately got your attention. But it is the rare pair of eyes that can reach inside and squeeze your stomach and make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. This glare was so good that I found myself wondering if he’d learned it from my mother.

  I forced myself to take a deep breath. If the guy reacted this way to a botched dinner reservation, I wouldn’t want to be around when he actually had a real reason to get mad.

  “And you are?” the man eventually said.

  “Going to fix your problem, sir,” I said, giving him the best smile I could summon.

  “That would be nice. How hard can it be to get a dinner reservation right?”

  “How about we avoid the rhetorical for the moment and just focus on getting this problem resolved?”

  The man’s glare softened a bit, and a hint of a smile appeared and then vanished. Before I could bask in my minor victory, I noticed one of the other men nervously shifting back and forth on his feet. But I ignored him and refocused on the man with the angry stare.

  “Just give us a minute, sir,” I said, then turned to Wendy. “What else do we have available?”

  “That’s the problem, Suzy. We’re booked solid until nine.”

  “That’s way too late,” the man said. “We made the reservation for seven.”

  The man who was shifting back and forth shifted into overdrive, and it was my turn to stare. He was looking down at the floor and unable to make eye contact with anyone. Eventually, I couldn’t watch his nervous shuffle any longer.

  “Sir, if you need to pee, the men’s bathroom is right over there,” I said, pointing.

  “No, I’m fine,” the man whispered.

  “Then what on earth is the matter with you, Paulie?” the angry man said. “You’re hopping around like hot grease on a griddle.”

  “It’s nothing, Lou,” Paulie said, glancing up.

  At least he’d stopped shuffling for the moment.

  “What is wrong with you?” Lou said, then waited for an answer.

  Paulie’s shoulders drooped, and he eventually gave Lou a small shrug.

  “I forgot to make the reservation.”

  “What?” Lou said.

  “Yeah, I got busy and forgot to do it,” Paulie said. “I didn’t think it was going to be a problem.”

  “You let me stand here and berate these fine women?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And you thought you’d just stand by and let me make a complete fool of myself?”

  “I didn’t mean to do that, Lou,” Paulie
said. “And the situation escalated so quickly.”

  I watched the exchange play out. If Paulie hadn’t needed to pee before, I was pretty sure he did now. Lou stared at Paulie, then nodded and turned to Wendy and me.

  “Ladies, I owe you a sincere apology. As you can see, sometimes I’m forced to travel in the company of less than honorable men.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” I said. “Things happen.”

  “Not to me they don’t,” Lou said. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ll be on our way. Again, I’m very sorry for the way I acted.”

  He wheeled around and headed for the door, closely followed by the other three men. I watched them leave, then my snoop switch turned itself on.

  “No, wait,” I said, calling after them. I turned to Wendy. “Josie and I are at my mother’s table, and it’s just the two of us. And we haven’t even ordered yet. Please have our table set for six.” I turned back to Lou. “I’d be honored if you’d join us for dinner.”

  Lou transitioned into the perfect gentleman, and he beamed at me. To be honest, the ease at which he completed the transformation caught me by surprise and made me nervous.

  “You see that, Paulie?” Lou said. “That’s how people of honor conduct themselves. You could learn a lot from this woman.” Then he looked at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t catch your name.”

  “I’m Suzy. Suzy Chandler.”

  “Suzy Chandler,” Lou said, extending his hand. “I know your mother. And she’s told me many wonderful things about you.”

  “I wouldn’t put too much stock in what she says. She’s a drinker.”

  I returned the handshake as Lou laughed and squeezed my hand. I gestured for the four men to follow me and led them to our table where Josie was trying to drown a piece of Italian bread in olive oil. She looked up surprised and with a mouthful of bread.

  “These gentlemen will be joining us for dinner,” I said.

  “They will?”

  “Yes. They had a problem with their reservation.”

  “I see,” Josie said, glancing around at all four men with a genuine smile. “That’s great. Good evening, gentlemen.”

  It was obvious this was the first time the men had gotten a good look at Josie. And their reactions were predictable. They gushed hellos and did their best not to stare at her as they sat down. Most of them failed miserably. Only Lou, who I decided was their de-facto leader, managed to avoid overt leering.