Counterfeit Cowboy

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Counterfeit Cowboy Page 20

by Lacy Williams


  He poured a cup of coffee and set it on the table before her. “I’d like to hear it anyway.”

  “Papa...well, he didn’t particularly like that I was volunteering at a hospital—St. Michael's—for poor children. We’d talked about it once, fought about it, but I kept going to the hospital even though I knew he disapproved. I’d fallen in love with those children, and—” just like she’d fallen in love with Jesse “—they needed me. Not as a doctor, just as someone who could identify with what they were going through.”

  He shoved the pan back farther on the stove and joined her at the table, a steaming cup of coffee in his own hand. “You all right with her?” He nodded to the baby still slumbering on Erin’s shoulder.

  “Yes, we’re fine.”

  He rolled his cup slowly between his hands, being careful not to slosh any of the liquid out. Even though he’d been away from home for years, she remembered how he was so full of energy it was hard for him to be still. “I can only imagine what our dear father did when he found out you’d still been volunteering. Did he forbid you from leaving the house? Pay to have the hospital closed?”

  A reluctant chuckle bubbled from her lips, then emotion overcame her and she squeezed her eyes closed. “No. He started inventing society engagements for me to attend. Teas and parties and such. And then he encouraged the suit of a young man—really, they were in cahoots together—to keep me...ah, occupied was the word father used. As if I would be able to forget about the children simply because I was having too much fun doing other things.”

  He was silent for a moment, a sympathetic frown on his face. “Ah. I see the rub. So when you found out your young man from the train hadn’t the purest of intentions when he befriended you, it was like what happened with Father all over again.”

  She sipped her coffee, nearly scalding her tongue on the steaming liquid. “Your intuitiveness must be a good thing for your job.”

  He raised one brow at her, letting her know he didn’t intend to let the subject drop.

  “Yes,” she admitted, fiddling with the handle of the coffee mug. “It felt like a betrayal to find out Jesse had only wanted to be with me for my money.”

  “Did he...make any inappropriate advanced toward you? I’m certain I can still track him down.”

  “No,” she said crossly. “He didn’t.”

  Although they’d shared those kisses...but she was pretty sure she had initiated at least one of them. “He was a perfect gentleman. Along the way, he helped a young boy, an orphan just like your Katy, and I believe they’re going to start their own family. And anyway, he only wanted the money to get a fresh start. He’d had some troubles in his life and is starting over again with nothing. He has no home, no family to speak of, and he’s overcome so much already.”

  “Sounds like you made the right choice to part ways. A man who can’t support a wife or a family wouldn’t be a good choice for a beau anyway.”

  Her ire rose. “He’s certainly intelligent enough to find a job and make a decent living. And besides that, physical wealth isn’t everything.”

  She punctuated her statement by thumping her mug onto the table, slopping coffee over the rim but managing not to burn her hand.

  He grinned, and she realized he’d steered her right into a declaration that revealed her feelings for Jesse just as clearly as if she’d said I love Jesse aloud.

  He reached behind him and snatched a dish towel from the counter and tossed it onto the table before her. Then his smile faded.

  “I guess the real question is, can you forgive him? Both Jesse and our father?”

  Danna and Katy banged in the back door, interrupting their conversation and waking the baby, who began demanding her breakfast. Danna went to wash up before taking the baby and Chas set about getting the fried eggs and salt pork on the table, and Erin’s moment of contemplation was gone.

  But the question remained with her through breakfast and after they’d opened the brown-wrapped gifts.

  “It’s—it’s too much,” said a teary-eyed Katy as she caressed the brand-new leather bridle and saddle that Chas had lugged inside from the barn. “You shouldn’t have got me something so nice—you should take them back.”

  Danna knelt and put her arms around Katy while Chas bounced the baby on his knee and Erin watched the interchange from the sofa. “It’s a gift, honey. Freely given, and we won’t take it back.”

  Erin gasped softly. Her eyes bounced off Chas’s too-knowing gaze. She got up and went outside, forgetting to put on her coat. She didn’t go far, just closed the door behind her and stood on the step, arms crossed over her suddenly-aching middle. Danna’s words to Katy had cut her to the quick. Wasn’t that what Erin had done with Jesse? Given him her heart, even said the words I’m falling in love with you, and then taking it back when he’d told her the truth about himself. A truth he’d kept secret only to protect himself.

  Tears filled her eyes and she couldn’t hold back the soft sob that erupted quickly after them. She’d seen the pain on his face when they’d parted, had felt its echo in her own heart. Some part of her knew that she’d done just as he’d expected—he’d expected her rejection, but given her the truth about himself anyway, when he couldn’t let her leave without knowing it.

  Had he expected her rejection, but hoped for a different result?

  Cold wind sliced through her and she knew she couldn’t stay outdoors for long. She struggled for composure, striking the tears from her face. She didn’t want to ruin the Christmas celebration for her brother and his family with her distress.

  What could she do now?

  Jesse had planned to take Pete back to Cheyenne on yesterday’s train. Possibly they were still in Cheyenne, but perhaps they had gone back to Chicago. Even if she left Calvin to try to find him today, there was a chance he wouldn’t be found.

  She hadn’t given him her parents’ address in Boston, and there was little chance of him returning to Boston with everything he’d gone through there.

  She’d sent him away, but now when she wanted a further resolution, she had no idea if that was even possible.

  The door creaked open behind her.

  “You all right?” Chas asked, holding her coat in one hand. “It’s awful cold out here.”

  “I don’t know...”

  She didn’t know if she’d ever be all right again.

  * * *

  “You two look pretty down in the mouth,” said a male voice that brought Jesse’s head up from the bowl of beef stew before him. “Mind if I join you?”

  The man’s dark suit, string tie, and the Bible he thumped onto the table next to his plate made Jesse’s first instinct a resounding no, but he shrugged and went back to his soup.

  At his side, Pete watched the man warily. “You a preacher?”

  “Yep. What’re you having?”

  “Lamb. It’s good.”

  Jesse had ordered the stew because he didn’t feel much like eating. Didn’t much feel like getting out of bed in the morning, either, but with Pete to take care of, he’d forced himself up the last two mornings. Pete had been remarkably closemouthed about the situation, which had made things a bit easier.

  They were about the only people in the hotel dining room in Cheyenne, so it was strange that the preacher had approached them, but maybe the man was as lonely as Jesse was—he felt like a hole had been blown through his midsection, leaving him hollowed and empty. He missed Erin with an ache like fire in his bones. In the three days since they’d parted ways it hadn’t faded, not one iota.

  He was starting to wonder if it ever would.

  The constant ache made him mostly indifferent to everything else. He couldn’t even stir any interest that he was probably going to get preached at for the remainder of his dinner. He remembered Jim’s penchant for going on over mealtime about how
God provided for His children.

  Jesse didn’t particularly feel provided for. Not a bit, actually.

  “Where you from?” the preacher asked as a server brought him a steaming cup of coffee and took his order for a beefsteak.

  “Boston,” Jesse said when he realized the kid had a mouth full of grub. He looked down at his soup bowl, purposely not asking the man where he hailed from, hoping to end the conversation and be left alone.

  No such luck. “Long way from home,” said the preacher.

  Jesse shrugged. “Looking for a new start.” If he was going to be forced into conversation with the man, he might as well try to get something out of it. “I need work, in fact. You know anyone looking to hire somebody?” Didn’t preachers seem to know everyone?

  The man leaned one elbow on the table, absently tapping his fingers on its top. “Hmm. What kind of work?”

  “Don’t care much. Anything I can find.” Anything honest. He’d made that decision when he’d gotten out of prison but in his rush to get to Chicago it had wavered and set him on this path that had led to his broken heart. After knowing Erin, there was no question. He couldn’t go back to a life of crime.

  “What’re your skills?”

  Jesse shrugged. “Haven’t done honest work in a while,” he said. A long while. Might as well be up front about it, if he was going all the way with this honesty thing. “Actually, I just got out of prison. Before that, I was a confidence man.”

  The preacher didn’t show an outward reaction and Jesse was impressed with his control. He could only imagine he’d surprised the man with his confession. “I’m reformed,” he added. Again, thanks to Erin and her ideals. She’d changed him. Did she even realize it?

  “Might be hard to find somebody willing to take you on with a past like that.” The preacher’s food arrived and he bowed his head over it silently for a moment before he dug in. He enjoyed his food about as much as Pete did.

  “I’m willing to work hard,” Jesse said. “I’ve got another mouth to feed.”

  He and Pete shared a smile. Jesse knew Pete didn’t totally trust him, but the boy had been more open the last two days, talking some about his mother and younger sister.

  “It’s good you’re being up front about your past, though.”

  Jesse looked down again, this time pushing his half-empty bowl away as thoughts of Erin turned the taste to dust in his mouth. “I’ve had a...bad experience recently, keeping it a secret.”

  The preacher kept eating, not really looking at Jesse at all. “Something tells me there was a woman involved.”

  Jesse sat back, torn between getting up and staying put. He had expected the man to give him unwanted advice, or try to convert him, or at the very least start quoting Scripture at him. But the man hadn’t done any of that. It was like he was just a regular guy in a nice suit.

  “I didn’t tell her about my past up front,” Jesse said, the words bursting from him. “I should’ve.”

  “And she found out?” the preacher asked, sympathy shining on his face.

  “I told her. I had feelings for her and I knew she had feelings for me and I couldn’t let things go on without telling her everything. I wanted...I wanted her to know the real me.”

  “I can’t say I know a lot of people who would’ve done that,” the preacher said. “Most of ’em would have tried to hide it. It’s admirable.”

  Jesse shifted in his chair. “Didn’t do me a lot of good. She changed her mind about me. She was...she was way above my station anyway.”

  Pete cleared his throat, reminding him that the kid was sitting there, probably hanging on every word. “Yeah, Miss Erin was pretty amazing. She was the nicest person I ever met. Took care of me when I was sick, even though she didn’t know me.”

  “Hmm,” the preacher hummed softly.

  “I think...” Jesse spoke softly as the realization filtered through him, making tears sting the back of his nose. “I think she did care about me, even after she found out. She gave me her Bible and I know she wanted...she wanted me to find peace.”

  He had to swallow hard.

  Erin had been kind to him even after he’d revealed the truth about his past. He couldn’t blame her if she couldn’t love him anymore, but she’d given him what she could. His heart swelled with deeper love for her, even as he struggled to breathe through the fire in his lungs.

  “I just wish I knew how,” he said low, almost a groan. “I’ve got things I’ve done that I just can’t get free from—”

  He coughed into his hand, stopped talking, because if he didn’t he was going to break down in a public place and he didn’t want that.

  Pete patted his shoulder awkwardly. He appreciated the boy’s sentiment.

  “I don’t want to step in where I’m not wanted,” the preacher said. “But if your gal gave you a Bible, maybe I can point you in the right direction. If you want me to.”

  And his manner and words were so different from Jim’s that Jesse actually considered saying yes.

  * * *

  Two weeks later, Jesse reined in the horse he’d only learned to ride a week ago. Inside the ranch yard, he turned back in his saddle. Pete came to rein in his own mount—a smaller pony—next to Jesse and followed Jesse’s gaze to where the sun was setting over the mountains, turning the sky red and purple.

  “Pretty,” Pete commented, voice showing his awe when his simple word didn’t cover it.

  “Mmm,” Jesse agreed. “Still can’t believe we’re here, can you?”

  “Nope.”

  Jesse reached over and nudged his adopted brother, grinning when the boy pushed back. Their relationship was growing in leaps and bounds, prompted by the time they were able to spend in the saddle together, thanks to the generous rancher who had hired Jesse and allowed Pete to stay on in the bunkhouse, as well.

  “You likin’ the honest work?” Pete asked curiously.

  “Well enough,” Jesse answered honestly. The clear Wyoming air agreed with him.

  “Me, too,” said Pete, and Jesse was glad to know he didn’t mind the chores the rancher gave the boy to do for a small salary—a fraction of what the real cowboys made.

  Everything seemed to be agreeing with Jesse these days.

  He’d made his peace with God. Thanks to a socialite and a traveling preacher...and partly, he supposed, thanks to Jim. He wouldn’t say his former cell mate had laid a foundation, exactly, but certainly Jim’s final act had set the course in motion that had brought Jesse away from Boston and to this point.

  With the preacher’s encouragement, he’d searched the Bible Erin had given him. He read many verses that Jim had quoted at him before, but instead of his cell mate’s overbearing voice, in his mind he’d heard Erin’s gentle tones, as if she was reading to him herself. Thanks to Erin, he’d found relief from the crushing guilt of Daniel’s death, and Jim’s death, and his own sins. He’d decided to follow Jesus.

  And now he felt free.

  But he still felt empty. Something inside him longed for the one person he would likely never see again. Erin.

  One of those chickadees like he’d seen in her sketchbook lit on the corral fence. In the saddle, he seemed to see them everywhere.

  But instead of feeling despair, the birds made him wonder what God had in store for him. He wondered about going back to Chicago to check in on Jared Kenner and Amelia, and hopefully on Jim’s mother.

  And sometimes, in the quiet part of night, he wondered about going back to Boston.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Seven months later

  The late summer sun warming his back, Jesse smacked his Stetson against his leg, shaking free a little dust. He mashed it back on his head as he waited for the departing passengers to disembark the train.

  Turned out trail dust clu
ng to a Stetson a lot longer than a body thought it did.

  Kinda like the way memories of someone who changed your life clung. He shook away the errant thoughts that being back on a train brought to the forefront of his mind. He was going home for a reason. To see his ma, ask for her forgiveness. Make amends, if that was even possible.

  Pete at his elbow, Jesse stepped off the platform and onto the Boston-bound train, ready to leave Chicago behind. It had been a good visit with the Kenners and their growing family. Jim’s mother and sister had settled in well with Amelia and her mother. The larger, blended family worked well together, the mothers had become friends and Jared and Amelia were expecting a baby in the spring.

  Jesse would’ve been amazed at how things had worked out for them, except now he knew Who to give the credit to, and had found it was better to be thankful than amazed.

  And he knew it because of the changes that had been wrought in his life. Working on the Bar S ranch through the spring and summer, he’d been able to save enough money to take this trip to check on the Kenners in Chicago and try to make things right with his mother in Boston. And he’d have a job when he got back. One that he enjoyed well enough. Most days.

  He just figured everything in his life would be slightly lackluster without a certain raven beauty by his side. Maybe eventually he’d find someone, but even after all these months apart, he couldn’t imagine it.

  He still ached for her like fire in his bones. Especially since he’d seen her brother just outside of Cheyenne a couple of days before that trip East. The man had been distant, offering only the barest information about Erin—that she was fine and had returned to Boston—when Jesse had asked. Jesse felt sure she must have moved on with her life. He had no plans to look her up in Boston, no matter how many times he’d considered it.

  He followed Pete to a seat near the center of the passenger car, followed the kid into the row and sat down.

  “This all right?” Pete asked, settling the small carpetbag he carried at his feet.

 

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