Jesse nodded. The kid had mellowed since they’d agreed to stay together, to be each other’s family over Christmas. No longer did he glance around with trepidation or as if looking for someone to pickpocket. He and Jesse had become partners, learned to respect each other.
Jesse settled back in his seat, contemplating letting his Stetson slide down over his face and catching an afternoon nap. It would be a long two days to Boston, aware that he’d be in the same city as Erin once again.
He expected she had reconciled with her father. She was too sweet-hearted not to make up with the man, even if he’d treated her badly.
People were still loading onto the train, but Jesse could hear the conductor from the open door at the end of the car, yelling, “All aboard!”
Before he could get comfortable in his seat, Pete’s expression changed, eyes narrowing slightly at something he must’ve seen over Jesse’s shoulder. Or out the window? When Jesse turned to look, he didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, only passengers stowing their bags and settling into seats, filing onto the train.
“I’ve got to use the washroom,” Pete said quickly, standing up.
“What’re you— Don’t cause any trouble!” Jesse called after him, because the boy was already gone.
He craned his neck to spot where the boy had gone, but it was as if Pete had disappeared or even gotten off the train. Before he could start to worry, Pete came back and plopped down in his seat.
Instantly, a hand clapped down on Pete’s shoulder.
“I believe this boy took something of mine,” a voice complained.
“I’m—” Whatever Jesse had been going to say completely slid out of his mind, because as he turned to face the person behind him, he came face-to-face with the last woman he’d ever expected to see.
Erin O’Grady.
In a dark green traveling suit, a jaunty hat on her upswept curls, gloved hand resting on Pete’s shoulder.
“Erin—” He couldn’t seem to catch his breath, couldn’t seem to get his brain to understand that Erin was here, was standing so close.
“I believe this young man has taken my seat,” she said, luminous eyes locked with his.
Pete got up and scampered around their row to the one behind, allowing Erin to switch places with him. Jesse couldn’t help noting the kid’s pleased grin.
Erin moved past Jesse’s knees, skirt swishing lightly against his trousers as she settled into the seat, half facing him so their knees were touching.
Jesse still couldn’t seem to get his thoughts to order themselves, could barely get air into his burning lungs to ask, “What are you doing here?”
“Going home to Boston.”
“But how did you—?” He didn’t even know what to ask, he was so stunned to see her.
“Chas wired me,” she said, a soft flush filling her cheeks with roses. “He said he’d run into you outside of Cheyenne—something about taking a prisoner to meet the judge. And he told me you were coming to Chicago. Of course, he had to travel back to Calvin before he was free to send the wire, so I only got it two days ago...”
Her beloved voice—and the familiar rambling—filled the cracks in his heart like nothing else could. He was sure he was grinning like a loon, but he couldn’t seem to stop.
“I’d just gotten off the train from Boston when Pete spotted me on the platform—”
“So that’s where he snuck off to!”
“Mmm-hmm. I’m glad he did. I wasn’t sure which hotel you’d be staying in—or if you’d end up staying with Jared and Amelia—”
He nodded. They had, sharing a small bedroom while Jared’s sister had given up her room for the two of them.
“So I was planning to come to the depot every day to look for you. But I was going to focus on westbound trains, not east! What are you doing on a train to Boston?”
He smiled as she paused for breath. “I’m going to see my mother.”
Her eyes filled with unexpected tears. “Oh, Jesse.” She threw her arms around his neck and he rocked back at the contact, but quickly caught her in his embrace. She was warmth, a ray of summer sunshine in his arms, and she smelled better than the sweet wildflowers he’d grown accustomed to on the Bar S.
She sat back with a teary laugh. “I’m sorry. I’m happy to know that you’re going to make things up with her—that is your intention, right? Good. You look well,” she said finally, sitting back in her seat.
He felt a flush creep up his neck. He hadn’t paid particular attention when he’d dressed this morning, not thinking he’d be running into Erin O’Grady on the train today. He’d thrown on a pair of denims and one of his work shirts, a clean one. He still had the duster and Stetson he’d picked up on his way out of Boston last December, only now they showed a few more signs of wear.
“And you smell faintly of horses. Am I to understand you’re a real cowboy now?”
“Yep. The kid and me have been riding for an outfit a little ways out of Cheyenne.”
“And how do you find it? Do you enjoy it?”
He shrugged. “It’s work. Honest work.” He tried not to sound too proud of that fact, but he was. And it was hard not to respond to the admiration shining from her bold blue eyes. “What about you? Did you make things up with your father? Are you back to volunteering at your hospital?”
* * *
“Yes and yes.” Erin’s joy overflowed at being with Jesse again. That first moment she’d seen him, all the feelings she’d kept close to her heart for these long months had been renewed, swelling like a bird preening its feathers.
There was a subtle difference in him. Something deep in his eyes that told her...he might be at peace. She desperately wanted to ask him about it, but the months apart, and the way they’d separated when she’d gotten off the train in Calvin, made her hold her tongue.
When she’d first seen him, the back of his head and shoulders sitting tall above the seatback, she’d experienced a thrill of fear—what if his feelings for her had cooled? Or what if he’d never really shared her feelings?
And now, as he sat beside her slightly reserved, that thrill of fear came back, and expanded in her chest until she couldn’t ignore it. When she’d rushed onto the train in Boston to find Jesse, she’d planned to confess everything, but now the same reserve that he expressed held her back from saying what she really wanted to say.
“I spent two weeks with Chas and his family,” she said instead. “Their daughter Minnie is precious, simply precious. And I traveled back to Boston without incident, I’m sure you’re happy to hear.”
He chuckled. “I don’t doubt you found several people to help along the way.”
She wrinkled her nose at him. “When I got back to Boston, my father and I had a long talk. I explained my position on visiting the hospital to him, but unfortunately he was still adamant that I not visit. It’s been a struggle,” she admitted. “I don’t particularly like not getting along with him, but the hospital is dear to my heart. There have been no incidents within the last few months, so I believe he’s starting to come around. At least I hope so.”
She knew she was rambling, but in her nervousness, she couldn’t seem to stop talking. “I also got a chance to sketch some birds that were new to me while in Wyoming and a few of my sketches will soon be published in an ornithology journal.”
“That’s fantastic,” he said. Somehow, they were still connected. And she could tell that he was slightly disappointed.
Forcing herself to be quiet, she took a calming breath. Met his brown eyes. Eyes that showed much more peace than when she’d last seen him. And she wanted to know why.
“Will you tell me why you came to Chicago? To find me?” he asked.
* * *
The longer she rambled, the tighter the knot in Jesse’s gut became.
When he’d first seen her, he’d thought...he’d thought impossible thoughts. Like maybe she’d come for him, because she still loved him. But as she kept talking, especially about inane things, his heart slowly thudded down to his toes and he began to think she’d come to tell him she forgave him, but that she only wanted to be friends.
And so he’d had to ask why she’d come.
“I will,” she said quietly, her eyes soft and serious. “But first, will you tell me what’s different about you since we parted ways?”
He couldn’t refuse her anything. He breathed in deep. “I guess I should start by stating something pretty obvious. When we met on the train out of Boston, I knew pretty quick that you were someone special. At first, I tried to pretend you were the same as any other rich girl I’d met and spun my stories to. But by the time we hit Chicago, I couldn’t deny any longer that you were different.”
He paused, gathering his wits, and she smiled tentatively at him.
“But by then I also knew there was no way I could ever be good enough for you. But I couldn’t walk away, either. So we got on the train to Wyoming. And when you told me that you loved me, I—”
He shook his head, the back of his throat stinging. The moments surrounding her declarations were pretty fuzzy, but that particular moment was etched into his brain with perfect clarity.
She clasped both his hands in hers.
“I thought there was no way you could really love me, because you didn’t know who I really was—
“And—” He rushed on even as she opened her mouth to speak. “I was still the same man I’d been before prison. Even in Cheyenne, I was manipulating things to get my own way. I...expected you to see that in me and leave.”
Those lovely eyes were filled with tears again. “I wish we’d had more time, there at the end. So what happened?”
“Pete and I stayed in the same hotel in Cheyenne. Turns out we fell in with a preacher, only he wasn’t anything like I expected. Kind of like you turned out to be. He seemed to genuinely care about me, and he showed me where to find some truths in the Bible you’d left me. And I...turned myself over to Jesus. Decided to follow him.”
Once again her eyes brimmed with tears but she didn’t throw herself at him like he might’ve expected, she just looked at him with those beautiful blue tear-filled eyes and squeezed his hands tightly in hers.
“I’m so happy for you,” she whispered. “I can tell it’s made a difference—you’re not so loaded down with guilt anymore, are you?”
He shook his head. “I found the freedom you tried to tell me about. Pete and I have been attending this little church in Cheyenne, and I’ve been learning what I missed out on all these years.
“I have to know... Can you forgive me for deceiving you?”
Heart in her eyes, she nodded.
His spirits soared. She’d forgiven him! And with the way she was looking at him, she might even...love him.
“You seem...happy in your new job,” she said softly.
He gathered all his courage in one lump. “I’ll never be completely happy without the woman I love beside me. Without you, Erin. I haven’t been able to forget you and I know it’s a lot to ask for you to be with someone with my kind of past, but—”
She leaned forward in the crowded rail car, in broad daylight, and brushed a kiss across his lips. Laughing a little while wiping her eyes, she pushed back against his chest and said, “I still feel the same, Jesse. I let my own pride and hurt feelings cloud the moment and I’m sorry for that. That’s what I came to tell you.”
He gathered her close and pressed his face into her hair, knocking her hat askew. He just held her there, basking in the wonder of the moment.
It hadn’t been a declaration of love, exactly, but it was close enough for him.
Pete’s head popped up from the seat behind them. Obviously, he’d been eavesdropping the whole time. “Are you two gonna get married?” he asked, his face shining.
Jesse’s heart just about burst with the thought of marrying Erin.
“C’mere, you,” Erin said, edging a bit out of Jesse’s embrace and putting an arm around Pete to bring him into the circle. “There’s quite a bit of things still to talk about. And I know Jesse has a lot on his mind right now.”
He deflated slightly. He did have a lot to consider with this visit. He didn’t know if he could even mend things with his mother but he had to try. And if Erin wanted to take things slowly, then they would.
Except, he had a job waiting for him in Wyoming and her home was in Boston. He didn’t have any honest connections in Boston that might get him a job—and he had no intention of renewing his old acquaintances. But he had to remember that Erin was young, too. Six years younger than him, and maybe she didn’t want to rush into marriage.
“Will you go with me to see my ma?” he asked, because having her next to him for the most difficult journey of his life was the next best thing.
“Of course.” She took his hand again and he was amazed at how well they fit together.
* * *
Two days later, Jesse’s knees shook as he climbed the stairs to his mother’s second-floor tenement, Erin beside him and Pete slightly behind.
He’d insisted they come directly from the rail station, before he lost his nerve. It was a little late to be making a call, but his mother hopefully wouldn’t be in bed yet.
His fist trembled as he knocked on the apartment door. Erin touched his lower back, just letting him know she was here.
The last two days with her on the Boston-bound train had been like a dream. They’d talked all night the first night and come close again the second night, catching up on everything they’d missed being apart the last months.
He’d told her about riding the range and driving cattle and setting boundaries with Pete. She’d told him about her children at the hospital and how she’d started drumming up support at all her society parties, which had meant her father couldn’t curtail her visits without looking bad himself.
He was proud of her. But he also realized she might not be happy living in Wyoming away from her hospital children or her friends. And knowing what a lonely childhood she’d had, how could he ask her to leave the nest of friends she’d built for herself?
He wasn’t prepared when the door opened and his mother was there. She looked older, much older than the last time he’d seen her, with deeper lines running grooves in her face and hair more gray than brown. Her shoulders seemed to have a permanent slump, and her clothes reflected the state of her finances—most likely empty.
But her eyes were the same deep brown he remembered. As he stood there with a lump blocking his throat, unable to speak, they filled with tears.
“Jesse?” she whispered. She peered over his shoulder, and for a second he wondered if she was looking for Daniel.
“Ma—” His voice broke and he bowed his head. Erin’s hand slipped into his and she threaded their fingers together. She gave him the courage to speak. “I’m so sorry—sorry I haven’t been here and sorry for letting Daniel die.” Though he’d begun to forgive himself for that, at last. “I know I don’t deserve it, but I came to beg your forgiveness—”
He’d forgotten the rest of the short speech he’d practiced silently in his bunk in Wyoming, but it didn’t seem to matter as his mother moved toward him in slow motion and embraced him.
“You’d better come inside,” she said, her words muffled in his collar. She pulled him inside, and he looked back over his shoulder to make sure Erin and Pete followed him. They did, looking curiously around the small apartment.
There wasn’t much to see. The furnishings were sparse, though a picture of his family with his biological father held a place of prominence on a shelf on one wall. It was meticulously clean.
His ma led the way into the kitchen and t
hey each took a seat around the table.
“Seeing you is...unexpected, Jesse.”
He hung his head. “I know, Ma. I’m really sorry for what happened. I shoulda made Daniel stay at home—”
“Shush, honey. Of course I’m sad about your brother, but I’ve been asking the Lord to bring you back to me for ages.”
He jerked his gaze up to meet hers. “You have?”
She nodded, tears sparkling on her cheeks. “Your stepfather did you wrong. And I was too weak to do anything about it. I’m sorry for that—you’ll never know how sorry. But after he died a couple years after you went missing, I started getting my life right. And I started praying you’d come home. And now, here you are.”
He clasped his hands together under the table and found he was shaking. His ma still loved him after what he’d done. He doubted she knew about his years as a con man, so likely there were still surprises for her, but he was starting to have faith that things might work out for him.
“Now tell me all about you. Looks like you’ve got a fine woman here, but I don’t see a ring on her finger.”
Heat crawled up his spine and into his neck. “Ma,” he strangled out, “this is Erin O’Grady.”
His ma’s eyes widened. “Of the shipping conglomerate?”
“I’m afraid so,” Erin said with a sweet smile. “It’s nice to meet you, ma’am. This is Jesse’s friend, Pete. From what I understand, they’ve taken up together, a couple of regular ranch hands out in Wyoming.”
Jesse sat back in his chair. He’d known Erin’s father was wealthy, but he hadn’t known his own mother would know the family name. It seemed like another strike against him. What could he give her when all he had was a job that barely supported him and Pete?
A half hour later, they were getting ready to take their leave, with plans to visit tomorrow. He and Pete would escort Erin home and then find somewhere to hole up for the night.
But first he had to escape from his ma, who’d cornered him near the front door, out of Erin’s hearing.
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