Grayson reached his hand over and pushed a piece of hair behind my ear as I closed my eyes. Mitchell’s face appeared and my eyes snapped back open. “Meg, Melissa is really worried about you. I told her I would call her when you woke up and let her know you’re okay.”
When I turned to look into Grayson’s blue eyes, I saw nothing but sadness. “I don’t know what to say, baby. I’m so sorry.”
“How did I fail him? What did I do wrong? How could I have missed this?”
Grayson blinked back tears as he shook his head. “Meagan, you didn’t do anything wrong, and you certainly didn’t fail him.”
A sob escaped as I whispered, “How can you say that? He killed himself because I couldn’t help him.”
“No,” Grayson whispered as he pressed his lips to the back of my hand.
Grayson moved to the bed and sat while he pulled me to him. My arms wrapped around him tightly. “Why, Gray? Why didn’t he talk to me about this?”
My body shook uncontrollably as I cried harder. “God, why did this happen?” I cried out as Grayson’s arms held me tighter.
My mind was filled with images of Mitchell. His smile. His laugh. The way he told me things were starting to look up for him.
My body felt numb and I couldn’t even imagine how Mitchell’s family was feeling. “I should have known. It was my job to make sure something like this didn’t happen. He must have felt so alone and in a place so dark he couldn’t find a way out. How did I miss that? Gray, how?”
Gripping onto Grayson’s shirt, I lost it as I buried my face into his chest.
Grayson
MY ARM WAS wrapped tightly around Meagan’s waist as we stood and listened to Mitchell’s eulogy. Meagan stared off with a distant look on her face as her father and mother stood on the other side of her.
Feeling Meagan’s body tremble, I pulled her closer to me. When the service was over, it was Meagan and Mrs. Haus who didn’t move.
“Meg? Do you need a few minutes alone?” I asked.
Snapping her head over to me, Meagan’s eyes filled with panic. “No. Please don’t leave me.”
Glancing over to Brad, his eyes met mine. With a quick nod, he and Amanda headed back to my truck.
Meagan had had this fear of me leaving her the last few days and it was beginning to worry both her parents, as well as me.
“Meagan?”
Mrs. Haus stood to the side of us as Meagan immediately wrapped Mitchell’s mother in her arms and told her how sorry she was.
Both women cried for a few minutes before Meagan took a few steps back. Mrs. Haus wiped her eyes and attempted to smile.
“I want you to know how much he cared for you. How much you helped him.”
Meagan’s lips trembled as she tried like hell to keep her composure. Wrapping her arms around her body, she nodded and said, “I cared about him so much and I’m so very sorry.”
With a quick nod of her head, Mrs. Haus placed her hands on Meagan’s arms. “I know. Um . . . Mitchell had written a few letters. One for me, Casey, his two brothers, and one for you.”
“W-what?” Meagan asked with a disbelieving voice.
Mrs. Haus wiped a tear away before reaching into her purse and pulling out an envelope. Running her fingers over her son’s handwriting, she handed the letter to Meagan. “I’m going to miss him so much. I can’t help feeling like this is my all my fault.”
Meagan’s posture lifted as she dropped her arms and took a step toward Mitchell’s mother. “No, you cannot think like that. Mitchell was in a darkness that he felt he couldn’t get out of. We all wish we had seen the signs. There won’t be a day that goes by where I won’t ask myself if there was something more I could have done or said, but you cannot blame yourself.”
“I moved him from California. If I had just stayed there, he would have been with his friends and he wouldn’t have had to . . . to . . .” Her hands covered her mouth as she broke down crying.
Meagan engulfed Mrs. Haus in a hug and repeated how sorry she was. A young gentleman about twenty finally walked up and took Mrs. Haus in his arms and led her to a car.
We stood there for a few more minutes watching them drive away before Meagan turned and looked into my eyes. The sadness that filled them gutted me. I searched internally for answers on how to ease her pain but I kept coming up with nothing.
Glancing down at the letter, Meagan swallowed hard as she stared at it. “It’s not always a good thing when those who have commited suicide leave notes.”
“Why?” I asked.
Meagan swallowed hard. “It sometimes leaves you with more questions . . . or . . . more guilt.”
Her eyes lifted up to mine. “Gray, can we go back to your place?”
“Of course we can.”
She slowly handed me the letter. “Will you read it once we get there?”
My hand reached for the letter as I drew in a deep breath and placed my hand on her back while I guided her to the truck.
I prayed that Mitchell left some answers to the questions that were surely swimming in Meagan’s head.
The moment we walked into my apartment, Amanda went into full mom mode. “Why don’t you sit down in the living room with your father, Meg. Grayson can show me around his kitchen.”
Meagan walked a slow walk into the apartment and did as her mother said. Brad was right behind her as they both sat on the couch.
After setting the grocery bags down on the counter, I started showing Amanda where everything was.
I opened the doors to my kitchen island and showed her all the cookware I had. “My mother made sure I had plenty of things to cook with as you can see.”
Amanda chuckled as she grabbed two pots and put them on the stove. “This is perfect. I normally make homemade sauce, but we’ll let it slide this one time,” she said with a wink.
With a grin, I pulled out the whole-wheat spaghetti and jar of sauce from a bag while Amanda filled up the pot with water. I was comfortable around Amanda. She accepted me without hesitation, and I could see how close her and Meagan were.
Pulling myself back to reality. I took in a deep breath and slowly blew it out.
“Should I read her the letter now?” I asked as I peeked into the living room. Meagan was sitting next to her father with her head leaned against his shoulder as they watched television.
Amanda followed my stare as she placed her hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Maybe it’s best to take care of it now.”
I reached into my back pocket and pulled the letter out as I walked into the living. I attempted to find my voice as I cleared the frog from my throat.
“Um, Meagan.”
Her beautiful blue eyes looked up into mine as she smiled. “Do you want to read Mitchell’s letter now?”
Meagan swung her legs over and stood up. Looking down to her father and then over to her mother, she wrung her hands together as she spoke. “Would y’all mind if we stepped outside onto the balcony while Gray reads the letter to me? I kind of feel like I need to hear it alone with him first.”
Brad stood and kissed Meagan on the forehead. “Of course, pumpkin. You do what you need to do. I’ll help your mom with the spaghetti.”
“Thank you, Dad.”
Meagan took my hand in hers as she turned and headed toward the double doors that led out to the balcony. It was unseasonably warm out today and the fresh air felt amazing as I dragged in a deep breath.
Without saying a word, Meagan sat down on the small outdoor couch and pulled her knees up to her chest.
Clearing my throat, I leaned against the railing to face her as I opened the letter.
Dear Meagan,
Please don’t be upset. I did a good job at hiding my pain, but I also tried, Meagan, I really did try and I need you to know that. It was too hard. I felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere and when I did try to fit in . . . I wasn’t being myself.
No one really knows what it’s like to be lost within yourself until it’s too late. The
darkness is such a lonely place.
Meagan, you pulled me from that darkness for the longest time. You were the light that was pulling me out. But the darkness can have a terrible hold on you and slowly starts pulling you back in just when you thought you were finally escaping it. I’m so tired of trying to fight it.
Keep fighting for kids like me, Meagan. Teach others that their words really do hurt.
I’m so sorry, but this is the only way I can get out of the darkness that fills me. I wish I had been stronger for you and my family.
Forever your friend,
Mitchell
Glancing up, I expected to see Meagan crying. She sat with her chin resting on her knee as she wore a thoughtful expression.
“Meg?” She lifted her head and stared at me. “You okay?”
Her brows pinched together as she barely opened her mouth to speak. “I’m not sure.”
I dropped to my knees and got in front of her. “Talk to me.”
“When this first happened, the only question I had was why. I asked myself that same question over and over. What could I have done different for him? The other day when I saw him, he seemed so happy, but when I think back to it, I keep trying to think if I missed something. Did he say something to me that I missed? Did his eyes look sad or lost?”
“What have you come up with?”
Chewing on her lip, Meagan shook her head. “Nothing. He seemed like he was happy. I asked him about if he had talked to his mother about not wanting to become a cop. His emotions never faltered. He smiled and said he was planning to soon.”
I blew out a sigh as I shook my head. “What do you think he said in his mother’s note?”
Meagan shrugged. “I’m not sure. Sometimes, I think it’s best for the families not to have a note. Guilt is a powerful thing and one wrong thing said can play havoc on your emotions.”
I nodded in agreement. “I can understand that.”
Her legs dropped down as she looked into my eyes. “I’m going to miss him so much, but I’m not going to let his death be in vain. I never want to see this happen again, Gray. Ever. I also want the kids at his school to hear at least one part of that letter.”
I placed my hand on the side of her face. “You know I will always be here and support you in whatever you do.”
Her hand moved over mine as her eyes softened. It was the first time in days I saw something other than sadness in them.
“Thank you for that. You’ll never know how much you being by my side through all of this has meant to me. I love you, Gray. So much.”
My hand moved to the back of her neck as I pulled her lips closer to mine. Our kiss was slow and soft. The love I felt between us never ceased to amaze me. As our kiss broke, our foreheads rested against each other.
“I love you too, baby.”
I stood and pulled her up with me as we stood there for a few minutes holding each other.
The door opened and Amanda peeked out. “Dinner’s ready y’all.”
Meagan gazed up at me one more time as she smiled before turning and heading toward her mother.
I started to walk in when something stopped me. Looking over my shoulder, I looked down at the courtyard my apartment faced.
Anger immediately built as I looked at Joshua Black sitting on a bench looking up at me.
I slammed the door to the office as I pushed my hands through my hair.
“Bennett, you need to calm down.”
I had been pacing when I stopped and looked at Derrick. “Calm down? This motherfucker is messing with my life. He showed up where I was having lunch with my soon to be father-in-law, and then I see him sitting on a bench looking up at my apartment? How do I know he’s not following Meagan around, waiting for her to be alone?”
Chief Decker stood up and walked around his desk where he proceeded to lean against it. “I can’t get coverage on Meagan unless he tries to do something.”
I waved my hand off in a bit of frustration. “If this guy is part of the murders and he is willing to fuck around with a cop, who in the hell knows what he’ll do.”
Derrick nodded his head. “Have you told Meagan?”
“No. With Mitchell’s suicide and everything she had been through with that the last few days, I didn’t want to worry her. I did inform her boss though of my concerns about Black. She said she would let the front desk girls know.”
Chief Decker pushed off his desk as he sighed. “First thing you need to do is tell her. She needs to be prepared if this guy tries to make contact with her. Then, the two of you need to figure out if this Joshua Black has played a role in these murders. The sooner the better.”
Derrick and I looked at each other. “All of our leads have lead to nowhere.”
“Keep digging. That’s why you’re detectives, goddamn it. This is your job.”
Derrick stood and nodded his head as I made my way toward the door. I knew the first thing I had to do, and I needed to do it as soon as possible.
Meagan
THE KNOCK ON my office door pulled me from the file I was reading over. “Come in.”
Melissa opened my door and walked in. “Hey, Meg. How are you doing?”
With a smile, I motioned for her to sit down. “I’m doing good. If I could just get over this damn stomach bug, I’d be even better.”
Taking a seat, Melissa gave me a funny look before shaking it off. “So, the beef tenderloin?”
I fell back in my seat and started laughing. “I won.”
Her mouth dropped open as she said, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
“Nope, I smoked him. Diana said it was the best beef tenderloin she’d ever tasted.”
Melissa leaned forward and wiggled her eyebrows. “So when is the big dance?”
My stomach jumped as I felt my face flush. No one could ever possibly have a boss as cool as mine. I had decided long ago I was never leaving my job. Ever.
“It’s tonight actually. The club is closed for three nights. Something about the back dressing rooms being remodeled.”
Melissa leaned forward and formed her fingers into a steeple as she looked like she was deep in thought.
“Before you ask, no. This is a private show.”
Her hands dropped as she huffed. “Damn.” With a shrug, she said, “Well you can’t blame a girl for trying.”
We both busted out laughing as the wave of nausea hit me and I immediately stopped laughing.
Oh shit!
Slamming my hand over my mouth, I jumped up and ran out to the bathroom.
Five minutes later, I walked back into my office and sat down.
“Ugh. This is the longest stomach flu I’ve ever had.”
“Uh-huh. Hey, what are you doing for lunch?”
I snarled my lip at Melissa as I stared at her like she was crazy. “I just threw my guts up and you want to go eat?”
Melissa stood up and nodded her head. “Yeah, grab your purse and meet me up front. It’s a beautiful April day so we’ll walk.”
Fear crept in as I thought about Joshua Black. The fact that he had been outside Grayson’s apartment had me completely freaked out. I’d seen him once in Starbucks but he didn’t try to even talk to me.
“Stop worrying. I can see the fear in your eyes. Let’s just go have lunch and for once you’re not going to worry about some random guy . . . right?”
I took in a deep breath and slowly pushed it back out. “Right. It’s a beautiful day so let’s enjoy it.”
Melissa headed out to grab her things, so I sent Grayson a quick text.
Me: Heading to lunch with Melissa. We are going to walk I think to Derby’s.
Grayson had been working long days the last few weeks. There had been another rape/murder and this time it was closer to my apartment. It didn’t take me long to move everything out of my old apartment and into Grayson’s. A week after my parents left, I started moving things into storage or Grayson’s place.
Gray: Okay, baby. Are you ready for tonight?
I couldn’t erase the silly grin on my face. Hell yes I was ready. A private show from my sexier-than-hell fiancé. Fuck. Yes.
Me: Hell yes! I hope you have been practicing your dance moves!
Gray: Oh don’t worry sweetheart. I’ll be teaching you something new tonight.
My body instantly got hot as the throbbing between my legs hit me.
Me: I can’t wait. Better go, I’m getting horny.
Gray: God I love you.
With a giggle I replied back.
Me: Love you the most! Bye!
Gray: Bye. Be careful.
Reaching for my purse, I tossed my phone into it and made my way toward the lobby to meet Melissa.
Jennifer waved goodbye to us as she chatted with someone on the phone. The walk to Derby’s was a quick ten-minute walk. Melissa was spot on about the weather. It was about sixty-four outside and beyond beautiful.
“I need to run into the drugstore really quick. Want to go ahead and get us a table?”
“Sure!” I said as I took off across the street. Derby’s was a cute little sandwich shop that the office frequented often. Before I walked inside, someone called out my name.
Turning, an older woman with bleach-blonde hair and a body to die for, approached me. “Meagan Atwood?”
Not having a clue as to who she was, I gave her a polite smile. “Yes. I’m sorry, do we know each other?”
With a smirk, she shook her head. “Oh, we’ve never met, but I know you.”
My heart started beating rapidly. “H-how?”
“You gave that amazing talk at the high school two weeks ago. My daughter is a senior there and was so touched by your words.”
I let out the breath I had been holding in and smiled. “Well, I’m so glad she was moved by what I had to say. It’s a subject very close to my heart and I’m very passionate it about it.”
“I think that’s amazing. There are a few moms who set up a little group after . . . well . . . after um.”
“Mitchell’s suicide?”
Her face dropped some as she tried to smile. “Yes. Anyway, we have a meeting coming up in a few days and I would be honored if you joined us. Your experience and knowledge on this subject would really help us to make more of an effort in the schools to stop bullying.”
Chasing You Page 17