Love, Unwanted (Discovering Love #3)

by Ra'Chael Ohara

  “Come on, crazy girl. I think I saw a small pub not too far from here. We gotta get you out of this rain before you get sick.”

  He grabs Bubbles’s bowl and wraps it under his arm, then grabs my hand with his free hand. We take off running down the road.

  After walking for about a mile, we finally spot the small pub he saw earlier. We burst through the door, laughing, but our laughter is quickly drowned out by the sound of two girls singing karaoke on stage, horribly off key.

  The pub is dark, smoky, and packed. Most of the patrons don’t pay Phoenix or me any mind, which I find strange considering everywhere we go in Lishoy, people, mostly girls, stop him and ask for pictures and autographs, but some eyes do stray our way, which makes me feel out of place.

  A chill runs through my body and I rub my arms to try and warm myself up. Phoenix puts his arm around me and tucks me into his body. His lips on my ear, he says, “Let’s go to the bar and get you something to warm you up, birdie.”

  When we get to the bar, we are greeted by a heavyset bartender with a very grumpy face. He nods and says, “What can I get for you?”

  “I’ll take a water,” Phoenix answers right away while placing Bubbles on the bar top. The bartender turns his cranky eyes to me.

  “I’ll just have a coffee,” I stutter. I blush when he gives me an are-you-kidding look at my drink request. I’m well aware coffee isn’t really what you order in this kind of place, but I do it anyway.

  The bartender steps away to make our drinks. Phoenix swivels his bar stool so he’s facing me. “Sorry about all of this. This isn’t how I pictured the day going and I’m sure you didn’t picture it this way either.”

  “Are you serious? This was a blast, even the running in the rain.”

  “Yeah, right.” He laughs.

  “No, I’m so serious. It was impulsive and exhilarating. Those are two things I’ve never had in my life, but things I’ve always wanted. When I’m with you, I always know that I’m going to experience impulsive and exhilarating things. You have no clue what that means to me, what you mean to me.”

  It just happened. That last sentence came out like word vomit, but I don’t regret it. Last night, when we were lying in bed, Phoenix was honest with me. He opened up to me. It’s only fair I open up to him as well, consequences be damned. He means more to me than just a friend, he means more to me than just this list, and I’m sick of hiding that.

  I was brave enough to admit that, but I was not brave enough to look at him while saying it. When I finally do look at him, all of my surroundings fade away. His gray eyes are carnal and focused. Before I know it, our lips are slowly gravitating toward each other.

  Tons of thoughts run through my mind, but the one that stands out is how I can’t believe this is finally happening. Then the bartender places our cups on the bar top and says, “Drinks.” I jump back.

  “Thanks, man,” Phoenix says. It’s not hard to hear the frustration in his voice. I, however, am at a loss for words, so I just turn to my drink and take a big gulp. This was a bad idea. I ordered coffee. Coffee is hot, and I just burned my throat and mouth.

  Thankfully, I only drink about half of the gulp. Unfortunately, I spit the rest of the gulp across the bar when I start coughing uncontrollably.

  “Woah, are you okay?” Phoenix asks. He doesn’t give me time to even attempt an answer before he’s out of his seat and stands next to me, rubbing my back.

  “I’m sorry,” I croak when I finally get my coughing under control. “I forgot it was hot.” Good lord, could I sound any dumber?

  “I see that.” I can hear the smile in Phoenix’s voice, but I don’t look at him. Instead, I look at the grumpy bartender who not-so-nicely tosses a towel down on the bar and walks away.

  “Sorry!” I call to his back.

  I pick up the towel and clean up my mess. When I’m finished, I turn to Phoenix. “I don’t think he likes me very much.”

  “I don’t think he likes anybody, sweetheart.”

  We both look down the bar to see him giving another customer the same cranky look he gave us. We look at each other and crack up laughing when the man grunts.

  “You know what I think?” he asks me once our laughing begins to quiet.

  “What do you think?”

  “I think it’s time we crossed another item off your list.”

  My stomach erupts into butterflies as I wonder what item he has in mind. I don’t have to wonder long.

  “Sing in front of a crowd.”

  My stomach turns in a different way as soon as those words leave his mouth. I don’t want to do this one. Not one single part of me wants to get up on that little wooden stage and sing.

  I clearly wasn’t thinking straight when I said that to Phoenix. I mean, I don’t even know what I was thinking when I put it on the list. Well, I guess that’s not true…I know what I was thinking. I was thinking this list was never going to be completed, so I didn’t have to worry about it.

  “I-I don’t know about that one.”

  “Oh, come on, baby. You can’t be any worse than those two.” He hikes his thumb toward the two college-age girls who are currently singing a Dolly Parton song off-key.

  “You never know,” I joke, which causes Phoenix to throw his head back and release a boisterous laugh. I’m mesmerized by the sound of his laugh, by the way his Adam’s apple bobs, just by him.

  “Listen, even if you are bad, look around. Everybody is drunk. They wouldn’t know either way. It’s the perfect audience.”

  He makes sense, but…“I really don’t think I can do this.” I don’t even waste energy on trying to hide the panic in my voice.

  “Look at me, baby.” Just like with every other command he gives me, my body obeys on its own. “Just like every other time, there’s no pressure. I never want to make you do something you don’t want to do, but I’m gonna tell you something. I’ve seen how strong and brave you are. I’ve seen it, and I know you can do this.”

  It has to be temporary insanity because his words of encouragement are working. I can feel myself caving. “Shut your mind off, birdie. Just live in the moment.”

  Shut your mind off, birdie. Just live in the moment.

  “Okay, I’ll do it.”

  “Woo!” Phoenix cheers and walks up to the stage to talk to the deejay.

  “You’re on next,” Phoenix says a couple minutes later when he gets back to the bar. “Want a shot before you go on? Helps calm the nerves.”

  “No thanks. I’m trying not to throw up all over the audience. I’m afraid that if I start drinking now, that would be inevitable.”

  The deejay calls my name.

  “You got this, baby,” Phoenix reminds me when I stand on wobbly legs. Too scared to open my mouth yet, I just give a small nod and make my way to the stage.

  “You know what number the song you want to sing is?” I hear the deejay ask me. I don’t look at him. I’m on auto pilot.

  “Number forty-five,” I mumble. I step on the small stage.

  I cannot believe I’m about to do this.

  Please, God, don’t let me throw up…or pass out. Oh bloody hell, how embarrassing would that be?

  Goodness, those lights are bright.

  Maybe I should have taken that shot?

  I’m so lost in having an entire conversation with myself, I almost miss the start of the song I picked—Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song.” I’ve heard this song a million times and have sung it more than that. Since the first time I listened to it, I connected to it. I felt every word. This song is me.

  I open my mouth to sing, but the nervousness overcomes me, making my voice shaky and just a little off pitch. I fight the urge to run off stage and hide in a closet until morning and begin to scan the bar and crowd for something, anything, to focus on.

  I’m just giving up hope when I see Phoenix weave through the crowd and stand right in front of the stage My whole body settles when our eyes meet. There’s no way I can hear him, and I can ba
rely even see him, but I know he just mouthed the words, “Just look at me,” so I do.

  I don’t know why or even how, but just his mere presence has every other patron in this pub disappear. Then something else happens. My eyes close, and a different kind of feeling settles over me. Confidence.

  I grew up singing hymns in my father’s little church. I know I can sing. I’ve been told multiple times I have a beautiful voice. In truth, it was the one and only thing my mother and father ever praised me for.

  It’s not about my voice. That’s not what has me petrified. It’s being the center of attention. For a girl like me, that’s the worst possible situation, but in this moment, I don’t care. I don’t know who I am, but I’m not the Caroline Taylor who shies away from moments like this. I open my mouth and sing with everything I have, with my entire soul, and I have fun.

  Before I know it, my eyes are open, I’m smiling and dancing, and the crowd is clapping and cheering along. Well, everyone except Phoenix is clapping. He’s standing in the front of the crowd, his eyes glued to me, and he’s wearing a look of what can only be described as desire. Goosebumps scatter all over my body.

  I sing for him, I sing for the crowd, but most of all, I sing for myself. I’m done letting my childhood chase me into seclusion. I’m done letting one past heartbreak imprison me into a life of loneliness, and I’m done letting Phoenix take his sweet ass time. If it kills me, he will be mine.

  The song comes to an end and the whole pub is soon drowned in the sound of everyone clapping and cheering. I don’t even have the microphone on the stand all the way before Phoenix jumps up on the stage.

  I squeal when he wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me up in the air to spin me around. “Holy shit! You fucking sing like an angel, baby girl!”

  “Thank you.” I laugh. I’m thanking him for more than the compliment. I’m thanking him for pushing me to do this.

  “Seriously! I cannot believe what I just heard. How long have you been hiding that?”

  I look at him when he sets me back on my feet. His face beams so bright, one would think he was up on the stage singing. We’re riding the same high. Emotions are soaring, and that’s why I don’t hold it back anymore. I take us both by surprise. Bloody hell, I take the whole pub by surprise when I finally take what I want.

  The moment my lips touch his, his whole body freezes, and I’m petrified that I’ve made a mistake, that I read this entire situation wrong. My fears are squashed when he gently grabs my face and kisses me back. Holy. Shit. Does he kiss back.

  I’ve read thousands and thousands of books and I’ve kissed before. I read all about how the sparks are supposed to fly, how you’re supposed to feel that kiss throughout your entire body. I thought it was a lie. It was all make believe, just like all the fairy tales, but this kiss with Phoenix is proving me wrong.

  I feel the sparks and so, so much more, and I know instantly it’s because of who is kissing me. He’s the one, the one who makes me feel all the sentiments women are supposed to when they are with the right one. Phoenix is the one who will make me believe in all the fairy tales I gave up on long ago, and I don’t want it to stop with just a kiss. I don’t want it to stop with just one night. I don’t want to go home tomorrow, back to my same routine, and have him disappear from my life, never knowing if or when he’ll be back.

  My thoughts come to a screeching halt when Phoenix pulls his lips from mine. “Let’s get out of here, baby.”

  I feel that sentence in my core, and my mouth suddenly goes dry. I don’t think I could get an answer out of my mouth even if I tried, so he only gets a nod in agreement.

  Without another word, just one more chaste kiss to my lips, he grabs my hand and leads me off stage, back toward our seats and Bubbles. The entire way, people are stopping me and complimenting me on my voice. My performance high is riding strong.

  “Thanks for the service, man,” he calls to the bartender after tossing some money on the bar and scooping up Bubbles’s bowl. It’s raining even harder when we walk out of the bar than it was when we got here. We don’t talk and he doesn’t let go of my hand. We just start running toward the car.

  “Shit, I forgot we’re locked out,” he yells over the rain when we reach the car. Just like earlier, I can’t help but double over in laughter, but stop when Phoenix walks over to me. He doesn’t stop walking when he’s in front of me. He keeps going, forcing me to walk backward until my back hits the passenger side door.

  I open my mouth to talk, but I don’t get a word out before my he captures my lips in a steamy kiss. “You think this is funny?” he growls against my lips. I’m mute. I have no clue what to say because all I want is to feel his lips on mine once again.

  “It isn’t funny, baby. It isn’t funny that I finally got to taste these sweet lips and now all I want to do is get in the back seat of that car and get this sweet, tempting body in my hands, but right now I can’t.” He gives me another small kiss. “It’s not funny.”

  No, it’s not, my mind screams.

  “Here, I got an idea,” he announces while handing me Bubbles’s fish bowl. I watch in shock as Phoenix picks up a big rock from the side of the road, then goes to the back window of his manager’s car and smacks the rock through the window.

  “Oh my God, Phoenix! That’s not your car,” I announce dumbly, like he doesn’t already know that.

  “I’ll pay for it,” he assures me. He reaches through and unlocks the passenger door. “Get in, baby, and climb in the back.”

  I push back the second thoughts that come barging in and do as instructed. First I make sure Bubbles is safely on the floorboard. Then I scoot to the side to make room for Phoenix.

  As soon as we’re in the back of the car, it doesn’t take long for our lips to connect. I feel him reach up, then slowly drag my coat down my arms. I know I said I wanted everything from him, but I’m not ready for that yet.

  “It doesn’t have to be about sex tonight, birdie,” he says, reading my mind. “I can only imagine what you’ve heard about me. I can sit here and tell you all night it’s different with you, because believe me, it is, but my actions will be louder than words, and tonight I just want to kiss you and hold you. I promise you…it won’t go any further until you’re ready.”

  I don’t even have to think about it. I would never pass up a night of being held by this man.

  Chapter Ten

  Back To Reality

  I fight back unexpected sadness when Phoenix pulls into my driveway the next night. I don’t want my time with him to end. Last night…there are no words that I could possibly use to describe how beautiful it was.

  True to his word, we never went past the kissing, but holy hell was the kissing amazing. I could say I would be okay with just kissing him for the rest of my life, but that would be a lie. By the end of the night, I was a half a second away from really embarrassing myself and begging him to make love to me.

  Unfortunately, I think he sensed that. Fortunately, because he sensed that and he knew I wasn’t ready, he took mercy on me and ended his phenomenal kisses, but he held me in his arms throughout the entire night.

  I wouldn’t be Caroline Taylor, though, if I didn’t worry, and I have been worrying since the moment I opened my eyes. What is it going to be like now? Were we only more than buds in this car and on that trip? Will he go back to being Phoenix Castle, the guy who has a different girl every night, the guy who disappears? Or will he be the Phoenix I’ve met on this trip?

  When I asked myself that question this morning, my answer was sadly that he would probably go back to being the old Phoenix, but today he’s proven that answer to be wrong.

  When he woke up, his first act of business was to walk until he found cell reception and then call a tow truck, but after he was always, in some way, showing me things are going to be different between us now. He showed me through the small kisses to my temple and the deep kisses to my lips and the way he always held my hand, never letting me stand too far awa
y from him.

  Even with all of that assurance, I still felt a depression like no other settle over me as soon as I saw the ‘Welcome to Lishoy’ sign. The depression became heavier and heavier the closer we got to my house. Now that we’re pulling into my driveway, I want to cry.

  Even still, I paint on the best smile I can and act like none of this fazes me. I look down in my lap at Bubbles’s bowl and mumble, “We’re home, Bubbles.”

  My gaze snaps to Phoenix when I hear him whisper, “What the fuck?”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Your front door is wide open,” he says while putting the car in park.

  “What?” I ask, but I don’t wait for an answer. As soon as the vehicle is stopped, I’m out of my car and heading toward my house, ignoring Phoenix’s calls for me to wait for him.

  I can’t wait for him to catch up because my only focus is making sure my house and things are the way I left them. I can’t imagine what I would do if they weren’t.

  I came to Lishoy with nothing. I’ve had to work hard for every little thing I bought. I was young, and despite all the good people I came across along the way who offered to help me in one way or another, there were twice as many people who never looked twice at me. To have anybody or anything take any of that away from me would be absolutely devastating.

  I’m almost to the front door when Phoenix wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me back into his chest. “Next time I tell your little ass to wait, you wait,” he growls in my ear. “Now keep your ass right here until I go in and look around to make sure it’s all right.”

  Normally I would just melt at Phoenix’s alpha maleness, but now isn’t the time. “It’s my house and stuff, Phoenix. I’m not just going to sit here and do nothing while you look around.”

  I’m serious right now. Like, really serious, so I’m not understanding why he’s barely holding back a smile when he comes to stand in front of me.

  “I love the attitude, killer.” I growl when he winks at me. “I understand that this is your house and these are your things, but you are mine.” His? Did he just say I was his? “And because of that, you are going to keep your ass in this driveway until I make sure it’s safe to go in. Get me?”