Unsevered

by Traci Sanders

  “The doctor will be in to see you in a moment and explain everything. Get some rest. I’ll go get you some lunch. You need to keep up your energy more than ever now.” Her words are delivered with a wink.

  She leaves the room and another lady in a white coat walks in.

  “Hello, Ms. Decker. My name is Dr. Walsh. I’m the gynecologist on staff here.”

  “Gynecologist?” My voice is a little stronger now.

  She stands about five-foot-seven, with long, wavy, chestnut hair and bright green eyes. Judging by the condition of her skin, I’d venture to say she is probably about thirty-five, though with a doctor’s income, I’m sure Botox injections and weekly spa treatments aide in keeping her true age a well-hidden secret.

  “You got here just in time.” She continues. “We were able to repair the damage and both you and your baby are doing just fine now.”

  “Baby?” I sit up in the bed, in utter shock.

  “Yes.” She flips through the papers on her clip board and continues. “According to the ultrasound, you’re about eighteen weeks along. You didn’t know?”

  “No! I mean … I haven’t … you know … had sex in a while. How can I be pregnant?”

  I sit and try to do the math in my head for a minute. Yep, that’d be about right. It had to be the night before Harley was deployed.

  A smile plays across my face and I rub my tummy. My happiness is replaced with an overwhelming sense of fear and regret in seconds.

  “Oh, no! I’ve endangered my baby,” I say as I grab the doctor’s arm. “I haven’t been good to my body. I haven’t been eating well. I’ve drank wine, lots of wine! I haven’t been sleeping, and my husband is dead.” I break down in tears now and begin to hyperventilate.

  She grabs my other arm with a soft touch and sits in the chair beside my bed.

  “Breathe, Jewel. Breathe. Deep breaths. In and out.”

  My respiration soon slows to a normal pace and she smiles at me.

  “You’re not the first woman to not realize you’re pregnant. And you certainly aren’t the first one to have a few drinks or not take care of your body while carrying a baby. You and the baby are just fine. There was a small tear in the placenta, but we repaired it and everything is fine now. There’s no reason you can’t carry to full term, but you just need to be careful. I’d like you to be on bed rest for the next few weeks.”

  “How could I not know I was pregnant?” I ask myself aloud, my hand rubbing across my forehead.

  She continues, “Many women, especially during their first pregnancy, don’t feel the baby move until around week twenty, and some have no previous symptoms.”

  “I’ve noticed a little bit of nausea and fatigue, but never once thought those symptoms would be due to pregnancy.” I pause a minute, “But that would explain my recent unusual food cravings, and my lack of interest in seafood, which I typically devour.”

  She hands me a couple of small pieces of paper. “Here is a prescription for prenatal vitamins and a list of a few OB/GYN practices in the area that I recommend. You need to choose a primary doctor as soon as possible. Prenatal care is vital to your health and that of the baby, especially with your condition. Your doctor will also need to run some tests to check for things like Down Syndrome and gestational diabetes. I’ll follow up with you in a couple of weeks to see how you’re feeling.” My eyes are wide and my brows are furrowed.

  “It will all be fine. These are just precautions,” she assures me and then exits the room.

  My head is spinning just thinking about all of these terms. But I’m elated. I’m having a baby.

  Harley’s baby.

  * * * * * * * * *

  Apparently, the hospital had called my mom while I was in surgery because she sprints into my room just as Dr. Walsh leaves.

  “Jewel. Sweetheart. Are you okay?”

  “Mom, what are you doing here?”

  “I’m your emergency contact, darling.”

  That’s right. I guess since Harley is no longer living, they move to the next of kin.

  “How are you feeling? Do you need anything? What happened?” My mom is hysterical, as any mom would be seeing her baby lying in a hospital bed without knowing the reason.

  “Mom, I’m okay.” I rub my tummy and smile. “We’re okay.”

  It takes her a minute to grasp my message, but her look of confusion changes to that of elation within seconds.

  “What? You’re … you’re pregnant?”

  “Yep, about eighteen weeks.”

  We both burst into tears, happy tears, and share a strong embrace.

  “How? I mean … I know how, but … how?”

  “I’ll explain everything later. I’m just ready to get home.

  “Alright, honey. I’ll take care of your discharge papers and get your things together.” She gives me a soft hug. “Yay, I’m going to be a grandma!”

  * * * * * * * * *

  I’m back at home, resting in my own bed. Mom is fussing over me, fluffing my pillow, forcing food and fluids down my throat, dusting the entire room.

  “Honey, why don’t you come stay with me and Dan until the baby is born?”

  “No, Mom. Thanks for the offer, but I’d really be more comfortable in my own bed. Plus, my doctor will be here, and I want to deliver the baby at the hospital here. They have a top-notch facility and I hear the neonatal program is phenomenal. Besides, it’s important to me that the baby comes home to this house—the house Harley chose for us to have a family in.”

  My eyes are fixed on the floor now. He’ll never be the one to carry the baby into our home, help me with the midnight feedings and hold my hand during labor.

  Mom notices my sadness and perks up with a rebuttal. “Okay, well, I am just going to come stay with you and I won’t take no for an answer.”

  “What about your job, Mom?”

  “Oh, didn’t I tell you? Dan makes enough money with his job that I was able to quit mine. I retired early.”

  “Okay, if you’re sure? That sounds good. In fact, why don’t you and Dan both come? I have plenty of room.”

  “That would be wonderful, dear. I’ll call him and discuss it. I’m sure it won’t be a problem, since most of his work can be done online.”

  “Okay, it’s settled.” I turn over and try to rest a bit more. I’ve never been so exhausted in my life.

  It will be nice to have a man around the house again, though I wish Harley was that man. He always wanted children. In fact, he wanted a lot of children. I told him I’d be happy with one or twelve, as long as they were with him, because I knew he would make an incredible father one day.

  I rub my tummy. He was right. This is the best surprise I could ever hope for. And if I can’t have him back, I will at least have this part of him forever.

  Mom interrupts my thoughts by asking, “Can I get you anything before I go call Dan?”

  “Not right now, thanks. I’m just so tired.”

  “That’s part of it, dear. Carrying a child really does take a lot of energy.”

  “You know, I’ve never believed other women when they’ve said that to me, but now I’m convinced I have a long journey ahead of me. If I’m this tired while the baby is still inside me, I worry how I’ll manage when I’m chasing him or her around the house in the years to come.”

  “God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle, Jewel.” My mom reassures me while she rubs my shoulder.

  I fall asleep with a huge smile on my face. I wonder if it’s a boy or a girl.

  * * * * * * * * *

  The gentle ocean breeze tickles my still-smiling face as I awake from my glorious dream. I dreamt Harley was home and we were decorating the nursery for the baby. He hadn’t a clue of how to assemble the crib and I was laughing at his ineptness. Finally, a good dream.

  I sit up in bed and hear my mom humming and talking to herself in the spare room down the hall. I look over in the corner of my room and the plastic bins are missing. My feet carry me a few
steps across the floor to meet Mom. She’s already cleaned out the furniture in the room and is standing at the bay window with a measuring tape.

  “Hello, darling. Sleep well?” she says.

  “Like a rock,” I reply and rub my tummy. “What are you doing?

  “Measuring for the baby furniture, of course.”

  She’s uber-excited about her first grandchild and I let her have the moment. She continues to make a list out loud, to me, or herself, I’m not sure.

  “Okay, the crib can go here. And you’ll need a changing table, and a rocking chair, and a chest of drawers. Oh wait, that won’t fit there. Hmm.”

  “Mom, we still have a few months. We’ll figure it out,” I remind her.

  “I know, darling, but I’m just so excited. Sometimes babies come early, you know? You made your grand entrance two weeks before schedule.”

  “I know, Mom.” I roll my eyes as I prepare for the story I’ve heard a thousand times.

  “Yep, your dad was working out of town and I was on the way to the grocery store when my water broke. I pulled over on the side of the road and called 911. By the time they arrived, you’d already popped your little head out to greet the world. You’ve always been impatient.” She pauses for a moment and smiles. I know what’s coming next. “And I did it…”

  “All by myself and without a single aspirin,” I reply in unison with her. I feel bad every time she tells that story, because I caused her so much pain. But in this moment, I’m becoming apprehensive about the pain my little one might cause me during child birth. It will be worth every tear and scream I have to endure.

  “By the way, Mom. Did you see what happened to those pink, plastic tubs I had in my room?”

  She’s quiet for a moment and places her arms around me.

  “Yes, honey. I put Harley’s things in the garage. I hope that’s okay.” Her eyes are loving and concerned.

  “Thanks, Mom. I probably wouldn’t have been able to do it for a while. I just miss him so much.”

  I rub my tummy and she offers me another hug then breaks our sad moment with her usual cheerfulness.

  “I’m starved. Let’s take a break and go get some lunch.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll go get dressed and be right there.” I reply.

  I head back to my room and call out with my back to her, “After lunch, maybe we can go shopping and find me some clothes that fit.” I think I actually hear her jump for joy in the other room.

  I take a minute to call Gretchen and Chelsea to share the good news.

  “OMG, Jules, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you!” Gretchen can barely contain her excitement. “You have to let me plan the baby shower for you.”

  “You can get with my mom to work that out. I don’t think I’m supposed to have anything to do with it. I’m not sure how all these baby traditions work,” I reply with a chuckle.

  “Well, I have a vacation week coming up so I’ll be sure to call her and make arrangements. I’ve got to run. I’m on air in ten minutes. Talk soon, okay? Congrats, Mommy.”

  I smile and hang up the phone to dial Chelsea’s number. I’m not sure why I called Gretchen first. Perhaps I thought she’d be the more excited one because she’s so family-oriented. But Chelsea was thrilled too.

  “Hey Chels, what’cha up to?”

  “Oh my gosh, I am slammed with business proposals and mergers. I haven’t eaten a thing all day, and I think I’m getting a freaking fever blister from all this stress. What’s going on with you?”

  “Oh, you know, writing … hanging out on the beach … waiting for my next ultrasound.” I pause to give her a minute to catch up.

  “Ultrasound. Are you okay? Did they find a tumor or something?” Chelsea is frantic.

  “No, no tumor. It’s not cancer. It’s something they called, ‘pregnant’.”

  “Jules! No way!” She screams into the phone.

  “I know. It was a total surprise, but the baby and I are both doing well. In fact, I am scheduled to find out the sex in a few weeks. I’m going to do one of those 3D ultrasounds.”

  “I definitely want to be there, if that’s okay with you,” Chelsea pleads.

  “Of course. I’d love to have the three most important women in my life beside me when I find out.”

  “Yay! Okay, I hate to run, girl, but I’m late for a meeting.”

  “No problem. Call later?”

  “You bet. I want to hear all the precious details. Talk soon, sweetie.”

  I hang up the phone and sit on my bed staring out at the ocean and begin pondering baby names.

  My thoughts are interrupted when Mom calls, “Ready to go, sweetheart?”

  I grab my purse and head downstairs as my stomach delivers an angry gurgle at me.

  “I hear you, baby. Let’s go eat,” I say back to it with a smile.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  It’s been almost a month since I found out about the baby. Dr. Brooks is now my primary care physician. She’s great and really takes the time to listen to all my concerns, irrational as they may be.

  I finally have comfortable clothes to wear during the day. Mom had insisted that I purchase at least a few maternity outfits to accommodate my belly in the last trimester. I had to ask her to explain what a trimester was. I didn’t realize that the pregnancy was divided into time periods. I told her I was certain yoga pants would suffice, but she wouldn’t relent and simply said, “Trust me, you’re going to get bigger than you think.”

  Mom and Dan are kind enough to help me finally put all of Harley’s things away. We store some in the attic and donate his clothes and shoes. It’s not an easy process, especially with hormones throwing my emotions around everywhere these days, but I know it needs to be done. Harley wouldn’t have wanted me and the baby to feel sad every time we look around the house because we’re reminded of him. He was so excited about giving me this house. I know he wants me to enjoy it and be happy living here.

  I mostly lay in bed, being catered to by Mom. At times, this annoys me, but it’s nice to have her around. We kind of lost touch after my parents’ divorce, but we’ve always had a strong bond, so I knew it was only a matter of time before we found our way back to each other. I’m so glad I stuck around to have these moments with her.

  I’m getting used to the attention and feeling like her little girl again, but the laying around in bed all day is wearing on me. I try to get a bit of writing in. Of course, as it always goes, when I have time to write, nothing comes to mind. So I sit up and flip through my ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ book. After just two chapters, I close it with a sigh at the realization that I have a lot to learn about this whole pregnancy thing.

  As I turn to get comfortable in bed, I feel something flutter in my stomach. It’s as if I have a phone vibrating on it, but a little stronger. This worries me so I call Mom in to check.

  “Mom, can you come here a minute please?”

  “Sure honey, be right there.”

  I’m freaking out because I have no clue of what I’m feeling. I take a look under the cover to ensure I’m not bleeding. Everything’s clear. Finally, Mom enters my room.

  “What’s the matter, sweetheart? Do you need something?”

  “Mom, put your hand on my stomach right here. I keep feeling this fluttering sensation. It doesn’t hurt, more like tickles. Do you think something has ruptured inside me again?”

  Mom laughs and I’m confused.

  “Honey, that’s the baby moving. Is this the first time you’ve felt it?” Her voice is calm and loving. Tears pool in her eyes.

  “Yes, I haven’t felt anything yet. Does the baby have enough room to breathe?”

  She laughs again. “This is completely normal. The baby has everything it needs from you, and plenty of space to move around, don’t you worry. It’s a wonderful thing. You just felt your baby move for the very first time.”

  She holds her hands on my belly and feels it too. A smile paints her face from ear to ear.
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  Dan hears the excitement and his six-foot-three frame consumes my doorway in seconds. He’s a fairly good-looking guy. Not having any children of his own may have spared him from the gray hair my dad sports. He has an olive complexion and is fit for a man in his early sixties. Mom says the two of them run a mile each morning. She’s so much more vibrant and full of life than she was with my dad, now that I take the time to notice.

  Dan moved in a couple of weeks ago, but seems to try to stay out of our way and let us women “bond,” as he calls it. He’s a nice guy and has been a tremendous help around here. He keeps the yard looking nice, fixes things when they break, and even goes on shopping runs to satisfy my crazy food cravings. I am certain this child is going to come out loving banana cream pie. I’m really glad he’s here and I have the chance to get to know him a little better.

  My mom rubs my tummy and smiles back at Dan. “We’re fine. We’re all just fine.”

  * * * * * * * * *

  It’s a Thursday morning and I’m in the car with Mom, Chelsea, and Gretchen on the way to the 3D ultrasound to determine the baby’s sex. I’m just too impatient of a person to wait until the end. Plus, I want to know which colors to use when I decorate the nursery.

  “How are you feeling?” Mom asks.

  “My hands are sweating and my back is aching. I’m worried this child is going to get its foot caught in my rib cage any day now.” I squirm around in the seat to try and get comfortable.

  Mom is driving and Gretchen and Chelsea are in the back seat, both scanning their phones for missed calls and emails. I think about how life is going to change between us once the baby comes. I’ve seen it happen many times. A group of close friends drift apart as one of them embarks on new adventures in parenthood or career changes. I hope it doesn’t happen to us, because I really need my friends right now more than ever. But I wonder what we’ll have to talk about. They’re already over me mentioning my books. I can just imagine how deep their eyes will be rolling when I’m describing my baby’s firsts and posting every smile on Facebook for all the world to ogle over. I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens.