Bestsellers: Duo - the Wedding Day and My Love

by Joanne Clancy

  I imagine what he might have been doing now, had he lived. He'd have just turned three years old. It would have been his third Christmas, but the first Christmas that he would have really enjoyed and understood.

  Last year he was too scared to talk to Santa Claus in the shopping mall. He just stared at him, with his big innocent brown eyes, saying "no, don't want to" when I asked him if he wanted to tell Santa what he would like for Christmas. I got him a toy puppy that year. He was so excited when he opened all the wrapping paper.

  He was scared when the puppy wagged its tail and little Emmet ran to the other side of the room and hid behind the couch, peeping at the puppy. I laughed so much at my little man. He was such a bundle of fun, such a happy child, always smiling and chuckling to himself.

  He loved reading his books, well pretending to read. He'd pick up a book, usually upside down, and start pointing at the pages, shouting out different words, like he could actually read. His favourite nursery rhyme was "Twinkle Star". Whenever he would see a star, in the sky or in a book, he'd shout at the top of his voice "I wonder" because it reminded him of "Twinkle Star."

  So now I'm left wondering where has my little boy gone? Is he in heaven? Is he happy? Will I ever see him again? I have to believe, for my own sanity, that I will hold him in my arms again, one day.

  Sometimes, I dream of him. He is sitting in my lap and I am reading him a story and he's looking up at me with his big, innocent brown eyes. Sometimes, I feel an overwhelming peacefulness descend upon me, I believe Emmet is with me in those moments.

  My mother believes that those we are closest to in this life surround us when they pass away. They watch over us, almost like a guardian angel, until it is our time to leave this life. I hope it's true.

  Why is Spring the time for love?

  Spring is the time for love. Spring is the time when the world awakens from its long winter slumber. The sun rises earlier in the morning, the evenings are brighter. The dark coldness of winter dissipates to the promise of Spring and the summer to come. Our moods are naturally happier when the sun is high in the sky. We smile more. We spend more time outside in nature, walking and breathing in the Spring air. Animals are born in the fields and the air is full of birdsong. We find ourselves in a better mood, which naturally makes us more attractive.

  Spring is the time for fresh hopes and new beginnings. It is a time for hope and renewal. Maybe Spring can be seen as a time for renewing our relationships or a time to start looking for love again. Spring is a time for love. Spring is a time to give love a chance again. We “spring clean” our houses at this time of year, why not “spring clean” our love lives?

  We cast off the dark, heavy clothes of winter for the lighter, flimsier clothes of spring-time. We start to reveal more of our bodies as the weather becomes warmer and brighter. We start to prepare ourselves for the long, late spring and summer evenings that will soon be upon us. Many women lighten their hair, indulge in fake tans and body hair removal rituals, all in readiness for the revealing of bare legs and arms of spring and summer time.

  Animals mate during the spring. Perhaps, humans become more interested in finding love in spring-time because of some ancient biological clock. There is also a theory, not necessarily a scientifically proven theory, that because of the increase in sunshine in spring-time after the dark, cold winter, stimulates the production of vitamin D in the human body.

  Perhaps the increase in vitamin D also increases our hormones and mating instinct. Maybe the warmer weather of spring-time increases our libido, after all humans are very much visual creatures, and the exchange of our heavy winter clothes for lighter spring clothes displays a lot more flesh.

  When the warmer, sunnier weather of spring finally arrives, we tend to want to be outdoors more often. The television is switched off and we start taking walks in the park. We begin to emerge from our winter cocoon. If we are out and about more then we have a greater opportunity to meet more people. Smile, make eye contact and exchange a few words with that stranger you've never had the chance to speak to before. It's spring-time, the time for love.

  Is there such a thing as love at first sight?

  Is there such a thing as love at first sight? Well, the romantic in me would like to say yes, but I have never experienced it personally and the rational side of me would have to say no. I think love at first sight is a lovely idea but I don't believe it exists in real life.

  It is a notion that is propagated by the film industry but it doesn't play out in real life. I think many people misinterpret lust at first for actual love at first sight. Lust is an intense, overwhelming physical attraction, which is very possible at first sight.

  Love, on the other hand, is a more pure notion. How can you love someone who you don't even know? I would say it's impossible. Love is to know someone and to accept them for exactly who and what they are.

  How can you know the innermost details of a stranger at first sight? You can't. Love is loyalty, trust, friendship. Love is built on mutual understanding and respect. Love can be difficult at times and easy at other times.

  At first sight, you can have an overwhelming desire to get to know the other person and to find out everything about them. You have an almost magnetic pull towards them, but it is not love that you are feeling. Often that initial attraction can fade quickly when we get to know the other person. They are not who we assumed them to be when we first saw them.

  We have convinced ourselves that the object of our desire is almost perfect and it is very difficult to live up to an idyll. We are all human beings with many positive and negative sides to our personalities.

  I would much rather be loved after someone has gotten to know me, faults and all rather than have someone thinking that they love me at first sight. It's too much pressure to put on someone to try to live up to someone else's ideal of them. If someone said to me that they loved me at first sight, I would ask them what it was that they loved.

  Love at first sight is a romantic notion but it is not grounded in reality, in my opinion. I have never met anyone else who has experienced it either, but if I ever did than I'm sure we would have a very interesting discussion.

  Is a perfect romance possible?

  Romance. What is romance? People die for each other in romance? Why? People feel shattered if a breakup occurs? Why? Why write poems and notes on romance? Romance, to me, is the appreciation of two people who are celebrating the lucky coincidence that they found each other.

  I would say that romance is a feeling of deep attachment and affection. Romance cannot be easily defined but only experienced. One who has never felt romantic will never understand about romantic feelings. Lucky are those who fall in romantic love.

  It is the small things that matter most when it comes to romance- candles, a quiet dinner at home, watching a movie together, a hug, a kiss, holding hands. Romance is appreciation, it is not perfection. Romance is realizing the flaws in our loved one and loving them anyway. Regular romance is better than any single gesture of love over time.

  Romance is a subjective reality, and it has to do with what moves us, what makes us notice things, what restores the liveliness to life. The world of romance as we know it is filled with love and romantic notions, passionate encounters, meaningful discussions, heart to heart interactions, and soul to soul connections.

  It is surrounded with ambience in all matters, be they the ways we choose to express our thoughts and feelings or allowing for the present to gift us with the insights of the moment. It is filled with memories of long ago, the laughter and pain of days gone by, the regrets of missed chances and wonders of lost loves. Romance also embraces the range of emotions only the heart could feel but eludes the mind.

  Some people say that it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. I think I would agree with that statement, but the pain of losing your loved one must be absolutely devastating.

  I recently watched one of my favourite movies, “Four Weddings and a Fu
neral.” I found the scene where John Hannah performs the eulogy in honour of his dead lover very poignant and moving. I think the poem speaks for itself.

  “Stop all the Clocks,” by WH Auden

  Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone

  Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone

  Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

  Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

  Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

  Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,

  Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,

  Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

  He was my North, my South, my East and West,

  My working week and my Sunday rest,

  My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song

  I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

  The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;

  Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

  Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.

  For nothing now can ever come to any good.

  Can love be measured?

  Can love be measured? Yes, I believe that love can indeed be measured, not officially of course, not in litres or kilometres or any standard measurement. The measurement of love is not an official science but the simple fact is that everyone knows in their heart when they are truly loved and when they love someone else.

  The measurement of love is in a hug, a look, a kiss. There is the simple everyday love of preparing dinner for a loved one. The love is in the gentle stirring, mixing, grating and cooking of the food for the other's enjoyment.

  Then there are the completely immeasurable acts of love such as giving your life for another. There are many different types of love; the love between friends and family, the love between lovers, self-love, the love that people have for their pets etc. Love is intangible. The wonderful thing about love is that even though we can't officially measure it, we know and feel when we are loved.

  When we love someone we treat them with respect and kindness. We truly want what is best for them. We try to help and encourage them in their hopes and dreams. We advise the person we love when they need advice and ask for it. We provide a shoulder to cry on when our loved-one is down and a non-judgemental ear when they need to unburden themselves. All of these acts of kindness are measurements of love.

  Some people believe that love is intangible, that we cannot see or touch love. Others would say that you can see a mother's love in her eyes when she looks into her child's face. Love is manifest in a hug or a tender kiss. Love is helping others unconditionally. Love is a random act of kindness. I believe that the world is full of love. The more we allow ourselves to believe in love, the more love we will send out into the universe and the more love we will receive.

  Probably, the most important love of all is self-love. We must truly love, accept and appreciate ourselves before we can treat others with love. How can we give love to others if we don't sincerely and completely love ourselves? Obviously, nobody is perfect. We are all flawed, but it is the ability to see our flaws and accept them that allows us to love ourselves and others. Even the Bible says to " love your neighbour, as yourself." Many people forget the "as yourself" part.

  How to find a date today

  There are many ways to find a date today. All you have to do is take the proverbial bull by the horns, be brave and go for it. I am all for the proactive approach to dating. Forget being shy and coy and hoping that the object of your desire will pick up on your subtle flirtatious signals. Be direct, be honest and go for it.

  I would probably advise striking up a conversation or two with that special person, just to see if there is a spark or chemistry before you take the plunge and ask them out on a date. After all, it is just a date, not a life-time commitment. Most of us will have quite a few first dates before we find our last date, so just go for it. Once you decide that you are on the dating scene then I advise throwing yourself into the experience wholeheartedly.

  Take an easy-going approach to dating, especially first dates. First dates can be very exciting, with the promise of someone new and hopefully wonderful to discover. Always look your best, even if it is just for a quick trip to the local shop. You never know who your next first date might be. He might literally be just around the corner. It is important to be open and interested in other people. People need to feel that you are approachable and easy to get along with.

  There are many ways and places to meet people in order to find a first date. I mentioned previously about the local shop or supermarket. Then there is the workplace. Meeting someone at work is an obvious choice of place for a potential first date. You get to see and observe someone for a while before asking them out.

  Online dating is another good option for a first date. You can take your time and get to know someone a little via email and telephone before asking them out on a first date. Often there is someone special among our close circle of friends who we might consider asking out. Then there are friends of friends who might be willing to set up a blind first date with someone they consider suitable, whether or not you consider them suitable remains to be seen, but it's definitely worth pursuing. After all, your friends know you better than most people and if they think someone might suit you then it's worth going for.

  It's easy to find a first date. You need to be open and honest, but most importantly just enjoy the experience and who knows what might happen or who you might meet.

  Love on the web

  Attitudes towards dating are definitely changing as more people are turning to online dating as a positive alternative to the so-called traditional dating methods. People are becoming more disillusioned with the pub/club scene. When you go out to the bars you just don’t know what state of mind someone is in when you try talking to them. It can often be a pretentious and not very comfortable experience. How many women have been chatted up by some guy who just wouldn’t get the hint that they weren’t interested? How many men have totally misread a woman’s signals under the haze of alcohol and too-loud music?

  There are several ways to meet that special someone-by chance, by introduction, or by actually being proactive and doing something about it yourself. Online you can search profiles of like-minded people, exchange emails, talk on the phone and eventually meet, knowing that the other person is also looking to meet their ideal partner. Online dating provides a non-pressurized, non-threatening environment to get to know someone slowly.

  One in ten people are now looking for love on the internet according to a recent survey, and that figure is set to increase to six in ten within the next two years. A lot of unattached people in their thirties and forties find that they don’t have as many people to go out with at night, as a lot of their friends have settled down and have families. People are very career-conscious and often don’t have the time to pin their romantic hopes on a random encounter. We take the time and make the effort to plan and research our careers. Why not take the same approach to finding that special someone?

  Online dating is the ideal way to broaden your horizons and meet new people, be it for fun, friendship or love. Some people are separated or divorced and the thought of going to nightclubs looking for love is unappealing, to say the least. Online dating is a much more targeted approach to meeting someone. You go on to the site, register your profile, describe the relationship you’re looking for and talk to people about hobbies and interests in a safe environment, so you can get to know them a little before deciding if you want to meet. You know fairly early on whether you’re like-minded. Attitudes towards internet dating are definitely changing. It’s fast becoming the way forward.

  Evaluating internet dating

  Dating. Hmmm, what springs to mind when you think of that little word “dating”? Love, romance, fun, friendship…one little word with so many connotations, so many possibilities. There’s American style dating ie dating several different people at once, th
en narrowing your potential suitors to see who “fits” best. Then there’s the European style, “one at a time”, and all the angst and heartache that entails. Will he call me? Does he like me? Then there’s all the questions-what constitutes a date? Where to find a date? Who to date? Are we fundamentally compatible?

  Well, I found the answer to some of those questions…Internet dating, it’s the way forward. You get to log on from the comfort of your own home, upload your best photo, create your perfect profile and surf the night away looking for your next date, chatting and flirting with your next love interest and ultimately meeting a date, a friend, a lover….who knows, the possibilities are endless. Internet dating allows you to get to know someone as slowly, or as quickly, as suits you. It enables you to establish some common ground before the first date.

  I met the man of my dreams on an Internet dating website. I was tired of the usual pub/club scene and wanted a change, so one night I went online, in my pyjamas and glass of wine in hand and decide to try my luck at Internet dating. Internet dating is a very realistic approach to finding a partner. I wanted a man who could inspire me, fascinate me and love me.

  I had been on the website for some time when I met the most incredible man. I fell in love and so did he. Our relationship hit us both like an earthquake-but in a great way! We are attached as if we were meant to be together from the moment life began for each of us. We have so much in common and he is without doubt the most gorgeous, funny, exciting man I have ever met.